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julietsierra -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/16/2007 3:51:37 AM)
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I have only a couple of rules or guidelines for meeting people from the internet:
1. If I'm interested in meeting them, I want to get that done right away (a day, a week, two weeks if schedules demand drawing this out)
rationale: If I draw it out online, there's the chance I'll let my emotions get involved and since - to me - online emotional attachments are largely attachments to myself and my imagination, I don't want to go that route. Frankly, there's just no need for the pain associated with finding out that someone isn't how you've imagined them to be, so I don't bother with that stuff.
2. I meet only people reasonably local to me
rationale: I know the area, know the streets, feel some modicum of safety and have a local means of getting help if I need it.
3. I meet at specific places - I don't move around from place to place.
rationale: Eventually all the wait staff in the place know me so with no real indication whatsoever, I have built-in safety factors in that they can tell if I'm in trouble. My thinking is that when you can say "Hey Matt" to your waiter, and he can say "hey juliet... how's life been treating you?" there is a clear indication to the person you're meeting that there are people around who know you. (I come from a small town, so I have this small town view of things - it's just the way I am.)
4. I use safe calls.
5. I would never ever allow myself to be buillied into meeting someone. If they even once said that meeting them when I wasn't ready was a test of my submissiveness or some other such nonsense, I called the meeting off right then and there.
rationale: a) I'm not going to be bullied into anything. I'm doing this (submission) because it feeds a need in ME. And since I don't belong to the person I'm meeting, I'm really not concerned at that point whether my submission means something to him or not. I'm selfish that way and I think that's a good thing. b) Anyone who feels the need to attempt to force submission like that - to me - has no finesse. I want finesse. And in my mind, no matter how good a dominant that person just may be, I find myself thinking he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. c) He may have operated like that with every single other submissive he's ever had or attempted to hook up with, but I'm not every other submissive and I want someone who wants to see ME - not just the submissive he got off the generic shelf at the submissive grocery shop.
My rationale for when I meet someone has always been this:
My car, my gas, my travel time, my money (because I make sure I pay my own way at first meets), my decision to meet. He gets that same decision-making ability for himself. If we both agree, then we meet, but otherwise, my car, my gas, my travel time, my money, my decision.
juliet
Now, the only exception to those rules I've ever made is when my safe call people weren't available, I felt I didn't have to worry much since I knew the wait staff, but generally, I made sure I met at the same place every time AND I had a safe call system in place.
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