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RE: why judge a slave - 5/7/2007 12:32:23 PM

Posts: 11
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Hello.

Judging? Shy, yes and that is a negative connotation. Evaluating? Perhaps.

Weight is more than looks. You ARE very pretty. BUT health matters do play a role as well.

Do the best for yourself, your life, your health - mental and physical.

I laugh out loud at some of the high standards a few male doms place on female subs. Standards that they themselves do not meet.

Some of those men should look in the mirror... and a few other things.

Be well

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/7/2007 12:36:27 PM

Posts: 11766
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Why judge a judgment?

A fact can be subject to verification or nullification. Judgment is subjective. Spinning you wheels, waiting for judgment to change is counterproductive regardless of the personal goal.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/7/2007 12:55:18 PM

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic

I don't believe that not liking bigger women makes anyone shallow.

Face it, if you are not physically attracted to someone, you do not have a physical relationship with them. If you find them emotionally, mentally and personally attractive, you have what is called friendship.

Shy, you are beautiful to many. Despite your personality, acheivements, or behavior, there will be some who will not find you physically attractive, just as there will be some who think you are very sexy but do not click with your personality for a deeper connection.

Physical attraction is very important in a relationship, everyone, stop calling people with preferences shallow.

Good point!
Everyone has a prefrence. A prefrence is not a bad thing.

Now if these guys are sending the OP rude, hateful name calling emails than it's a diffrent story.

To the OP: You are not ugly. You said yourself you have much to give. Stop thinking of yourself in a negative way. Confidence is a huge turn on.

(in reply to MissOchistic)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/7/2007 5:32:35 PM

WiseCracknSadist

Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

How come when a sub has a perfect Dom in front of her she picks a thinner man/woman?

I figured it would be obvious. This in no way means that I am talking about you or feel that you are any of the things I'm about to say.

They're simply not attracted to those persons. Weight and appearance make a difference. Some people prefer skinny because they attribute that to healthy. Also you can do more with a smaller person. There are physical limitations built into larger people. They're not as flexible, their circulation isn't as good, you can't move them to where you want them as easily as you'd like, plus there is a social stigma attached to big people.

But fear not there those who are smaller that love big people. This much like everything else is a matter of preference.

I would also ask why it is you chose a smaller person to care so much about? It couldn't be because you found him more attractive than perhaps a bigger man could it?

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/7/2007 7:12:45 PM

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Joined: 6/30/2006
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I think someone has been watching too much porn.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/7/2007 7:20:10 PM

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Because she feels she isn;t worthy loving and therefore deliberately picked someone who would reinforce her feelings. If this isn't the relationship you want, then why did you get into it and why do you stay in it? Get out, work on your own issues for a while, and when you're healthier go find someone whose values you respect.

People get the relationships they deserve. The question is why you feel this is what you deserve and what you propose to do to change it.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/7/2007 7:23:06 PM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

If the Master in question does not prefer BBW, then how can you be their perfect slave? Why dwell on giving yourself to someone who doesnt appreciate you for who you are, and find the one out there who wants ALL of you. I have heard a few times, you would be perfect 'but'. Well, if there is a but, then you are not perfect.
You have preferences, as do the Masters and Mistresses you aproach. Some are physical appearance, some are intelligence, and there are many others. Slaves with a perfect slave heart and who are well trained but who cannot hold a conversation with me are passed over often. I dont care if they are the most beautiful creature walking the earth, if there isnt a brain in their head, I cant be attracted to them. Its my preference.

It is not fair, maybe, but the problem might be partly yours as well. You are attracted to Masters who are not looking for your body type. Its common, but it does cause an undo amount of stress when you are getting rejected often. If you put out that you are who you are right out in an early conversation and someone doesnt like it, then you save yourselves both time. If they are stringing you along, acting as if it isnt a problem for them until it comes time to move to a new level then they are jerks.

But dont let it bring you down. There is someone you there who will want you for who you are, and not just your slave heart, your training or your body. If they dont want the entire package, tey arent worth your time.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/7/2007 7:41:00 PM

jessk

Posts: 34
Status: offline

Not everyone has a preference for overweight; whether it be female or male.

What matters is that you find someone you are compatible with; who accepts you for who you are, and not who they want you to be.

_____________________________

Jess

(in reply to shygurlInd47374)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 3:19:55 AM

Posts: 65
Joined: 2/24/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

Hi,
i always like to start by saying this is my opinion and my opinion only. i am not saying this is fact. i intend no offence to anyone and i am not saying anyone else is wrong for their own beliefs, ideas, or opinions.

i believe that E/everyone judges E/everyone T/they meet every day. W/we judge people by many things. It is how W/we decide who W/we want for a mate, who W/we want for friends, who W/we want to do business with. It is called a first opinion. W/we make these judgments, or first opinions by, yes, looks, body language, clothing, voice, outward hygiene, attitude, and things that are said.

