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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/1/2007 9:03:42 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		She left everything and no one had the money to put her up in a place of her own.

For the first three days she was wearing my clothes because she was affraid of what would happen if she went back to get her stuff and the ex was there.

Eventually we went back during a time we knew he'd be at work and gathard the stuff she knew she'd need like clothes and her credit cards.

She wasn't Masters girl right when she moved in... He gave her time to ajust and see if this is what she really wanted... it was over a week before he clamed her as his in any way.

As far as Master reassesing the situation, it's a little late for that. He mad a comitment to her, the same one he made to me when I was new. Just because something gets a little difficult doesn't mean he'll give up on either of us. I'd be long gone if he hadn't made that comitment to me. I don't expect or want him to tell her, "O, you're to broken for me right now. Go away untill your all better." If he said something like that to her, what would that mean for me if I have a hard scene and end up needing two or three weeks of aftercare? Cuz that basicly that we're doing with her, aftercare for two years of abuse.

Shylah

[/quote]

OK, so there was no money to put her up somewhere on her own. What about a women's refuge? They are designed to deal with victims of abuse. And how is there money to keep her in your place since she apparently doesn't have a job or money coming in? I can understand the urge to take her in for a short while, but then she should be redirected to the help she needs and that is available to her. I am not saying you/Master should abandon her ... just that she is in no state to accept any relationship, let alone a poly D/s one. There would be nothing wrong in both of you befriending her, visiting her often, having her visit short term or overnight with you, gradually building it up. But I and several others here, feel that the way you have both gone about this is inappropriate. Putting concern for her aside temporarily, there is a real risk that what you and Master are doing could ultimately be seen as taking advantage of her vulnerability, and it could all backfire very badly somewhere down the track. Because even with the best intentions, what you are both doing could LOOK like abuse/preying on her/using her etc depending on how it was presented to authorities ... and do you both want a court case against you? She is in such a strange space right now that anything could change when she "comes to" ... and I have seen people in this sort of situation turn on those who tried to help. And even if she doesn't, perhaps she has some family or other friends who could get the wrong end of the stick and interfere, perhaps blaming you both for the state she is in. Without professional documentation of her state when she left the boyfriend, you haven't a leg to stand on in terms of proving whether you've helped or hindered.

Frankly I doubt your Master's soundness of judgement if He thought that a week was sufficient for her to adjust before "claiming her as His girl". I'd be thinking much more in terms of a year or more! I wouldn't claim anyone I knew for a week ... at very best, they'd be under My consideration for training! And even then, that would be moving faster than I ever have with someone. Master and i had known each other for 3 years and lived together 24/7 for 2 of those years before He collared me. And i wasn't in the emotional mess this girl is obviously in. As to what it would mean to you ... well surely, you and she are two separate people in two very different situations and states of mind. Are you seriously saying your Master would treat you both the same?? He should be exercising His judgement independently concerning the two of you ... and what is the best for one (His aftercare) shouldn't necessarily apply to the other who seems to need so much more.

I'm now left concerned for both of you girls!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/1/2007 9:10:24 PM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline 		I'm now left concerned for both of you girls!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

I admit...I havent read but only skimmed...but darn...  JUDGEMENT here ~~~
What sort of Dom is this ?

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/1/2007 11:10:09 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Well myobedience, perhaps you should READ before you judge. I am a lifestyle Domme who reads these boards and tries to respond out of care and concern for others when they post about problems they are having. And after the various posts Shylah has made, I am truly concerned for her and for the one she and her Master are trying to look after, because I feel their actions could be ill-advised and backfire on them. I would hate to see anyone get into trouble with authorities simply because they were trying to do someone a good turn without thinking through the possible ramifications. This is what the boards are about, to get the perspectives and ideas from other people who haven't emotionally bought in to the situation at hand. What they ultimately do is still up to them, there is nothing more I can do but express an opinion and voice My concern.
Maam Jay

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/1/2007 11:47:00 PM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		I've gotten the impression that she's probably suffering from PTSD to a degree. Those that are afflicted with it often have trouble doing the simpliest of tasks, and they really should be managed by someone that's fairly well versed with the symptoms and possible treatments that will lead her out of her doldroms.
  If that doesn't work, I'd spank everyone in the house except for Me, and make some pontificial announcements to scare everyone further. clap 'em all in irons, flog their bod's and use their orifices well before their classes, 'cause if they weren't workin' they would be in classes if Mine.
  If that doesn't work or cause sufficient consternation, I'd take up the fat queens cry "Off with their heads!"
Gentry

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Does this mean the free loading roommate situation has finally been dealt with?  Or did he add this on top of that?

