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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/20/2010 8:41:42 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tebo

The term submission becomes a matter of perspective and in that context whatever one thinks it is is the right answer. For example, if I was to ask you to point up, most of us would look toward the sky and point in that direction. So the person standing on the north pole, are they more right or wrong than than one standing on the south pole, but they are in fact pointing in opposite directions, but still both pointing up.

Maybe the problem we has is the lack of definitive terms in this community and maybe in life in general. I submit hundreds of times a day. Give someone the right-of-way or open a door or relinquish my place in a que and on and on. Therefore I characterize submission as a choice and can change from time to time. So maybe the terms should go like this.

1. Submission with ulterior motive is not really submission. "Oh baby, I'll do whatever you want", so long it's what I want to do.
2. Sumission in and of itself, but there may be days you will submit and then possibly the next day not to the same thing.
3. Unconditional submission without mind but not mindlessly aka slavery.

I've come to learn and especially as this medium being the internet and CM specifically requires a higher level of honesty in "Say what you mean and mean what you say", therefore YOUR definition of expectation is much clearer. As an example, when I see 24/7, I assume this to be a livin-in situation, but there are some and maybe even most Dommes, that this means be avaliable 24/7. Doesn't make them wrong or vise-versa, just that without more information the expectation is not clear due to lack of defniition.

I don't read men's profiles, but I have noticed over time, more and more women are starting to be much more descriptive and this is what I believe the essence of the questions should be YourMistressDawn, it's unimportant what submission means to us, but rather what does it mean to you and what are your expectations.

Your profile is very clear OP and simple to understand. Men that fish with a specific purpose in mind will read profiles and respond appropriately. Yours is not my cup of tea, but at least I understand your needs. There is little you can do for the drift netters that just hope by sheer luck alone they will land something and you have to be inconvieinced by reading mindless dribble, not unlike the occasional response I get where a 20 something year old will tell me how great my profile is and we have so much in common and I should come to Yahoo Chat.

Very thoughtful post!! 

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Tebo)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/22/2010 7:47:27 PM   
MsLeatherLace69


Posts: 94
Joined: 2/14/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

since the sub doesn't belong to you yet they may not feel they have to list how they would serve.


They may also not know enough about her to know how they are likely to be able to serve her. Dommes often write things such as "tell me how you would serve me", when realistically, a sub needs to know what the domme needs and wants before he can answer such a question properly. He can list his skills and things that he thinks she might like, but if he's truly interested in serving as she would like, that's just shooting in the dark.

I want to know what the sub's expectations are from submitting.  Unless we share expectations in common its unlikely the sub will remain content for very long doing it MY way. 

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/22/2010 7:54:06 PM   
MsLeatherLace69


Posts: 94
Joined: 2/14/2010
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I believe a large part of the problem in BDSM is that people do not know themselves and therefore are unable to express what they truly need.  BDSM is becoming more popular and accepted in culture so there are those who see it as a fast thrill.  For those of us you who take it seriously as a lifestyle we need subs who are in it for the long haul. 

There is also an underlying psychology that many believe sexual submission is submission.  If you quickly ask a boy about his housework and cooking abilites or painting your house you weed out the field.  Its the same with girls. 

(in reply to MsLeatherLace69)
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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/22/2010 7:55:23 PM   
Smutmonger


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I can see the practicality in it. It also snips off any attempts of the desperate and needy to play kissy face "anything you want".
Nothing is provided to weave false fantasies and expectations around. Detailed lists of kinks, expectations and protocols are fertile grounds for manipulative little buggers to play games in. Veritable bullshit extravaganzas.

Better to ask bluntly..."What besides your elbows do you have to put on my table?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLeatherLace69

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

since the sub doesn't belong to you yet they may not feel they have to list how they would serve.


They may also not know enough about her to know how they are likely to be able to serve her. Dommes often write things such as "tell me how you would serve me", when realistically, a sub needs to know what the domme needs and wants before he can answer such a question properly. He can list his skills and things that he thinks she might like, but if he's truly interested in serving as she would like, that's just shooting in the dark.

I want to know what the sub's expectations are from submitting.  Unless we share expectations in common its unlikely the sub will remain content for very long doing it MY way. 


(in reply to MsLeatherLace69)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/23/2010 2:55:43 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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There's no option for bottom here, you're either submissive or dominant. So they picked the closest fit.

