RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does your laundry

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 10:52:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA
well this is a submissive woman topping her man.

I disagree. I think in a successful relationship, be it vanilla or BDSM, the everyday jobs of living should be divided according to ability and available time, regardless of who rules the roost. If I lived with a submissive and she was much better at handlnig money than I am, which wouldn't be difficult, I would have her take charge of that. And, if she were working long hours bringing home the bacon, while I worked very little, I'd take care of the household chores. Who wears the "D" label, and who wears the "s" is irrelevant as I see it.

(in reply to MISTRESSKUMA)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 11:41:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA
well this is a submissive woman topping her man.

I disagree. I think in a successful relationship, be it vanilla or BDSM, the everyday jobs of living should be divided according to ability and available time, regardless of who rules the roost. If I lived with a submissive and she was much better at handlnig money than I am, which wouldn't be difficult, I would have her take charge of that. And, if she were working long hours bringing home the bacon, while I worked very little, I'd take care of the household chores. Who wears the "D" label, and who wears the "s" is irrelevant as I see it.

-she defers to him on her social schedule
-she tends to cater to him more than the reverse

Clearly he's the dominant.

-she takes care of all the domestic duties, including his laundry and ironing, the cooking and cleaning.
Clearly he is being served.

The only control she has is sexually servicing him. That's not dominance, that's topping.

< Message edited by MISTRESSKUMA -- 7/17/2008 11:42:07 PM >

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 2:04:40 AM

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I've been wrapping my mind around this one.   If she enjoys doing things around the house like this, why not?

I'm a Male Dom, and I fire up the lawn mower wack the grass, take out the trash and do other things around the house.   Should I be making a slave do it instead. Hell, there are times when I'm in cleaning modes myself.

Taking care of a house, is simply being in control of physical things around you. Where one gets to DOM the dishes, The laundry and other things.

I remember some speed bumps I had at the start of an M/s relationship, where she was doing too many things, that I myself was in the habit of doing. In fact, I had to subdue her ass and leave me something to do around the friggen house.

If somebody is staying at home, they still need to do something constructive and useful with their time.  Being a Home Maker is a job. Some people look down upon it now days.   But work is work! Be you punching a friggen time clock for somebody else or working around the house. Besides with housework you don't have to punch a time clock, make certain your lunch breaks are exactly 30 or 60 minutes long.   You can take a break when you want. Plus you can walk around in comfortable clothing or none. Whatever, makes you comfortable.

Really all in all, any relationship is what two people choose to make of it.   It's all a matter of how you apply D/s to any given situation. Honey, don't touch that laundry, that's my job. Now go sit down and rest for awhile, I have a long night planned and I want your ass well rested. LOL.

Often I see LA often posting advice along the lines... if you can imagine it, it's probally already being done.   Something like that.

Also since when did Bedroom Dominance become a mortal sin?   Some people keep certain things one way in the bedroom and play and something completely different outside of the bedroom.

OK, so it's not hardcore TPE M/s relationship. Is it really harming anybody? Does it somehow magically make anybody any less human? Does it mean it will screw with the womens ability to be completely Dom in the Bedroom?

The thing is this! BDSM lifestyle relationship have a focus upon development and maintaining a stable relationship dynamic. Be it D/s, Dom couples, Master/slave TPE, whatever it is.   Basically two people can sit down and hammer things out clearly with one another.

OMG, a relationship with the slightest hint at it being only Partial Power Exchange, or with a limited authority dynamic and you'd think the world was turned upside down.

On the flip side, some of us Dom/me enjoy doing things for ourselves, for other people, and even doing things around the house. It sort of well, makes us feel human and of some value besides being a Fetish Delivery Device for submissives. I think many people Dom and sub a like enjoy doing things for others at times.   Also, there's the reality of being practical. If one person is the bread winner and the other is the Home Maker.   It's two people both working at something. Right?

