RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you to submit?

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RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/29/2010 9:47:06 AM

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My number one requirement is that they HAVE to be a geek. Doesn't matter if we're not into exactly the same geeky things (although bonus if we are) but they have to have a similar, geeky mindset for us to really be compatible. I've not really even got as far as imagining myself submitting to a non-geek, so actually doing it would be pretty much out of the question, I reckon.

They have to be well-adjusted, though, capable of dealing with reality, intelligent (most geeks I've met have been amazingly so) and passionate, both romantically and about whatever it is they're into. :D

< Message edited by sodsta -- 1/29/2010 9:52:46 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/31/2010 4:49:54 PM

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As a switch, I have a bit of a different take on this. Most of the qualities I want in a partner are the same regardless of BDSM orientation (interesting to talk with, attractive, compatible ethics, etc.). I have bottomed in a couple of relationships in the past, not because of trust, or any objection to their personality or ethics, but just because I didn't react that way with them. For me, submission is very much chemistry/reaction/inspired by the specific person. Dominance has tended to come more easily to me, but even there, the person needs to respond to me in ways that fuel my Dominance.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/31/2010 5:17:44 PM

jenf

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The number one quality that a man has to have to make me want to submit to Him is SELF-CONFIDENCE.

(in reply to osf)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/31/2010 10:09:53 PM

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I'm a switch, so my criteria is likely different then some but...

I'm a sapiosexual, so intelligence really plays the deciding role (in any of a myriad of different forms). I like someone who can best me intellectually-or, failing that, fight me to a standstill. Apart from that, there's a certain irreverence and blackness of humour that I find appealing, but it really depends on many factors.

The list of things that would make me unable to feel submissive is rather larger. I have a very strong gut reaction against what I see as an unwarranted expectation of respect or reverence, for example. (Not always the best character trait, but there it is.)

< Message edited by SubRoar -- 1/31/2010 10:10:37 PM >

_____________________________

"Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves." - Bronte

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 2/1/2010 4:08:01 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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Joined: 8/1/2009
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myself, it is intelligence and a sense of humor. As I think of Your question, those are the two consistent traits that i am always attracted to, and thus, willing to submit to.

Looks, pictures and external appearance often mean little, because when one captures the mind … the rest of me follows! <smiles> Hope this helps …

Opps subroar ... messed up ... i meant to reply to Ms. AAkasha ...

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 2/1/2010 4:10:11 PM >

(in reply to SubRoar)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 2/17/2010 4:13:53 PM

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Honesty, integrity, compassion, intelligence, self-confidence, and responsibility. He or she has to be caring, make good choices, be secure in themselves, and have realistic expectations and compatible life and relationship goals. And of course, they have to give me that hot subby thrill.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 2/17/2010 7:00:45 PM

elleX

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hello ,
emotional connection is a must , self confidence ,,
i would definitly nerer get involved with a man who does not take cares of his loves one,,,, that would tell me how he would eventually take care of me,,,,

(in reply to osf)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 2/17/2010 7:47:07 PM

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The primary items on my list would all be vanilla. i have to enjoy their company on a vanilla basis before i would ever consider submitting to them.

Having gotten past the vanilla hurdles, these are some of the qualities that i look for:

Intelligence: This is a MUST have. i have to respect a person's intellect in order to submit to them.

Confidence and a strong personality: i am a "Type A" personality and a natural leader. Many Dommes who meet me say that i am not a "real sub" because i have a very strong personality. But in my opinion, that simply means that they are not strong enough to dominate me.

Demanding: This may go hand in hand with the criterion above, but i find that the more demanding a Domme is, the more i enjoy serving them.

Physically attractive: Yes, i know it's shallow. But i need to be physically attracted to my Domme. Moreover, i prefer a Domme who KNOWS that i am physically attracted to her, and who is adept at using my own lusts to strengthen Her control over me.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 2/17/2010 7:48:52 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 2/18/2010 4:01:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I admire a great sense of humor. It's the sexiest thing about a man.

I don't even have a choice. If I can't connect with her by means of my humour, such as it is, I can't connect with her at all.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 2/18/2010 9:52:10 PM

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i'd like to add a good sense of timing to the list, if it hasn't already come up.

_____________________________

Be excellent to each other.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 2/19/2010 3:10:39 PM

velt

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As a male sub, qualities like self control and self respect are important to me. If someone is impatient or unstable and can't even control themselves, how can I expect them to control me? Also, if they can't control themselves, I can't trust them to play with me safely.

They don't have to be particularly confident for me to submit. Sometimes it is the conflict and confusion of the domme that attracts me. A fair, compassionate and patient woman that is tempted by the darkness within her compels me to submit to her. Great passion tempered by even greater discipline. Inexperience is preferable to indifference.

Openness and engagement are important as well. If she doesn't have these things, submitting to her makes as much sense as submitting to a piece of furniture I stub my toe on. The more we know about each other, the closer our connection and the deeper it is possible for me to submit. To this end, honesty (or at least my perception of her as honest...) is crucial.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 2/19/2010 8:25:09 PM

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Just to break up the earnestness of all the replies.

I want a women:

(1) Who expects tribute. As a Catholic I'm hard wired to tithe.

(2) She must have a burning desire for "no strings housework."

(3) I love double standards, so I would expect higher standards to be applied to me and more forgiving standards to be applied to her.

(4) I'm particularly attracted to cheaters, sneaking around adds much more excitement to BDSM.

(5) I like to hear a high pitched, shrill voice -- it appeals to my masochistic urges more so than spanking. Liberal use of the work "like" when speaking is more arousing than spoken French or ladies speaking with an English accent.

(6) Diapers, she has to be into diapers.