Beyond that, there are lots of men who want to be topped and very few women interested in topping them so they may never have gotten their needs met. And people who do have their needs met are more likely not to be so narrowly focused on those needs. It is possible that in a relationship where they were going to be fulfilled they would be able, once the itch was scratched so to speak, that they then could relax and submit.

Additionally there are very few service oriented people, who are happy to serve for nothing in return. To come to your house when you're absent and clean it for free and leave.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/23/2010 5:38:02 AM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

Additionally there are very few service oriented people, who are happy to serve for nothing in return. To come to your house when you're absent and clean it for free and leave.


"Yoo-hoo, over here, pssst service oriented person...yah that is it, this house, mmmhm, yes please, sure do the bathroom, why not? Cleany the housy thanky so muchy and then buh bye.

Oh and maybe we can really please you and make this a standing order?-- let's say every Wednesday? No, no, it is fine, anything I can do to help fulfill you, oh you missed a spot, yeah good, ya got it. Good job!..."

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/23/2010 5:44:10 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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sense i don't know anything i'll attempt an answer

the words submissive and slave mean absolutely nothing to me, all i want to know is how odedient she will be or try to be

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to heartcream)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/23/2010 5:56:19 AM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

The problem lies in communicating.  If your dominance stems soley from an inborn desire to always get what you want in the way that you want it, then you aren't going to click with a submissive who is looking for a dominant who gets off on sexually dominating.  Neither is wrong... they are just wrong for each other.








(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/23/2010 6:16:51 AM   
mikeyOfGeorgia


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

What does submissive mean to you?


submission means never having to say you're sorry...LOL

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/23/2010 10:21:04 AM   
antinomy


Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
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I think that it comes down to the fact that this is not one-size-fits-all, but many people think it is. I tend to find a lot of folks that assume that what they do, want, need, think- is what ~everybody~ does, wants, needs, thinks. When nothing could be further from the truth. Some people are here looking for sexual NSA BDSM encounters- while others are hoping to find a committed permanent relationship with a power exchange dynamic. Pretty much everything inbetween, under, and around that is also represented here. So, what submission means to me is really of no consequence- unless it's in the context of talking with someone I hope to interact with. Then, it becomes very important that we are on the same page; or things are going to head south pretty quickly.

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/23/2010 10:28:48 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLeatherLace69

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

since the sub doesn't belong to you yet they may not feel they have to list how they would serve.


They may also not know enough about her to know how they are likely to be able to serve her. Dommes often write things such as "tell me how you would serve me", when realistically, a sub needs to know what the domme needs and wants before he can answer such a question properly. He can list his skills and things that he thinks she might like, but if he's truly interested in serving as she would like, that's just shooting in the dark.

I want to know what the sub's expectations are from submitting.  Unless we share expectations in common its unlikely the sub will remain content for very long doing it MY way. 


Of course you want to know the sub's expectations. The sub wants to know yours, too. It's a two-way street.

(in reply to MsLeatherLace69)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/25/2010 5:38:21 PM   
brattykajira


Posts: 22
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline
Submission means alot of things to me. I submit fully to my One and that means I surrender all to my Master. I show my One respect in everything I do. I honor his name and show dignity in his name. Every decision I make is based on weather I am going to honor my master's name and fully please him. I don't only submit to him in the bed but in every aspect and decision I come across of in life for the most part. I am still in training and have alot of ways to go with my One. But I am always learning and I let him guide the journey to whatever he desires. For I mold into what pleases him and I make sure I meet his expectations. For he is my One and I am his all.
-sugar

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/25/2010 5:54:19 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
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To the OP-
Yeah, there are plenty of people whose first and only goal in any relationship is what they themselves get out of it. And since there are many people who get sexual pleasure from being whipped or reamed, they confuse that with submitting to another's will; Not anything wrong with being a bottom, its just not as pleasing for us dominants who really want someone to bend to our will, not just whip till they are bloody.

I once knew a girl who wrote me that she "was a bit bratty" and that I would need to "really keep a strong hand on her or she would end up topping from the bottom"....I replied that if I came home at the end of the day, and found it necessary to chase her around the house with a flogger to get her to cook dinner, I would most likely kick her to the curb and order a pizza.

Life is too short to be somebody's "Perv-on-Command"

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/25/2010 7:09:14 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I replied that if I came home at the end of the day, and found it necessary to chase her around the house with a flogger to get her to cook dinner, I would most likely kick her to the curb and order a pizza.