P/people can't help who they are attracted to. heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual. Some like tall, some thin, some blond, some pale, some dark, and some heavy. i have preferences. i like taller men with darker hair and i prefer a heavier to a thinner man and i am also no "Barbie doll". i'm sure you have preferences too. When you look in the mirror do you see an attractive woman? If not how do you expect others to see you as attractive?

Years ago a more rounder woman was preferred for a BDSM partner as a rounder woman was thought to look better bound and many of the old school Dom/mes still feel this way. i have found a amazing Dom who i am wildly in love with and who is also wildly in love with me. If i can find Someone who loves me and finds me beautiful so can you. It might take time, It should take time. Good things come to those who wait. I did not find my perfect guy till i was 38 y/o and believe me i looked.

on a side note;

quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

This in no way means that I am talking about you or feel that you are any of the things I'm about to say.

They're simply not attracted to those persons. Weight and appearance make a difference. Some people prefer skinny because they attribute that to healthy. Also you can do more with a smaller person. There are physical limitations built into larger people. They're not as flexible, their circulation isn't as good, you can't move them to where you want them as easily as you'd like, plus there is a social stigma attached to big people.

i have highlighted the part i refer too. i know that You stated that you were not referring to her or that You even felt this way, however i have to say that if someone does feel this way, They are soooooo wrong. my Master says i am the most flexible woman He has ever been with. i can nearly do the splits and He puts my knees by my ears with NO problem and Wwe also have no issues moving all over the house. LoL! Just thought i would inform the uniformed. *grins*

Master Peter's

"A woman will always sacrifice herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favorite form of self-indulgence.” - William Somerset Maugham

(in reply to jessk)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 3:33:49 AM

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shygurlInd47374
why is it when a Master has a a damn good slave in front of His face He judges her on her looks in stead of her true slaves heart and her submission ?

There are many Masters out there, 'true' Masters capable of taking what a slave has to give and controlling it...... If you met one who was 90 years old would you even give Him the time of day? What if He was 40 stone? Uglier face than Joseph Merrick? Amputee?

We ALL have prefrences!

Plus are you even sure that is the reason? Or do you just hide behind that? "Oh I am such a wonderful slave that it can ONLY be because of my size they won't want me".... there are all kinds of reasons why that spark may not be there. Simple chemistry for one! If you are LOOKING to blame your size then you will be likely to see EVERY rejection as being 'judged' for being larger rather than the simple fact that you just weren't compatable.

I've had girls of all sizes, shapes, colours.... I've also turned down girls of all sizes shapes and colours including a couple of pro models. Just because they had a great bodys didn't mean they where desirable slaves. If someone just doesn't spark with you then they simply don't.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to shygurlInd47374)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 4:42:51 AM

Posts: 84
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

Greetings shygurlInd47374

I'm a big girl hun..have been my entire life. I spent way too much of my life fretting over people especially men not liking me because i'm fat. So here's what it has taken me 47 years to learn. *And this is my opinion* You truly do need to love yourself first. The worst thing that you can do is dwell on others negative perceptions of you. And girl for Gods sake never ever put yourself down....there are plenty of others out there who just can't wait to do that for you. If your weight bothers you lose it for you. Otherwise try to eat healthy...exercise...and dress and act like you are the hottest babe on this planet.

Hun, your are from your photo, quite attractive. Believe me there's a Dom out there who will be perfect for you. I believe this with all of my heart. When you least expect it you will find one and other.

((hugs))
best wishes
sh`ana{T}

(in reply to shygurlInd47374)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 5:17:19 AM

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
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You might be asking the wrong question, shy.

Society nurtures much of what we find desirable. Though it is not something a lot of people like to hear, being overweight is not societally thought of as either acceptable or attractive. Blaming an individual who is exhibiting preferences that are societally on par is not something to 'blame' them for.

This is not at all soft and cuddly of me but, hey I am not a skinny chick either. You have to come to grips with who you are and the totals of what you offer and do not offer another person.

There are a lot of components to what a person might take into account when processing 'beauty', but honestly... there is a lot of conditioning that narrows that field down, and in this day and age, weight is one of the biggest factors. Look, many very successful models are not terribly pretty in the face... but they all are thin.

Others have said it within this thread, but you and I and everyone has criteria by which they judge physical attractiveness. You can not force someone to change those criteria, nor really should you hold them in contempt for them, in my opinion.

You are overweight, I am overweight... why do you choose not to slim down? Even if you have medical issues, you could lose some weight if it was something that had value to you.