Has she ever lived on her own before?  Why doesn't she have any household chores?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/2/2007 3:40:20 AM   
theGuideGoddess


Posts: 135
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		While it does appear that you (understandably) feel some resentment towards the role that you are being required to accept with this girl, you also seem willing to defend and attempt to help her up.  For your overall attitude I applaud and commend you.

Some of the responses have been from a few who have obvious little familiarity with abuse and self esteem issues.  People who lack a deep understanding of abuse have no business posting or judging.    I have heard a lot of people suggest therapy.  I have been through therapy myself and with most therapists it would have been equally helpful to talk to the wall.  That said I don’t really agree with that suggestion, but it probably wouldn’t hurt and who knows….you could get lucky and get a good therapist.  Having been through both verbal and physical abuse I will tell you that the verbal abuse which leaves no physical marks leaves indelible emotional marks and is far worse and difficult to recover from than the physical.

What I suggest is that you build your personal attributes and knowledge by learning more about these problems that she is having and learn about dealing with them.  Your frustration with her seems to stem from a lack of understanding.  Once you have more understanding you will have a new perspective on the situation.  Educating yourself on how to help her build self esteem and dealing with recovering from abuse.  At the same time help her to educate herself. 

As an abuse survivor she will have an entirely different perspective of things.  Her self esteem can be rebuilt by offering praise at every opportunity.  You don’t need to go over board, but simple that is really nice, or that looks great verbal observations will be helpful.  Also teaching, telling and re-enforcing to/with her that even if she does make a mistake that the end result will not be abuse in any form.  I have no doubt that once her self esteem is rebuilt that she would blossom into a far better person than she is today.

I personally would dig into her past starting with her childhood.  VERY often abuse is a life long repetitive pattern in many people’s lives.  Many have no idea what the components of a healthy loving relationship are or that this even exists.  Most do not even realize what they must do to change those things which bring misery to them.    

I did read that you said she and Master go to work every day and that you have two classes…until you start work soon.  If this is the case then it seems fair enough to me that you do most of the cleaning.  I too wondered how Master’s room was still a disaster if you have been there for a year? 

Collaring someone like this after a week seems impetuous to say the least. However if handled properly it could really be the life changing experience this girl needs.  You two are to be commended to step out on a limb and attempt to not only rescue a victim, but to change her into a survivor.  With love, acceptance and nurturing she could one day be a thriver….who knows. 

Good luck and best wishes…
The Guiding Goddess

(in reply to leatherorlace)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/2/2007 8:56:59 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14377
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

I'm now left concerned for both of you girls!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

I admit...I havent read but only skimmed...but darn...  JUDGEMENT here ~~~
What sort of Dom is this ?


Actually, I'm with her on this one. From a psychological stand point giving an emotionally damaged person a week to adjust and make a life altering decision is something I consider irresponsible. You've taken someone with no sense of self, put them in a situation where she has nowhere else to go and most likely thinks if she doesn't consent, she'll be put out and then added the pressure of a D/s relationship. To me it's the equivalent of asking a 3 year old what they want to do with the rest of their lives. I question the judgement of someone that would put her in that position.

What she needs now are friends with no pressure, to act as a support network. She needs to figure out who she is. She needs to work on herself. She needs to give herself back her self esteem because it's not something that comes from an outside source.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/2/2007 9:25:01 AM   
Questingbear


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/1/2007
Status: offline 		I'm going to throw my two cents in here on this one because I actually have experience from the Master's point of view.  First, a bit of background - I personally have always had a bit of the white knight complex.  I feel good about myself when I "rescue" women in trouble.  (not saying that your Master has this, just that I do).  I worked at an orphanage for emotionally/sexually abused teen girls for five years as part of fulfilling my own emotional need to do this.
 
When I met my current slave/submissive (Still learning ya'lls lingo), she had just come out of an abusive relationship.  Massively abusive both physically and emotionally.  I wanted immediately to get her out of the relationship and move her in to take care of her.  She, luckily for me, took a really really mature step and backed off of our relationship for about three months working out her own baggage until she was ready to heat things back up again and moved in.  Things have been great ever since she did that, with very little spill-over from past relationships.  Of course there is some, that's just natural.  Everyone has baggage.
 
That all said, there is still some obvious baggage from the abuse.  She's still concerned on a subconscious level that things could get abusive again, its all about fear - which is one of the top three motivating emotions.  Fear has to be conditioned out, and the only way to do it is time.  Therapy can help, but it isn't a cure-all.  Its all about time, patience, positive reinforcement, and APPROPRIATE negative reinforcement.  She has to slowly learn that being punished doesn't mean being thrown into walls (hopefully).
 
