Am I faithful or stupid?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Am I faithful or stupid?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Am I faithful or stupid?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 1:48:26 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Hello for All,
I just want to make a short summary and ask my question.
I am with a Mistress for two weeks, I mean it is a new relation. I'm 24 and she is 32.
We have similar likes as foot-fetish,strap-on,latex and crossdressing. We only met three times. For the first time, I went to her home we talk some about daily things .Than I workshipped her feet about one hour. In the second meeting I lick the latex that she wear and she fucked me with strap-on. For third meeting, I again went to her home. She want some foot massage. Than a shemale comes from other room about 30 years old.
I shocked and get a little shy. She order me to continue to massage her feet. In that time they were talking like a friend and making fun with me. After 5 or maybe 10 minutes she said she want to watch me how I fucked by a shemale. I am straight and she knows that.
I didnt say anything to not make her feel bad in front of her friend. I concantrate and dream that I am having a strap-on action not with a shemale. I did what she wants. She said that she likes it so much, and want us to make it again for next meeting.
Now I feel bad. Because I think that it's very early for these things. We didnt make anything yet. What for she need it.. She want me to do it again, where it will go like that?
On the other hand, I'm also thinking that, do they make a bad game to me? Maybe It is not good to think in this way but thats life..
Anyway, I know that It is not good to tell some special things, but I had to write them to explain myself better. I hope you dont think in a bad way. I would like to hear your opinions about this situation.
Respectfully yours.

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 1:57:00 AM

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

Did you agree to be in a relationship with more than one person? Did you agree to obey her, and explain to her that interaction with another male is a hard limit of yours? It sounds like you submitted to her wishes, but are not happy with the new arrangement. If experiencing different kinks is what you want, than continue to see her, and obey as she directs. If however you wanted someone with whom you could connect, trust, and explore a relationship based on trust and mutual understanding, than you two have a lot of talking to do.
Being obedient and faithful are fantastic qualities, but not if they are distroying your ability to trust, sense of self, and ability to decide what you can/cannot live with. M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to XXXhael)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 1:59:48 AM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

What you think is what is important. You don't want the shemale to do you... then don't go back. You let it happen therefore you are responsible and they didn't force anything, nor did anything wrong really. You accepted it. It is your job to take care of yourself and do what is best for yourself. You have a choice in what happens.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to XXXhael)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 2:28:36 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

First of all, thank You very much for your interest.
I think I will talk with her first. Than If she dont understand me or myfeelings , I wont go again.
But I'm trying to say that What can a person feel to watch even her slave have sex with shemale?
It can be maybe after starting to get bored with same things, but firstly I think You have to share something with your slave,master ..
Also Lockit , I think that I am so attentive person, I mean I respect people and care about them. Maybe because of It, I lose sometimes.
Thank You for showing It.

_____________________________

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 2:29:46 AM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

First Mistake: Rushing into kink.

My personal opinion is for things to work, especially long term, it's best to meet on a neutral playing field, not someone's house. And to talk about what each hopes for and might expect if things go further. Put the real basic stuff out first, ie "I'm straight 100%" and such. If it goes well then either go play or meet a second time to talk and/or play.

Second Mistake: Rushing into relation

Two weeks? C'mon. I honestly wouldn't say you're "with" her, I'd say you play a bit. I don't see any collar or commitment being spoken of so I don't see why you should be subjected to this. If you laid the ground rules down (ie step one) then she should respect them. If it was your time to come over and play then the shemale shouldn't be there.

Third Mistake: Assuming you have to take it

You're straight, you shouldn't have to close your eyes and be molested by this shemale for her whim. It was obviously a hard limit and something you didn't want to do and, if she knew you were straight it wasn't something she respected. After two weeks I don't think you really owe anything to her, especially to be pushed past your limit.

In Summary: Stupid, not faithful.

Tell her you didn't like it and you don't want to do it again. And get some damn ground rules down. I do not know how much you actually talked this over with her before falling at her feet and bending over for strap on fun but either signals are getting crossed or she just really doesn't care what you think or how you feel.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 2:44:44 AM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL.... I had nothing to do with it. I swear...

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Usako)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 6:16:17 AM

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Yes you need to talk to her and tell her she is moving too fast. You will have to be strong and stand up for what works and doesn't work for you. Can you do that? The problem with doing things this way is that she has violated your trust. Had she taken things more slowly and discussed them with you, over time, you might have agreed to this activity and found you enjoyed it. Instead she pushed you into something and now it will probably have a somewhat traumatic association for you. (stupid Dom/mes!!!) Anyway, if she doesn't seem willing to hear your concerns, you have to be willing to walk away. Can you do that?

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 6:22:19 AM

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Dominants, whether male or female, often enjoy pushing a sub's limits. There can be an unspoken statement behind it that your choice is to go through with it or leave the relationship.

It is not unusual at all for a female sub to be expected to perform sexually with another female, whether she wants to or not. For some reason it seems to bother people more when it is a male being taken by either another male or transgendered person.

