"I will only submit to a person I can respect"

"I will only submit to a person I can respect" (Full Version)

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OmegaG -> "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 7:08:27 AM)
I see this statement now and again and today it occured to me that respecting a person isn't a passive act, I don't think that someone can force another to respect them just by sheer power of will. Instead if I want to respect someone, I have to be open minded to the possibility, I have to be willing to allow them to be who they are and I have to be in a place of mind where I can appreciate the person as an individual. I cannot have a closed mind about who I will respect or have a "make me" attitude because if I approach a person with negativity all I will see is negativity in them. And once I do find someone that I feel I can respect, I have to maintain and nurture that respect. If that person has quirks that I don't appreciate it is my responsibility to communicate that with them rather then stuff it deep within me until it festers to a point where I loose all respect. Respect, it seems to me, is an action verb and I need to be aware and involved in making it happen.

CalifChick -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 8:43:30 AM)
Omega, it seems like one of those trite things that people put in their profile that really doesn't mean anything. Goes right up there with "I won't submit to just anyone"... like that is such an unusual thing that it has to be said?? Seems like the reverse is true, if you would submit to someone you did not respect or submit to anyone, then THAT should be said. Cali

hardbodysub -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 8:50:37 AM)
I don't think it's really that trite. This site is overflowing with so-called dominants who act as though they're God's gift to the world, and subs should be falling all over themselves to court them and serve them, for no reason other than they *say* that they're dominant. And a lot of subs seem to be so desperate that they're willing to do just about anything just to get someone to dominate them.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 9:26:00 AM)
It's more another version of the "Cross my gauntlet of submission to receive my wonderous GIFT and PROVE your WORTH!" deal. Respect is an active process, but saying it like that is like saying "I'm not a doormat!" Well, if you aren't then it's obvious and you don't need to say it. It should really go without saying that you won't be in a relationship with someone you don't respect. Saying it just lets people know it's a sore spot they can exploit.

bound4more -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 9:43:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG I see this statement now and again and today it occured to me that respecting a person isn't a passive act, I don't think that someone can force another to respect them just by sheer power of will. Instead if I want to respect someone, I have to be open minded to the possibility, I have to be willing to allow them to be who they are and I have to be in a place of mind where I can appreciate the person as an individual. I cannot have a closed mind about who I will respect or have a "make me" attitude because if I approach a person with negativity all I will see is negativity in them. And once I do find someone that I feel I can respect, I have to maintain and nurture that respect. If that person has quirks that I don't appreciate it is my responsibility to communicate that with them rather then stuff it deep within me until it festers to a point where I loose all respect. Respect, it seems to me, is an action verb and I need to be aware and involved in making it happen. Courtesy and respect are different. I attempt to be courteous to all. However, respect is something I experience due to who a person is, how they conduct themselves and how they treat others. It's not something I automatically give simply because someone thinks they're entitled to it or they're a "dominant" or whatever. Respect is something for me that comes from a feeling of admiration for another. It's not something I feel for everyone. I can be courteous to all, I can be obligingly respectful, but not really feel respect for someone. For example I may have an employer that I don't particularly like or agree with. I may not truly respect him, but I will give respect to his authority, the authority that says - you act as I wish or you may find yourself out of a job." ha ha. I think I respect the least those who think they are just automatically entitled to everyones respect. So in terms of submission, damn straight I only submit to one I respect. I also don't go to the supermarket for shoes. LOL

