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RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/19/2008 3:00:53 PM

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Joined: 3/9/2008
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I was scared of it too. First time someone did it with me he didn't really ask, but I didn't tell him to stop. I cried and then suddenly started feeling good. It's now something I really enjoy although it has to be done by someone who is actively Dominating me. I like that feeling of it hurting and knowing it has to hurt a little more to get in and then it just feels so powerful and wrong and it actually starts to feel physically good. Some of my best memories with other people are from experiences with anal.

If I'm afraid and struggling though it just doesn't work. The body has to physically relax in order for you to open enough for him to get in without too much danger of tearing you.

Good luck! And you don't have to put too much stock in people telling you he wouldn't do this to you if he cared. It is important for a submissive to be able to tell the difference between someone who is trying to harm them and someone who is pushing them but maybe he sees that you can get past this and wants to free you from being afraid of it forever. I know I no longer have any of the limits I used to have. Not because I was forced past them but because I decided I wanted to work past them for the person I was with. In my personal definition of submission it includes doing things for someone else even if you don't necessarily want to do it.

I'm really not saying that it's ok to walk all over a submissive just because she naturally tries to please people around her and a lot of submissive men and women do need to learn to stand up for themselves. However, I remember being very frustrated when I was first exploring this stuff and seeing all the people saying that I should run away if the guy is doing this or that and that I should remember my submission is a gift, take it back the second someone does something you don't like. There are different ways of thinking out there and mine is that I enjoy being pushed to do things I dont' want to do (by someone I trust to keep me safe long-term.) This may not be the case for the OP but if it is please don't feel you're somehow doing things wrong for wanting to explore something you were afraid of before.

Best of luck,

charlotte

< Message edited by charlotteS -- 6/19/2008 3:04:13 PM >

_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to lanaMSTRMARK)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/19/2008 5:51:41 PM

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Hello charlotte...this is a very interesting and helpful post for me, thank you so much...

***lanaMSTRMARK***

(in reply to charlotteS)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/19/2008 6:34:12 PM

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Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lanaMSTRMARK

thank you owned, I will have to try to imagine being in "paradise" then, I guess...now don't anyone tell me now anal actually IS paradise...LOL...thanks for wishing me good luck also...littleone...I seriously doubt I will ever like it, more like I will endure it...have been trying to "fight" Master on this for a long time...unfortunately He is convinced that he can turn me around somehow...

Hmmmmm...will continue going through posts and forums, not any closer to feeling any better about the dreaded subject yet, I have to admit...thanks again for responding, E/everyone...

*lanaMSTRMARK*

You know ... anal can feel really, really quite good at times. The orgasms I've experienced from it have been wonderful. BUT it has to be the right conditions for me to be able to let loose and relax enough for it to be good. I've had an experience where the pain was enough to make me sob ... I've had experiences where the pain only lasted temporarily, and wasn't awful, and it wasn't long before I was a full participant, not just a hole to fuck. Sometimes I just lay there and received him, not feeling much of anything except 'ok, are we done yet.'

I concur with owned's advice ... start with small plugs. Get used to feeling something in there. Move up to the next size. It would be really nice if your Master used a lot of lube and gave you almost an anal massage - rubbing the whole area, rather firmly, slipping his fingers inside .. all of this exposure will help relax you when it's his penis entering you. Positive reinforcement is important, I think.

< Message edited by NeedingMore220 -- 6/19/2008 6:35:21 PM >

(in reply to lanaMSTRMARK)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/19/2008 6:43:44 PM

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it can be the most submissive way to have sex, in my opinion...and can lead to great orgasms. i'm sure someone in the other threads on this has said it...but relaxing, knowing this is something that can pleasure You both, and breathing through your mouth are good.
It can be amazing...and i hope it is, for you.

(in reply to NeedingMore220)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/19/2008 9:53:50 PM

underXyourXhand

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Joined: 6/15/2008
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I would just like to say that I am also new to the life style and know what its like to have a lot to learn. anal is also a hard limit of mine and if your master respects you he should respect that. but if its not something that YOU are COMPLETELY ready for you wont be able to relax and it will be incredably unpleasent and probably bring you down. you need to truely discuss your feelings with him about the matter and he should respect you enough to wait until you feel you are completely ready. you shouldnt have to be trained. it should be you are ready when you are ready and he takes it slow regardless out of respect for you. being a submissive does not mean that you cannot have boundaries. in fact i feel boundaries are what make up most of the relationship.

(in reply to lanaMSTRMARK)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/19/2008 10:22:30 PM

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My take on your post is that if he sent you here to learn about it, then he might not know what the fuck he is doing. HE should be guiding you, helping you, discussing your fears. I am not one of those people who thinks the dominant has to have tried everything he or she asks the sub to do...except for this. If he has never had a plug, dildo, cock, or finger in his ass, he has NO clue. Learning how to relax the sphincters takes time and practice. Forcing even a small, well lubed object into an un-relaxed rectum can do damage.