You will not know exactly why she wants this unless you ask her. She might have enjoyed being a voyeur, your humiliation, your willingness to go beyond your comfort limits to please her, or any number of other things. You need to ask yourself whether you felt that you were paid back for your sacrifice to her. If that made it worth it to you then maybe it is something that you could do again. If you are getting little to no payback for your heroic efforts then it is a different story.

_____________________________

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 8:22:59 AM

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I'd say it isn't that she went too fast but that you both went to fast.

One meeting face-to-face at her home then a scene right afterwards?! That's too fast right from the start in my book.

I know the thrill of thinking you've found someone but life is too short and too long to rush into things that can harm you like this.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to XXXhael)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 8:41:45 AM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

As a fast reply...

Unless you mentioned it is a hard limit of yours, I can't find any fault with her and you let it happen so there.

To be honest, if you want to have somebody who delivers a session a la carte, fulfill your kinks and cater to them, you might be better off booking a professional session where it is a service, you find a Domme who is into it and you get what you want, also you have no obligations once the session is over. A life-style relationship will always be a bit of give and take and unless you make hard limits very clear from the beginning, it's entirely your fault. Also I think you rushed into this at great speed, learn to walk before you run!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to thetammyjo)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 8:57:13 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

I think about this topic enought . I see that all opinions are close to eachother. It means I dont need to think so much It is very open.
I made a mistake to be fast. But even I feel that It is going fast , I didnt say anything cause of being submissive. I think she know what she do. Probably I finish my relation, but I wont behaive bad and I will talk with her. Thank You for all with your opinions..
I dont know how I had this situation after having enough experiences about being submissive. But anyway, every step shows something new in this life.

_____________________________

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 9:44:29 AM

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

I hope you'll be careful. When she brought someone into the scene, without you knowing them at all, without any chance for you to judge whether or not you wanted them there, that other person could be anyone. Maybe she doesn't even know them well.

When you ask, faithful or stupid, I would say more like, inexperienced and risky. You were obedient and submitted, and maybe you feel that you should be that way, to be a good and true submissive. But you can respect your own limits and your own nature, and still be a good submissive. It's good to be honest with a dominant, and if that dominant and you aren't right for each other, that happens, that's okay.

But even a dog only becomes faithful and obedient to one leader, after they have experience with that leader.

Maybe she enjoyed the scene you describe, but I would also consider the possibility that she was paid by that other person, for the scene that you had. It just sounds off, to me.

(in reply to XXXhael)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 10:12:46 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: XXXhael

First of all, thank You very much for your interest.
I think I will talk with her first. Than If she dont understand me or myfeelings , I wont go again.
But I'm trying to say that What can a person feel to watch even her slave have sex with shemale?
It can be maybe after starting to get bored with same things, but firstly I think You have to share something with your slave,master ..
Also Lockit , I think that I am so attentive person, I mean I respect people and care about them. Maybe because of It, I lose sometimes.
Thank You for showing It.

To answer your question about why this started so early in the relationship: Some dominant women enjoy seeing their submissive men have sex with other men just because they enjoy it -- it has nothing to do with boredom... they just like it, period. From day 1, it's something they want as part of their relationship. The preference doesn't mean that she doesn't like the submissive or that she's bored with the person... just that it is something she enjoys.

The important thing, for me, is that you don't enjoy it. Therefore, you need to find out whether this is something she is willing to let go of. If the answer is that she wants to see sex with you and her shemale friend(s), and you don't want to do this, it is not a reflection on you... it is just a sign that this isn't the right relationship for you, or for her, and it's time to keep looking.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to XXXhael)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/23/2008 8:37:01 PM

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
Dominants, whether male or female, often enjoy pushing a sub's limits. There can be an unspoken statement behind it that your choice is to go through with it or leave the relationship.

Some "dominants" are creepy and evil and about a half step removed from actively criminal, imho.

The idea that this domme did "nothing wrong" is ridiculous, in my opinion. This was completely unacceptable treatment of an inexperienced sub. It would be unacceptable behavior in any relationship, D/S or not--you don't spring new partners on people without introduction and negotiation, no matter what their orientation is or what your contract is. At best it's inconsiderate and hygienically unsafe. At worst it's rape.

It's people like this that give BDSM the bad name that apparently it sometimes completely deserves. Just because your sexuality is "alternative" doesn't mean that you can abandon all sexual ethics and common courtesy. Sheesh.

P.S. And no, just for the record, I don't think it's cute when male dominants make straight female subs "perform" with other women, either, especially without negotiation.

< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 11/23/2008 8:40:49 PM >

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/24/2008 5:44:56 AM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I guess it depends a bit, I saw no indication that he was indeed forced to endure, that he couldn't have said "NO" at any point in time and walked away.

The same if a guy thinks a girl owes him sex for dinner, simply doesn't work and it's up to the individual to make clear that they are not going along with it.

quote:

After 5 or maybe 10 minutes she said she want to watch me how I fucked by a shemale. I am straight and she knows that.
I didnt say anything to not make her feel bad in front of her friend. I concantrate and dream that I am having a strap-on action not with a shemale. I did what she wants. She said that she likes it so much, and want us to make it again for next meeting.

