zaynab
Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005 Status: offline
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Thanks for replying friends.... well, ok, true, there is more to the story and since me testing the waters with my question here hasn't brought forth any sharks to bite me, I'll share some more..... My Master trusts me 100%, and I am a trustworthy person.... but while making friends with others, I've been allowing some of my alters to have their own friends.... Or to explain it another way, Me (the host) and a few of my alters were the ones cultivating this close friendship. Meanwhile, the majority of my alters were not a part of the relationship at all. They were kinda like just sitting off to the side with no input at all. My therapist would say, "I told you that it's best to do a daily group meeting with all of the alters and get all of their opinions about what you do or dont do, etc. Then not only will you be operating as a whole and well-balanced person... you will also stop making such chaotic decisions that cause chaos and disorder in your life." That advice may sound great... but I've found it to be impractical... my therapist also told me "working with alters is like rounding up a bunch of cats"... it's hard enough to get them all together for a group meeting, it's hard to keep them there, to keep them all focused on the point of the meeting and being that they are all extremely different from eachother, its just....... like wrestling a bull by the horns. So, I allowed myself and a few of my alters to carry on the relationship. It quickly grew from a friendship into only what I can describe as a romance! My Master let me do as I wished for awhile because I was enjoying myself and he thought it may be good for my alters to have relationships also for a change.... but the intensity of that romance was increasing so fast.... my Master had no choice but to end it from continueing. How sad am I over it? Extremely sad. The alters that were in that relationship with me? One has a "lost feeling" now, and another is actually terrified about the loss of this other Dom. All the other alters dont care at all because they were not engaged in it. The other Dom involved? I assume is hurting a lot. I sure am. I cannot over-ride my Master's decision to end the relationship though. He is.... afterall.... my Master. But what now? I dont want to ever do that again to another person. I don't want to hurt people. But I also think that my alters deserve the right to be able to have relationships of their own. I've tried telling them that they are only my alters, but that doesn't work. Also, if I don't work with them (on letting them have time out) they can make me feel sick, (pressure in my chest, heart pain, tense, bitchey, foggy headed, cant focus, etc.) as soon as they get some time out, I feel clear headed, sure of myself, peaceful, etc. *sighhhhhhhh.......... oh, and if they REALLY want out and I just wont let them, they'll just do it sooner or later anyway, and that's scarey as hell, so I'd rather try to work with them. I know this is complicated for some folks, which is why I gave the very simple version with my original question.... but you were all right, there is so much more to the story as you now know..... bummed out, zay
< Message edited by zaynab -- 8/16/2005 10:46:42 PM >
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