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>> insert eye catching, mind blowing title << - 7/25/2007 1:45:03 PM

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
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I have been in only 3 past relatively l/t relationships. 2 nilla and 1 Dom.

All 3 men cheated on me. 2 of the men pretty much fit the keywords for narcissistic and antisocial/sociopath, altho, not criminally or legally so.

I had gotten it into my head, yes psychologically it dwelt there, buried; that men who I am with are going to cheat on me.

For the last 6 months the walls of mistrust I had developed to protect myself, have been falling down.

I had been told by past submissive and a Domme friend of ours, that I have a man of integrity.
I guess internally I was challenging that, waiting for the deception to hit my gut. With the amount of trust I do have, it is implicit so far.

This past week, my former Dom wrote something in text he never told me, from the 7th month of our relationship, through the horrible period, through to the eye opening period when I realized he had walked away long ago and I had to get a hold of me or I would not last another month.

7/2004 to 7/2006 he never once said those words to me ~ ever.

Why now? Why would he do this now when he moved and his "slave" clearly states it on her profile she is moving in with him after 18 months?

It's the mind fuck, the control ~ the ever present nag at my buried emotions that he still knows how to manipulate.
She probably knows nothing about his cheating ways, believing her "incredible master" is the most honorable man!

I let the text unanswered but I could not sleep and the next day I was out of sorts. Today as I drove, it finally came to me what was going on. I called Sir we talked about it and he told me, in the last 7 months I have come an awful long way back and have done a beautiful job of working through the past and growing.

Would anyone be tempted?
Would you submit if you didn’t have a Dom and knew he was with someone?
Has this type of thing happened to anyone who would want to share how they handled it?

Sir's cherished owned property

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 1:48:12 PM

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If I'd really made progress (and I have been in this situation before) then I'd be amused, roll my eyes, tell my friends so we could all enjoy the amusement, and then promptly forget about it completely.

Usually when that happens it means the man is feeling an itch and thinks you might be an easy fish to catch. Nothing more.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to shyinini)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 1:51:13 PM

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Well, you state you are owned so I would think it should be, rather a moot point.

I can say that if you were owned by me and writing that you were tempted by an ex.......you may as well go back to the ex because I would then know you did not have the same understanding of being owned that I do. And you would be disowned.

In other words, I don't want anyone to be with me considering me, second best, or settling. If that were the case then I have no use for them.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to shyinini)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 2:10:40 PM

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If he is your ex and you're owned by another, what are you doing even giving it a thought? It's in the past. Close the door and leave it there.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 2:24:24 PM

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Joined: 5/4/2007
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Thank you for your response.... BUT !!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Well, you state you are owned so I would think it should be, rather a moot point.

You are correct, I did NOT reply cause it was a moot point. I no longer belong to him. And I dont want to.

I can say that if you were owned by me and writing that you were tempted by an ex.......

mmmmmmmmm am not sure how you understood I was tempted.

you may as well go back to the ex because I would then know you did not have the same understanding of being owned that I do. And you would be disowned.

In other words, I don't want anyone to be with me considering me, second best, or settling. If that were the case then I have no use for them.

I also do not understand how you got this from my post as well.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 2:27:33 PM

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Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

Bah.

Just ... bah.

He's just stroking his own ego, making you jump through his hoops, knowing what will work ... or at least hoping it will. The older I get the more annoyance I feel toward these sorts of men (or women).

I had my share of them, had my heart ripped out by them, got older and smarter and more cynical because of them, and hope to protect my daughter from them by making her feel secure, loved, protected, and valuable.

Shame on him for doing something so far beneath contempt. You might not be able to help thinking about him but I sure wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing it.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to feastie)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 2:34:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

If he is your ex and you're owned by another, what are you doing even giving it a thought? It's in the past. Close the door and leave it there.

OK two responders assume....oh damn maybe I aught to unblock LA and see what she wrote..... as yes LA. Now that I understand what was bothering my subconscious, it is amusing that he thinks he can manipulate a service out of me.

