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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/8/2007 12:41:54 PM   
LovingLife


Posts: 6
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Shylah ... As one who was in an abusive marriage, (which ended in 1998), I have to agree with OsideGirl and everyone else who advised the second girl is incapable of making important decisions for herself at this point in her life, which includes being in any type relationship ... be it D/s, M/s, monogamous, poly or vanilla. 
  
It takes profesionals to help one who has Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and from reading your words, IMHO it sounds as if this girl does have PTSD.
 
  I have to humbly disagree with those who say praising her when she is doing a good job will build her self-esteem up again.
 
I, myself, waited well over a year after being seperated from my ex before seeking professional help.  Until then, I reacted badly to certain sounds, smells, places, quick movements; even certain cars and men who had a certain look.
  I began recovering from PTS when I started talking with a certified therapist.

I know a girl who was in an abusive, D/s marriage.  She was single for a couple of years but did not seek professional help.  She has now been in a live-in M/s relationship close to 10 years and is still nervous and unsure of herself.  IMHO, her M is not the reason she is still stuck in this PTS reactive state ... it is because she has never addressed her abuse issues.
 
   I share this with you because I did not see responses from anyone who had experienced abuse or had known another who experienced abuse.  I wanted to allow you to see the other side of the coin from someone who has been there.
 
Feel free to write privately if you wish.

_____________________________

Live well ...
~ L. L.

(in reply to MasterJax)
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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/8/2007 1:11:15 PM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

I'm fine with her being her... I was very excited when she moved in... I resent that she hasn't been seeming to make any emotional progress sense Master started training her and if anything things have slowly been getting more dramatic over the last month.

Shylah



Has your master sent to her an actual therapist?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/8/2007 1:13:22 PM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl


I am personally offended that someone would even ask that.




You should be more offended that enough women do make up abuse that people have to ask.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/8/2007 1:15:31 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


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This thread was started in April...hopefully she and all concerned have worked things out....

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/8/2007 1:17:29 PM   
AquaticSub


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Hopefully.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/8/2007 8:02:29 PM   
WyckedMystress


Posts: 118
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I agree with spanklette - maybe some therapy is needed.  It will determine what is true and what is not - what she wants out of life and if being with a Master is the right decision for her - at this stage of her life.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/11/2007 12:13:58 AM   
TigerNINTails


Posts: 178
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Hi folks,

I realize this thread started a long time ago. Goes to show how long it's been since I've been on collarme, I guess, considering this is the first I've seen this.

However, it's also apparent, that this thread has touched a common cord among all the participants, and in all cases, even those that are more abrasive in their blunt response and cut to the quick answers, I'd have to say that there hasn't been a response that wasn't stemmed in the thought that they are trying to do the right thing, and give sound advice.

That said, one thing I'd like to say is kudos to certain people (Osidegirl on the top of that list) for being so blunt about the reality of it.

This, if anyone has a give as shit one way or another, is my take...

First off, PTSD is a difficult thing to transition from, for anyone. I personally grew up through an abusive child-hood, and I'd likely wager I'm one of the very few who was strong enough to work through it on my own. When I was first removed by my mother from that situation, counseling was the first thing I was shown.

Counseling, unfortunately for me, at the time was not what I was interested in. Forgetting was. Being pushed for information, to open up, to talk about my situation, my feelings on the matter only forced more closure. This isn't to say that this will happen with everyone. Remember, when this happened (not the abuse, but the counseling), I was only 9 years of age.

But even then, I had the counselor snowed. I put on a happy face, I gave all the "right" answers, displayed all the "right" attitudes, and in general didn't indicate that anything at all was wrong whatsoever. When asked, "Everything is alright... I'm doing good, mom has us in a good place, I like my school, friends, blah blah blah."

Bullshit, all of it, but it's what helped me to cope... I didn't want to talk about what had happened. This might be the case with her. But I will also say, that at 9 years of age, and I suspect it's the same with all others that have gone through an abusive situation in their lives, it takes quite a while to come to grips with the fact that you don't know what the hell you're doing, either to yourself, or to those around you.

