RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression

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RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/2/2004 5:42:30 PM

GoddessDustyGold

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From: Arizona
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Wonderful post. And I find Myself laughing as I read your example of an introductory letter and checked back to see the date of the original post. For I did, in fact, receive, almost word for word, this letter of introduction. But on all points I agree, and in addition, Mistress Zanthia's statement about their needs and interests. And please do not brag about how wonderful you are in the oral servitude arena. I don't care that you think you can "go for hours". I expect to train you, but I do not expect you to do it right! I find I also look at screen names (they tell Me alot) and when I see obvious sexuality in those chosen identities, it turns Me off. I prefer something respectful and look to see how much care was taken in presenting himself to Me. This is a great tutorial, and it is an excellent idea to see how the Lady has presented herself in profile and take your cue from that. I will add that I immediately check the profile of a writer, and often see nothing there. No profile, no essay, no photo, and a big, long list of interests. That, accompanied by a quick "hello, I lk ur profile n wd lk to srv u" is not going to do it for Me! Serve Me how?
Thank you for your hard work in putting this together. It is wonderful and I, likewise, ask permission to use this or portions of it in a group chat I host each Sunday morning. It is something that has already been under discussion in that group.

Mistress/Goddess DustyGold

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/3/2004 6:53:34 AM

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
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quote:

accompanied by a quick "hello, I lk ur profile n wd lk to srv u" is not going to do it for Me!

YES!... that is a Big NO NO for me too.. If they are too lazy to completely spell out a word, then they are too lazy for me. Tis probably my biggest turn off. That and those one sentance emails you get that simple say. Hello, I'm Mike.....

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/3/2004 9:39:28 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

Thank you for your hard work in putting this together. It is wonderful and I, likewise, ask permission to use this or portions of it in a group chat I host each Sunday morning. It is something that has already been under discussion in that group.

Be our guest. Information wants to be free but the authors always appreciate a little recognition.

I find it hilarious that some guy had the ball to copy/paste the letter even after we told him not to. I guess they don't realise the power of the SheDomme Alliance ;)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/3/2004 9:55:06 AM

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

[

quote:

I find it hilarious that some guy had the ball to copy/paste the letter even after we told him not to. I guess they don't realise the power of the SheDomme Alliance ;)

- LA

lol.. what a cad. I refer allot of the emails I get to this thread it still amazes how many time they will read it and reply back with.. great thread but that is too much work.. or I don't have time to read it. Too lazy for me with that attitude.

I don't play hard to get.. I am hard to get!

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/3/2004 2:12:53 PM

Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaitresseEden

quote:

accompanied by a quick "hello, I lk ur profile n wd lk to srv u" is not going to do it for Me!

YES!... that is a Big NO NO for me too.. If they are too lazy to completely spell out a word, then they are too lazy for me. Tis probably my biggest turn off. That and those one sentance emails you get that simple say. Hello, I'm Mike.....

Ms. Eden

as long as we're talking about turn-offs...for me, its when someone calls themselves a dominate...no, that's what you do, what you are is a Dominant...i know it's nit picky, but if this is what You really are, shouldn't You know how to spell it?

Just my two cents.

sting

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/3/2004 2:42:07 PM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

I don't play hard to get.. I am hard to get!

I want this as my bumper sticker!!!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/3/2004 2:51:01 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

It would make a cute t-shirt as well.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/3/2004 8:23:20 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressZanthia

I may be an odd bird but I when considering personal boys, I don't want to hear word one about his sexual desires/fantasies/skills. I don't know the man yet and could care less what sexual things he brings to the table until I know him better and have expressed interest in knowing about them

I agree. But, I read the lists of interests and decide if I want to contact him or not. I think they use the interest list as a wish list. But, when I read them I assume these are things he has actually experienced and wants more of. So, if I see a grocery list with things on it that ick me I don't spend more time and effort on the list owner. A big list is a tip off that either he is too hard core for me or really doesn't know what he wants and is likely a hng.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to MistressZanthia)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/5/2004 12:28:58 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Thank you for your hard work in putting this together. It is wonderful and I, likewise, ask permission to use this or portions of it in a group chat I host each Sunday morning. It is something that has already been under discussion in that group.