Nicely said, Animus! Of course, a little chasing around the house with a flogger after the dishes are done might be fun


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/27/2010 10:28:18 AM   
funderling


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/7/2010
Status: offline
I don't care for the idea that submission and domination are about supplication and worthiness to serve. To me that is not D/s, it's ego. People happen to be dominant or submissive, and neither one is better. Nobody is doing anybody any favors so why act like it? The impulses involved are reciprocal. To me, submissive means a preference to align with the will of another person, their desires and wants being the impetus or organizing principle. Submission is when you focus on what someone else wants of you. Domination is when you extend your will onto someone else. Either way, both people are acting on impulses we all have, but that are for the purposes of the relationship designated to suit the bias of each person. It's a hierarchy based on which mode suits your personality not on who is better or needier. In reality both roles are voluntary and neither works without the other. In terms of men wanting sexual activity and women being dismissive of that, what else is new? That has nothing to do with D/s. That's just the difference in how sex drives work, generally. I think that for some people, BDSM is an attempt to negotiate relationships that are problematic in the vanilla realm due to this sex drive difference. The power differential is sometimes a way to deal with elements of sexuality that create conflict in a typical romantic situation. That's fine, but I think actual domination and submission are beyond that and actually have to do with something more than managing the disparity between how men and women typically invest more or less of an emotional meaning into sexual intimacy. Sex in the true sense of D/s, in my view, is just one of the aspects of the relationship. I think that being submissive is the same across the board, but for BDSM given the emphasis on sexual play, there is the usual difference between how men and women tend to regard the supply and demand of sexual activity, so that just like being a woman or man generally comes with a difference in perspectives, being a female or male submissive or female or male dominant reflects that, at least on the surface. At the heart of the matter in terms of power exchange, which is sexually neutral, you have one person in charge and the other in service.

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/16/2010 10:58:46 AM   
MistressDevina


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
Amen Sister Mistress; There are too many male species calling themselves submissive.In truth/fact their fantasy is to be sexually submissive "take me"" beat me" then "fuck me". As a Domme Mistress Bossy Women I am the one in control and will dictate to a submissive my desire for the sub to fulfill. Not necessarily giving me an orgasm or for them until and if I decide this is the way.

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/17/2010 3:26:49 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourMistressDawn

 I think the term "submissive" as been severely diluted by those who are seeking kinky sex and have no true understanding of female dominance and what it entails. 


If you can be bothered with them, then do your Mistress bit: cut in when they ramble on about their sexual desires and teach them how to be your kinda sub... so they can earn that caning.

My Husband regularly used to tell me i was selfish... i always thought that was such a useless thing to say... of course i am selfish and He is just as selfish, why even mention it?... we are all in this life to get the most out of it, it does not necessarily mean people don't want to give though... just tell them what you want, maybe you can broker a deal.

stay focused and good luck

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/17/2010 10:22:50 PM   
MasterJackal


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/15/2010
From: Indiana
Status: offline
I am not submissive and not planning on starting  but I hope you'll forgive the intrusion!

I've seen the same thing with female subs/slaves  They want the whips, chains, etc.  in other words they "submit" to exactly what they desire to do and nothing that they don't .

Recently met a real submissive woman and it really highlighted, for me, the differences between door mats, people looking for kinky sex, and people who really enjoy doing things for other people.

To me a submissive is someone who doesn't want to go see my action flick but goes with me anyway, without complaint, and enjoys knowing that I am having a good time and she's allowed to share it with me.  It doesn't matter if she is tied up and spanked later, or she puts on unsexy flannel jammies and reads the Bible at me. That girl has it right, in the brain, to be a submissive and whatever her looks or desires that makes her worth more than all the "submissives" out there put together.

As for Dommes  I was wondering why they look just like the female slaves? Uncomfortable clothes, fake tits, too much makeup - trying to lure men in with their bodies and offering sex in trade for what they want. 

I don't mean you! I mean that's what a lot of "Dommes" do and what the slave males are seeking.

Seems to me I'll know a real Domme when I meet her because she'll be confident to walk around with her face in the nude, in sweatpants and comfortable shoes, and her man will jump up and cook her breakfast.  That other shit just doesn't fly.

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/17/2010 10:24:33 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
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It means she gets with MY program.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to MasterJackal)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/18/2010 12:34:10 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

It means she gets with MY program.


or you get with her program and dominate her

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Smutmonger)
Profile   Post #: 40
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