It wasn't until about a year after I stopped seeking counseling, or any help for that matter, even through talking to family and/or friends, that I started to manifest a total flip in personality type, and I began to become violent... This was about when I was 10. Fights in school, flipping out and becoming angry over the stupidest or smallest things (like some lil kid saying "your momma!").

This girl is going to take years to overcome what she's gone through. For every day of abuse, count on months of recovery. This isn't a "guesstimate". This is drawn from cold hard trial and error, attempting to rectify it in my own head.

It took me (from the age of  10, when the temper began to flair) a good decade or decade and a half (well into one of my longest love relationships, as a matter of fact) before I really got a good grip on things enough to finally find the wherewithall to dig into my personal "reasons why" with my previous abuse, how I felt, the forgiveness I ultimately had to grant my abuser and letting go of my fantasies of of pumping a .50 cal slug through the skull of any and all males (even school mates) that ever laid one finger upon me in a manner I didn't like, with a Barret Light .50 sniper's rifle.

Trust me on this. An abusive relationship, even one that lasts only a few months is nothing to scoff at. Aside from PTSD, which is slung with abandon, there is another psychological traum/brainwashing that occurs with abuse victims, and this is something I also had to come to terms with.

It's called "Stockholm Syndrome" and first came to light due to a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden, where a group of heavily armed assailants took hostages in a bank and held them for several days.

Amidst psychological abuse, fear tactics and coercion, eventually, this resulted in a mental state where the victimized didn't even want to testify against the criminals in question. In fact, there were several that actually paid to fund the criminals defense. They empathized with them. This is something that can happen with normal abuse victims also.

Shylah, you need to understand, there is much more here than meets the eye, or the ears. It's my personal opinion, that while your Masters intents are of the most admirable, yes... They pave the road to hell, and he needs to be made aware of that fact. And it is a fact. It happens all too often.

Remember also, that those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it. In my particular case, I learned from MY history. When it began to rear it's ugly head, I hadn't yet dealt with it, and so was suddenly forced to. I recognized it for what it was. Some are not so fortunate.

The sooner this girl gets the proper help, the better. Living in a D/s - M/s (as this seems to be) polyamorous relationship, directly from an abusive relationship is not going to help her right now. What needs to be done, is to let her wrap her own head around her own problems and learn ( as so many others have pointed out, I don't want to kick a dead horse... But... *Puts on the steel toes*) to stand on her own two feet, think with her own head, live her own life...

Then, and ONLY then, when this girl can actually, without doubt, come back to you and your Master and say "I really want what you have. I know now how to live my life without you, but this is something I want, and I want it for X, X, and X reasons.", then and only then should she even be considered for collaring.

She has to do this, of her own accord, with clear vision (in her head), a clear concience, no pressure from any outside sources, no coaching, no coercion and most of all... She must do it from a healed place, or at least mostly healed. Healed enough to clearly and concisely make her own decisions for her own life.

If she is to stay in your home... Let me put it in perspective. If this girl was in this situation with me, there would be no "mark of ownership" as that indicates my interest in owning her, and I won't do that until it's clear it's truly what she wants, when she's decided it's for her, and with a clear mindset.

One month before deciding to come with you guys is really a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils, in my opinion... This isn't to say that you're evil. But the poly D/s-M/s situation is NOT what she needs, regardless of what she says she wants. She needs counseling, people that have been there done that, and people that are certified to handle it.

You or your Master are not these people, for all practical intents and purposes. In fact, the lack of amount of time for you Master bringing her into the dynamic at all, indicates something a little disturbing. These are the reason why behind that:

1. It tells me he either is ignoring common sense, or doesn't practice thinking things through clearly and fully.

2. He's doing it for his own selfish gain, or as an ego stroke (like look at me, I can fix a broken one!)....

Sorry to be so blatantly abrupt, but thems the facts right there. None of this said your hearts are in the wrong place, in fact, I think your hearts are entirely in the right one.

However, I have to question the forethought, and the wisdom, of bringing a damaged girl into an environment that causes entirely too much stress for someone that is gun-shy already. WIITWD, as Cruel Desires put it, is too risky a proposition for someone that is already on the parapice.

