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Just a few questions - 7/7/2004 11:11:49 PM

MzBerlin

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Joined: 7/3/2004
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Hello, everyone!! I am new to this site and currently negotiating a 24/7 TPE relationship. Does anyone have any advice?

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/8/2004 8:22:00 AM

subinfyniti

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Basic foundation is Honesty. Both to yourself and the person you are with. I had read of "contracts" and found them to be worthless. Both legally and emotionally.
If you know your limits, are open and honest about them, are open to things that your partner may want many obstacles that we all seem to create will disappear.
Being in a 24/7 relationship currently, after time things seem to just grow, communication is another factor that is essential.
If this sounds vague, I am sorry but the chemistry has to be between the two people in order for this type of relationship to work. Plain and Simple.
If I could offer two things they would be Honesty and Communication.
Lastly, have fun. It is a most enchanting time in life. I recall the feeling " the kid in the candy store" effect. That feeling has slowly turned into that " warm and fuzzy" feeling.
Both have kept me feeling very warm and realizing that this is the very best time in my life.
peace,
infyniti

(in reply to MzBerlin)

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/8/2004 10:17:57 AM

MzBerlin

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TY, subinfyniti. We have the honesty, communication and connection there. I just needed to hear it from someone else. Please feel free to contact me.
As Always
Berlin

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/8/2004 1:41:16 PM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
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Hi MzBerlin,

Have you met him face to face yet?

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/8/2004 1:58:36 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

Hello, everyone!! I am new to this site and currently negotiating a 24/7 TPE relationship. Does anyone have any advice?

Didn't i read that you are negotiating with Taggard? I hope it works out, good luck to both of you. My only advice is to be honest about your limits and desires and to communicate well.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/8/2004 3:05:56 PM

MzBerlin

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January- we are currently negotiating our first face-to-face. It will happen in August and is the first stepping stone in our *hopefully* LTR. The weekend is planned with my safety in mind and I'm happy that y'all are concerned or at least interested in my "stuff." I am happy that I signed up to c.com
As Always-
Berlin

(in reply to January)

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/8/2004 3:08:43 PM

MzBerlin

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Proudsub- T and I are being honest and open. I think that we have an incredible dynamic. We are currently evaluating our limits and wants and needs. They are in flux because of his current situation. I will keep everyone (who is interested) posted on what will hopefully be the ride of our lives!!
As Always-
Berlin

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/8/2004 5:41:23 PM

iwillserveu

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He loves you. (Or thinks he does, maybe, sorta

) Keep that in mind.

In case anyone thinks it is easy, hearts are a heavy burden.

Oh, being honest is nice, but if never told to the SO it is irrelevant. Communication. Not just as some will say from him to you, but from you to him. Don't worry about what he'll think. It'll be how to make you happy because he loves you.

Well imo and in my experience. Someone on here ends with "Your milage may vary." I like that phrase.

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 7/8/2004 5:47:38 PM >

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/8/2004 5:56:49 PM

Spankinatrix

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www.greenerypress.com sells absolutely excellent books, some on this topic. I really recommend them fully, and have met their authors and love 'em!

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/12/2004 4:23:31 PM

goodperson321

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Hi My name is goodperson321-make sure you get what you want out of it- total submission doesn't have to be abusive- and state your limits up front with the person- have you found someone or are you still looking

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/12/2004 6:10:55 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
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Greetings Berlin,

It's a pleasure to have you aboard. I've found Taggard's posts to be quite enjoyable, even if I don't always agree with him I've found him to be a gentleman in his tone and behavior and that always impresses me. Of the little I know of him I'd have to say I like him and am impressed. Good luck to you with it.

As for advice (although I'm not a submissive), over the years I have come to understand that all the well meaning intent in the world is not going to pay the piper when the rubber hits the road. I do not take anyone seriously, as a potential significant other, until we've had a number of conflicts. I like to see how the other person handles conflict because reality dictates that there will always, at one time or another, be some sort of crisis or conflict. That's not to say drama, but difficulties. For me, the way we handle the difficult times speaks infinitely more about us than the way we handle the good times.

So, go slow and fight a lot.

Seriously, don't get swept away by the emotion of the moment (or the month). Enjoy it, to be sure, but realize that it could cloud your judgement and wait until it settles out before making life changing choices.

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“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/13/2004 12:42:09 AM

Sinergy

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Hello,

If it is meant to be, MzBerlin, it will be, even if you take the scenic route and do all the appropriate things for safety; first meetings, safe calls, etc. In my opinion, a Dom would not be showing his concern for your safety and welfare to not insist on these things happening, as well as not being willing to take it slow from the beginning.