Don't know, but this dynamic just might not be too far fetched in some people's actual reality.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 2:25:28 AM

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i think that any dynamic that works successfully is a successful dynamic...everyone's relationship is unique.

Owner...nice pic!

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(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 4:16:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA
well this is a submissive woman topping her man.

I disagree. I think in a successful relationship, be it vanilla or BDSM, the everyday jobs of living should be divided according to ability and available time, regardless of who rules the roost. If I lived with a submissive and she was much better at handlnig money than I am, which wouldn't be difficult, I would have her take charge of that. And, if she were working long hours bringing home the bacon, while I worked very little, I'd take care of the household chores. Who wears the "D" label, and who wears the "s" is irrelevant as I see it.

-she defers to him on her social schedule
-she tends to cater to him more than the reverse

Clearly he's the dominant.

-she takes care of all the domestic duties, including his laundry and ironing, the cooking and cleaning.
Clearly he is being served.

The only control she has is sexually servicing him. That's not dominance, that's topping.

By your definition, parents are therefore submissive to their children. The parents care for their children, cater to their needs, and generally defer to the children's schedule over their own social schedule.

(in reply to MISTRESSKUMA)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 4:25:45 AM

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Another thought that I forgot to include:

It seems that some people define "dominance" as such only when it extends to the entire relationship. If the D/s dynamic is confined to only part of the relationship, such as the bedroom/sex in the OP, then it's "topping". I disagree with that assessment. I think it's topping if the bottom's desires are being catered to more than the top's desires, within that part of the relationship where D/s is practiced. If the woman in the OP is placing her own desires first in the bedroom, then dominance is involved, even if the man has his desires fulfilled as well.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 7:43:54 AM

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she is in charge of nothing. he's making all the decisions. she's basically a submissive who tops.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 8:48:52 AM

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You know, what you or I choose to call it is irrelevant. What matters is what she and he call it. If it works for them, what does anybody else's opinion matter.

(in reply to MISTRESSKUMA)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 9:15:05 AM

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true. we both offered our opinions when asked for them by the op.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 12:28:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

You know, what you or I choose to call it is irrelevant. What matters is what she and he call it. If it works for them, what does anybody else's opinion matter.

To be fair, it's all a hypothetical - I just made it up, but am wondering if such scenario could exist and be considered femdom. I also find it interesting how some people view "kink" (as in topping/bottoming) as it relates to a femdom relationship; apparently, "who" makes the decisions seems to be the determining factor on when something is femdom. That said, if you remove kink completely, there are a lot of femdom relationships going on, and both pepole have no idea it would be labeled that way. They just do it.

And I personally don't think, well at least I am not SURE, that my "femdom kinky side" is at all connected to my "women-led relationship" dynamic. I could more readily, I think, give up being the breadwinner and decision maker (so long as my husband were logical and fair) but I could NOT give up dominance as an act of sensuality or sexuality. That's what I'm getting at. So if the dynamic at home changed but I still got to do my BDSM kink whenever I wanted with a fully submitting partner who catered to my sexual and sensual needs, I would be content - but if he were making all the decisions for the most part, that makes me a submissive top? Interesting!

I think my kinky side, my need to make men suffer in nasty and degrading ways (for mutual pleasure) is just a coincidence, not necessarily related to my social relationships with men. Can femdoms explain/describe the types of relationships their sibs went into? I think my assertive, ambitious, decision-making personality is a function of my upbringing and I share that same drive with 3 siblings who all are just as ambitious as I am. However, it's clear that my oldest brother is in a (non kinky) female-led relationship (she wears the pants in the family though he is the breadwinner, and they are not kinky), my older sister is a home maker (though college educated with great earning potential, yet her urges are entirely domestic) and I'd say their relationship is very balanced and it would be hard to say who REALLY had control, and my other brother is equally ambitious yet is a stay at home husband to a very powerful, successful and driven woman. So it's a mixed bag, really, all from the SAME upbringing, which could be best described as the Leave it to Beaver (although not so conservative) family unit with a mom who stayed home, a father at the same job for 40 years and a sit down dinner each night, with all children going to college and entering into functional relationships that are longterm.

