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WillowRain -> RE: Naturally Dominant: Rare? (5/8/2007 4:28:39 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
Was going to hijack the thread, but I suppose a new one's better..
quote:
ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout
I believe that natural, non-switching dominant women are just rare enough that some people would never have met one and come to the conclusion that they don't exist. The same could be said of natural dominant men, though!
I hope you don't mind, GirlScout. If so, my apologies for not taking the time to check first and I'll edit it out.
I just have to ask this, because it's confusing me so badly. What do people mean when they say something like "natural dominants are rare"? I've heard this sentiment so many times, and I've often asked for explanation when seen, but now I'm just far too curious.
I've never been very social, so I never paid much attention to others outside my family and close friends to notice a lack of dominance. Inside my family, most are at least somewhat dominant. I've come to believe it's a normal, human characteristic that most people have. So is this not the case, or do people mean something more than what I'm readily picking up by "naturally dominant"? (I'm getting now that most people might not be naturally dominant, but for it to be "rare"? That's the part that's confusing me.)
Well, here is an opinion from the bottom not the top. "Naturally Dominant" is used in a lot of ways. Sometimes it's a flag term for someone who wants to be bossy but is utterly unwilling or unable to be responsible or do the work necesarry to be a functioning Dominant or Master. The term is often followed by statements like, "I don't get along with anyone in the local community. I don't need to learn from anyone how to be a good Dominant. There is nothing they can teach me, I was born to this." *cringe* This can be a warning flag on someones description of themself and sometimes means that they have no real desire to learn and grow in their dominance, and think that all the work to be done in a D&s relationship falls on the submissives shoulders.
Sometimes people use the term "Naturally Dominant" to mean that they don't have to work at being in charge, being in charge is their default. Doesn't matter where they start in a social or work structure, they will get bumped upward into responsibility. This can be true for someone who orients submissive or dominant, and often refers to their vanilla life. I could probably label myself with this version of the term. In work situations, this is very true of me and I am pretty solidly submissive in personal intimate relationships.
Sometimes "Naturally Dominant" means to some folks that they have been drawn to that side of kink from an early age. You know who you are, those grade school spankers, those cowboy and indian players who tied up everyone they could get their hands on, those dungeon fantisisers. If you actively trapped another child in a box before the age of nine, this would be you.
To me, "Naturally Dominant" doesn't mean that they like to tell people what to do, it means they are good at it. That others naturally want to listen to them and follow their good sound advice. They are smart, and thoughtful, unselfish and even tempered. My mother once told me that it was foolish to let a man have control and say in the house unless that man could be trusted to consistantly make unselfish choices about what to do, choices that were based on what was good for the whole of the family. My grandfather was like that, and everyone who knew him deeply loved him. He was unfailingly kind and reliable. My grandmother's devotion was complete. His pattern is the longed for ideal in my family system. They were not bdsm folks, but there was a D&s dynamic within that household. To me, for me, that is what I think of when I think "Naturally Dominant." And yes... I do think it is profoundly rare, like maybe... finding a unicorn, or a huffalump.
Master Jack's,
Willow
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