Mercnbeth -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 9:51:53 AM)
it is the other way around for this slave...as per usual. this slave starts out having respect for folks, as fellow human beings on the planet. they don't have to go out of their way to prove anything in order to receive that from this slave. folks this slave has no respect for, have actually done or said something to *earn* that *lack* of respect. the only other thing this slave would like to add is that desperation is not always the impetus for one who submits to everyone. it could just very well be the way they are wired. Edited (Merc): Fortunately, I balance out beth. I don't trust anyone, and I don't give away respect. I give courtesy to everyone and have appreciation for any honorarium, or 'title' they've achieved (i.e. MD); however, respect comes from being able to prove themselves by observed behavior and interactions with me and others. Respect doesn't come easy, but can be lost very easily. I don't give second chances to anyone but those who share my genetic material. Same with people, 'lifestyle' notwithstanding. Call yourself anything you like. I can manage to verbalize the words 'master' and 'lord' and they will come out sounding like 'asshole'; if that's how your actions and attitude have disclosed. This was one of our favorite discussion topics when we first met. There wasn't any attempt to try to change the other, but we made a little game of it. We kept 'score' of which of us, had a more accurate 'prejudice' (because that's really what it is, a pre-judgment) about respecting and/or trusting people. I think I'm 'wining'. However the problem is, beth's been hurt, literally and figuratively, much more than I have over our life path prior to meeting. I'd am pleasantly surprised to have misplaced my skepticism. beth's openness is likely to have generated bruises, debt, and, at best, disappointment.

OmegaG -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 10:43:15 AM)
beth, I think that I am somewhat like you. I choose to trust and respect people until they prove to me that they don't deserve the trust or respect. For me, to be merely curtious to a person means that I have determined that they are not a person that I wish to associate with and I will treat them with the civility that I believe most humans deserve. That is not to say that I am a pollyanny of any sort, I initially trust or respect with my eyes wide open and if a person reinforces that feeling then I will let down my guard somewhat.

iheartperverts -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 11:04:19 AM)
I have met people who at least made me feel like respecting them was the only real option I had, because they were just that exceptional. I don't remember ever having to nurture or maintain it. It just was. I'm sure that some people are just trying to fill their profiles when they state the obvious.

DesFIP -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 11:14:30 AM)
I don't feel I need to have an open mind about respecting someone. If they drink excessively, talk badly about their ex, mistreat their elder or younger generational relatives, steal from their boss etc then I'm not going to ever respect them. Unfortunately I don't find that these sorts of people hide it well, so I usually know the first time I meet them if I am open to ever wanting to talk to them again. Now if they don't do anything bad enough to make me cross them off my list, I may like them socially but respect takes a while to earn. You have to have a history with the person to really know enough about them in order to be sure you aren't making a mistake submitting. History meaning they don't pick you up for a date on time just once, but always. History enough to have them make multiple promises and keep those promises, and not make a promise they aren't sure they can keep. Somehow the term open mind seems to indicate that you don't want to see them again yet feel for whatever reason that you ought to. I don't pick my personal relationships based on I ought to, that gets a little close to a pity fuck. I have to be inspired to submit; and a large part of that is them meriting my respect.

OmegaG -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 11:23:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I don't feel I need to have an open mind about respecting someone. If they drink excessively, talk badly about their ex, mistreat their elder or younger generational relatives, steal from their boss etc then I'm not going to ever respect them. Unfortunately I don't find that these sorts of people hide it well, so I usually know the first time I meet them if I am open to ever wanting to talk to them again. Now if they don't do anything bad enough to make me cross them off my list, I may like them socially but respect takes a while to earn. You have to have a history with the person to really know enough about them in order to be sure you aren't making a mistake submitting. History meaning they don't pick you up for a date on time just once, but always. History enough to have them make multiple promises and keep those promises, and not make a promise they aren't sure they can keep. Somehow the term open mind seems to indicate that you don't want to see them again yet feel for whatever reason that you ought to. I don't pick my personal relationships based on I ought to, that gets a little close to a pity fuck. I have to be inspired to submit; and a large part of that is them meriting my respect. I mean that when I meet someone, I don't have preconcieved notions about them. Your above example is of people who showed you their quality quickly so you have reasons not to respect them. Before you learned about the negativity that they shout out to the world, what were your thoughts about them? Now there are people that I respect for their convictions, yet they are not compatible with me so I can respect them from a distance. Respect doesn't automatically mean that I need a relationship with a person.

