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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 8:51:09 AM   
Taik


Posts: 307
Joined: 8/5/2005
Status: offline 		I have not had much experience in a D/s relationship or in searching for one yet, but I think that one would experience much of the same problems that you find on any internet forum/community. Maybe I'm out of line in generalizing it but in my experience (outside of this lifestyle) people online tend to be far more false and self absorbed. Mainly due to the fact that they can be. Body language, emotions, context, and humor often do not pass well over text, so it is very easy present a appealing false facade to get what you want then it is to be truthfull. People tend to use animoty as a weapon and a tool to achive thier own ends.

So I would think the proportion of fake's, liars, and cheats to decent honest and respectable people is the same or close to between subs and dom's, there just appears to be more in the Sub population due to the fact that its such a large pool. With such an uneven population Femdoms are bound to have problems finding good subs becuase there are just so many subs period, that its more then one person can handle to sort through them all to find the good apple's.

In reguards to some of the last post's I think that Sub's can be very stong while still being submissive. Strength of chara has more to do with what one can admit to themselves, discover inside themselves, and how they deal with what they find, then with whether or not they willing submit to another. Perhaps it's due to my inexperince but, I feel that a sub can be very strong and know who and what they are while still serveing a Dom. To me being submissive isn't about being a doormat, it's about putting her first about making her happy and seeing to her needs and whims, sometimes at my own expenese. You can still serve her desires and her will, while being strong and having self awareness. Stong people serve and submit (to superiors (both age and experince)), putting others welfare of others before thier own all the time in armed services, these people are still strong. Sub's can be stong while serving and putting her welfare first, its an act of self sacrifce for another. That aside, from much of the material (profiles and forums) that i've been perusing, I would tend to think that a fair majority of subs are out for thier personal pleasure, or are just looking to be a doormat and don't have a lot of self respect; thus hoping to achive some through service and submission to another.

That about covers my thoughs on it, I'm quite sure some won't agree, but then I'm not trying to win an argument ^_^ just share a view, and I'd be happy to hear anyones input too.

_____________________________

Celf proklaimd speln profesikinal.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 321
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 9:42:25 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Taik
In reguards to some of the last post's I think that Sub's can be very stong while still being submissive. Strength of chara has more to do with what one can admit to themselves, discover inside themselves, and how they deal with what they find, then with whether or not they willing submit to another. Perhaps it's due to my inexperince but, I feel that a sub can be very strong and know who and what they are while still serveing a Dom. To me being submissive isn't about being a doormat, it's about putting her first about making her happy and seeing to her needs and whims, sometimes at my own expenese. You can still serve her desires and her will, while being strong and having self awareness. Stong people serve and submit (to superiors (both age and experince)), putting others welfare of others before thier own all the time in armed services, these people are still strong. Sub's can be stong while serving and putting her welfare first, its an act of self sacrifce for another. That aside, from much of the material (profiles and forums) that i've been perusing, I would tend to think that a fair majority of subs are out for thier personal pleasure, or are just looking to be a doormat and don't have a lot of self respect; thus hoping to achive some through service and submission to another.

I agree with you on your thoughts about behavior off vs on the internet.
I also agree that being submissive does not necessarily equal weak. In my view it's that same mentality that causes much disharmony between couples, when everyone is pulling for control, and nothing gets done well.
Welcome to the boards Taik, and I hope to read much more from you. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Taik)
Profile   Post #: 322
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 1:39:10 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Taik,
I, for one, am very impressed with what you wrote and how you expressed yourself. *Sigh* would be that you were a bit older!
I have also read your profile, and I think it is very nicely done. Quite straightforward and refreshing. I wish you much luck, and look forward to reading what you have to share in the future on these boards.
Welcome!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Taik)
Profile   Post #: 323
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 2:33:00 PM   
Taik


Posts: 307
Joined: 8/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Welcome to the boards Taik, and I hope to read much more from you. M




quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

Taik,
I, for one, am very impressed with what you wrote and how you expressed yourself. *Sigh* would be that you were a bit older!
I have also read your profile, and I think it is very nicely done. Quite straightforward and refreshing. I wish you much luck, and look forward to reading what you have to share in the future on these boards.
Welcome!



Thank you both for the warm welcome =D

_____________________________

Celf proklaimd speln profesikinal.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 324
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 3:08:23 PM   
MsRaoule


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline 		I totally disagree with the characterization of bisexuals that Ti put forth. Although it may be true for some people it is not true for all and I believe it's a popular misconception.

