RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive.

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive.

Page: << < prev 2 3 4 5 [6]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/15/2007 12:35:35 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

MasterNdorei, I wasn't ranting at you, if it seemed that way, I am sorry but that wasn't the intent. What I intended to do was point out that the totality of My earlier post wasn't about shelters and how good/bad they were ... in the context of the whole post, that was very much a side issue. I guess you had lifted this little part out and so I sought to return it to its context. I simply wanted to clarify in this more recent post that My original main point had been the poor decision that was made in regard to this woman's welfare. That there were alternatives to taking her into an M/s situation ... that's all. There was absolutely no intent to offend or upset you.

I am pleased to see some other posters have now pointed out that there ARE some good shelters around. I would hate to feel that scared women wouldn't at least seek one out if they have no other options. It's hard to weigh a "bad" shelter against a "bad" abuser ... I would also be interested in hearing what made you feel the ones you volunteered in were "bad". Did you have any sense that your perceptions were shared by the women who sought shelter there too? I'm not trying to be picky here ... but to explore how those perceptions arose. This could be very important to someone in a desperate situation to hear.

Maam Jay

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Profile

Post #: 101

RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/15/2007 4:21:19 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i asked her the same question and was already not answered - good luck with the same MaamJay, but i would not hang waiting lol.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to MaamJay)

Profile

Post #: 102

RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/15/2007 10:08:48 AM

LordDragoncat

Posts: 12
Joined: 2/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

Regardless of where she is now, she has had to endure 2 years of looking over her shoulder and second guessing herself. That type of conditioning doesn't go away in a month. If you and your Master truely want to help her, you need to seek out some family counseling/therapy so they can give you ideas and techniques in how to deal with her insecurity and self esteem issues until she gets better. Patience and therapy are probably the only things that are going to help her.

This is very true, I have had to deal with this issue before, and it can be frusterating, but time, patience, and therapy is key to this. it is not something that will be over and done with in months, but may in fact take years to over come compleatly. Possitive renforcement is also key, let her know when she does something good or right, and how proud you are of her, even when it is a little thing, let her know how happy you are to have her as a part of the household. This will give her a reason to keep trying. this is something both of you need to do. With someone who has been through that much abuse, she is going to jump at the slightest things, many of my friends thought for months that I was abuseing my little one, because of these little jumps, untill it was understood what she had gone through. These are friends who have known me for years, as one who is very protective of those in my house, and not one to be abuseive, but very antiabuse.

(in reply to BBBTBW)

Profile

Post #: 103

RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/16/2007 8:21:59 PM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Maam Jay~*
Thank you for your kind response. i appologize if i came off as out of left field by being offended.
Just so you know, i am an owned slave, so my time is not my own. i am not able to get back to the boards as often as i would like, but i was not avoiding this thread.
My concerns were raised by several conditions i saw in dealing with shelters. One shelter was always over crowded, the volunteers as well as the paid employees were short tempered, the kids of the women were out of control. In the same shelter there was stealing on a regular basis, and several of the older kids were removed because of drug use. (The Mothers left by choice when the kid was removed.) In another shelter the kids were unruly and often out of control. In all three shelters the women who did not have cars begged the women with cars to take them places if allowed, or to buy them things while they were out. The begging was worse for the women who had their own ciggerettes. This may not sound like much, but it got old really fast for the women who had cars and cigerettes.
It is fairly common for women to return to the ones who abused them. i know that women who decided to leave would sometimes try to convince their new "friends" in the shelter to do the same thing. (This never made sense to me, but i know of three times it happened.)
The drama alone in all three shelters was intense and everywhere.
All shelters may not be created equal, but these were my experiences as a volunteer. If just one person takes a closer work before dropping someone off at one, this thread was worth while for me.

Be Well~*
Master's dorei

< Message edited by MasterNdorei -- 6/16/2007 8:23:22 PM >

(in reply to LordDragoncat)

Profile

Post #: 104

RE: Frustrated with Masters second submissive. - 6/17/2007 9:25:12 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Thanks MasterNdorei - yes I knew of your living situation and so I understand why it took a while for you to get back to this. And thank you for saying what you saw in the shelters, and yes, those conditions would be cause for concern. I'd be particularly concerned about the last thing, egging people to go back to the abuser. It's a bit like making someone else do the same dumb thing you did so you don't look as dumb!! SCARY! So yes, it would indeed be wise for someone concerned for a friend to take a look at the situation, and indeed, don't "dump and run". Check in on them regularly, see how they are going.

All that said though ... I'm still not 100% convinced that what this woman has moved to isn't a potentially long term more damaging situation ... for her and for the others involved. We've not heard anything from Shylah for quite a while on this thread ... so can only wonder at how things are progressing. What truly concerned Me most was her Master's apparent lack of foresight that this was a dangerous move.

Thanks again for following up!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Profile

Post #: 105