So my point is -- does the relationship DYNAMIC truly define femdom, or is it the dominant urges?
And femdoms: Did your sibs adopt the same dynamic in their relationships that you did?

Akasha

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(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 1:06:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

To be fair, it's all a hypothetical - I just made it up, but am wondering if such scenario could exist and be considered femdom. I also find it interesting how some people view "kink" (as in topping/bottoming) as it relates to a femdom relationship; apparently, "who" makes the decisions seems to be the determining factor on when something is femdom. That said, if you remove kink completely, there are a lot of femdom relationships going on, and both pepole have no idea it would be labeled that way. They just do it.

Hmm. This is getting interesting. With due respect, you didn't originally ask whether the type of relationship you described could be "considered femdom" - you asked whether people thought the idea was appealing. To answer the definitional question, I suppose I would consider a "femdom" relationship to be one in which the woman is the chief decision maker. A more nuanced way of looking at it would be to say that the relationship you described had a femdom part (the sexual component) and a non-femdom part (most everything else). But I think dominance can be either sexual or non-sexual, or both, so I don't think it makes sense to label an entire relationship femdom just because the woman takes control during sex. One has to consider the totality.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

And I personally don't think, well at least I am not SURE, that my "femdom kinky side" is at all connected to my "women-led relationship" dynamic. I could more readily, I think, give up being the breadwinner and decision maker (so long as my husband were logical and fair) but I could NOT give up dominance as an act of sensuality or sexuality. That's what I'm getting at. So if the dynamic at home changed but I still got to do my BDSM kink whenever I wanted with a fully submitting partner who catered to my sexual and sensual needs, I would be content - but if he were making all the decisions for the most part, that makes me a submissive top? Interesting!

The way you originally described the scenario, it sounded almost like the woman was playing a sexually dominant role for the man's pleasure. That would make her something like a submissive top, in my opinion. Now, however, you're talking about a man catering to your "sexual and sensual needs". I think the distinction is a critical one. In the latter case, I don't think you'd be a submissive top, I think you'd be a dominant woman whose dominance was confined to the sexual and sensual side of your relationship. That's pretty hot in itself, even though I'm personally happier to be serving a Mistress whose authority (when she chooses to make use of it) extends well outside of the bedroom.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 2:16:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA

she is in charge of nothing. he's making all the decisions. she's basically a submissive who tops.

Maybe. I'll even grant you probably. But not necessarily. Maybe she's decided to let him take the lead in the areas mentioned because (1) he's more competent than her in those areas; (2) she doesn't like doing it, even though she's good at it; (3) she's ambivalent, would rather spend her time elsewhere, or simply doesn't care.

Either opinion can be correct, but I think implying that there's absolutely no wiggle room here, no possible way that she's not just as you say, is jumping to a conclusion that's not so definite.

(in reply to MISTRESSKUMA)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 2:27:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA

she is in charge of nothing. he's making all the decisions. she's basically a submissive who tops.

Maybe. I'll even grant you probably. But not necessarily. Maybe she's decided to let him take the lead in the areas mentioned because (1) he's more competent than her in those areas; (2) she doesn't like doing it, even though she's good at it; (3) she's ambivalent, would rather spend her time elsewhere, or simply doesn't care.

Either opinion can be correct, but I think implying that there's absolutely no wiggle room here, no possible way that she's not just as you say, is jumping to a conclusion that's not so definite.

if he's the better leader and leads her, what is she dominating?

this woman is not dominating a thing.

she dominates only in the bedroom and is a top.

There is nothing she is actively in charge of outside the bed and household chores. This woman is a submissive top or top at best.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 2:29:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA

she is in charge of nothing. he's making all the decisions. she's basically a submissive who tops.