Anal play should be a genuine pleasure for all involved. If it isn't a pleasure, it should be refused.

(in reply to underXyourXhand)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/20/2008 7:24:33 AM

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From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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My Master and I are in the process of making anal more of a pleasure for me, for whilst when I'm very relaxed or turned on it's a genuine pleasure I haven't much experience doing it and am only a little girlie :) I used the search function to have a look at previous posts on the subject, as well as discussing my desires and his on the subject. Since payday for both of us is next week we'll wait until then to purchase a kit of butt plugs and lube then I'm on a mission to make my ass more accessible to him and make anal more pleasureable for me (a win/win situation in our opinion). The timing of this post is fortuitous and I hope that the good advice the OP has had makes her journey successful.

To the OP Master and I have decided on a training programme similar to a weight loss programme and we've decided to go for sessions on a day to day basis working up in time and thickness etc. Although the timing of when to move from one stage to the next is fluid on the basis of the success of each stage we feel that this will have a couple of effects, firstly (obviously) to make anal play easier and more fun for both of us and secondly to provide me with something daily that reminds me that everything I do is a service to him in some way whether it's direct or indirect. I hope something from this helps a little or at least that it doesn't make anything worse.

(in reply to Racquelle)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/20/2008 9:43:40 AM

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I don't understand why he has sent you off alone, when this is something you could be exploring together, starting with his fingers and then moving up over time to his penis (well, we can hope it's a move "up" in size and not down

).

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Deliena)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/20/2008 9:46:38 AM

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Deleted - because I'm fairly certain Cali's response is to the OP and not to me.... darn quick reply.

< Message edited by Deliena -- 6/20/2008 10:04:32 AM >

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/20/2008 10:17:52 AM

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Yes Deliena, sorry, I didn't mark it "FR"... I've gotten out of the habit of it.

Cali

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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Deliena)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/20/2008 11:11:26 AM

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From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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Is okay, got my "blonde" head on today LOL

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/20/2008 4:52:37 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
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greetings to all,

To the OP, getting through this is largely about mindset. Stop trying so hard to please your Master, and just be. If you are tense or scared, your body will close up and you won't get anywhere. Any type of anal play is all about communication, and "doing it together".

My advice to you (as someone who struggles with anal service more often that not) is to find a way to really relax yourself first...ask to arouse yourself to the point of orgasm beforehand, have a shower and massage the sphincter muscles while you're in there (this does wonders), meditate on it, imagine yourself successfully completing it, talk it through with your Master, maybe ask if you can arouse Him almost to the point of orgasm first, ask to negotiate a daily routine where you both indulge in anal play (using his penis as a butt plug and nothing else, then making him orgasm in some other way). All the work is very very worth it. The few times I've managed it without the pain (for some reason, the powers that be blessed me with very very tight pelvic floor muscles that need daily work to keep loose) are incredible. It's a lovely feeling.

Good luck to you both!

well wishes,

(in reply to Deliena)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/21/2008 8:21:17 AM

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Joined: 6/17/2008
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...Many thanks to E/everyone who wrote in...still banging my head against the wall

but your posts certainly gave me a few things to think about and to consider...

***lanaMSTRMARK***

(in reply to XaviersXian)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/21/2008 10:58:42 AM

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From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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If you want to talk through specifics feel free to mail me on the other side. I get the feeling we'll be in a similar stage of training about the same sort of time so maybe a virtual hand to hold may help with the headbanging a little?

(in reply to lanaMSTRMARK)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/22/2008 8:56:02 PM

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to the OP, i was 100% in your boat, i never wanted to have anal and the very idea of it just made me clench my butt lol. the first couple times hurt like hell and i hated it, so when Master started bringing it up i was like no way, no how. but he started very slowly, beginning with his fingers. eventually we learned that really the only time we can have anal is in the shower, only after he has stretched me a bit with his fingers. it does feel good now, but at the beginning it really didn't, give it time, and try it in the shower...the warm water really helps for me

<3

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~rose~

(in reply to Deliena)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/23/2008 1:52:29 PM

Daes

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From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lanaMSTRMARK

Hello E/everyone, ...I just want to introduce myself...I am lanaMSTRMARK, I am a female submissive and I am new to the D/s lifestyle and to forums...please bear with me...

Master sent me here, as He wants me to find out about anal training from other subs ... He intends to train me anally despite my fears and concerns, and He wants me to get any possible feedback, suggestions, advice, help from other subs who are or were already in anal training ...(and lived through it to tell me about it...LOL)...

Desperate, hope you can help me out...thank you in advance...

***lanaMSTRMARK***

A few necessary things:

Lots of lube
Lots of patience
& try to RELAX

Its no good if you clench up, relax and things will go smoothly.

I suggest starting with small anal plugs or fingers first.

