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First Munch - 4/30/2007 5:20:32 AM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		I recently attended my first munch... I was made to feel so welcomed...lots of hugs...lots of questions answered and phone numbers should I need more information...I was even showed how to present a beverage to a Dom....overall...it was a very positive experience....
BUT...(always a but)....some of the conversation that went on around me was a bit heavy for me...cutting...was one of them....heavy pain was another....I have learned enough about the lifestyle...through questions and a little experience that everyone is unique in their kink...but I can't help but feel that I am in over my head....although I will never say never....

Question.....
When you were  new to the lifestyle did you at times feel overwhelmed...if so...
How did you move past this stage.....and....
Did you eventually grow to enjoy the things you felt overwhelmed about....
 
 

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The road to stupidity is paved with good intentions....
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RE: First Munch - 4/30/2007 6:13:06 AM   
MadameButterfly


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		Eruditgirl,

These are very normal feelings; yup they seem so overwhelming and scary, but they are normal.  The first step is always the hardest.  It feels like everyone around you is far more experienced than you are and are into things that frankly, make you squeamish.  These may not be things that you are necessarily into at this moment, but that may change. (It did for me over the years)  You must remember your reasons for going... your desire to grow and learn more about the Lifestyle.  If it helps, journal your thoughts and feelings, write down questions that you have and ask them to those at the munch that were discussing forms of play that made you uncomfortable, or piqued your interest. 

There are no foolish questions... it is only foolish to not ask those questions.

Take you time... ensure that you get the answers you need,...

Be Brave it is almost always scary at the begining of the journey.

Madame Butterfly

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
Harold R. McAlindon

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: First Munch - 4/30/2007 6:29:25 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		ummm... you might want to keep that word never or at least no in your vocabulary for a bit..... unless of course your ready to get under that knife.

This world is chocked full of evil, twisted, sick, sadistic bastards but for the most part... we all respect the word no or a phrase that goes something like, I'm never going to do that!

Don't be afraid to say no & don't fret over discovering things or hearing things that you would never do.

Limits are a good thing to establish & don't EVER let someone tell you that you are not entitled to have them.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/30/2007 6:30:01 AM >

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MstrssPassion


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RE: First Munch - 4/30/2007 6:32:00 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Munches aren't for everyone and neither are things like cutting and heavy pain.  Munches aren't for me, just as a lot of other aspects of BDSM aren't for me.  But, it's good for you to learn what you want to experience and what you don't want to experience.
 
i was first introduced to BDSM and the D/s lifestyle on my first date with my first husband.  i loved it right from the start and i was thoroughly hooked from that moment on. 
 
 i have never felt like i was in over my head with anything i have done with respect to BDSM or with any of the Dominants i have been with.
 
Everything i have learned about BDSM, that matters to me, is what i have experienced in my own personal relationships with the Dominants i have served. 
 
Everything else i have read or heard from others may be somewhat interesting but isn't usually relevant to the way i live and what i enjoy about BDSM and being a 24/7 TPE slave.
 
For me, it is all about:  Live what you Love and Leave the Rest.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David


.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eruditegirl

I recently attended my first munch... I was made to feel so welcomed...lots of hugs...lots of questions answered and phone numbers should I need more information...I was even showed how to present a beverage to a Dom....overall...it was a very positive experience....
BUT...(always a but)....some of the conversation that went on around me was a bit heavy for me...cutting...was one of them....heavy pain was another....I have learned enough about the lifestyle...through questions and a little experience that everyone is unique in their kink...but I can't help but feel that I am in over my head....although I will never say never....

Question.....
When you were  new to the lifestyle did you at times feel overwhelmed...if so...
How did you move past this stage.....and....
Did you eventually grow to enjoy the things you felt overwhelmed about....
 
 

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: First Munch - 4/30/2007 6:39:51 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		When I first entered the lifestyle many years ago, I found it helpful to ask several questions.  I asked these same questions to several different people and got a mixture of answers that I was able to incorporate into what I was wanting to do.  I found getting many and varied opinions gave me insight and kept me safe.  Remember this is about what YOU want to do, not what someone else wants YOU to do.  Take your time, do your homework/research and move at a pace that is comfortable for you. 