Maybe. I'll even grant you probably. But not necessarily. Maybe she's decided to let him take the lead in the areas mentioned because (1) he's more competent than her in those areas; (2) she doesn't like doing it, even though she's good at it; (3) she's ambivalent, would rather spend her time elsewhere, or simply doesn't care.

Either opinion can be correct, but I think implying that there's absolutely no wiggle room here, no possible way that she's not just as you say, is jumping to a conclusion that's not so definite.

if he's the better leader and leads her, what is she dominating?

this woman is not dominating a thing.

she dominates only in the bedroom and is a top.

There is nothing she is actively in charge of outside the bed and household chores. This woman is a submissive top or top at best.

[Edited because i goofed up and embedded my comment within the quote]

Way too simple. Seeing black and white, no shades of grey. I refer to my earlier post regarding dominance in all aspects of a relationship versus only one area, or a few. You seem to believe that there is no dominance unless it extends to more than one area of a relationship. i disagree.

This will be my last comment on this thread.

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 7/18/2008 2:34:51 PM >

(in reply to MISTRESSKUMA)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 2:30:25 PM

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From what you wrote, I agree.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

...... so I don't think it makes sense to label an entire relationship femdom just because the woman takes control during sex. One has to consider the totality.

The way you originally described the scenario, it sounded almost like the woman was playing a sexually dominant role for the man's pleasure. That would make her something like a submissive top, in my opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake
though I'm personally happier to be serving a Mistress whose authority (when she chooses to make use of it) extends well outside of the bedroom.

< Message edited by MISTRESSKUMA -- 7/18/2008 2:32:05 PM >

(in reply to Wheldrake)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 2:32:39 PM

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if he's the better leader and leads her, what is she dominating?

this woman is not dominating a thing.

she dominates only in the bedroom and is a top.

There is nothing she is actively in charge of outside the bed and household chores. This woman is a submissive top or top at best.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/18/2008 5:44:14 PM

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It depends on how they think about it. If she considers finances to be a chore, or a skill he's better at, then he would be serving her by taking care of it. If she's laid back and doesn't care if he sets up a baseball game with buddies, as long as he checks his calender for conflicts, then by not bothering her to ask permission he could still be submissive.

An action does not define domination nor submission. Intent and emotions do.

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(in reply to MISTRESSKUMA)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/19/2008 4:03:17 PM

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No, this situation does not appeal to me, but for perhaps a slightly different reason than most. No offense to those who chose to stay at home, but I can't see myself being atracted to someone who didn't want to go out into the world and make a difference. Someone who isn't afraid to go against the status quo. I'm attracted to self reliance.

I also am not one for black and white roles. Why not try some collaboration, particularly for important financial decisions? I guess what it boils down to is that the situation that you present is so entirely foreign to me that I have a hard time imagining it. Both of my parents work and cooperate for finances and chores. To me, this seems like the natural result of a strong bond between two people.

Haha, I can't believe I put this much thought into such an obviously extreme hypothetical example. Oh well.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/19/2008 5:36:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sleuthingsub
No offense to those who chose to stay at home, but I can't see myself being atracted to someone who didn't want to go out into the world and make a difference. Someone who isn't afraid to go against the status quo.

But getting a job and going out into the world IS the status quo

With further reflection, i think the biggest problem i have with this scenario is that i'd have to make all the decisions. i mean, can i really sit here and pooh-pooh the idea of a sexual sadist who also keeps the house clean? srsly???

No, i can not do that.

However, i still can't really think of her as a FemDom because it's up to him if they play or not. If she's been spending the whole day fantasizing about listening to him moan while she does some heavy CBT, and he gets home in says, nah, tonight i think i'll just plow you instead, and so he does... it just ain't.

(in reply to sleuthingsub)

RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/20/2008 3:47:27 AM

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Hmm, ya what I mean is influencing culture, technology, or whatever your field is. And on second thought, if you're an author or whatnot, you would most likely stay at home and write. So I guess I could be attracted in that context.

As for the femdom element, I agree that it's basically a service top when he wants it. And where's the fun in that?

(in reply to petdave)

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