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littlesarbonn -> What can a sub have to offer a dominant woman (a response) (6/22/2007 3:59:58 PM)
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This is a response to something I was reading recently, from a submissive who was trying to figure out what he might possibly ever have to offer a dominant woman in hopes of her taking him seriously. So here goes.
Here's some advice from someone who's been around the block a few times (translation: my mommy still won't let me cross the street). :)
You first of all have to figure out what it is you have to offer. What separates you from the crowd? This stumps a lot of submissives, but I'll let you in on a few secrets that don't work, then we'll go into some things that might work. Keep in mind that what I state here may be helpful to some, but you should never by lying about your abilities in hopes of achieving something because you'll ALWAYS be found out, and you'll never get a second chance.
What doesn't work:
1. Anatomy. Pictures of, descriptions of, fingerpaints about, Van Gogh-styled carvings of exact representations of genitalia should be the first thing you NEVER consider one of your strong points. If you're writing to a dominant woman, she already has enough of these types of inquiries from guys that she's going to go through the roof with anger if you send her another.
2. Don't tell her your a dom who has suddenly decided to offer her the unique opportunity of dominating someone who is not a submissive. Unless she knows you are already and has harbored a secret desire to dominate you, because she knows you're a dominant she wants to break down, it's never going to work.
3. Lying. One lie and you're pretty much gone. You'll rarely get a second chance.
4. Passive-aggressive behavior. No one likes this. I've been there myself in the past. Took years to get rid of it.
5. Taking yourself way too seriously. In MOST cases (not all), you really need a sense of humor about things. I was once cleaning a bathroom for a dominant woman I was really trying to win favor with, and I didn't know the first thing about the word "dilution", so I poured half the bottle on the floor and created the stickiest situation a submissive can ever be in. She was in the middle of doing a very long session and had left me alone. So, for four hours, I kept trying to figure out how to fix this mess I made. When she came out, and I completely expected her to yell at me and throw me out, she asked what happened, I told her, and she started laughing (in a good way). Surprisingly, I did, too, because for four hours I was convinced this was going to be the worst encounter ever, because I really liked her. Everything turned out okay. Sure, I had to still make it right, but at least she told me how to do it (fortunately, I'm a bit smarter about such things today than I was back then).
6. Playing games to get what you really want. Way too many do this. Don't. Be honest. Tell her what you're seeking. If it's what she thinks is something that might interest her, it will work out. Sometimes, she'll not be all that interested but now that she knows, she might one day use it as some kind of leverage with you or way of rewarding you, or something to keep from you forever because she's mean and vicious and...and...oh sorry, was getting kind of excited there.
What you should do (what you really asked):
1. Assess yourself. What do you know how to do? Are you great with computers? Can you put them together blindfolded (don't tell her that because she just might have you do it that way)? :) Are you great at massage? Have you been trained to do something she might find useful, like research or legal issues? Can you cook? Do you detail cars? Do you fix cars? Everyone has things he or she excels at. Find those, and you have something she wants. Cunnilingus is NOT the kind of skill you want to advertise. Nor is full body worship or sex.
2. Use common sense. If you were her, what would you want? Read what she writes. Does she complain because she can't find a good cup of coffee? Find her a good cup of coffee. Or be able to make one.
3. Remember that she's a real person. Too many submissives fail here. Miserably. They treat her as a goddess or some untouchable persona, and while she may warrant such admiration and respect, keep in mind that she's also a real person. Should you ever interest such a woman, remember that she's probably a lot more comfortable in her fuzzy slippers than she is in high heeled boots and full dominant regalia. Some guys can't get beyond that, or they pretend to but really are just fetishist in nature.
4. Figure out what you actually want from her and see if that somehow coincides with her desires. I'll be honest with you. I rarely pursue anyone, mainly because I spend a great deal of time finding everything out about her I can, and then I try to see how I would best fit into her life. If I don't see a fit, I generally don't make contact. I realize that I don't want to be there if I'm not going to be useful, wanted and needed.
5. Learn as much about her as possible. That at least shows you that you're really interested in her and not in just some generic dominant woman. This can backfire on you, however, as I discovered when I really went out and discovered everything I could about a woman I was interested in some years ago. I found out what she was studying and read all of her interviews about what she was seeking. I did this to determine whether or not I was right for her, and I came away from that research convinced that I was. During our first encounter, I sort of freaked her out, probably leaving her thinking I was some kind of stalker. So be careful about how you do it. Know her well enough to find out if you are compatible, but don't go overboard enough to scare the crap out of her. It didn't get that bad in the example I used; but I certainly realized it could have.
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