Oh and ALWAYS reserve the right to say NEVER.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: First Munch - 4/30/2007 7:59:22 AM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		I will always reserve the right to say no or never....what i should have explained was more like until I understand it more...example...knife play....when I first heard of the term...I was like "no way"...but then when it was explained to me....a warm bottom from a spanking...and cold knife (dulled) against the warm area...then it became something I would eventually want to try....
sorry if I didn't explain the never say never correctly.....

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: First Munch - 4/30/2007 8:07:32 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eruditegirl

I will always reserve the right to say no or never....what i should have explained was more like until I understand it more...example...knife play....when I first heard of the term...I was like "no way"...but then when it was explained to me....a warm bottom from a spanking...and cold knife (dulled) against the warm area...then it became something I would eventually want to try....
sorry if I didn't explain the never say never correctly.....


or not so dull knife.... just depends on who is doing the explaining


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MstrssPassion


(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: First Munch - 4/30/2007 8:12:40 AM   
MadameButterfly


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		Laughs

I was thinking the same thing... dull knife???

The important thing to do is negotiate... and ask LOTS of questions

Madame Butterfly

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
Harold R. McAlindon

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: First Munch - 4/30/2007 9:00:29 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		In the right crowd I still feel overwhelmed, and it's nice at this point to know there's still some good stuff out there.

I mostly quirk at the "shown how to serve a drink to a dom" just so you know that there are of course a gazillion ways doms preferred to be served drinks, and some of them don't want it at all.

I'm semi-surprised that you seem surprised at being overwhelmed?  You know you're a newbie, you knew this was your first munch.  I'd say I'd be more surprised if you didn't get a few lessons learned and a bit more forced exposure.

Although you should certainly keep in mind that (some) kinky people love talking about kinky stuff or showing off ultra bruises to try and sound mucho cool but are utterly unable to hold down solid relationships long term..

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MadameButterfly)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: First Munch - 5/1/2007 12:19:17 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Hehe Me too LA. The only way I want a sub to learn how to "serve a drink to a Dom" is how I want it served to Me! However Eruditegirl, I applaud you for having the courage to go to a munch, and want to assure you that feeling overwhelmed is entirely normal! I don't entirely agree with those who encourage you to say "Never" ... I find that things people originally say "never" to can change as they gain experience. For eg, as a sub, i originally said "no way" to needleplay ... then when i came to trust Master, i said "maybe" and eventually i asked Him to do it. The result was so non-painful it was downright anticlimactic and i ended up laughing my head off at my own silly fears! There are a few things I do say NEVER to as sub or Domme - for example, scat and drinking urine. Those I know for sure I never want to be involved in. But for many other things I would say "No, not at this time" but retain the possibility that I might feel differently in the future. Main thing is to find out all you can, and ask, ask, ask!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: First Munch - 5/1/2007 7:17:26 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eruditegirl

I recently attended my first munch... I was made to feel so welcomed...lots of hugs...lots of questions answered and phone numbers should I need more information...I was even showed how to present a beverage to a Dom....overall...it was a very positive experience....
BUT...(always a but)....some of the conversation that went on around me was a bit heavy for me...cutting...was one of them....heavy pain was another....I have learned enough about the lifestyle...through questions and a little experience that everyone is unique in their kink...but I can't help but feel that I am in over my head....although I will never say never....

Question.....
When you were  new to the lifestyle did you at times feel overwhelmed...if so...
How did you move past this stage.....and....
Did you eventually grow to enjoy the things you felt overwhelmed about....
 
 


i get a sense that part of feeling overwhelmed is that you feel in time you will need to grow to enjoy those things which you fear now.  Just accept that there are things which "squick" you and as long as you don't pass judgement on others who may be into those things you can feel however you want about them for as long as you want. Maybe you will change your mind maybe you won't. As you experience and learn new things you can make better decision for yourself and you won't feel all this anxiety. Knowledge is power

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
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