I am bisexual and have been since I became a sexual being. The first relationship I had was with a woman; since then (some 20 years) I've had monogamous LTRs with both men and women. I have to be in love with the person and everything is ok. I don't need or want both at the same time...I am just as hard-wired for monogamy as I am for bisexuality. In my view, I don't discriminate against potential sexual/relationship partners based on sex/gender.

Maybe a lot of people don't feel like I do, but I did want to make a point. In my experience it's taken a lot of work to convince both straight men and lesbians that I am not going to go chasing after the other sex if I am with them. And I haven't. And I don't plan to in future, either.

Just my $0.02.

Ms. Raoule

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
Profile   Post #: 325
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 3:32:38 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		I think a good sub or slave is someone who know's what they want through their sacrifice. I don't think it's wrong for a sub to have and express these wants in seeking a partner who can fulfill them. The same holds true for the Dominant. What s/he wants is also being put on the table so subs out there looking can see if what they can do matches what the Dominant wants out of them. It works both ways or it will never work at all.

Dominants who say they don't care or are not interested in the sub's needs are probably not very self aware. Sure, they can be that way and will likely find "doormats" to suit their needs but I don't think any relationship built on these grounds is going to last for long. It's just the nature of being human.

I'd also like to address the point about subs with low self esteem. I think there are many out there who feel trapped in a situation where they feel nobody wants them. On the one hand, they can't find a partner and on the other, they identify their self worth with submission. In this situation, how can they feel good about themselves as long as they're solo? It's a double bind similar to people with no experience trying to find a job that asks for people with experience. How are they going to get it? Someone has to cut them a break at some point. The same holds true for D/s.

I think the mark of a good Dominant is one who can recognize sincerity in a sub and in spite of his or her misguided preconceptions about what service entails, will put the effort into molding them and giving them the guidance and training they need to show their true potential. In fact, this has always been something I look for personally when getting to know a Dominant. If this quality is absent, I can see a lot of wasteful thrashing about because then you've got the blind leading the blind so to speak.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to MsRaoule)
Profile   Post #: 326
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 4:30:05 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

Taik,
I, for one, am very impressed with what you wrote and how you expressed yourself. *Sigh* would be that you were a bit older!
I have also read your profile, and I think it is very nicely done. Quite straightforward and refreshing. I wish you much luck, and look forward to reading what you have to share in the future on these boards.
Welcome!


Heh, I've been lamenting that he's so far away since I read his profile ... knowing that he really is articulate (rather than having someone write his profile for him) makes it even worse LOL

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 8/18/2005 4:32:13 PM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 327
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 5:47:35 PM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah
...sure you can quote me, just remember where you got it. (Re: "needy-greedy bottoms")

That's such a great phrase! I "quoted" you because you used it in this thread. So, I thought people who were only skimming posts might enjoy backtracking to read your post.

In actuality, "needy/greedy" floats on the lingo consciousness continuum...

Here's an example from a piece of online erotica:
<< With a couple licks of my tongue, I could tell this guy was a Bottom and a needy/greedy Bottom at that.
~ Ti ~




Ah. Hope you didn't think I had directed that at anyone in particular. I noted your mentioning it and was, actually, quite honoured. You are one of the more erudite whose posts I have read.

So, I see from following the link that "needy, greedy bottoms" may not be entirely mine own. *sigh* So much for invention. I had also thought I'd created the term "spooge," as I'd never heard it before. I used it in an erotic parody, written in 2000. Would love to see when the "auture" actually wrote that story, as I've been using the entire phrase, "needy-greedy bottom(s)" for several, several months. (Not that I now believe I am *the* inventor of said phrase.) *crestfallen*

Reminds me of my best buddy's really cool invention. He had devised for himself a hard drive switch, which allowed him to flip on or off all his different hard drives, housed in one computer. Saved him lots of time (system's analyst/troubleshooter for a large hardware/software corp.). Absolutely brilliant, right? He wanted to patent it. Costs approx. $800.00US to apply for a design patent. No money back. I offered to look it up, as, surprisingly, he has little experience with online searches. Guess what I found. Yup. You guessed it - someone equally as brilliant had been a little more timely. Harddrive switches sell all over the net. So, I *did* invent both the term and the phrase...in my own insulated little universe.

