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RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 10:05:13 AM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
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From: Insanity & beyond
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Hey, poen, I love that you're here!!!  Even if I'm supposed to be posting things I hate here.

I only wrote "beg" because that's how it's always felt to me to ask for money help.  And come to think of it, I haven't asked my sister for help in years, mainly because of an incident that happened between us in 1980.  How silly is that???  I'm thinking that I may swallow my pride & ask her again.  All she can do to me is say "No", if I don't let her push my feel-badly-about-myself-and-my-choices button, right??

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(in reply to BlackPhx)
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RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 10:14:18 AM   
BlackPhx


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You've got that right Linea..as long as you are in contact with her on at least a semi-regular basis, there is no reason not to ask for aid. I hate that more than a few generations of us grew up thinking that asking for help (monetary or otherwise) was a sign of weakness and to be ashamed of having a bad spot. Many of us inherited these strictures from parents and grandparents that survived the Depression and the Wars AND it is something we are going to have to guard against instilling in our children and grandchildren in the current economy. Doing for oneself is good, but it is never anything to be ashamed of if you have to ask for help, as long as you continue to try and help yourself and then pay it back or pay it forward.

Now those sitting for generations on welfare with plasma TV's are a whole nother discussion.

poenkitten

(in reply to LinnaeaBorealis)
Profile   Post #: 11702
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 10:17:21 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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I can get welfare and a plasma TV???  Where do I sign up??

Honestly, how did folks get through the wars and the depression?  Didn't they help each other? 

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RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 10:19:30 AM   
badlilthang


Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: badlilthang


**hugs from me too - tried therapy twice - but was told since i word my feelings/emotions so well - and know why i feel like i do...i am strong - and do not need therapy...


Bad...the therapist was a bozo. The fact that you walked into their office means you have issues that you need help with. Please, as Poen said, shop around until you find a therapist you are comfortable with.



**both of them were..and stupid expensive....so i stick to my best friend. She is way smarter than me when it comes to a lot of stuff...she is structured and "booksmart" - i am the more flowery and creative type - and i am balancing her out by helping her get her pain out of her system...she is grounding me...perfect balance...s..**



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(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 11704
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 10:24:18 AM   
badlilthang


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

Bad ..may I make two suggestions to you?

The first is simple, if he ignores the email you sent him telling him NOT to contact you further (which is what I hope you said instead of giving him more ammunition and affirmation that he is getting to you) contact him with the following statement : You have ended our relationship and I have agreed to said end . If you continue to contact me from multiple nicks in email, contact me by phone or regular mail or in person I will be forced to consider your actions stalking and harassment and have to resort to legal methods to end your actions. After that Do NOT contact him again, notify the Moderators, and your local legal authorities, if he continues.
***yes - the mail going out to him is very clear, polite and down to the point. If he still continues to contact me - i will take the next step...hoping i do not have to**
The second is also simple: SHOP for a therapist. They are not one size fits all. IF you feel that you need to talk with someone, you need to talk with someone. No therapist worth their salt is going to tell you no matter how well you articulate or access your feelings that you do not need a support person or someone to help you frame the questions so you can find the answers. Your insomnia, the crash and burn of this last relationship and I am sure other things we are unaware of, are more than enough reason for you to seek help and get it. Don't let someone discourage you from doing exactly that. That therapist was a twit.

good luck and stay strong

poenkitten


**well..as i said in another post - i can talk to my female friend. We have gone through a lot together in our lives - divorces - miscarriages - abuse.....we can relate - and she has a view of things more balanced than i do....i FEEL a lot...she thinks more - and together we usually find the right balance.....a few glasses of redwine for her and a couple of bloody mary's for me is cheap therapy....and to talk to one you know loves you for who you are and also has known you for years....no pricetag on such friendships...only thing i can not talk to her about is BDSM - she just doesn't get it..*L***


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.Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower leaves in the air after being crushed underfoot.

(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 11705
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 10:24:23 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx
I hate that more than a few generations of us grew up thinking that asking for help (monetary or otherwise) was a sign of weakness and to be ashamed of having a bad spot.


After my first husband died i quit my job (i worked on the unit he was on when he died) and was almost totally broke. I couldn't even buy groceries but since it was just me i really did not care. Friends would ask if they could help and my answer was always the same: "No thanks, I'm fine".
A situation arose where i HAD to ask and it nearly killed me to do so but the response of those i asked was not what i expected. They actually thanked me for turning to them. I was so suprised by that.