< Message edited by Daes -- 6/23/2008 1:53:41 PM >

_____________________________

~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

(in reply to lanaMSTRMARK)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/23/2008 6:53:48 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

Training is all in your head. Think about it. Having anal sex is something even Nilla folks do.

Potentially helpful point in case:

Around here, oral and anal is what the Catholic youth do when dating.

They have this idea that it doesn't constitute premarital sex or birth control, and thus isn't "sinful" or whatever.

If a bunch of scared teenage-to-early-twenties Catholic girls can take it up the rear with inexperienced boys their own age, and persist in doing so, chances are you're going to do just fine. Relax. Warm up with a finger. If you notice more friction than stretching, start with a bunch of lube and go up from there. If stretching is the most noticeable bit, use just enough lube to deal with any friction. Address any worries up front. Go slow. Be patient. Don't go too deep the first time. Don't commit to going all the way the first time (it builds performance anxiety). And did I mention relaxing?

Stop or pause if it goes past "uncomfortable."

Smile and fly if it goes past "oh... my...!"

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/23/2008 8:17:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tigerseye

to the OP, i was 100% in your boat, i never wanted to have anal and the very idea of it just made me clench my butt lol. the first couple times hurt like hell and i hated it, so when Master started bringing it up i was like no way, no how. but he started very slowly, beginning with his fingers. eventually we learned that really the only time we can have anal is in the shower, only after he has stretched me a bit with his fingers. it does feel good now, but at the beginning it really didn't, give it time, and try it in the shower...the warm water really helps for me

<3

this is too funny - in the shower was the way i did it with a vanilla boyfriend, and it was really nice.
Actually, the first time i did anal i was asleep. My boyfriend woke me up with a hard-on, and it went in the "wrong" hole. I was incredibly relaxed and it hurt not at all. Turned out he was asleep too - or so he said!!!! I was asleep on my side so i didn't have to move at all.

Its ok to be nervous - in a new situation that is the sensible way to behave. If it helps, there are millions of people who have indulged in anal and have been unharmed. I had a fourth degree tear (through the vagina into the rectum) with the birth of my first child, and i still indulge in anal. Scar tissue doesn't stretch as well as regular anal tissue so it isn't quite as comfortable as it used to be. Slow and steady wins the race (smiles)

(in reply to tigerseye)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/23/2008 8:45:42 PM

lilabbotsfordgrl

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Lots of good advice, including charlotteS. :)

I would also recommend using your or his finger first. Plugs can add an unnatural element because they're foreign, strange, and not readily available for most people. Fingers are normal and definitely safe with a couple drops of good lube. Since you seem to want to do this even if you don't enjoy it, I guess you'd better get busy! Sounds like he's going to be fucking your ass fairly soon one way or another. I think it's good that you're submitting to his will. It's not a hard limit of yours (definition: something you will never do), just something you wouldn't have thought to do otherwise.

One thing we struggled with was condom or no condom? We came to the conclusion there's only one difference, in a couple who otherwise doesn't use condoms: ease of cleanup. If you don't use a condom, you generally need to get in the shower afterward and wash off with soap. It's probably best to shower after (or during!) in any case. But we've never used a condom for anal or anything, and don't intend to.

One thing I haven't seen mentioned is if you are sick, let your Dom know. Generally it's not a good idea to do anal play if you could have some kind of stomach bug.

For us, anal is MUCH more enjoyable for her than him. He finds her pussy just fine thankyouverymuch and doesn't need a "bonus level". It's just a harder to enter, riskier, dirtier hole he can't give oral to. Not exactly anything to write home about! But for her, it means intense multiple orgasms within seconds, not to mention a submissive and emotional high due to the raunchy/taboo/male-dominating nature of the act.

I think it's great he asked you to read up on it and chat with others about it. That shows he cares. Whoever said that indicates he's selfish and lazy is just being mean, in my opinion.

Enjoy! :D

(in reply to kiwisub12)

RE: ...desperate to please Master... - 6/23/2008 8:57:30 PM

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Hey there op - welcome to the forums....

Listen, an orgasm before is helpful.. it relaxes your body... when you are all turned on, your ass tightens up just like your pussy does, and it relaxes with orgasm just like your pussy does....so an orgasm (or better yet multiples that leave you spent) before hand is a really great way to get ready to be relaxed to stretch a bit... and yes, his fingers should be able to stretch you some... and very slow, very lubed and don't let him ride you bare back... remember condoms are your friends - there are the reality condoms that were designed specifically for anal sex... don't forget that this is the easiest way to get an STD.... so play safe.

Now, here's the thing that I'm concerned about - "desperate" to please Master.... You are enough as you are.... it's great to please, but when you go from "wanting" to "desperate" I worry... because desperation suggests a certain loss of good sense... and that's bad. Take your time and don't go further than you are ready.

Remember, this is supposed to be fun.

peace and passion,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to lilabbotsfordgrl)

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