As for the "faking abuse" thing.  Yeah, it happens LOTS.  Again, see the worked at an orphanage thing.  I was accused of abuse/attempted rape six times in five years, and cleared every single time because it is so rampant that all the public areas in the orphanage have hidden cameras to protect male workers.  (one of many reasons why I finally quit).

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/2/2007 11:24:51 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i think your Master's intentions were good but his methods weren't well thought out.  Trying to help someone who has been abused is a monumental task.  People who have lived with abuse many times aren't capable of even the most basic things or tasks we take for granted. Even deciding what flavor ice cream to buy can reduce an abuse victim to tears. This sounds crazy to the average person but unless you have actually walked in their shoes you can't possibly understand what happens to them emotionally/spiritually/physically.  i would sugest finding a women's weekly support group for her to attend - or even a co-dependent group - i know they have them everywhere.  She needs to be with others who have experienced what she has experienced and talk, talk, talk about it - and get useful feedback fro those who know and understand. You and your Master can only fill part of the void she is in. 

What i am having a hard time understanding is you said this is her first D/s experience?  To make the jump from abusive relationship to poly D/s is a grand leap. It would be like just getting off crutches and then asked to run a marathon.... she neds to focus on herself not serving anyone else.  i would suggest you take the D/s out of the situation for a while. You and your master sit with her and explain that, while you are there for her, you both have rethought the idea about her being part of the D/s dynamic and while it may be something she could re-enter down the road, right now you both realize she needs to focus on just getting back to ground zero with herself. This may relieve some of the pressure she feels and the anxiety of always feeling shes doing something wrong - she doesn't need that added stress right now and in fact i would venture to say it might turn her off eventually to the whole concept of D/s entirely.  This could backfire in a big way if things don't go well.  This would also take pressure off you for having that added responsibilty for her training.  It will also give her the opportunity to watch you and your master's D/s dynamic without the pressure of having to perform on any level herself - she's really not capable emotionally right now - whatever she is contributing isn't coming from a place of submission but rather conforming to an idea she may or may not even agre with down the road. 

You both have your work cut out for you - i wish you all well and i hope things get better for her soon. 

< Message edited by velvetears -- 5/2/2007 11:27:15 AM >

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Questingbear)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/3/2007 12:25:48 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		im sorry but haveing her come into another relationship 2 days after an abusive one is a BAD idea, she needs therapy and time to get herslef back together she cant expect others to do that and by emediatly getting into another relationship she is doing just that... this was a bad idea all around but now that it is what it is you need to deal or get her the help she really needs because that is the only thing that may help.She doesnt need to be and shouldnt be in a relationship right now. How she is acting is unusual for someone just out of an abusive relatiionship and Im sorry to say but it isnt gunna get any better if she doesnt get the help she needs.

I feel for you your Master has put you in a most undesirable no win bad situation

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/3/2007 11:53:44 PM   
yrstocollar


Posts: 95
Joined: 8/14/2006
Status: offline 		You've received a lot of good advice, as a social worker and counsellor who has worked with very messed up teenagers and families for years, I though I'd add in my two cents...

There is a theory called "Transactional Analysis", in particular the "Karpman Drama Triangle" which deals with how we interact with people in relationships and how we take or refuse to take responsibility for our behaviour. It can be applied to any relationship and it is surprisingly useful once you know how to apply it. If you can, I really recommend you find a good counsellor, preferably psychologist (but not psychiatrist), who is well versed on this theory and/or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Counsellors are people like everyone else, you won't always find the right one the first try, so keep trying and don't be afraid to change them if you don't feel comfortable with them.

From reading your post I can already see you falling into 3 very very predictable roles with this girl - victim, persecutor and rescuer. Depending on the situation you may change roles but I imagine she's primarily the victim whilst you and Master are primarily rescuing her and sometimes being persecutionary towards her or each other. This is NOT healthy and it's obviously frustrating and upsetting for you. I'm not surprised!! Along with many of the other people who've responded, I have HUGE concerns for your family at this stage. Unfortunately too, I have to say that with the best intentions in the world, Master did act irresponsibly by moving so quickly. BUT don't lose hope because there are a number of very simple things you can all do to work through the situation, several of which have already been suggested.

If you want me to give you specific suggestions to specific situations and / or more information for you to read, feel free to let me know.

How's that? My first post on collarme and I'm acting like a counsellor... bloody roles..