RAH


(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
Profile   Post #: 328
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 6:15:09 PM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Angrylibrarian

... I'm in close contact with two dominant women who are looking for submissives and they do seem to be looking for their dream man without a submissives overt weakness (and in some cases feminization) who turns all that of(f) when he steps through the door to serve.

That’s cool for them but it also seems to mean a lot of perfectly good men with overly submissive tendencies get rejected outright by women who ought to look closer. Just my opinion though. I'm the opposite side of the spectrum. Different species.



While I am not able to advise you on your situation with those two Ladies, I believe I know what part of the problem may be. It's possible, methinks, that a lot of men who believe they want to be submissive mistake passiveness for submissiveness; whereas many Dominatrices (me included) view passiveness as *passivity.* It means that much more work for a Lady who already has a great deal of responsibility, when considering a male for her service. And it means that, yes indeedy, perhaps she is passing up a great opportunity with a sincere wannabe who just doesn't know the rules yet.

It's a question of semantics, if that's the correct word (Ti?): She says and expects one thing, the male understands it as another. He does not do this, necessarily, because he is being willful, but simply because they do not agree on the definition.

While this may not be the case with you, perhaps this may clear up the confusion for some. I do believe several someones have already treated on this issue of word meaning confusion, earlier in this very thread.

Just for kicks, I conducted a thesaurus search for the following words:

submissive – pliant, obedient, tractable

passiveness – indifference, dullness, apathy

passivity – indolence, idleness, inertia


Hope this helps.

QueenRah



(in reply to Angrylibrarian)
Profile   Post #: 329
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/18/2005 6:37:58 PM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsRaoule

I totally disagree with the characterization of bisexuals that Ti put forth. Although it may be true for some people it is not true for all and I believe it's a popular misconception.Maybe a lot of people don't feel like I do, but I did want to make a point. In my experience it's taken a lot of work to convince both straight men and lesbians that I am not going to go chasing after the other sex if I am with them. And I haven't. And I don't plan to in future, either.

Just my $0.02.

Ms. Raoule


Ahhurrm, ah...hm. You make a very good point: not all bisiexuals (I'm from the South, that's how we pronounce it) crave fulfillment of their dual desires, and can happily cozy up to one partner for the rest of their lives. However, as you discovered for yourself in having to convince intended lesbian or male lovers, and Ti's characterization may have illustrated, many heteros who have been with bis have encountered just that very stereotype: bisexuals tend not to settle down with only one or the other.

Sad to say that you have been saddled with this dilemma. But, one's preference for or against having a bisexual potential partner is one's preference. I, for one, would very much like to have my boys interested in boys as well as ladies. Ideally, I intend to have two permanent males who are not only my lovers but one another's lovers, as well. So far, most of the males I've interviewed have listed other males as a hard limit. So, *I* can't commit permanently. C'est la guerre.

RAH


< Message edited by QueenRah -- 8/21/2005 7:25:37 PM >

(in reply to MsRaoule)
Profile   Post #: 330
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/20/2005 12:18:16 AM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
My response hinges on understanding my use of the words submissive and slave. A slave is one who is wired to be owned and obey their Master/Mistress not because they are weaker or lower, but because they are owned. A submissive is one that wants to be dominated either physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially.

Slaves place themselves in bondage, while submissives place themselves in an inferior position. Often, for a physically superior male, this means throwing off all showings of strength and even masculinity.
Taggard


This idea intrigues me very much. I've always believe something similar, but hadn't seen it phrased this way before. Would you be interested in spinning this off into a separate thread? This one's getting more than just a little bit cluttered.

Purr

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 331
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/20/2005 3:03:14 AM   
Goddess2worm


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, this is a great one for Me to answer! I actually found My slave right here on collarme. I had been looking for a slave for 3 years, and had recently placed a profile on collarme. Of course I received more responses than I care to reply to, but I was the One to respond first to My slave. I was on the main page of collarme one night and the profile that popped up was of a slave in Vienna, Austria. Well, I decided to drop him a line since I am Austrian Myself (but lived in Colorado) and strike up a conversation. From his very first response I knew that he was the one for Me! I know that might sound odd to some, hell it did to Me as well. But I have come to find out that things like this happen.

I wish I could tell You what it was exactly that attracted Me to him, but there is no specific thing. With him, it was the whole package. From the moment W/we chatted, My heart completely opened for the first time and the first time W/we met, I knew I had finally come home. It was the same for him.