My advice is to let her stay, and have a support network. Put her in touch with other support networks. Cut out the D/s - M/s dynamic altogether until she's really had the opportunity (as in is living on her own, working on her own, not dependent on others, has seen at least a years worth of counseling) to seriously work through, identify and conquer her "reasons why" in the feelings that are going to (note: this is not a maybe, it will happen) surface as a result of the abuse she has gone through.

It is also pressed to note that mental abuse can take much longer to heal, because it affects a persons belief system, which in turn affects their self esteem. This doesn't heal over a months time. Most times, not even in a years time. I was once in a non-abusive relationship (I'm a switch) with a Mistress and I was there for a period of two months, before it was apparent it wouldn't work.

It took me a full year, of locking myself away with myself, before I was really ready to tackle another relationship, and even then, I didn't bottom again for a full ten or so years. Of course, I was still tackling other issues too, as this was during my "abuse recovery" period as well.

So I guess you could say I've had experience similar to hers, though I never rushed into things. Now understand, it was 11 years prior, that my issues began to surface from the abuse... When I got into this relationship, and I was still rediscovering myself. Granted, for kids it might take longer. It could have been shorter if I had help.

But I hope this illustrates it to you. Cut the D/s-M/s dynamic IMMEDIATELY... It doesn't matter if she lives in you and your Masters home, according to your rules. But don't have her assuming a role she's definitely not ready for.

And your Master might want to look into being more proactive and decisive when it comes to the well-being of a slave, especially when one shows even the inkling of having suffered any previous abuse, mental, spiritual, sexual or physical.

Like I've said before, I believe that the intent is positive. However, the path to hell is paved with great intentions. Be forewarned. Sometimes, the signs are nigh invisible even when they're right in your face. And sometimes... Invisible BECAUSE of it. Don't allow your closeness to the situation blind you.

Only when she delves to the deepest root cause of the emotional upheaval, her insecurities, her skittishness, etc. will she be able to accept what's happened, begin the healing, the forgiveness process and then grow out of it. Only after she's identified her core "reasons why" she feels the way she feels or thinks the way she thinks. Only then can she actually begin the process of becoming whole enough to really define what she wants.

Now is no that time. As for your criticisms of her, and your frustration. I see precisely why you feel this way, but in order to handle that, perhaps more research on your part into PTSD, Stockholm Syndrome etc. might be useful to you in understanding her mind-set, and assist in developing the patience necessary to assist her in a positive way towards healing.

But definitely help her research and find the right post abusive relationship counseling that is right for her. And as it's said before, and illustrated by my story above... It's not all the same, and not all counselors are good for a particular person. Finding the right one is going to likely take time. So be prepared. And start laying more positive groundwork.

I gotta get out of here, this has taken too much of my time already. Peace.


_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to WyckedMystress)
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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/11/2007 6:42:21 AM   
slaveish


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PTSD is a long-lasting emotional and mental issue that can last for ~years~, even with therapy. I've been in therapy for a good amount of time, I've worked through a lot of PTS issues the past few years, and still, last night seemingly out of the blue, I triggered.

If this girl is going to remain in your house, I not only recommend therapy for ~her~ (and intense therapy at first) but also therapy for you as a collective so that you know how to deal. The abrupt behavior and moodiness of someone who experiences an episode can be confusing and can lead to grave misunderstandings.

This is something you chose to take on, so do the girl a favor and follow through. She needs stability, she needs a loving and safe environment. If it's not something for which all three of you are willing to put forth a good deal of effort, then end it now because these issues can quickly become ugly and convoluted, especially if you don't know what you're looking at.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to TigerNINTails)
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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/13/2007 6:37:17 AM   
MasterNdorei


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Have any of you ever been in a home for abused women or a women's shelter? 

i volunteered in them for almost a year, and i can tell you it is the absolute LAST PLACE i would refer anyone i cared about.

It is just my opinion, but unless the woman is sincerely a basket case, or in need of their programs to get on her feet logistically, she can do better almost anywhere but in that system. 

There are plenty of people who overcome bad experiences with no therapy, and live great lives.

