RE: How to know when its time to meet (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message


saturnpie -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 8:01:14 AM)

Just like everyone else, meet when the time is right. I have meet people from the internet plenty of times, and my only rule is the first meeting (and probably another one or two meetings after that) are in a really public place: going to lumch, going to the mall, and similiar situations. That's always worked out for me. :)




winterlight -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 8:33:02 AM)

make sure when u leave your public meeting u aren't followed. i doubt that will happen but like anything in life be cautious.

you could bring a friend and they can sit at another table and u could have some signal in case of problems. Not trying to scare you just
something to make u feel at ease if u are nervous about meeting somebody.




MsPleasure -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 8:36:57 AM)

Welcome, you are off to a good start by asking questions here.  Take time to write down questions and concerns you have before talking to your potential Dom/Domme.  Get as much information as possible.  If they answer your questions to YOUR liking and you get a good feeling about them.  You decide when and where to meet...always in public.  I usually choose coffee shops, book stores and restuarants.

I prefer phone conversations, never give your number and call blocked.  The farther they live away from me I tend to chat longer.  But if they are local and we both are interested with good gut feelings....I meet quickly...if the feeling is still good after the visual and conversation flows well....then you can decide a play date.   I suggest first few play dates be at a hotel.  As your trust builds you can take play to his place or yours.




TemptingNviceSub -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 10:41:23 AM)

Personally, I prefer to go to phone as soon as possible. You can get a better feel as to if you will even "jive" in person.If the phone conversations are interesting ,stimulating and the conversation flows..then you may feel more comfortable face to face. Just because he is Dominant, does not mean he is going to jump at you and whip out the flogger...it is simply 2 people meeting to have coffee, dinner, whatever..Think of it simply as a nice way to get out for the evening, and enjoy someones company...Tempting




newtothis55 -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 11:44:11 AM)

Thank you everyone,  I think the jump to this person wanting explict details of a "online" bathing expereience worried me along with meeting.Unless thats something  par for the course?




SexyBlondSub -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 12:10:00 PM)

I am by no means an expert...but I'll share what I've got.  Explicit details of XYZ isn't for me.  I've tried the cyber play and it really doesn't do it for me if I've never met the person, etc.  However if he's wanting you to share a fantasy and/or meet - follow your gut.  If you aren't ready tell him, I'm not ready or I'm not ready but I want to be.  BDSM isn't about what someone else wants.  Its about what you want and your comfort level.  If you want to submit to someone, that's what you want.  If your comfort level is more than 3 emails, that's your comfort level.  IMO as a submissive, its important to know your comfort level and share it with your Dom/me because they can't read your mind (even though it may feel that way sometimes [:D]).

Decide what you need for your comfort level.  Establish a safecall (always, always, always).  Then meet in a public place.

P.S. - on the public place issue, a friend (who is a slave/sub) recommended to me that I pic a restaurant with video cameras.  Then wait by the door and make sure I greet the person I'm meeting on camera.  And even though I didn't plan that (though it did happen anyway lol) the idea that I could make that my comfort level made me feel 100 times better.

Good luck!




TemptingNviceSub -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 12:15:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: newtothis55

Thank you everyone,  I think the jump to this person wanting explict details of a "online" bathing expereience worried me along with meeting.Unless thats something  par for the course?

If it makes you uncomfortable..then it is NOT par for course..You need to remember, there is no par for the course.......also remember you are an adult woman...if it feels "icky" it probably is...also remember you are not submitting to him, you are simply meeting him......Tempting




Najakcharmer -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 1:52:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: newtothis55
Thank you everyone,  I think the jump to this person wanting explict details of a "online" bathing expereience worried me along with meeting.Unless thats something  par for the course?


Big red flag.  There is one category of man I will NOT meet, and that would be the guys who are pushing inappropriately for intimacy when I don't want anything but initial friendship and getting to know someone as a real person.   Even if this type of guy says he'll be polite at a public meeting, he'll probably just keep pushing for as much sexual/kinky gratification as he can possibly get off of you, with no particular concern for your comfort level or even for who you are as a person.