Now, here it is, one year later and I am married to My slave and living in Austria. Not only did I find My slave here, I also found the love of My life. I knew from the moment W/we started sharing that I would spend the rest of My life with this man. W/we do have a strong D/s relationship, but W/we also have just as strong of a Vanilla love. The thing is, neither O/one of U/us would have fallen in love with the O/other if W/we were not already a Dominant/slave. he understands that all that I say is law and the he is expected to obey at all times.

I do want to share that I fully believe a Woman can have a love relationship with Her slave. For Me it is vital. I do know that some Women disagree with becoming emotionally involved with Their slave, but I find that he obeys Me out of love, as well as respect.

The best advice I can give to a fellow Domme is don't give up. Take a break if You must. Change Your tactics, Your needs, Your requirements even, but don't give up.

Lady A




Attachment (1)

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 332
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/20/2005 1:05:08 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I do want to share that I fully believe a Woman can have a love relationship with Her slave. For Me it is vital. I do know that some Women disagree with becoming emotionally involved with Their slave, but I find that he obeys Me out of love, as well as respect.

The best advice I can give to a fellow Domme is don't give up. Take a break if You must. Change Your tactics, Your needs, Your requirements even, but don't give up.
Lady A
Thanks for your inspiring story... Apparently femdoms can find decent male partners when both are self aware, honest and the fates are with them.
Welcome to the boards. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Goddess2worm)
Profile   Post #: 333
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/20/2005 1:55:50 PM   
TiNeedsHouseboy


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsRaoule
I totally disagree with the characterization of bisexuals that Ti put forth.

Exqueeze me??? I was speaking to Steve, about Steve, regarding questions that Steve posted about himself, for which Steve seeks answers.

I would not and could not, ever -- under any circumstances -- attempt to address the wants/needs/desires of the entire universe of bisexual people. I can't imagine why you even remotely thought that was what I was trying to do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsRaoule
Although it may be true for some people it is not true for all and I believe it's a popular misconception.Maybe a lot of people don't feel like I do, but I did want to make a point. In my experience it's taken a lot of work to convince both straight men and lesbians that I am not going to go chasing after the other sex if I am with them. And I haven't. And I don't plan to in future, either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah
Ahhurrm, ah...hm. You make a very good point: not all bisiexuals (I'm from the South, that's how we pronounce it) crave fulfillment of their dual desires, and can happily cozy up to one partner for the rest of their lives. However, as you discovered for yourself in having to convince intended lesbian or male lovers, and Ti's characterization may have illustrated, many heteros who have been with bis have encountered just that very stereotype: bisexuals tend not to settle down with only one or the other.

Sad to say that you have been saddled with this dilemma. But, one's preference for or against having a bisexual potential partner is one's preference. I, for one, would very much like to have my boys interested in boys as well as ladies. Ideally, I intend to have two permanent males who are not only my lovers but one another's lovers, as well. So far, most of the males I've interviewed have listed other males as a hard limit. So, *I* can't commite permanently. C'est la guerre.

I'm afraid you both missed the focus of my post. My thoughts were addressed specifically to Steve, based on HIS specific behavioral history, referencing HIS motivation for being here, addressing HIS confusion over whether he could find one woman to serve, who will meet all HIS needs. I was trying to provide fuel for HIS thought processes to pave a path to a doorway where he might find an answer.

For the record: serial monogamy -- which was what "Ms. Raoule" discussed as her history -- has NOTHING to do with monogamy. Serial monogamy is a whitewashed notion people attach to leaping from partner to partner, without ever making a lifelong commitment. With serial monogamy, there's always an "out" to change partners.

It's a very different notion from Steve's quest to figure out if he can put all his eggs in one basket. I suggest you read his history before continuing to muddy the waters with issues that are not relevant to what Steve has experienced or the questions that he raised about his needs.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to QueenRah)
Profile   Post #: 334
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/21/2005 2:36:42 PM   
Euryanx


Posts: 96
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Los Angeles, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy


As I recall, Steve, you said that you're working on a need to figure out if you can find an all-in-one package, so to speak, to meet your submissive needs. Is that correct?

Here's what confuses me: Are you saying you're pondering "renouncing" (for lack of a better word) bisexuality? (I don’t understand how someone could toss aside a need that’s prevailed for the entirety of one’s adult life – possibly longer.) If not, won't you always need a minimum of two people to fulfill your life's erotic aspects?

Keeping that in mind, how can a relationship with a dominant female, and only a dominant female, ever be totally fulfilling for you? Wouldn't that female always need to make allowances for you to drop your drawers for men, or at least be into threesomes, where you get to play with another guy?