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Profile   Post #: 11706
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 10:36:52 AM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
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Thanks everyone for your thoughts & stories.  I'm going to call my sister today.  She's always been very protective of me & would probably be upset if she knew that I wasn't going to be able to get my meds.  I know that the thoughts and feelings about always having to take care of myself are mine & not necessarily hers.  What would I do without this community?  You have all become very precious to me.  Thank you all!!   I love that the "I hate it when..." thread has become such a warm & wonderful place to hang out!!

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
~~L. Cohen

Just one of the yahoo's

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 11707
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 11:28:19 AM   
lusciouslips19


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I hate when I cant get out on a nice day off because my son still hasn't finished his homework.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 11708
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 12:02:04 PM   
Kalista07


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Joined: 7/1/2007
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i hate that i've slept like 7gazillion hours today and am thinking about going back to bed. i also hate it that i am farrrr to lazy to fix any real food that i do not fix any other food.  i hate that i've been eating animal crackers all day.....

Kali



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~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 11709
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 12:39:18 PM   
BlackPhx


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Hehehee Animal Crackers in my Soup..Monkeys and Lions Loop de Loop...sorry Kali..I actually am on the same page as you, want to sleep, forcing myself to do what needs to be done, and have the appetite of an ant. Not hungry, need to eat because of the constant insulin ddrip I am on..don't wanna cook. Have a can of soup 

poenkitten

(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 11710
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 1:31:16 PM   
BlackPhx


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Families and friends helped each other, but there was a stigma that was attached to being on the dole or part of a WPA project during the Great Depression. Having to stand in line at soup kitchens and scrape or beg for food enough to feed your family was something few people were proud of.

During the Wars it was  the adage, use it up, wear it out or live without that many people lived by. Socks were darned, Silk stockings as precious as gold, margarine was invented because butter and dairy was sparce. Spam became a staple. Everything that could be sacrificed for the war effort was, proudly and those who were not ready to tighten their belts and do without, were looked down on.

Even today you will find a lot of older people who lived through those days extremely resistent to help by the government or others. They learned to do for themselves and do without if they coulnd't. Hard habits to break but frankly one many of us are going to learn i suspect int he coming years as we weigh taking on more debt for something we can do without. Buy the latest and greatest TV? Sorry this one is still working and I ain't going for another 1K$ in debt just to say I have one. Same for my computers, clothing and a lot of other things.

poenkitten

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 11711
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 2:29:14 PM   
KMsAngel


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i work in aged care over here, and we find that problem a LOT with the older generation, poen. while it's stood them in good stead for most of their life, it's wrenching to see those who truly NEED a little help to get by, refuse it. and those who don't really NEED it, gobble as much as they can. (and we're not even really talking money here, but cleaning, care and medical help)

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RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 2:38:13 PM   
softpjOS


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i hate it when you finally get over the flu only to find yourself with a head cold days later. 

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Profile   Post #: 11713
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 2:50:38 PM   
CalifChick


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Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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Urrrggghh!!!!!!!   and aarrrrrrrrgggggggghhh    and some a;dljakfewoihfawo   



Cali


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Profile   Post #: 11714
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 2:52:52 PM   
persephonee


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erm...Cali? You okay??...someone get her some water or a cracker or something.....

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Profile   Post #: 11715
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 2:57:56 PM   
CalifChick


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From: California
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Farkin' people trying to make themselves look good and in the process are both creating more work for me AND screwing up a system that is already working fine AND not doing their own damn job which also makes more work for me.




Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 11716
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 3:00:07 PM   
Kalista07


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Cali,
i am sorry.  i attempted to make it to your house for the sick, but everytime i went to get dressed i found myself asleep again..

Kali



_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 11717
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 3:44:15 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
This is where I usually talk about the ex, the restraining order, the violation of the restraining order...

The District Attorney wants me to come in at 9:00 tomorrow morning and discuss what happened when he violated the order and to discuss criminal charges.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 11718
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 3:56:24 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
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Cali....

Whan fer me to kick some ass.....im considered an attack sub....you point...i deliver.

persetheprotector

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 11719
RE: I hate it when........ - 10/9/2008 4:57:07 PM   
OneDom69


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Huggles Cali...and hands her a bag of peanut M&M's and a bag of dark chocolate M&M's......


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soulmates...friends...lovers....


(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 11720
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