RainydayNE -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 11:32:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub I don't think it's really that trite. This site is overflowing with so-called dominants who act as though they're God's gift to the world, and subs should be falling all over themselves to court them and serve them, for no reason other than they *say* that they're dominant. And a lot of subs seem to be so desperate that they're willing to do just about anything just to get someone to dominate them. i agree with this, i don't think it's necessarily trite saying that you want to respect someone before submitting to them. and i can also agree with beth saying that she starts out respecting and then the loss is earned. people tend to show you reasons to not respect them pretty fast (atleast online) i didn't go on a dramatic collarme quest to find my Dom, so i dunno how it really works on sites like this i don't necessarily think i start out with full-on respect, or even trust. i start out with courtesy, and respect builds over time.

agirl -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 2:11:41 PM)
''I will only submit to a person I can respect''... Well, there's a fair few posts that suggest that people DO actually submit to people they don't respect or have lost respect for. All the same, I agree with LA that actually saying it is stating the obvious. I can't imagine anyone adding ..* Open to submitting to someone I don't respect*..lol agirl

subtee -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 2:33:15 PM)
quote: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" See, that's sooo to-tall-y true for me. No matter how much respect I have for, say, sharks or your ursine mammals (bears for the lay folks), or even something from the badger family, for me it's gotta be a person. YMMV.

NorthernGent -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 2:38:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee See, that's sooo to-tall-y true for me. No matter how much respect I have for, say, sharks or your ursine mammals (bears for the lay folks), or even something from the badger family, for me it's gotta be a penguin. YMMV.

subtee -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 2:57:27 PM)
Hey, NG, don't get your panties in a bunch! I do, in fact, "harbor" a great deal of respect for the penguins. (Did you see their "March" flick?) However, they do not inspire submission. They inspire shivering.

NorthernGent -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 3:26:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee Hey, NG, don't get your panties in a bunch! It's like untangling a rubix cube. quote: ORIGINAL: subtee I do, in fact, "harbor" a great deal of respect for the penguins. So you should. Me too. Have you ever prayed at the feet of a penguin for forgiveness? I know I have. quote: ORIGINAL: subtee (Did you see their "March" flick?) My favourite film. Much better than "Penguin Love' with that Chinese bloke playing the main penguin. quote: ORIGINAL: subtee However, they do not inspire submission. They inspire shivering. 'Will take a good man to turn your head, Subtee, if a penguin can't do it.

DesFIP -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 4:16:34 PM)
First off; giggling at subtee and NG. quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG I mean that when I meet someone, I don't have preconcieved notions about them. Your above example is of people who showed you their quality quickly so you have reasons not to respect them. Before you learned about the negativity that they shout out to the world, what were your thoughts about them? Omega, haven't you ever met someone who you could judge immediately as not someone you want to talk to? Without even knowing anything much about them? Just immediate intuitive response that this person is seriously creepy or weird? Because I have. And I'm not going to keep an open mind when my intuition is screaming "Get the fuck away now". I'm fairly good at judging immediately, and I've never been wrong about immediate creepiness factors. Or about arrogant people. Some personality traits come across without words through body language, we put it together long before we sit down to consider what we have learned about them. And that first instinct is always, IMO, to be trusted.

DarkSteven -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 5:59:40 PM)
Works both ways. I don't want to have someone submit to me whom I cannot respect. Strip away the D/s, and it's nothing more than a relationship, and who wants one of those with someone unrespectable?

oceanwynds -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/14/2009 7:02:19 PM)
Yes for me it is true. I can't even fathom submitting to someone just to submit. I cant even fathom to be in any type of relationship just to be in one.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect" (1/15/2009 7:52:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth I don't trust anyone, and I don't give away respect. I give courtesy to everyone and have appreciation for any honorarium, or 'title' they've achieved (i.e. MD); however, respect comes from being able to prove themselves by observed behavior and interactions with me and others. Respect doesn't come easy, but can be lost very easily. I don't give second chances to anyone but those who share my genetic material. This would also be me. I extend courtesy to everyone but my respect must be earned. To take it one step further there are folks i respect that i would never submit to but i must have a great deal of respect for the one i do submit to as well.

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