~ Ti ~


Hi Ti,

Sorry for the slow reply. Just got back from a week long business trip. To answer your questions...

Yes, I am hoping to find an "all-in-one" Domme. For me, this isn't a matter of finding someone to have sex with. I can find people to have sex with any day of the week. I want to find a life partner. True love. Maybe it's an impossible task to find it here, but I tend to believe you can find it just about anywhere. It's just a matter of getting out there and meeting people. Hopefully one of these days I'll run across someone where all the pieces fit.

As far as being bisexual, i don't see that as a problem. I've lived with both men and women over the years. I'm not obsessed over the male penis. I've always said, you fall in love with a PERSON - not with what's between their legs. I could care less if you have a vagina or a penis. What's more important to me is what's in your head, and in your heart.

If I luck out and find the Domme of my dreams, it does NOT mean I'm sitting at home pining for a penis to suck. I could give a damn about the male penis. All I care about - is what it's attached to. Besides, most Domme women that i've known have a stock supply of better penises than any man could ever hope to wield.

Hope that answers your question.

Respectfully,
S.

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
Profile   Post #: 335
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/21/2005 6:58:34 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		Femdoms can't find a decent male partner

This was the topic of this thread. So far every scenario has been discussed & you know what... finding a partner within the context of an alternate form is no different than finding one in a traditional sense.

We all seek partners for different reasons. Some of these reason may be wrong, unrealistic or completely for all the right reasons. Not one of us here is qualified enough to tell the next person that what they seek or how or who is right or wrong.

Femdoms can't find a decent male partner

I fit into this thread in a way that was not mentioned. I had been single & looking for many years. I identified as a het-female-dominant. I had tons & tons of male subs contacting me. I found a few that were interesting, but no real chemistry. I had a lot of fun, but was frustrated beyond tolerable levels for years. I was so frustrated I did what so many have done... I threw in the towel & said... to hell with it, I'll just find a nice vanilla man. I did this a couple of times. I never had any luck with the vanilla men either because I was denying a big part of who I am, my dominant self.

Almost two years ago I began communicating with an online friend. My conversations with people I meet online are really just getting to know you convos like I would have with anyone I met by any other method. I knew from the start that my friend is a transsexual & that she is involved with this way of life, we met via online personals. We continued talking about life in general & so much time had went by I really forgot what her original premise was for contacting me. My profile mentions I am interested in making friends with like-minded people.

We discussed this & she admitted that she would hope that we would become more than friends. I had never considered having a same sex relationship, though she is not genetic, she is very much a woman. Even though this presented a hesitation on my part, because of being heterosexual, I couldn't deny that I was very fond of her. We began dating & now we have actually been living together full time for nearly a year.

Femdoms can't find a decent male partner

Well in my case this is extremely true. I found the perfect partner when I looked past gender. What I found is what I had always been looking for, compatibility & unconditional love.

Do I believe Femdoms can't find a decent male partner, no... I just know how difficult it is for anyone to find a partner in today's world. With so many choices & the world becoming such a small place we are able to reach out to people all over the world. It is not until we are faced with long distance relationship that the cold hard fact of reality of distance do we get a hard smack right in the face.

Now after reading this you would think... you say you found the perfect partner... all is right in your world. For the most part, yes it is, we are quite happy. Now on the other hand, we are also both poly minded.

The difficulty that originally presented itself is now compounded by the dynamics of this shared relationship seeking another. The task of establishing this relationship took years for both of us & I expect it will take years more before we find another partner.

Will this partner be male & crush the topic of this thread for me? Who knows. Now that the barrier of gender has been removed many doors have been opened. Gender & orientation really do not hold a meaning for me anymore. The only thing that has remained consistent is my desire to find the traits I admire & the compatibility & unconditional love to make it all work.

MstrssPassion



< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 8/21/2005 6:59:55 PM >

(in reply to Euryanx)
Profile   Post #: 336
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 8/21/2005 7:29:45 PM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
I'm afraid you both missed the focus of my post. My thoughts were addressed specifically to Steve about his needs...

[clipped]

~ Ti ~


Well, allrighty, then.

QueenRah

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
Profile   Post #: 337
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/20/2005 7:09:38 AM   
TiNeedsHouseboy


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
Hi, back at ya, Steve!

Sorry for my snail-paced reply. "Real" life's demands have been getting in the way of my cyber availability. Time got away, not to mention this thread got away from me in the process. I had to go spelunking for it.