(7) Birdwatching, ultimate frizbee, CBT, hypnosis, vacuum stimulation, MMORPGs, soap making, occultism, Goth lifestyle, EMO music, neo paganism, and street hockey are "must haves."

(8) A jealous, psychotic ex boyfriend or ex-husband is a plus.

(9) Must prefer small penises.

(10) Preferably is a born again christian.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 2/19/2010 8:37:45 PM >

(in reply to eyesopened)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 2/20/2010 8:29:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: velt

As a male sub, qualities like self control and self respect are important to me. If someone is impatient or unstable and can't even control themselves, how can I expect them to control me? Also, if they can't control themselves, I can't trust them to play with me safely.

They don't have to be particularly confident for me to submit. Sometimes it is the conflict and confusion of the domme that attracts me. A fair, compassionate and patient woman that is tempted by the darkness within her compels me to submit to her. Great passion tempered by even greater discipline. Inexperience is preferable to indifference.

Openness and engagement are important as well. If she doesn't have these things, submitting to her makes as much sense as submitting to a piece of furniture I stub my toe on. The more we know about each other, the closer our connection and the deeper it is possible for me to submit. To this end, honesty (or at least my perception of her as honest...) is crucial.

_____________________________

Be excellent to each other.

(in reply to velt)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 5/28/2010 9:51:54 AM

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Ooooo... for me my Sir appelaed to me on a purely instinctive level first. He made me laugh, we shared interests and he knew how to hold a good conversation.
In time I knew I could trust him and he was very caring.

When we got into a relationship he did not know about my submissive side. One of the firsts things he said to me was that he would no doubt get quite protective of me and he hoped it wouldnt scare me off... to be honest my heart skipped a beat when he said it.
He then said that if I was talking to another person while he was around he would hope to be introduced to them... out of respect for him. Again my heart did the two-step and I began to wonder.

To cut a long story short he had never looked into D&S before so within a few weeks I told him that it was part of me but I would understand if my submissiveness may be too strange for him.... turns out he has a beautiful Dominant side which he has since been developing as time has gone on.

Now he has little extras which make me buzz. I love the way he can make me feel so completely centred with just one look, he knows I know what it means. He isnt afraid to use it no matter where we are (as it doesnt have any meaning or is probably even noticeable to the vanilla world)
He has openly wanted to learn and develop his new found position (although by his own admission it is a natural talent)
He can make me feel so protected and safe in his arms (so strong) which are the same ones he can use to overpower me and help me stay disciplined... hate to admit it but I can be quite a trying one sometimes

(in reply to petmonkey)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 5/28/2010 1:45:16 PM

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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Aakasha,

quote:

I'm interested in the POV of both male and female submissives regarding what qualities (personality, emotional, mentality) a dominant must possess in order for you to feel compelled to submit to them?

Honesty
Integrity
Mature
Responsible
Possess a sincere desire to lead and own
Understanding of human psychology
Risk Taker

quote:

Or alternatively, are there qualities a dominant might have that make it hard for you to consider submitting to them

Arrogance
Chronic Procrastinator
Immature
Untrustworthy
Poor health habits
Unstructured/Lack of direction
Sexually Incompatible
Poor problem solving skills
Zero desire for growth or change
Inability to accept ownership for his personal failings/mistakes

quote:

Are there personality quirks or aspects that strongly impact your perception of dominance and your capacity for submission, either way?

I prefer a Man that is...

Strong
Confident
Articulate
Intelligent
Knows what he wants and isn't afraid to say/go after it
Has a clear understanding of the dynamic and experience to back it up
Stimulates my mind
Non Conformist
Comfortable in his own skin
Polished with good taste
Good conversationalist
Can be fun and serious when necessary
Respectful
Wholly committed to the relationship and the furtherance of our dynamic
Sexually Adventurous

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 5/28/2010 6:42:59 PM

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Being respectful is first and foremost for me. Confidence is second. As for other quirks, saying the "right things" always helps the attraction.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 5/29/2010 4:32:31 AM

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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I need someone that's a bit stronger, smarter and more capable then I am. Someone who is quietly confident and is more likely to win people over with his smile then with barking commands. Well groomed and good hygiene are deal breakers.

The ability to laugh and not take himself too seriously and would share my odd sense of humour rife with puns and sexual innuendo.

That he has a life, interests and friends outside of what we share, that I'm not the entire focus of his life but am always somewhere in his thoughts.

That he likes the fact that the things I do for him are done from a place of joy and not a need to abase myself. He understands that words like Master or Sir are likely to be uttered with a giggle or a smile.

That his means of motivating is balanced between positive motivation and firmness.

That he takes great delight in arousing the inner slut but knows this aspect is only for him.

< Message edited by jbcurious -- 5/29/2010 4:48:54 AM >

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 5/29/2010 10:39:54 AM

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From: East Coast
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All the same things I'd need in a regular boyfriend, I need in a dominant. So of course he'd have to be interested in his health, his personal appearance, the world around us, etc. I think the only additional aspect I need is someone who has experience in bdsm and is not afraid to admit to not knowing something but is intelligent enough to do research on it.

I went out with a guy who was very "Let's just try it, and see what happens!" and that did not go well.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 5/29/2010 2:12:40 PM

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cloudboy,

quote:

I want a women:

(1) Who expects tribute. As a Catholic I'm hard wired to tithe.

(3) I love double standards, so I would expect higher standards to be applied to me and more forgiving standards to be applied to her.

Come on. A little deification never hurt. *lol*

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 5/29/2010 7:48:27 PM

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Joined: 3/19/2010
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Intelligence, integrity, compassion, self discipline

(in reply to porcelaine)

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