Master's dorei


< Message edited by MasterNdorei -- 6/13/2007 6:40:17 AM >

(in reply to slaveish)
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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/13/2007 7:05:51 AM   
velvetears


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

Have any of you ever been in a home for abused women or a women's shelter? 

i volunteered in them for almost a year, and i can tell you it is the absolute LAST PLACE i would refer anyone i cared about.

It is just my opinion, but unless the woman is sincerely a basket case, or in need of their programs to get on her feet logistically, she can do better almost anywhere but in that system. 

There are plenty of people who overcome bad experiences with no therapy, and live great lives.

Master's dorei



No one has questioned this couple helping that woman, the aspect everyone is questioning is after a weeks time taking her on as a slave.  Giving her a safe haven to live and assisting her to get on her feet is one thing - incorporating her into the M/s dynamic is quite another. This woman is NOT competant to consent and anyone who has spent time working with these women should understand that.  Maybe some people don't need therapy and can do well in life - or SEEM to do well. What is getting on with life mean? They can function and hold a job?  Who is to say that without any form of help they won't repeat the pattern - ao many do, and most need help to become strong so they don't repeat the pattern. 

Your working in one shelter for a year hardly makes you an expert. There are many wonderful shelters with caring professionals, sorry you found a dud, but it doesn't represent the majority of them.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/13/2007 7:59:17 AM   
Lockit


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Hello,

I was going to stay away from this one, but now I can't.  There's a lot of good advice on this thread and I have to agree that this woman has some very serious issues to deal with and in no way should she be involved in a relationship like this.  But... she is.  To pull out now might do more harm to her than to stay.  The reason I say this is because of abandonment and self worth issues.  She may indeed have taken this relationship as the lessor of two evils in a sense, but hopefully the first woman will see all these responses and consider them and maybe some changes can be made to help the second woman through it all.  If the second woman can be a part of the decision to stop the relationship without any threat to her security in housing and other such issues, then that might be best.  Just put a hold on everything in the relationship until she is in a better place emotionally.

I worked in domestic abuse for most my adult life.  I directed a shelter for homeless women and children and worked very closely with the domestic abuse shelters.  I took on after care for the women and children from the shelters as well.  (This is why I had some things to deal with when I was introduced to the lifestyle. I had to see that there was a difference between the lifestyle and abuse. Dominance for me was a bad word. Now it is delicious in the proper setting!)  I no longer work in the area, but do still do some lay work in the area when a case is presented to me.

Many years ago, when my children were very young (I'm a grandmother now, so that was a long time ago.) my husband became abusive.  He was a powerful man with all sorts of connections worldwide.  I ran... I went to a secured shelter that only the police, those that worked there and those that went there knew about.  I went two counties away from where I lived.  Still my ex found me.  Do you know these people fed me to the wolves?  There was nothing in that house to eat.  They had very little in the way of protection and this was one of the better shelters.  He found me within three days, even though I burned every paper I wrote anything on and called the phone company to send the bill elsewhere.  He knew where I was and was calling there for a day before they told me about it.  They wanted me to talk to him to found out how he found the place and then he was able to threaten my family and of course I had to go back.  He could find me on the street with the baby and take the baby and I had no protection.  Later he took my children out of the country and held them from me until I agreed again to come back.  Took eight years to get away from that monster.

The shelters have out dates.  Meaning you can only stay for about a month in general.  Who can put a seriously messed up life together in that amount of time.  Hell, you can't even get welfare or a first check from a job, saving enough to rent an apartment in that time.  Ever tried to get a job or rent an apartment from a shelter?  It is nearly impossible and to meet with such situations during a time when you are wounded, sometimes visably and going through all sorts of emotions is hell.

I made the rule of no out date at the shelter I ran.  It took at least two months for the average person to calm down enough to even feel safe in the shelter with all the women supporting them.  I had some that stayed for over six months!  Believe me, if I could get them out earlier, I would because I had a waiting list to get in.  I took people in and had them sleeping on floors, in rooms with twelve other people, etc.  The need was greater than what was out there to help them.  It still is.