The following is to provide fodder for you to ponder about your needs.... not because you're obligated to cross-post. In fact, given your "motivation" for being here, it's a soul-searching concept.... not one that can be answered immediately.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Euryanx
Yes, I am hoping to find an "all-in-one" Domme. For me, this isn't a matter of finding someone to have sex with. I can find people to have sex with any day of the week. I want to find a life partner. True love.

Aren't we all seeking true love? On some level, it's a biological imperative. (Famous/iconic social psych study done decades ago that I can cite, if you care to challenge the notion.)

The dilemma: What happens if one's true love has needs that create a sexual void for you? Do you play the martyr and try to sublimate the unmet needs? Do you sneak behind your love's back? Do you terminate the love relationship?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Euryanx
I've always said, you fall in love with a PERSON - not with what's between their legs.

Yes, and no. I've had relationships where the guy and I had amazing interpersonal chemistry... to the point where we could finish one another's sentences. The interpersonal bond was instant and indescribable. Trying to translate that sexually, however, was impossible. In fact, trying to slip between the sheets together was impossible because we simply didn't blend on that level. Why? Who the hell can explain such bizarre conflicts? (And for the record: the "conflict" had nothing to do with vanilla vs. D/s. Mixing us sexually was like trying to blend oil and water. There was a palpable feeling of discomfort.) It wasn't that either of us was doing anything "wrong." Our interpersonal heat simply didn't convert to sexual expression.

Like Jerry and Elaine on Seinfeld, we kept the friendship and tossed sex out the window. Ergo, sleeping together meant exactly that: two bodies in the same bed, but for sleeping purposes only. Just as I used to have "fuck buddies" (in the days before having sex became a potential health hazard), I also developed "sleeping buddies."

What motivated me to ask this question in the first place was that you noted a previous relationship that implied you might have found "the one" -- only she was vanilla. What if you find a dream Domme, but her needs are in direct conflict with what you're seeking? Case in point:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Euryanx
Besides, most Domme women that i've known have a stock supply of better penises than any man could ever hope to wield.

Notice that that you admit that not all dominant women have these sorts of auxiliary toys.... reflected by your inclusion of "most." What happens if your dream Domme has a personality that causes you to fall head-over-heels, crazy in love, but she has zero dildos, zero vibrators, and zero strap-ons?.... And.... has no interest or need to involve herself with any such items? Given your statement about a "better" penis supply, are you telling me that you'd be perfectly content to spend the rest of your life without any anal stimulation, so long as you're partnered to a Domme who you love?

You can insert the identical question about your attraction to cross-dressing.

I seem to recall that you've written that a previous Domme remarked that you'd leave her for a guy.... and you did. What about you prompted her to make that prediction? What about you has changed that would prevent that from recurring?

~ Ti ~

(in reply to Euryanx)
Profile   Post #: 338
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/20/2005 7:31:49 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		I thought I would throw in one more little tidbit on the "online" vs. "real" subject. In short, unlike meeting people face to face, people online don't have to be accountable on the spot. In addition, inhibitions are not putting any pressure on the person along with any other "quirks" they may have. It's definitely a dilemma I don't see any answer to other than meeting the person to see if they are who they claim to be.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
Profile   Post #: 339
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/21/2005 2:43:00 AM   
Friends


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm surprised more subs are not commenting on this. Where are all the ones that complain they can't meet a femdom, that we femdoms are only after money, etc.? Can those that maybe realize they have some challenges now comment on what steps they think they and other subs can take?

Subs, do you think femdoms are being unreasonable in their expectations?

Akasha


Ok...I am going to take my shot at this......here goes nothing!!

I totally understand the sentiment that exists among Dommes that a potential sub should get to know the woman before the Domme. Ok, that being said, how do you respond to an ad from a Domme then on a site like collarme? How many Dommes would reply to my response to their profile if I asked what kind of movies do you like? What books have you read recently? Where was the most exciting place you have ever taken a vacation? Do you like long walks on the beach? The list could go on and on........I guarantee that if I used this approach to a profile I would get a zero response rate!!!!

Although I have been thinking about this before reading this thread and I am even more convinced of it now is.......I think the best way for a sub to meet a Domme and vice-versa is to meet in the vanilla world and take it from there. I myself have totally given up on services like collarme and the others, and I know I am not alone....but I still enjoy the message boards...even though this is my first post!

Take care

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 340
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