Right now, I would like to shed a few extra pounds, but its not something I am putting effort into or lending any importance to within my own life. That is my choice, and I understand that there are many men, my former owner included, who do not find that attractive. That doesn’t make my being overweight their personality flaw. Not at all... it is their preference and if it were important to me to 'hunt those rabbits', I would make an effort to lose the weight to eliminate that obstacle.

< Message edited by puella -- 5/9/2007 5:19:59 AM >

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to shygurlInd47374)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 10:35:17 AM

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Joined: 8/30/2006
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shy don't give up. Like many have said you are a beautiful woman (which is what one of the Bs in BBW stands for :)) and you will find the right one, or he will find you. Just try not to beat yourself up about something that just comes down to basic personal tastes. (Some people like creamy peanut butter and some like it crunchy) i'm sure you have your very own set of personal tastes too.

The one that may be right for you would most likely not be the one who wants a skinny girl and a skinny girl could say, like you, "Why does he judge me on my outsides and not my slave heart?"...It can go both ways it's just a matter of finding the right puzzle pieces that fit together.

Personally, as a slave, i couldn't serve or submit to someone that i am not attracted to. It isn't being shallow, it's a matter of my personal tastes. This would leave alot of the population out of my personal equation ( Too short, too skinny, too blonde, too preppy looking and the list could go on...They would all be out of my personal equation)

Thankfully i found the exact right Master for me, but i wouldn't settle for less than what i needed....Don't settle for less than someone that can give you what you want and need (as a slave and a woman) and who thinks that you are the absolute perfect slave for him. you are worth it...DON'T FORGET THAT! :)

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to puella)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 11:28:50 AM

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shygurlInd47374

Greetings
shy is alittle ashamed to ask this but she really needs to know and would love some in put on it .
why is it when a Master has a a damn good slave in front of His face He judges her on her looks in stead of her true slaves heart and her submission ?
shy isnt beauitful and she isnt the "barbie doll " type she is a bbw but is a well trained and well behaved slave thats knows her place and knows it well
she just gets sick and tired of being judged so damn much

this isn't judgement it is preference

shallow, but still only a preference

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to shygurlInd47374)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 11:43:30 AM

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: New Jersey
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I am much larger than what my Master would prefer -- In fact he has a "man rule" to not date girls above his weight so to speak... but he is also working with me to help me shed those pounds! Not just for aesthetics but for my health! He will not be committed to someone who could end up with adult onset diabetes or heart problems becuase of something they could fix. Perhaps if you are concerned about it, you could either find a Master who enjoys larger sizes or one who would be willing to work with you.

If it is a committed D/s relationship we are talking about, you could talk to him about finding a mid point.

_____________________________

Chaos is our Master!

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 6:01:18 PM

shygurlInd47374

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Joined: 2/25/2007
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thank You All for the advice but i guess i should have set the record straight when i first wrote this i have lost close to 130lbs in a year and yes i do feel good about myself and no i dont think im ugly .
the reason i wrote this to begin with id that i was in room chatting to some friends and this Master or so called Master as He liked to be called told me to lose weight and He meant alot of it
now who was He to tell me to lose weight and im not even collared to Him ?
had i been collared yes that would have been different but im not i dont have a Master YET

(in reply to Pezzle)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 6:08:52 PM

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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Who was he? Simply someone who wasn't compatable. End of story and not worth a seconds more thought. If you are confident in your statement of feeling good about yourself then there isn't anything to even get that angry about, barely a moments irritation.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to shygurlInd47374)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 6:38:46 PM

Posts: 32566
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After reading the thread, and shy's update, it sounds more like one of those random incidents. Just like those "Masters" who come in demanding that any and all subs immediately start cyber serving them, just because of who they claim to be. Big deal. He cyber commanded someone he doesn't even know to lose weight. As shy said, he isn't her Master, and his opinion is just that.... an opinion.

People do have preferences about looks. I don't consider Myself a stick either. I know that on a physical attraction level I'm not for everyone. I'm more of a mind of who cares? If they don't like the look of Me, I'll find a lil subbie who does.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 8:03:36 PM

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
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WOW shygurl what a horses ASS he was. (okay, i just had to get that out)
Let me give you a much deserved YOU GO GIRL!!! That is a MAJOR accomplishment and you should be sooooo ultra proud of yourself.

As for morons like that, if he isn't someone you belong to then treat him like any person on the street and ignore him (or try) because he isn't worth a seconds worth of thought or a single ounce of care....he has zero effect on your life personally (in reality) So screw him.

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to shygurlInd47374)

RE: why judge a slave - 5/9/2007 8:40:58 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

People judge it's human nature. True however more people could keep their opinion to themself if they do not know you, are not personally involved with you, or are just being mean.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to shygurlInd47374)

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