I would not send someone to a shelter, not ever!  Period!  It would be a last choice.  Instead, I bring them into my own home... set them up with friends... find funding to help them and keep them safe until they can themselves work things out.  You have to hold them by the hand and guide them... period!  It is the exceptional woman that doesn't need to be led at this point.

Yes, there are wonderful shelters out there... but with out dates and all considered... they all need more to actually create a situation that these women can really work through at that point in life when they are lost, hurt, terrified, etc.  Studies prove that it is more dangerous after the woman leaves than before.  Studies also conclued that most return to their abuser because everything is so overwhelming that it is easier to face the known and familar abuse and abuser than to face everything else and maybe end up homeless.  Studies also prove that most do not get any support from the abuser for any children involved.  There is a lot to concider and a lot of planning goes into leaving an abuser or a woman can have just as many dangerous things to cope with as she had when she was with her abuser.

Just my two cents... Lockit

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/13/2007 10:19:13 PM   
MasterNdorei


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Joined: 10/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

OK, so there was no money to put her up somewhere on her own. What about a women's refuge? They are designed to deal with victims of abuse.



Velvet,

Actually the point i made was addressed earlier. This comment is what prompted my post about shelters.

If you have first hand experience that differs, good for you. (You didn't mention it by the way.) As i stated originally, after my first hand experience (at three different shelters in two states) i personally would avoid letting anyone i care about go into a shelter.

Master's dorei

< Message edited by MasterNdorei -- 6/13/2007 10:31:04 PM >

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/13/2007 10:38:08 PM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

There are plenty of people who overcome bad experiences with no therapy, and live great lives.

Master's dorei

 

What is getting on with life mean? They can function and hold a job?  Who is to say that without any form of help they won't repeat the pattern - ao many do, and most need help to become strong so they don't repeat the pattern. 



i never said they merely "got on with life". i said they went on to live great lives. If that doesn't answer your question about the quality of their lives, i am not sure how to help you understand what i meant.

Master's dorei

< Message edited by MasterNdorei -- 6/13/2007 10:52:10 PM >

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/14/2007 12:58:18 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

OK, so there was no money to put her up somewhere on her own. What about a women's refuge? They are designed to deal with victims of abuse.



Velvet,

Actually the point i made was addressed earlier. This comment is what prompted my post about shelters.

If you have first hand experience that differs, good for you. (You didn't mention it by the way.) As i stated originally, after my first hand experience (at three different shelters in two states) i personally would avoid letting anyone i care about go into a shelter.

Master's dorei


Well maybe things are different in other countries, I am sure there are good and bad shelters everywhere. however women I have known here in Australia who have had cause to seek assistance in a shelter have found it to be a reasonable temporary solution with experienced people who are able to then direct them to all the other help that is available, such as legal aid etc. Granted it is not a long term solution ... but then neither is jumping immediately to a first time experience of a D/s relationship! Which was always My MAIN point, that assuming consent of this abused woman is folly, creating a situation prone to disaster for all involved. It doesn't mean they had to dump her in the shelter and run away, but it might have given her a month to come to terms with the fact that she has left the abusive boyfriend, and listen to the advice of those experienced in this field (by the sounds of it she does need the help of their programs to get back on her feet logistically) ... and would have given Shylah and her Master a month to work out a better way to help their friend. Perhaps by then they could have arranged somewhere else for her to stay eg with neutral friends? Found out about financial assistance she may be eligible for, or looked into some straightforward part time work that she might be able to handle. Or at least thought more about how she could amalgamate into their home appropriately and how to access the financial, legal, social and emotional assistance she needs. Well-intentioned and wise are 2 entirely different things, and it has been the overwhelming response here that this course of action was the former and not the latter.

Maam Jay

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/14/2007 1:36:25 AM   
MasterNdorei


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Maam Jay,
You have a great point about these boards encompassing different countries. With both the OP and i being in America, i responded regarding American shelters.
i am glad you spoke up. If the shelters are better in your country, it would be good for anyone from Australia who might read this to know it.
As far as yours and Velvet's point about if the OP was right or wrong to take this girl in as a slave, i have never addressed this part of the debate, and i don't understand why both of you are directing your rant about it towards me.