But that is just my opinion, and Im probably wrong.

Sinergy

p.s. I wish both of you all the joy and happiness from your union.

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/13/2004 6:14:51 PM

MzBerlin

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Hello, Everyone-
Thankyou so much for your time and energy in your replies. I truly appriciate it. Since I posted this, Taggard has bought plane tickets and has rented a car. We are going to have a "getting to know you" weekend. I feel comfy, he feels comfy and I'm excited.
Thankyou for welcoming me to c.com.
As Always-
Berlin

(in reply to MzBerlin)

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/13/2004 8:50:38 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
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From: Ontario, Canada
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Best of luck to you Berlin. :) I respect a Dom who admits he still has a lot to learn.

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/14/2004 3:10:50 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
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From: Santiago, Chile
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Best of luck to you both.

I wrote a rather contentious 'newbie' guide to cyber relationships (see the thread 'Do's and Don'ts' in the General section if you're curious) though it would seem that you and Taggard have found a measure of comfort between each other so take my advice there with a grain (or several) of salt.

The first, last, and best advice I could give is only give the computer the minimum it absolutely requires. Some people can be found for hundreds of hours a week trying to 'cultivate' a relationship, almost slaves to the one eyed monster (the monitor.) That he has already purchased tickets and rented a car speaks volumes of his (and I would suspect your) intent. Try and keep the lovey dovey stuff until after you've gotten through the 'hi, nice to meet you' part.

Good luck!

Stephan

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/16/2004 1:49:42 AM

MzBerlin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: goodperson321

Hi My name is goodperson321-make sure you get what you want out of it- total submission doesn't have to be abusive- and state your limits up front with the person- have you found someone or are you still looking

Hello, goodperson. Please read the question AGAIN.
As Always-
Berlin

(in reply to goodperson321)

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/16/2004 1:58:16 AM

MzBerlin

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Hello, everyone!! I've read all of your posts and have digested them and decided to tell you what's going on, as oppossed to asking such a general question. TWA and I have a relationship that goes beyond the computer screen. I don't feel the need to go into details... but I might.

We talk on the phone, we write e-mails. Our discussions are very day-to-day and very "What If?" just like any people who are considering each other for a relationship. We have decided to procede contractually, as that is our *kink* (or at least one of many... hehe). The two contracts are located in the 'General BDSM' section under the contract thread. I think it was started by Master Malice. Anyhoo, I think that we have an incredible dynamic, but we're also being realistic and honest and open about all of the things going on in our respective lives. As for the bdsm factor, we do it the usual way, discuss it in a calm manner with lots of questions on both sides. If you cruise over and look at the contracts you'll see that they're very general, but with strict limits. I'm a newbie and don't think I'm ready to be schocked. Wow, you'd think this was a journal entry.....

I'll end there, but I am always up for lively conversation. And I don't want to have a thread all about Berlin and her relationship, I just want advice for everyone. I'll give it as I get it.
The only thing I have now is- Keep a level head and-listen to your gut.
As Always
Berlin

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/16/2004 5:15:26 AM

Gaulthier

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Dear Berlin,

Congratulations on finding someone to explore your interests and a relationship with. I am relatively new to CollarMe.com but not to the scene nor relationships.

If you were interested in my thoughts or advice from me, I would suggest that you make sure that you express what you not only want out of the relationship but are committed to creating. What I am committed to in a relationship, whether it be D/s or vanilla, is intelligent and stimulation conversation, creativity, and something that challenges me.

I have encountered a few pretty unimaginative Dominants and submissives who adopt a "wait and see" attitude or expect that their "gut" is going to make a decision. Any relationship, particularly an exciting and stimulation relationship, is something that you create on a daily basis. Once you start to expect something without working at it you may be disappointed, take the other person for granted, or worse, get bored. Communication is important but what are you going to say? What are you going to express? And what are you going to create with that expression?

I know that this is a bit of a tirade but I am tired of advice that pretty much says "hope for the best," "listen to your heart or gut," "communication is important," and so on. I will get off of my soapbox now.

Rather than wishing you good luck let me say, don't settle. Life is definitely too short, and too interesting to give your submission to just anyone.

Sincerely,

G de W

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/16/2004 4:10:11 PM

iwillserveu

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It is TallDarkandWitty?

Practice your fake laugh.

(Just kidding Taggard.)

Good luck and if it does not work out, remember this is not the place for dirty laundry. (no emoticon - see how that works, everyone?)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

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RE: Just a few questions - 7/16/2004 6:46:37 PM

MzBerlin

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Gaulthier-
Nothing worth having is not worth working for.
As Always-
Berlin

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