Don't waste your time on wankers; it never works until they grow up and stop treating other human beings like wank objects.  If this guy is not giving you any indication that he is capable of relating to a live woman who does not have staples in her navel, do the smart thing and don't let yourself in for the hassle and discomfort of doing in person what you're doing now online.  His basic behavior won't change and it is likely to get worse since you encouraged him.




Cloudz -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 5:25:14 PM)

Hi,

I have to agree with Najakcharmer - sounds like a probable wanker. For me, a few emails, then onlilne chat or phone. If he sounds like someone I might be interested in ...we meet for coffee in a very public place. There is much to be said for seeing someone face to face. Conversations are more real, and you can get a vibe or see his reactions.

Having said that, for me - sooner is better. Just met someone for lunch today...4 hours later...I drove home smiling. Sometimes, you meet and the vibe is just not there in person. It has been said over and over but still bears repeating. Be Safe, Be Safe, Be Safe. Have someone who knows where you are and how to reach you. Let that person know when you arrive, and when you leave, and possibly even call you after an hour.




Arpig -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/7/2007 10:13:10 PM)

How long before you meet???? Well the answer to that is simply this: meet when you feel like meeting...do not let yourself be bullied into meeting, but when you feel like you want to meet somebody then do it.




eyesopened -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/8/2007 6:40:31 AM)

There are a lot of people who are perfectly content with online service and what amounts to masturbation material and frankly that's okay and could be considered safe sex in the extreme.  For me, when i am asked to write detailed erotica my impulse is to believe that it will never progress beyond erotica, web-cam service or other ultra-convenient self-gratification.

Since i want a real relationship where two human beings actually look into each other's eyes, touch, talk, smell, taste, use all the senses.  i cannot even begin to feel a connection that would include desire until there is a face-to-face meeting.

Safety is always a factor so i make sure i am very clear that there will be no "play" no sex and no meeting in hotels, cars, or anywhere that is not public and well lit.  i get stood up a lot but i'd rather know someone's real intentions sooner rather than later.




subnaturale -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/8/2007 7:34:07 AM)

i have found that each person/meeting is different.  i stay away from those who are immediately into  only the sexual aspect of my personna.  i have been around long enough that internet or phone service does nothing for me... there are some that i have met sooner than later.. there are some that i have not met and never will.  i have traveled long distances in the past.  the one thing i have learned tho, internet and then telephone conversations do help to establish the baseline for trust.  i have been lucky enough to have only had one bad encounter (thankfully we never met face to face). 

again... using common sense and safe calls are the #1 rule.  i always let the One i am meeting know that there are safe calls in place.  best to be safe and responsible.  if HE has a problem with safe calls.... take that as a warning .  if He is pushing too hard for you to meet regardless of your comfort level...red flag.




bifemaleNeeded -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/8/2007 7:49:12 AM)

We move to the phone as soon as the other person is comfortable.  Then if the conversation goes well we will meet in person.  If the person we are talking to wants wait for more then a month before talking on the phone, most times communications will fade away.  We have met people the next day and are talking to people we been talking for a few months that we plan to meet in the near future.  Mostly we like to have a face to face very soon.




HardnRuff -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/9/2007 4:56:45 PM)

I Like to chat via  yahoo or msn for at least a few weeks and Then I  will  meet them , and if they wish to have My references or use a safecall that is fine by Me .. I can usualy tell if someone is beating around the bush with Me . I  met a lil one off alt a few weeks ago that she and I had talked for only about 2 weeks .. We both felt comfortable and even played on our first meeting .... For 3 Days ... LOL .. and we were both left wanting more .. I cant wait until her next visit in a few weeks .. * Smiles*




lk70 -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/9/2007 6:20:36 PM)

For me, I like to trade enough emails to know where he stands on certain things.  Not a check list, mind you, but carefully crafted conversation that tells me what I need to know.  After that, I'm all for meeting for lunch, coffee, whatever in a public place.  I don't like the phone personally but that's just a preference.  By way of a safe call, I set a designated time to send a text message to a friend, who replies with a question that I answer a certain way.  It's all about the code.  




hideandseek -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/15/2007 11:19:21 PM)

I'm also new to this and I hear things from experienced Doms suggesting waiting 6 months.  I'm not sure I can wait that long!  [:o]