Master's dorei

< Message edited by MasterNdorei -- 6/14/2007 1:44:27 AM >

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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/14/2007 7:21:37 AM   
velvetears


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i don't understand why you are being so defensive an calling mine and Maam Jay's posts rants against you.  You made a statement about shelters being awful places and many women may be reading these boards who are in abusive situations and you are scaring them away from seeking help this way. i am giving them another pov about them. There are thousands of shelters all over this vast country of ours and you worked in 2 to 3 for a year.... sorry you had bad experiences with them and i don't know what you were measuring their worth by - were they dirty, over crowded, were the administrators mean etc. Your experiences are just that - yours, so to speak for the shelters of america is just wrong.   Shelters aren't the absolute long term solution but for desperate women and children in DANGER, they are an option, and i want them to feel a certain security about that option, not fear. 

As for your other point, most people who are abused do in fact neeed some form of therapy to overcome their experience and get back on track. There are many options to doing this, not just the patient/therapist model of help, but they do need professional help.  To imply "plenty" don't is diminishing the extent of their abuse.  Again i don't want those who may be in a situation of abuse to feel any shame or guilt if they feel the need to seek therapy, like they are weak if they do feel they need it - i want to tell them MOST do.



_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
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RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/14/2007 7:49:44 AM   
MrDiscipline44


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei
If you have first hand experience that differs, good for you. (You didn't mention it by the way.) As i stated originally, after my first hand experience (at three different shelters in two states) i personally would avoid letting anyone i care about go into a shelter.

Master's dorei
So you only worked in three shelters in two states and you think they're are all the same? Interesting generality, but I do think velvet and Jay have made better points about the couple not being able to give this woman what she really needs.

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/14/2007 7:40:06 PM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

i don't understand why you are being so defensive an calling mine and Maam Jay's posts rants against you. 


i have no problem with anyone having a different opinion than what i express. My complaint is that both of you directed towards me your rant about an issue i never addressed.

Both of you ranted about your beliefs that the OP had no business bringing the previously abused girl into a lifestyle arrangement in their home. i have not voiced my opinion about this. With both of you directing this towards me it makes me appear that i was defending this, when i STILL have not voiced an opinion about it. My post was about shelters. Period.

Master's dorei

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/14/2007 8:22:56 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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i was voicing the problem this woman faces as a reference to what i was going to say later in my post to you so that in totality it made sense to other posters who have read and responded to the whole thread. Your talking about shelters in the way you did was someting i did not agree with so my point to you directly was about that - the rest was so that my post did not seem to come out of the blue and tied in with what was previously posted - it wasn't directed at you and i did not say anywhere in the post that you stated any particular opinion on such.  Sorry if you misunderstood it or took it personally. 

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Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/14/2007 10:37:16 PM   
aeleberaNB


Posts: 690
Joined: 6/4/2007
From: Alberta, Calgary, Canada
Status: offline
Greetings Masters and Mistresses:
Greetings MasterNdorei:

MasterNdorei:  i have been in two shelters, several times in my life and found them not only to be helpful to me, but to my unmentionable at the time.

not all shelters are like the one(s) you have described, granted there are some that are not for everyone but the fact that this girl jumped feet first into a D/s relationship without having had some form of therapy to me throws up red flags, because in my opinion she is not making a clear headed decision about whether or not she really wants this.

i do know of a woman in the United States that entered a shelter with her unmentionable, and she got therapy in the shelter, they then sent her to a private therapist and sent her to an apartment that was subsidized and security was provided to make her feel safe again.

i did not jump feet first back into a D/s or M/s relationship after being badly abused but instead got the help i needed from the staff at one of our three shelters here in Alberta and am glad i did.

womens abuse shelters vary around the globe and not all places have a shelter to go to when in need, and those are the ones whom i feel for because they have no where to turn to in times of need.

i wish you well
aelebera{NB}

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He is the Master, i am His slave, His property, His muse to do with as He pleases, when and where He pleases. Trust in thy Master as HE knows what is best for His property.

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 100
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