RE: What does submissive mean to you?

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/20/2010 4:29:00 AM

FantasyProvider1

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oops, wrong profile

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/20/2010 4:52:54 AM

fadedshadow

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submission to me is the ultimate form of trust and respect, as i would never submit to someone i wouldn't trust with my life

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/20/2010 6:09:15 AM

RavenMuse

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Obedient means nothing in isolation.... Pay Me enough money to do a job and I'll 'obey' the contractual obligations I've agreed to in return for that remuneration.

A girl in submission to Me, her full attention and motivation bent toward pleasing Me because that in itself is important for her, I have inspired that in her, that being the reason for her obedience.... is a thing of beauty.

And yes, as fadedshadow mentioned, to be in 'full' submission there has to be trust... she WILL be placing her very life in My hands, sometimes figuratively, oft literally. I can trigger a submissive reaction in a number of girls, but they are not 'in submission to Me' without that trust.

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/20/2010 11:33:10 AM

CaffeineOverRide

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I feel the same.... Its not just the guys though, some chicks on here are just as bad.
I'm still knew to CM, but what Ive gotten so far (Im not looking for anyone, but when they write, I tell them 'no' but sometimes ask some questions):
Submissive tends to mean service. "Ill let you do whatever you want until I get off, then maybe we'll talk"
Slave, however, seems to be the submissive you are talking about. The actual want to submit to someone beyond the sex.
I wish my words flowed as well as yours *sigh*

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/20/2010 8:06:07 PM

takemeforyourown

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I could 'submit' in practice to a variety of men for mutual satisfaction. But my true submissive nature is caring, loving and giving. These qualities must be cultivated by my Dom. When I know that he cares about me and wants to protect me I can truly 'serve' him out of love and respect. Sure, roleplay is fun, but truly serving a Dom is infinitely more satisfying...for both I hope.

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/24/2010 10:02:23 AM

roland23

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As for myself, being submissive is about obeying the rules. These involve appearance and behavior. I don't like hearing "NO" on a regular basis. I need control, not total control but quite a bit.

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/24/2010 3:02:33 PM

Wheldrake

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourMistressDawn

I have been of the opinion that there are quite a few confused souls on CM; however, perhaps it is I who is confused. Through various discussions and responses to my profile, I have been introduced to several (ok a lot) of men who claim to be submissive and want to "serve" a dominant woman. Now by serving, they go into great detail about whippings, strapon play, CBT and various other delicious "tortures", so much so I can practically see them salivating on the other side of the computer. How is this serving me? I see this as sex play not submission. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but call it what it is. Nothing about how they intend to earn the honor of having their ass reamed with that large rubber cock they just happen to have on hand. Nothing about what lengths they would go to ensure that I desire to give them what they are clearly asking for. I think the term "submissive" as been severely diluted by those who are seeking kinky sex and have no true understanding of female dominance and what it entails. I see the repeated complaint of "fakes" on CF when referring to the Domme's but I'd like to counter by saying perhaps there are plenty of "fakes" in those claiming to be submissive and wishing to serve.

Or, again, perhaps it is I who is confused. Thoughtful, polite responses encouraged.

Submission, in the context of BDSM, is obedience to the will of a dominant. If a dominant wants her floor vacuumed, then vacuuming her floor is an act of submission. If she wants to inflict the mother of all floggings, then allowing oneself to be flogged is an act of submission in exactly the same sense. I'm not sure that I'm quite ready to accept your distinction between "sex play" and "submission" - in my opinion sex play IS submission as long as a dominant is controlling the action in accordance with her own desires.

With that said, I can understand why some (most?) dominants are utterly uninterested in people who are willing to submit only in the context of sex play and/or sadism. If I were a dominant, I would probably want a submissive I could use on several different levels, not only the sexual and sadistic ones. On the other hand, from my perspective the deliciously terrifying moments of surrender to pain, helplessness and rough sensuality are the most important part (though not the only part) of what makes submission worthwhile.

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/24/2010 10:51:07 PM

osf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

The same complaints that female doms have is the same complaint in some ways as female submissives... both complain about wankers that email them wanting sex talk. The thing both have in common, they are women seeking on a kinky adult-oriented site...

I agree with this:

quote:

The problem lies in communicating. If your dominance stems soley from an inborn desire to always get what you want in the way that you want it, then you aren't going to click with a submissive who is looking for a dominant who gets off on sexually dominating. Neither is wrong... they are just wrong for each other

It is not intrinsically wrong for a male submissive to want to find a domme that is interested in his kinks and wants him to submit the way he wants to submit. I want to submit the way I want to, why should a male be any different? If it isn't meeting my needs, then why am I there?

I have met my share of the female equivalent of wankers, they just want some online excitement in their lives, a total wast of time and perfectly good fantasies.

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/25/2010 1:39:45 PM

wisdomtogive

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Words would cheapen the meaning for me, but one single flower says it all. Don't ask me why, it just does.

The lotus.

< Message edited by wisdomtogive -- 3/25/2010 1:41:41 PM >

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/25/2010 3:07:57 PM

southernfemmeboy

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I think it is all about the Domme, it is important to communicate/share interests but ultimately the relationship/activities need to be directed by your superior. If it becomes all about fulfilling fantasies then it is not really submission it is just roleplay.

But you do need to be creative in order to keep things fresh

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/26/2010 7:17:12 AM

cloudboy

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Words always create more confusion than actions. This is very true of BDSM terminology.

As you've found out, Men want excitement. That is what draws their interest. Mowing lawns, housework, meeting material needs -- men might not see any of this as a part of BDSM. They might just view it as a second job, but be less than forthcoming about it as they're trying to experience BDSM excitement.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 3/26/2010 7:21:50 AM >

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 3/26/2010 7:32:06 AM

windchymes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

Words would cheapen the meaning for me, but one single flower says it all. Don't ask me why, it just does.

The lotus.

If he picked it just for me, a queen anne's lace would mean the world. It's not the item, it's the intent.

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RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 8/8/2011 1:29:54 PM

subbingforyou

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To me, submission is a spectrum. It can mean different things to different people. It can be nothing more than a fantasy. It can be something that is integral to their relationship. It can be a bit of kinky fun that they use from time to time.

None of those perspectives is inherently better or worse than another. All that matters is if it works for the people involved. The problem, of course, is that many people lie about what they want. Sometimes it's because they don't know; sometimes it's because they're afraid; and sometimes it's because they believe lying will help them get the experience they seek.

Ultimately, I don't think labels really mean anything. I've met many dommes and they're extremely varied in terms of their personality, intelligence, senses of humor, and likes and dislikes. The label "dominant" tells me very little about someone and doesn't tell me whether I will like or respect them.

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