RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect"

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RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/15/2009 8:29:05 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I don't blame someone at all for putting that in their profile. There are too many people that feel "I am _____ so you should automatically respect me". It is as true in the vanilla world as it is here, and the person may be fed up with that type of thinking.

Yes, respect is an action verb. While a small amount of respect may be automatically given a deeper one needs to be earned. It takes time and trustworthy actions to do that. We all have triggers that will make us lose respect quickly. One of mine, for instance, is someone not being able to control their temper. While I might still have some respect for the person for their good qualities I wouldn't have enough respect to turn my mind and body over to the person to do with as they willed. I cannot allow some to control me who has little control over themselves.

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RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/15/2009 10:00:45 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Works both ways. I don't want to have someone submit to me whom I cannot respect.

Strip away the D/s, and it's nothing more than a relationship, and who wants one of those with someone unrespectable?

This is what I was thinking also!

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/15/2009 12:04:07 PM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
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i'd up the ante to "i will only give intimate control over me to a person i can love". (for whatever value of love you wish to give.)

cause i can respect someone and still not want to perform intimate acts with them. and for me, putting myself under their control in a non wage-slave situation is intimate. wage-slave situation is sometimes out of my control, money has to come into the household.

and while we can say "submit" and mean only "in a BDSM context"...lets face it, a lot of us have to submit our time to a boss we cant stand, or a manager we cant trust to treat us like human beings, or give customer service to some Entitlement Whore (of any gender) who makes our life hell because we're "only salespeople".

we submit ourselves for a lot of things. that doesnt mean we give control over our entire being.

kitten, who isnt right in the head and is digging too deep for meaning today

kitten

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RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/15/2009 12:34:46 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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While i am not discourteous or rude to new people, if i were in the market for a Dominant, someone who i plan to submit and relinquish authority over my life to, there must be something about Him and the way that He runs His life before i would submit to Him. That does NOT mean that i am throwing down some sort of gauntlet or that my submission is something that has to be wrestled from my grasp, but what it does mean to quote a song that i like, "If he can't even run his own life, i'll be damned if he'll run mine."

Which to agree with a couple of previous posters seems to be a self-evident concept, i want to submit to someone i don't respect?? That just sounds silly.

heartfelt

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RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/15/2009 12:46:45 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
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~FR~
I need to be able to trust someone before I could ever respect them. Granted there are some people you respect solely based upon their presence, but even then, I have come across those that its only a performance. Get them alone and they turn into the biggest a$$e$ on the planet and I just want to get as far away as I can possibly get. Then of course having to put up with the worst because there is no where else to go. Certainly you can respect someone for their age, specifically if they are 80+yo, they have earned it because of their life experience.
Most here I give the benefit of the doubt like anyone else. There are some that have already earned my respect, but that is only here in forum because I have never met them in real life.
The matter of love was post and I would like to share with you my perception on that. I believe it is important that there needs to be some kind of affection that might be beyond the corporeal and difficult to explain. From that point, emotions rise to the surface and the individual makes you feel special. Feeling special or being treated as special, soon develops into a fondness and a wanting to be with that person. I do not believe love can be instant but it is certainly an emotion that strengthens over time.
I find it difficult to believe there are that many that believe in what I have posted. I find that there are too many that dwell upon the flesh and euphoria to give love a chance to even take root within the subconscious.
Occasionally a member posts that they have indeed found love with someone that they also respect and I can only offer my congrats to them.
Its just too bad there are just so many that make such values in another individual as being insignificant and meaningless. Often refer to such individuals as being users.

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RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/16/2009 7:39:14 AM

welcomerain

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/28/2008
From: Toronto
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quote:

It's more another version of the "Cross my gauntlet of submission to receive my wonderous GIFT and PROVE your WORTH!" deal. Respect is an active process, but saying it like that is like saying "I'm not a doormat!" Well, if you aren't then it's obvious and you don't need to say it. It should really go without saying that you won't be in a relationship with someone you don't respect. Saying it just lets people know it's a sore spot they can exploit.

I don't see it quite that way. I think it is fairly a fairly basic and obvious thing to say if you've been in the scene for 15 years. Not everybody has been in the scene for 15 years. If someone is just getting their feet wet, saying "I'm not a doormat" may make perfect sense. Once they have learned to tune out the riff-raff, they can (and probably will) change their message to something a little more personal.

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RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/16/2009 10:52:45 AM

cubletMS

Posts: 28
Joined: 1/3/2009
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i think it depends in what context that is being said. If it being said as a statement, in a profile or something, then yes- i can see why people would say that's stating the obvious.

But there are two other points or views that come up in my head. A lot of people have said "well why would you be in a relationship to someone you don't respect?". But so far, in my relatively short experience with BDSM, i have already come across many "subs/slaves" who will seemingly submit to lots of people, especially in a sexual context. i am not saying they are people who run around doing whatever with anyone. Just that if they meet a Dom/me for play purposes who is experienced and knows what they are doing in that sphere, then it doesn't much matter about anything else and they can get fulfillment from it and be just as motivated to submit. i think that this statement could apply to some kind of interaction outside of a committed realtionship context.

The other point that occured to me was- this statement could also take on a different meaning within the context of a more in depth conversation. I have said things like this before. All it means to me is that i do not find submitting to anyone (sexually or otherwise) fulfilling or a turn on at all unless i at the very least respect and admire them. For me to be able to give my utmost to the best of my ability it helps even more if i love the person i am submitting to. Therefore- because just submitting on its own, with no intimate, emotional dynamic has no interest to me- i will only submit to a person i can respect. It is not a demand that someone else be respectable. Just a simple statement of how i feel inside. In that respect- i think it can simply be a qualifying statement. As in- i am like this, not like this.
cubletMS
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RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/16/2009 11:04:50 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: welcomerain

quote:

It's more another version of the "Cross my gauntlet of submission to receive my wonderous GIFT and PROVE your WORTH!" deal. Respect is an active process, but saying it like that is like saying "I'm not a doormat!" Well, if you aren't then it's obvious and you don't need to say it. It should really go without saying that you won't be in a relationship with someone you don't respect. Saying it just lets people know it's a sore spot they can exploit.

I don't see it quite that way. I think it is fairly a fairly basic and obvious thing to say if you've been in the scene for 15 years. Not everybody has been in the scene for 15 years. If someone is just getting their feet wet, saying "I'm not a doormat" may make perfect sense. Once they have learned to tune out the riff-raff, they can (and probably will) change their message to something a little more personal.

True enough, especially if theyre familiar with these definitions directly from the dictionary:
submissive: Disposed to submission; docile.
submission: The state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

(in reply to welcomerain)

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