I never gave it even a thought to do what he wanted.
It was in working out the old issues surrounding this most blatant disrespect for my Sir, that I sorted out things.

Dont you, doesnt anyone ever have this type of self awareness?? Am I the only one? Certainly not.

Aside from the fact that I would not betray my Sir, for I am wanted, cherished and adored (his words, not mine), the former lives 1000 miles away. And even if he lived in my own town, I wouldnt grace my presence with any space I knew he went.

Thanks LA

Sir's girl

Would anyone be tempted?
Would you submit if you didn’t have a Dom and knew he was with someone?
Has this type of thing happened to anyone who would want to share how they handled it?

< Message edited by shyinini -- 7/25/2007 2:36:01 PM >

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to feastie)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 2:35:00 PM

sleazybutterfly

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Joined: 5/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shyinini

Would anyone be tempted?No, I wouldn't be. I am one of those people that feels like things probably do end for a reason. If I had a reason to not be with them before, there would have to be a ton of proof that reason didn't exist anymore. I very much doubt that anyone could prove that to me, while I do forgive, my forgetter really sucks.
Would you submit if you didn’t have a Dom and knew he was with someone? No, because that would be dishonest with myself and the person he was with. Why would I want someone that couldn't be honest and upfront with the people he was with in the first place? I think a person should put a higher value on themselves than that.
Has this type of thing happened to anyone who would want to share how they handled it? It's not happened to me, but it has..if that makes sense. I tried to go back with an ex once..then after being sort of back with them, I remembered why we were ex's to begin with. Sometimes, more often than not, the past is better left behind us. Again, because it's located there for a reason.

Sir's cherished owned property

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to shyinini)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 2:38:00 PM

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Joined: 5/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

Bah.

Just ... bah.

He's just stroking his own ego, making you jump through his hoops, knowing what will work ... or at least hoping it will. The older I get the more annoyance I feel toward these sorts of men (or women).

I had my share of them, had my heart ripped out by them, got older and smarter and more cynical because of them, and hope to protect my daughter from them by making her feel secure, loved, protected, and valuable.

Shame on him for doing something so far beneath contempt. You might not be able to help thinking about him but I sure wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing it.

LOL .... hell no !! And yes, shame on him !

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to slaveish)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 2:39:17 PM

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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I wouldn't give it a second thought beyond laughing at it so the other two questions are negated.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 2:44:02 PM

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Joined: 5/4/2007
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sleazy...thank you for several reminders and you ARE correct. The past is hard to forget, no matter how we wish our forgetter didnt suck.

My Sir said to me something really cool...what you have just said.
(makes you cool too then !)
I have this tattoo on my right shoulder blade from the former Dom. I was agonizing over it when Sir told me in no uncertain terms....
"It is behind you, you cannot see it, and that is where it will remain, behind you."

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 4:53:43 PM

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From: Connecticut
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FR...

I think the reason why people think you are tempted by the ex is because you say that you couldn't sleep the night after you got the text and also because you started this thread.

I've had ex's try and I just turned them down and it wasn't a big deal.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to shyinini)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 5:20:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

FR...

I think the reason why people think you are tempted by the ex is because you say that you couldn't sleep the night after you got the text and also because you started this thread.

I've had ex's try and I just turned them down and it wasn't a big deal.

C~

Thanks for the heads up wildfleurs.
my first response was jeez.
I will be glad when I start work....no time to come here anymore.

It's amazing that folk dont even answer the questions. Instead they judge me, question my real thoughts on the Q at hand.

hehehehehe........ I know who I am that is all that matters at this point right NOW. lol

Have a great evening everyone ! May the BREWERS win !!

Sir's girl

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 5:53:38 PM

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From: Portland, OR
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I'm pretty good at reading dramadian, but... I'm lost here.

He told you he loved you, I take it? In text no less? Ant that has what to do with the price of beef?

Seriously, you know this guy isn't good for you. You already cut your losses; why are you willing to waste more emotion on it? Why does it matter what his new girl thinks? Why aren't you focusing on the things that are genuinely important to you?