All that indicates that he gave her the impression that he willingly went along, so while what she did wouldn't be something I would do, she had the right to do what she did and he had the right at any point to stop it. Grown ups make those choices for themselves, if you don't like something, say so and walk away, simple as that.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/24/2008 7:35:50 AM

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
The idea that this domme did "nothing wrong" is ridiculous, in my opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I guess it depends a bit, I saw no indication that he was indeed forced to endure, that he couldn't have said "NO" at any point in time and walked away.

I think it was a shared responsibility. I think it was his responsibility to state his limits.

That said, sex with other persons, especially sex with another man, is an activity that most responsible dominants would discuss beforehand. Per the OP, she knows he is straight.

I sense there was an agenda in place. I expect she and her friend planned this scene ahead of time. The first step was to have him enter and then slowly proceed towards the scene--a foot in the door and ooch approach. It is possible for dominants to cross a boundary by exploiting the moment when one is in subspace, or by leaning against the desperation created by ratios. In such cases, I expect you have the feeling of being treated unfairly or manipulated after the event, as we do in this case.

So I think she shares the responsibility. Furthermore, I am suspicious about her ethics--I don't think it was the case that she didn't think he would mind but more a case of could she sneak this up on him because she enjoys seeing it and most men are resistant to it.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 11/24/2008 7:46:11 AM >

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/24/2008 7:45:43 AM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
Dominants, whether male or female, often enjoy pushing a sub's limits. There can be an unspoken statement behind it that your choice is to go through with it or leave the relationship.

Some "dominants" are creepy and evil and about a half step removed from actively criminal, imho.

The idea that this domme did "nothing wrong" is ridiculous, in my opinion. This was completely unacceptable treatment of an inexperienced sub. It would be unacceptable behavior in any relationship, D/S or not--you don't spring new partners on people without introduction and negotiation, no matter what their orientation is or what your contract is. At best it's inconsiderate and hygienically unsafe. At worst it's rape.

It's people like this that give BDSM the bad name that apparently it sometimes completely deserves. Just because your sexuality is "alternative" doesn't mean that you can abandon all sexual ethics and common courtesy. Sheesh.

P.S. And no, just for the record, I don't think it's cute when male dominants make straight female subs "perform" with other women, either, especially without negotiation.

There is no indication from what was said that it was anything close to rape. People throw that around way too much. It's irresponsible.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 11/24/2008 7:48:26 AM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/24/2008 8:07:51 AM

Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Most Dommes will learn to make things perfectly clear before there is any action.
Otherwise they get bad reps.
I get the feeling this Domme will not be someone you can be happy with.,unless you like
the humiliation of being treated as an object ..an end to a means.
Maybe she will broaden your horizons?

edited to add...
You are not stupid..just unsure..and you are filling your need to submit..big difference

< Message edited by redpetals -- 11/24/2008 8:12:22 AM >

_____________________________

Love is a verb.

(in reply to undergroundsea)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/24/2008 8:18:18 AM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I don't know, I have seen the "Anything you like Mistress" approach so often, that whenever I see it, I automatically take a step backwards, the ones who claim that they will do "anything" are the ones who scream the loudest if they aren't getting dominated they way they want.

The OT said he didn't say a thing, well, it is his body, he SHOULD say NO if it is violating a hard limit, a domme is not a mind reader. BDSM is something only consenting adults should indulge in, from an adult I EXPECT that he or she will tell me hard limits, that they are responsible enough to speak up for themselves and look after themselves and in general behave like adults.

First thing I do before I actually indulge with somebody in BDSM play is ask them their hard limits, along with health concerns and all, forgetting something really important like a hard limit is not easy, I can't imagine that somebody would just start a session without discussing limits.

I can see that with his interest in strapon and crossdressing she thought he would be open to it, but she should have been a bit more careful, on the other hand, he could see where it was leading and did not say a word. Seriously, hard limits is usually the first thing that comes up, even before likes, if the dominant is not clued up enough to mention them, the submissive should.

I wouldn't trust somebody who keeps hard limits from me, what else do I have to worry that he won't tell me? Health problems?

Edited because cat pressed the send button too quick

< Message edited by LadyConstanze -- 11/24/2008 8:19:17 AM >

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to undergroundsea)

RE: Am I faithful or stupid? - 11/24/2008 8:29:13 AM

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

As many other posters have already said... speak up. State your limits. It doesn't make you any less of a submissive in doing so. It makes you a safe human being. And that's where everyone ought to start from, in my opinion.

Instead of meeting her in a private space again, call her. State that the scene was not positive. Firmly tell her that you have no interest in anything like that again. And if she apologies and recognizes that she overstepped her bounds... continue to discuss limits.

I would also suggest that you get yourself STD tested, now and again in six months. There's absolutely no telling what kind of risk you're at by having sexual contact with a stranger. If she was fine with putting your emotional well-being at risk she may very well be more than capable of putting your health at risk as well.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to redpetals)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Am I faithful or stupid?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.080