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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear? Or is it obedience?

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Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear? Or ... - 2/25/2008 1:37:25 PM

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For twenty years I have tried to define what it is I need. I continually massage the idea and think through experiences, live in the moment and try to concisely pinpoint what is it that I hunger for - not in terms of acts, or people, or roles. But what is the essence of it -- what is that "moment" that is like the "femdom orgasm" so to speak. What is the itch I need to scratch?

I've tried to define it as literally and clearly as possible, like writing a mission statement for a company or product. The better I can define it, the better I can explain it to other people, so I can determine if a connection is there. There are two words I always come back to:

Authentic Vulnerability

In all my research and self-analysis, those are the two words that seem to encompass what it is I seek from that "moment" of femdom bliss - the moment when all the acts (bondage, pain, humiliation) combine in the right way to make a man communicate to me the emotions and essence I need to "scratch the itch." Surely there are lots and lots of other little pieces of the pie that provide me a variety of satisfactions and sensations, and that's all good -- but, I consider the 'holy grail' of the power exchange to be attaining that connection - when I feel he is giving me "authentic vulnerability" (so I cannot define this in terms of acts, because different acts affect men in different ways, so the road to getting there is always different - which is why it's always dynamic and engaging) - then I feel like I am getting my needs met.

I'm curious if any other femdoms find these two words nearly as appealing; I'm curious about different drives (I'm talking about the primal level one, the one in your gut) bringing us to different places and desires. Is it fear? Vulnerability? Devotion? Devotion at some greater cost? Obedience?

Akasha

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Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 4:58:16 PM

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i know that the biggest turn on for me in a scene is being helpless, or at least the illusion of helplessness.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 5:51:50 PM

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here i go, posting in the wrong forum again~
really though, why are all the interesting topics seemingly in ask a mistress?

my point of view though, (the totally opposite and wrong point of view i suppose)... good god no it's not a "turn anything" for me, arousal is not a word that has any meaning to me any more. when i feel truly vulnerable i find this child-like urge take over and my body wants to just fall down and i find myself dying to wrap my arms around the legs of someone, my safety zone i guess. i'm looking for someone to confide in, i start feeling needy, i stop being level headed, i get very insecure, and very easily trusting.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 2/25/2008 5:52:15 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 5:57:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo
really though, why are all the interesting topics seemingly in ask a mistress?

Because dominant women are very interesting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo
good god no it's not a "turn anything" for me, arousal is not a word that has any meaning to me any more.

i don't even want to think about how you came to that perspective on arousal; but in this case i don't think the OP intended the words "turn on" to exclusively mean sexually stimulating, but also to point out why a specific act would be attractive to them.

Myself, when i answered, i didn't mean that i'm aroused by being helpless; but that i find it a hugely attractive situation.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 6:08:47 PM

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I think that term works very well for me. I might just add it in to how I describe myself. “Authentic Vulnerability,” I always went with vulnerability and being open, as just to things that I require to exist within my relationship.

Well if you want the one’s in my gut, I think this is only half of what I need. I also need someone to be that open to me to be able to let my own guard down. It’s only through his submitting to me by being vulnerable that I’m able to let myself open up to him. The other primal desire which I have to meet is just my need to be cuddled. Being “evil” just makes that desire so much stronger, it’s all one big balancing act for me.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 6:10:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

i don't even want to think about how you came to that perspective on arousal; but in this case i don't think the OP intended the words "turn on" to exclusively mean sexually stimulating, but also to point out why a specific act would be attractive to them.

Myself, when i answered, i didn't mean that i'm aroused by being helpless; but that i find it a hugely attractive situation.

might be better if i worded it differently.

in such a case like that, i really feel overloaded, like my nerves are shot to the point i hardly can feel, let alone know how i should be feeling. like it might take more than one slap on the face to turn my attention, the first one just isn't guaranteed to register~

:edit: i just lost my damn ice cream cone

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 2/25/2008 6:11:23 PM >

(in reply to darchChylde)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 6:12:51 PM

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In play with a man- vulnerability is key

In an M/s relationship, surrender and compliance.