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/4/2007 7:39:47 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		See Yrs you've revealed just how cool you are now, we're gonna expect it all the time from now on :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to yrstocollar)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/4/2007 8:08:46 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

im sorry but haveing her come into another relationship 2 days after an abusive one is a BAD idea, she needs therapy and time to get herslef back together she cant expect others to do that and by emediatly getting into another relationship she is doing just that... this was a bad idea all around but now that it is what it is you need to deal or get her the help she really needs because that is the only thing that may help.She doesnt need to be and shouldnt be in a relationship right now. How she is acting is unusual for someone just out of an abusive relatiionship and Im sorry to say but it isnt gunna get any better if she doesnt get the help she needs.

I feel for you your Master has put you in a most undesirable no win bad situation

Magik's slave


ARG I didnt relise till now that I wrote that wrong I ment NOT unusal arg

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/5/2007 5:24:56 AM   
Travelino


Posts: 34
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline 		HI there, folkes
.
Looks like we have a wee bit of a predicament, here.  By the looks of things of things, the problem seems to be the possibly abuse that may have taken place.  Yes, I said "possible" and "may have".

This is something quite serious, and unless I am there to witness any alleged abuse, that is all it will be, alleged.  Now, assuming that this is the problem, to fix this problem would be to remove one of the elements that is propagating this issue further.  This was done.  Submissive and dominant were separated.  No more physical issues.  

It appears that after the issue has be resolved, then there was decisions to take on a responsibility for another soul, and now issues are arising due to that decision.  I am going to agree that emergency maneuvers may be needed to remove someone from harm, either from themselves or others.  These actions can be enacted rapidly, and without concern or thought of personal safety, in as little time as "seconds" (grabbing that child from being hit by a moving car).  Sometimes the action involved takes a little longer, maybe minutes, and a little "thought" needs to be involved.  I have yet to witness anyone suffer any abuse to the point where I would have to intervene.  I am thankful for that fact, and hope the opportunity never arises.  Needless to say, I would have done the same thing, got the abused person out of the situation.  My next move?  Call some sort of authorities and let them know where to find both people involved.   At least one of those persons would be in my care until I was informed otherwise.  When dealing with someones emotions, and psychological welfare, you best be knowing what you are doing, or be willing to accept the responsibility of your actions.  This will require more than a few minutes of thought and a detailed plan laid out.

There appears to be some fairly good suggestions(post- and pre- situation), most of which require time.  Also, the previously stated suggestions, appear to be some of the "steps" that LuckyAlbatross has alluded to.  This happens frequently(missing some steps) and its just a matter of finding out what steps were missed and back-tracking to those steps for resolution.  Easier said than done, yet, imperative for success.  

Wishing the very best for all involved,
Travelino. 

_____________________________

~~"When the student is ready, the Master will appear."~~

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/5/2007 9:51:46 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I also find it interesting that the second girl was in an abusive relationship which was not ds.. and she then seeks out a master?  WHOA!  Talk about bad judgement!  This girl needs time to be free from controlling men so she can learn to control herself.
The master involved would have been wiser to have helped her if that is what he wanted.  But give the woman time to find her footing.  One week after leaving one relationship is not enough time to know what she wants. 
There will be a lot of confusion in that household until
A.  Slave B gets come counselling.
B.  Slave A stops being the middleman.
C.  Everyone sits down together and honestly states what they feel
*shaking my head at instant connections*
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

I'm now left concerned for both of you girls!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

I admit...I havent read but only skimmed...but darn...  JUDGEMENT here ~~~
What sort of Dom is this ?


Actually, I'm with her on this one. From a psychological stand point giving an emotionally damaged person a week to adjust and make a life altering decision is something I consider irresponsible. You've taken someone with no sense of self, put them in a situation where she has nowhere else to go and most likely thinks if she doesn't consent, she'll be put out and then added the pressure of a D/s relationship. To me it's the equivalent of asking a 3 year old what they want to do with the rest of their lives. I question the judgement of someone that would put her in that position.

What she needs now are friends with no pressure, to act as a support network. She needs to figure out who she is. She needs to work on herself. She needs to give herself back her self esteem because it's not something that comes from an outside source.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/5/2007 8:54:34 PM   
sandylioness


Posts: 11
Joined: 4/5/2007
Status: offline 		I have taken in strays in the past, be they puppies, kitties or people.  It's always been much rougher than I initially anticipated and there are always surprises.  As a survivor of abuse myself, I think you and your Master have the best of intentions, but IMHO, it just isn't healthy or realistic to expect her to jump into a live-in poly relationship, much less a BDSM one.  Living in a poly household successfully requires a higher degree of self responsibility, self awareness, emotional maturity/stability and ability to handle stress.  From the sound of it, she has a lot of emotional scars that will take years to recover from, even with good therapy.  You would be helping her far more to get her into a different living situation, where she can develop self esteem and independence in her own pace.  She will need a lot of time to rebuild her sense of boundaries.

