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RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/15/2008 10:29:15 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I feel that it could be people coming up against their social programming. They can get over the "don't hurt someone" thing for someone not-so-close, but when it comes to someone to whom they are emotionally attached, the "wrongness" of hurting them overcomes their desire to do so. "Protect your family" and "Don't hurt the one you love" can sometimes be interpreted as physical in addition to mental. ESPECIALLY with Male Dom/fem sub relationships. "Don't hit girls" is pretty much pounded into a lot of men's heads.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 21

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 12:54:44 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

All I know is Mistress loves me with all Her heart, so She definitely loves me enough to hurt me!

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 22

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 1:24:22 AM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

i am having the problem of my Dominant loving me too much to see me cry, especially by His hand even though He knows i want and crave it.
At first, He had no problem what so ever in inflicting pain, then love struck.. But He did tell me from the git go that He didn't want to love His submissive.
He said He is not giving up, that He wants to give me what i need and want, but just can't stand to see the pain and tears even though we both know that they come from the pleasure of the pain.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to rubberpet)

Post #: 23

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 1:54:14 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuffkinks

she needs Me to be able to discipline her, harshly if necessary. Mind what I'm saying here...Not that she needs discipline. Quite the contrary. She's a very good girl. But that she needs Me to be able to discipline her. She needs My strength of will, My firmness, and My consistency in order to put her trust in Me and know that she's safe.

That is also what i need from my Master. i want to behave, be totally obedient so i don't have to be disciplined but i need to know that He will discipline me, harshly if necessary, rather than ever walk away from me.

On the other hand, it pleases my Master (and me!) to use the hood, respirator or such to transform me into a faceless object. We really can only accomplish this through trust and our intimacy.

Here's an interesting aside. In my masturbation fantasies, the people involved never have faces, are not represented by anyone i know and never by anyone i have loved. We talk often about objectifying the slave/submissive/bottom but i doubt that i am the only person who objectifies their Master/Dominant/Top during play. It's not that i can't stand the thought of being hurt by the one i love, it's just that it's way arousing for me to be in the faceless, nameless world. The more intimate we are, the easier it is for me to be in that world during play. i'm not sure if i'm making any sense at all.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Cuffkinks)

Post #: 24

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 2:06:42 AM

Lostangel28

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

Are you sure he is not playing a mind game with you? Be sure of that..as mine does that to me all the time. He knows i need to be disciplined and that i crave it, but he will deliberatley not do that, instead he will do something like orgasm denial, which honestly i would rather have the pain. If he truly is not playing a mind game with you then ask him to gag you and maybe try something like bending over so he can not see your face and the gag will help suppress your screaming or whimpering. Just a friendly suggestion though.
lostangel28

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 25

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 2:11:51 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I need to have some distance between myself and my slave. If I get too close or actually love, I couldn't hurt the person in any way, physically or emotionally. For example, I can play with someone I don't know very well, but when a dear and loved friend asked if I would show her the ropes (so to speak

), I just couldn't.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to completenz)

Post #: 26

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 6:29:21 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I feel that it could be people coming up against their social programming. They can get over the "don't hurt someone" thing for someone not-so-close, but when it comes to someone to whom they are emotionally attached, the "wrongness" of hurting them overcomes their desire to do so. "Protect your family" and "Don't hurt the one you love" can sometimes be interpreted as physical in addition to mental. ESPECIALLY with Male Dom/fem sub relationships. "Don't hit girls" is pretty much pounded into a lot of men's heads.

Master Fire

Agreed. Very little social programming ever took with me, but the same isn't true of my spouse, and it took literally years to get through that and down to what HE actually felt and wanted. He's the submissive...if he was supposed to be the dominant, I imagine it would have been even more difficult.
On the bright side, I learned I was a lot more patient than I thought. :P

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 27

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 7:54:02 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

It is a problem that has occured to me as well, the Doms have had years of experience can be sadistic with others but run amok when they find themselves becoming too emotionally involved ... I do believe it is why some will state in negotiating not to expect love in the relationship and that the sub would be property only because they have found they can't top if they allow themselves to become emotionally involved.

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 28

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 9:48:41 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

This issue kept me away from BDSM for many years even though I owned slaves as part of my then Gorean Lifestyle and only beat a kajira as punishment and as a last resort. It was my realization that some of them enjoyed it and would be naughty in order to get a beating. It took a close pro Dommie friend in canada to set me on the right path. Part of my adversion was due to unbringing where although the males were dominant, the women were treated as fragile beings and to a degreee venerated and protected. Also having been on the receiving end of hard interrogations (took several sets of plastic surgery to remove the whip and other scars), I still tend to stay on the lighter side of things.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 29

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 10:14:00 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

Things actually started out that way for me and my Mate..