Be our guest. Information wants to be free but the authors always appreciate a little recognition.

I find it hilarious that some guy had the ball to copy/paste the letter even after we told him not to. I guess they don't realise the power of the SheDomme Alliance ;)

- LA

I absolutely will give credit, and thank you so much!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/24/2004 5:35:06 PM

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Joined: 10/22/2004
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Lady Angelika,

Thank You so much for Your suggestions.

One thing i learned out in Hollywood was that you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

In my initial email contacts, i've been working hard to include simple honesty. (i guess honesty is my theme for tonight: just posted one about that in another forum!) i decided that, all the "W/we, i/I," kind of stuff aside, if i was just honest about who i am and what i'm hoping to find, i might have a better chance of finding it.

Also, whenever possible, i try to inject a little humor into the initial email, even if it's just a smiley next to my closing. If i can make the Lady smile, then at least i've accomplished something positive. Or if i can show Her that i smile about these things, and am not in deadly earnest right from the start, then maybe She'll deign to answer. And then -- who knows...?

harpo

(in reply to monsieur42)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/24/2004 7:12:04 PM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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Credit goes out to MaitresseEden as well.

I'm glad you are finding this useful. You seem (by your recent posts) to be going through a lot of changes. I wish you so much success with that. The road of self-improvement is a difficult one but the rewards are phenomenal.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to harpomrx)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/25/2004 2:42:44 PM

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Joined: 10/9/2004
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I would add to Lady Angelika's letter that a slave should be open and honest, and know themselves for what they are, not what they want to be.

Regards

_____________________________

Chris Green

Matron, sister or nurse wanted,
to administer discipline to unruly patient.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/25/2004 3:28:33 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrisGreen

I would add to Lady Angelika's letter that a slave should be open and honest, and know themselves for what they are, not what they want to be.

I would modify this to say that both parties should be open and honest, and not only know themselves for who they are, but also know who they want to be.

Growth is good.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to ChrisGreen)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 10/26/2004 2:16:10 PM

Posts: 33
Joined: 10/18/2004
From: West Yorkshire, UK
Status: offline

Great thread!

While I can't say the initial approach suggested would be perfect for me it has HUGE value in trying to educate subs. I can't bear long lists of what a sub is into sexually on first contact - or questions and requests to do X,Y or whatever for "my" pleasure.

If I can be bothered to reply to those type of mails it usually along teh lines of:_
- but your own toys, don't expect me to supply them
or
- go and pay for your pleasures if you are going to show so little interest and understanding of mine.

Personally I like it when a sub has paid attention to posts as well as often they will be more informative than a profile and it shows someone has done their research.

_____________________________

"Producing Brindle mice is fortunately very simple. Brindle is dominant...The easiest way is to find an English male with exceptional type...There is no reason Brindles can't have elegant ears, big eyes, long bodies and well set-on whip-like tails."

(in reply to stef)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 11/11/2004 6:34:54 AM

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brindle

Great thread!

While I can't say the initial approach suggested would be perfect for me it has HUGE value in trying to educate subs. I can't bear long lists of what a sub is into sexually on first contact - or questions and requests to do X,Y or whatever for "my" pleasure.

If I can be bothered to reply to those type of mails it usually along teh lines of:_
- but your own toys, don't expect me to supply them
or
- go and pay for your pleasures if you are going to show so little interest and understanding of mine.

Personally I like it when a sub has paid attention to posts as well as often they will be more informative than a profile and it shows someone has done their research.

I hear other Domme's say this, that they don't want to hear a sub say they want to do things for her pleasure, and I not sure I get that. The opposite would be doing something for his own wouldn't it?

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to Brindle)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 11/11/2004 7:50:43 AM

Posts: 19
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

Brindle:
or questions and requests to do X,Y or whatever for "my" pleasure.

I hear other Domme's say this, that they don't want to hear a sub say they want to do things for her pleasure, and I not sure I get that. The opposite would be doing something for his own wouldn't it?