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to shyinini)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 5:57:08 PM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shyinini
It's amazing that folk dont even answer the questions. Instead they judge me, question my real thoughts on the Q at hand.

They go hand in hand.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to shyinini)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 6:10:26 PM

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Joined: 5/6/2007
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Headache..

It's no good. I have no idea what you're trying to ask.

It sounds like drama - just walk away girl.. walk away..

_____________________________

"This aint a scene.. it's a god-damned arms race!" - Fall Out Boy

http://www.myspace.com/bellaemiliana

(in reply to shyinini)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 6:36:39 PM

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Oh my Gosh. The same thing happened to me a month or so ago. Except the ex wasn't abusive, just completely and totally disinterested.

What helped me out in the situation was that 1) I had handled the break up fairly maturely. 2) Since the break up, I had grown immensely.

Once someone has power over you, it is hard to shake that grip. That is why not texting him back even to tell him off or tell him how you have moved on was a good decision. Many people will look at you suspiciously and say that if you need to stay away from him, then you aren't over him. I don't feel like that's true. A decision to avoid anything that might compromise your current relationship just shows your devotion to the relationship.

You were with this guy. He has to have qualities that you admired or respected. He still has those qualities. Those qualities are great. But did he meet your needs? Maybe he impressed you, but did he satisfy you? Were any of your attempts to gain his love good for you? I still greatly admire the majority of my exs, because I still see the positive qualities to which I was drawn. But none of them meet my needs and fit me and love me like my Dominant.

Sometimes, I feel the most insane urges to sabatoge my relationship, because I feel like I don't deserve to be in such a wonderful relationship and it is hard to understand how I can be with this person and love and be loved and not constantly argue or worry. From your post, I think you'll understand those feelings. It's amazing how resilient the human spirit is. Don't drag yourself into the same self-destructive cycle. Concentrate on your goal and walk towards it.

There were times when I would have answered your questions with a yes. But I think I would answer them with a no now. If one of my ex's tries to pull something like that, it just boosts my ego a little that they still think about me

Good luck :)

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to shyinini)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 6:56:06 PM

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i had this happen a month or so ago....the gentleman i was in contact with before Sir, the one who was not able to be there for me in any way when i was facing a stressful time, called me.

he called back later, when i was more awake (5 am phone call!!!) and we talked...he explained where he was coming from at the time, and i understood. i still wish him well. but he isnt for me because of that, and i am happy where i am now. i wasnt any different then from how i am now, and if he couldnt be what i needed then, how can i know he wouldnt be unavailable for me the next time i was stressed?

no, i'm better now. i told Sir about the conversation immediately, and he was pleased with my behavior. he knows i'm not going anywhere, AND that i'm not going to be ugly to someone else if i can help it.

kitten, who is mostly content.

(in reply to junecleaver)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 7:16:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shyinini

Would anyone be tempted?

I wouldn't be, but when someone is my ex, they're an ex for a reason.

quote:

Would you submit if you didn’t have a Dom and knew he was with someone?

Not just no, but hell no! ::laughs::

quote:

Has this type of thing happened to anyone who would want to share how they handled it?

My ex husband tried to get me back for several years after our divorce even going so far as to tell our kids that one day I'd come back to him. ::koffs:: You know, some people are just delusional and that's all there is to it. All I could do was tell him to leave me alone then refuse to raise to any bait he tried to throw into the water. I never lost a single moment of sleep over it either. Good luck to you and congrats on your progress so far.. you may have a few more steps to walk, so just keep walking and you'll get there.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to shyinini)

RE: >> insert eye catching, mind blowing title &l... - 7/25/2007 7:19:17 PM

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Considering you don't care about the man, you sure seem to be spending a lot of time caring.

Only an idiot would block LA, don't forget the best advice is often the least welcome. I can't imagine there is a poster here you could respect that wouldn't say the same thing.

(in reply to adoracat)

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