Lady Jag

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Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 7:02:56 PM

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Obedience is the biggest turn on EVER.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to PsyVamp)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 7:18:44 PM

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From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo

here i go, posting in the wrong forum again~
really though, why are all the interesting topics seemingly in ask a mistress?

my point of view though, (the totally opposite and wrong point of view i suppose)... good god no it's not a "turn anything" for me, arousal is not a word that has any meaning to me any more. when i feel truly vulnerable i find this child-like urge take over and my body wants to just fall down and i find myself dying to wrap my arms around the legs of someone, my safety zone i guess. i'm looking for someone to confide in, i start feeling needy, i stop being level headed, i get very insecure, and very easily trusting.

hopelessly,
you are allowed to post in any forum where you find a topic that interests you..
and...

that description right there just did it for me.....

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 8:38:11 PM

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Joined: 11/6/2007
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Yes, yes, yes, and yes, Aakasha!

I know that pain is not always involved in D/s, but I think my feelings for this are summed up by something I once told a Dom friend of mine:

And then he gives me this look, maybe with tears in his eyes, and the look says "Oh my god, you just hurt me terribly, but I adore you. Help?" Then I gather him into my arms and we cuddle. I love this more than anything!

I think the best times are when I'm a little vulnerable too.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 8:40:00 PM

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If I was to sum up what I want from a submissive in only two words, I'd go with "erotic surrender", most likely. But it's very hard to isolate one submissive quality out of all the other things I need or want in a relationship.

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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 8:49:30 PM

TermsConditions

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1) I can't answer your question but in my meager experience it is the predatory glint in her eye that takes my breath away. It is a moment when I am conflicted and confused. In that moment she know me better than I know myself, where I am and what I will do next. Some revelation or requirment has reduced me to a simple algebra problem to solve and she watches that little drama playing itself out on my face. And in her eye I see her pleasure at my strugle and I am lost. So for her it was my reaction to the thing and not the thing; the process of my processing and not the mechanism the more critical.

2) I very much like pie and national pie day was observed recently. I make my own crusts; it's really pretty easy.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 9:31:27 PM

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For me i am all at once vulnerable and helpless.I know my blood rushes through me like it has been jump started by some generator..that excitement one feels i guess when these feelings overcome me.And of course the end result is always fear...or the fear of not knowing what will transpire.It is all good though.

(in reply to TermsConditions)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 9:49:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

If I was to sum up what I want from a submissive in only two words, I'd go with "erotic surrender", most likely. But it's very hard to isolate one submissive quality out of all the other things I need or want in a relationship.

"Erotic Surrender" is a good one. Another set of words I have toyed with are "Willful Suffering."

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/25/2008 11:35:32 PM

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For me, it could be extreme pain, emotional anguish, and anything else involving paying whatever price to please my Domme. The harder it is on me, the more intense the satisfaction. Afterward, I like to perform service of some type. Wash the floors, massage her, etc. The cuddling afterward is not a part of it.

Yes, it's really hard to explain.

need

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/26/2008 4:46:29 PM

SlaveSubtoserve

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....all those things sound just right-- great question!

(in reply to needDomme)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/26/2008 5:01:13 PM

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Authentic vulnerability is a nice turn of phrase. To me, it describes the moment when things become " Just because " Its when you know there is no turning back, and fear turns to apprehension.

(in reply to SlaveSubtoserve)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/26/2008 5:24:27 PM

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I look for "open and vulnerable". The obedience goes without saying. lol

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"

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RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/26/2008 5:27:23 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

In an M/s relationship, surrender and compliance.

Seconded.

Health,
al-Aswad.

Edit: Didn't realize I'm in the femdom forums. Apologies.

< Message edited by Aswad -- 2/26/2008 5:28:14 PM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to PsyVamp)

RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear?... - 2/26/2008 10:50:35 PM

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Obviously it is the ultimate scenario for a sub to be in (in my humble opinion) Helpless and with fear, can raise very much the excitement levels with the right people!!!

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Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to Aswad)

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