Ms. Eden

I think Brindle's point is the "sub" is saying they want X, Y or Z done to them allegedly for the Domme's pleasure (in reality for the sub's pleasure). e.g. "I'd love to have you whip me 'til I bleed for your pleasure" as opposed to "I'd love to cook you your favourite meal and then do the dishes" - or clean your bathroom or whatever.

Respectfully,
D

< Message edited by subdreams1955 -- 11/11/2004 7:52:27 AM >

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 11/11/2004 2:09:59 PM

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
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There is one more dime of info Id like to add:

I personally am the kind of Mistress whom has what I seek posted and much of that gives a clue into what kind of servitude I seek and since I prefer to only deal with those whom relate to the role of 24/7 slave an not sub I like
those writing Me to ask permission first if they may speak or write to Me so if you
are a slave and know that the Dominant you are contacting expects slave like action I recomend to always ask permission for every action that you desire to take and that includes contacting a prospective Dominant. If you are a sub and your words spew of sub and do not even address what I seek or if you send Me a life story with out asking Me if I even have a interest in what you have to say that will gain you nothing but the garbage can with out being read by Me and Im sure many other Extream Dominants. Address the Dominant in a way that fits what actions you would take if serving them and look for those whom fit into the different roles such as Top/bottom-casual_ Dom-Domme/submissive-respectful protical_ Master-Mistress/slave-strict protical_. If your contacted by a Dominant whom does not fit what you seek the same would apply in letting them know They are not what you seek as well simply with out negitivity.

(in reply to subdreams1955)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 11/13/2004 11:55:22 AM

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what is munches,and is there such a thing as a slave to a slave,am not experienced or anytrhing like that,but ever since i was a kid,from as long as i can remember,i have always known on the inside that women are suppreme and that we men should serve them,i remember am incident when i was about 2 or 3 when a nursery teacher was talking to me,but i couldn't look back at her,because i dint think i was good enough to look on her beauty,at other times i found myself looking at their bums and thinking i should be thier seat,now i think my face should be,now i think my face should be buried between a woman's cheeks,and that my lips should be attached to a woman's arse,am i wrong to think that?

(in reply to MistressZanthia)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 11/13/2004 11:45:41 PM

Posts: 176
Joined: 11/6/2004
From: Lake Forest, CA
Status: offline

::jumping in here - smile::

a munch is an open event where likeminded folks can get together & share some good conversation... munches are usually at a restaurant; socials generally in a bar setting or coffeehouse... they are generally gateways for newcomers to be introduced to the local community and for friends to keep in touch in person...

btw, hi! I'm LadyBadger... have pretty much read this forum/topic & I agree with LadyAngelika and others regarding first (and continuing) contact...

what Laura said back in September re munches very much struck a chord with me... I'm very socially active in my local bdsm community and when someone asks to meet with me, I'm going to point to a nearby upcoming munch or social... it's also good to know that others know the person that interests me, as well as knowing me if he should wish references...

it's amazing how many subs do NOT wish to meet, much less attend, such an open event... however, that's a BIG test with me... what, can't meet me where I am comfortable? oh well, we're not compatible...

even though I did get my start online, such experience didn't really prepare me for real-time bdsm... establishing myself in the community took about a year or more... not to mention, gaining actual skills & practice so I *could* function as a decent Top/Domme...

so online experience doesn't hold as much weight with me as real-time and being part of a community... online for me is but one tool to meet people I otherwise wouldn't have opportunity to meet since most of folks move in very different circles real-time & wouldn't ordinarily cross paths...

nice to "meet" you all!

LadyBadger
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SoCalSMEvents
http://profiles.yahoo.com/badgerwomn

(in reply to wiper4arse)

RE: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression - 11/14/2004 8:23:46 AM

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Joined: 8/30/2004
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thank you very much LadyBadger for taking the time to reply to someone as worthless as me,i would like to attend such a thing as that,but i am very shy even with my friends,so i do i get into such a thing as that where the will be other people,is there such a place where one can get introduce into this lifestyle more slowly?like a one on one till the slave is more confident to be in a group?i hope you dont think am being stupid by asking these things.

(in reply to LadyBadger)

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