He didn't want to hurt me, even though I begged for it.

Now he has slowly worked up over three years and rather enjoys doing it now.

Some people just can't handle some things....or the integration of some things because of internally moral standings that they might not completely understand themselves.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to completenz)

Post #: 30

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 12:15:33 PM

urlittleprincess

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/18/2007
Status: offline

not sure if this is the case or not, but it does seem that He enjoyed caning me more when W/we were newer to each other...and now that W/we have an established dynamic, deeper relationship and great affection He would rather snuggle, pet or hold me on His chest than tie me up and hurt me...

i need the domination and discipline in the relationship...without it i tend to become a brat and top from the bottom...not a pretty dynamic!! i just need consistency in the relationship!!!

(in reply to completenz)

Post #: 31

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 1:26:48 PM

Enochian

Posts: 59
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

>attempting to figure out how to phrase this< ...

As a Question: Do those on the sub/bottom end of things tend to find that their need for .. reinforcement of that 'will punish rather then walk away' point (as someone mentioned above) becomes stronger the longer / more involved in a relationship one goes?

I have noticed that (in my experience at least) it seems to have a 'bathtub curve'; as in high in the 1st few months, low in the months to year or two range, then starts creeping up again after that.

Not sure if I have comunicated that effectivly. I guess we'll see.....

Disclaimer; I'm *not* a sadist (why people think I am, I have no clue), I never tell anyone I'm a sadist; and am quite blunt about it. And I view the 'testing' stuff as realy realy realy trying on my paitence. I put up with it at the begining 'cause everyone does it to get to know someone; but after that.. you're making me crazy. stop it; or leave.

(in reply to urlittleprincess)

Post #: 32

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/16/2008 3:27:49 PM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

I only hurt the one I love, but its ok I'd never beat him! I'll only torture him in rubber with lots of heat.

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Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to Enochian)

Post #: 33

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/17/2008 4:04:38 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

my M'Lady does love me allot but the beating are never out of anger. its because she loves me that she beats me. both of us are exploring different aspects of our kink to find what is liked/enjoyed. as much as i enjoy a good beating i would still enjoy my M'Lady even if she could not beat me for some reason.

(in reply to vampchick88)

Post #: 34

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/17/2008 10:05:32 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

There are a few threads going lately, that are very interconnected for me on a personal level. I have had a hard time dealing with the fact somebody would want to push my buttons (act up, fight, you name it) to the point of triggering off a real emotionally driven event to occur. I'm not talking about Scene play! But somebody wanting more less the real deal... because their frame of mind was such;

They wanted to experience humilation and abuse that was emotionally driven, they wanted the real thing, as proof of love!

I have had difficulties with this in a couple of my twisted kinky vanilla relationships.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 35

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/17/2008 10:13:53 PM

Bloodrose88

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline

My kink-oriented boyfriend has no problem with inflicting pain on me when he knows thats what I want, but one thing he will not do is in any way "mar" my face. Whether by slapping it, spitting on it, cumming on it, it doesn't matter. He says he loves me too much to degrade me that way. Hellllooooo....please?

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 36

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/17/2008 10:24:25 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I tend to go the other way-the more intimate I get, the more freedom to go further I feel-not less.

that is where we are. there are times, he's said, when he doesn't want to hurt me, because he doesn't feel like hurting me. but for the most part, he does enjoy the physical, bdsm part of our relationship. we don't do humiliation because I'm by far too sensitive for it, can't handle it at all.

actual punishment is a whole different thing, however. it generally doesn't involve much more than a face slap or two for something inappropriate that's been said; a bigger offense usually means more of a mental punishment, which is much more difficult for me to bear.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 37

RE: He loves you too much to beat you. - 5/18/2008 9:18:19 AM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

I have trouble identifying with it as well. It seems backward logic. You love enough, care enough to discover that side of another person, find the need, find the release it gives you both and the sense of completeness, to show them what you need... then turn your back on it because you love? That seems to point more towards infatuation than love.

Years ago (showing my age) the big thing in pop romantic circles was the saying that love means never having to say you're sorry. That's bullshit. Love means taking the time to understand, to give what you need to give and take what you need to take in a way that feeds and sustains you both. Fuck, I say I'm sorry when I am sorry. Being Dominant doesn't make me less human or perfect. I have no problem saying I'm sorry when I am. Restraining my submissve and whipping her ass isn't a sorry moment though, regardless of whether it's done for discipline or play. It's fulfilling, it can reach levels of intensity that uniquely bind people together in a way that nothing else can, and it's usually pretty fucking hot for both of us.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 38

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