Estring -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/15/2007 11:27:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hideandseek

I'm also new to this and I hear things from experienced Doms suggesting waiting 6 months.  I'm not sure I can wait that long!  [:o]


6 months? So if you meet and there is no connection, you've wasted 6 months.




butterfly2 -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/16/2007 12:35:31 AM)

hi you need to do what "feels" right for you. If thats meeting straight away then fine, if lomger then thats fine too.Go with your gut instinct, but i would suggest you chat on the phone first, it really helps break the ice, and make sure you meet in a safe place and a freind calls you at a set time to check.Noone can quarantee you it will work out, but without a little risk you will never know, just make the risk as little as possible and enjoy yourself!. Good luck x




wwwkevinww -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/16/2007 3:25:48 AM)

I asked a girl recently to meet for a friday public date.  After talking to her more in depth she tells me about how she was kissing on some guy just a week ago.  Now she doesn't know where she stands with him, and appearantly I'm playing backup in case things don't work out with this other guy.  Needless to say I'm not super interested in her anymore, and even if she was available I don't think I would want to meet her. 

Generally if I ask a woman out, they accept or offer and alternative or I presume they aren't interested.  It would suck to talk to someone for 6 months ( I have talked to people for months only to meet and realize no connection), being faithful to this relationship in hopes it would be real, only to find out you been strung along and there is no real chemistry and/or you have been lied to.

I had one relationship where I met a woman for a play I spent a decent amount of money on the first time I talked to her.  I invited her, she reluctantly accepted, we went to the play and had a blast, and that was the start of a fun if short lived relationship.

cyber is just lame, you cannot kiss, hug, or smack playfully your computer screen.  I didn't buy a paddle to make my computer submit....




julietsierra -> RE: How to know when its time to meet (7/16/2007 3:51:37 AM)

I have only a couple of rules or guidelines for meeting people from the internet:

1. If I'm interested in meeting them, I want to get that done right away (a day, a week, two weeks if schedules demand drawing this out)
        rationale: If I draw it out online, there's the chance I'll let my emotions get involved and since - to me - online emotional attachments are largely attachments to myself and my imagination, I don't want to go that route. Frankly, there's just no need for the pain associated with finding out that someone isn't how you've imagined them to be, so I don't bother with that stuff.

2. I meet only people reasonably local to me
      rationale: I know the area, know the streets, feel some modicum of safety and have a local means of getting help if I need it.

3. I meet at specific places - I don't move around from place to place.
     rationale: Eventually all the wait staff in the place know me so with no real indication whatsoever, I have built-in safety factors in that they can tell if I'm in trouble. My thinking is that when you can say "Hey Matt" to your waiter, and he can say "hey juliet... how's life been treating you?" there is a clear indication to the person you're meeting that there are people around who know you. (I come from a small town, so I have this small town view of things - it's just the way I am.)

4. I use safe calls.

5. I would never ever allow myself to be buillied into meeting someone. If they even once said that meeting them when I wasn't ready was a test of my submissiveness or some other such nonsense, I called the meeting off right then and there.
    rationale: a) I'm not going to be bullied into anything. I'm doing this (submission) because it feeds a need in ME. And since I don't belong to the person I'm meeting, I'm really not concerned at that point whether my submission means something to him or not. I'm selfish that way and I think that's a good thing. b) Anyone who feels the need to attempt to force submission like that - to me - has no finesse. I want finesse. And in my mind, no matter how good a dominant that person just may be, I find myself thinking he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. c) He may have operated like that with every single other submissive he's ever had or attempted to hook up with, but I'm not every other submissive and I want someone who wants to see ME - not just the submissive he got off the generic shelf at the submissive grocery shop.

My rationale for when I meet someone has always been this:

My car, my gas, my travel time, my money (because I make sure I pay my own way at first meets), my decision to meet. He gets that same decision-making ability for himself. If we  both agree, then we meet, but otherwise, my car, my gas, my travel time, my money, my decision.

juliet

      

Now, the only exception to those rules I've ever made is when my safe call people weren't available, I felt I didn't have to worry much since I knew the wait staff, but generally, I made sure I met at the same place every time AND I had a safe call system in place.




Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0390625