BDSM is about safe, sane and consentual activity.  Someone who has gone through abuse like that, so recently, is not in a position to give true consent.    Even if you and  your Master had  counseling degrees and years with experience with abused people,  I don't think you would be able to help her in the way that she needs help right now.  I say that with great sadness.

-SandyLioness

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/6/2007 6:18:46 PM   
DocTSH


Posts: 109
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		The road to bad places are paved with good intentions.  While I can appreciate the willingness to help her out, so many things were missed.  Seems a bit scary to me that your Master claimed her as his after only a week.  Not so sure I can appreciate that judgment.  From what you have written, her emotional stability is shot and I fail to see where any of the actions taken can really help  her.

_____________________________

Doc

At times like these, I think of Socrates who said, " I drank what?" -Real Genius

(in reply to sandylioness)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/9/2007 2:34:09 PM   
LookiLoo


Posts: 9
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		Whether or not she was abused or not, this seems as if this situation has been poorly prepped. Being poly doesn't mean taking in waifs and strays or even abused women because they are willing to be taken in. You have to prepare everyone and the household for a new arrival. It seems clear you were either ill warned or ill prepared to accept this woman into your home and relationship.
Secondly, and I preface this so no one takes offense, if indeed this poor woman has just broken up with an abussive partner then I suspect this could not have been a worse time to bring her actively into a triad. Her guard is up, her self esteem low and your feel threatened and annoyed by her. She perhaps needs time to be her own person, self reliant and safe before commiting to a tense and challenging situation.


(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/14/2007 10:48:56 AM   
bimedian


Posts: 16
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline 		it would seem like the girl your Master took in.. isnt quite clear on the situation.she needs to get her life together before she even thinks about serving Someone. Because until she does this.. all she is going to do is cause havoc in His house.. slowly putting a rift between all of you. Because the more you get frustrated with her.. the more He will try to bring her out of it... and the cycle goes on. because she will like all the attention she's getting. Trust me.. I know EXACTLY where your comming from... because I was in the same situation when a girl came to stay with Us. and let me tell you something... it didnt cause NOTHING but trouble... But I am happy to say that no other girl has ever been like that.. and We have trained lots of girls even had them stay with us. It just so happened that this  "leech" as I called her (to myself of course :P:) just happened to be a Dud 

(in reply to LookiLoo)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/14/2007 12:59:23 PM   
JackM1


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline 		firstly, let me say that what you and your Master did was very brave, and i can see that Y/your intentions were good. however, if this girl has suffered so long through abuse, its irresponsable to place her into a situation where she must once again submit to someone, who has the power to abuse her. to us, this is not considered abuse, but to someone who has lived with not being able to speak her mind, not being able to be her own person, and generally being used as a punching bag, then this is basically like her going from one abusive relationship, to another. do you understand what im saying? what she needs right now is counceling, someone who will be able to help her gain her self esteem back, and learn to live life on her own again. there has to be a transitioning period between the time she spent being abused, to getting into another relationshp, which she may in some way connect in her mind as being a safer form of the same relationship she found herself in previously. this may be totaly untrue for her, but im just going to throw this out there; maybe she feels as if this relationship is close enough to her old relationship for her to feel comfortable, but in some ways will allow her to experience freedoms, such as a safe word, that she did not have with her abuser.

the best thing you can do for this girl, is to help her find a good therapist, and help her get her life back together. neither you nor your Master are trained professionals, and as such are not able to properly help this girl in any way, shape or form while shes in the state that she is in. you may possibly keep her in your home for now, but in time help her find a place of her own, so she may be independant(which im sure she will fight, and fear, but later on she will thank you). im not saying for you to just dump her..but if you ever want to help her get better, then she must establish a healthy sense of self, independance, and a good self esteem before she is ready to join into any kind of relationship, or endure any sort of training. be her friend, but dont be her Dominent, or have her in a place where she believes she is stuck in the role of "submissive" or "slave".

best of luck!


(in reply to bimedian)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 5/17/2007 8:45:55 PM   
MasterMataeo


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		sounds like she needs a lil time to herself to get her head together,, and well untill then you need to be the best Sub you can be and make sure that he knows how you feel about this young sub , whom from what i have read  seems to be a kink in your works ,, and this is due to the PTSD caused by her abusive relationship in the past ,, she might be better getting professional help to deal with that type of PTSD

(in reply to JackM1)
Profile   Post #: 60
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