RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here?

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RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/4/2011 11:13:37 AM

ziroic

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/26/2011
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That's nice advice, although I don't think I'm going to try turning any girls I meet at uni to that. If I was, I'd have surely done it by now? It's just not for me, really.

And thanks. I can tell the scammers apart. I just pointed out that it's a big shame, that's all. I'm also really suprsied how stupid these scams are. I was at least expecting they'd make it less obvious and a little more elaborate. They really don't fool anyone, do they ? :\

< Message edited by ziroic -- 2/4/2011 11:15:34 AM >

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RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/4/2011 11:16:52 AM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ziroic
And thanks. I can tell the scammers apart. I just pointed out that it's a big shame, that's all. I'm also really suprsied how stupid these scams are. I was at least expecting they'd make it less obvious and a little more elaborate. They really don't fool anyone, do they ? :\

Think of them as a tax on stupidity.

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RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/4/2011 3:09:43 PM

ziroic

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/26/2011
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do any seriious dommes actually ask for money early on (or at all)? Not that I'd pay them.

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RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/5/2011 4:26:43 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ziroic
You know, I actually take a lot of time reading somebody’s profile to give what I think is a very thoughtful message, which either doesn’t get a reply, or does, but only demanding money from somebody who could easily be some male scammer or whatever. It’s just incredibly time-wasting and annoying.

The encouragement I'd offer z is that in amongst the dross are occasional jewels. Most people's experience is just like yours (whatever variation of dom seeking sub or vice versa) but, if one perseveres, one can get lucky. I've no idea of the stats but you've seen how it is, very very large numbers of tossers, very small numbers of genuine ppl.

Treat it like a sales campaign - say there are 100 tossers for each genuine. Say for each 5 genuine ppl, one will be right for you and seriously interested in you. Make 500 contacts and you're pretty likely to hit pay-dirt; get lucky and the one jewel will appear half way through your search, so that's only 250 to contact.

It can be worth it though - I've met rather more than a handful of ppl from CM in r/l and most of them have turned out to be a delight.

I'm not into munches but VC's comment is sensible. Maybe rather than just turn up at a scary munch where you know nobody, find someone here whose profile makes it clear they're into local groups and ask them to help intro you - most will be very happy to help.

CM can be a deeply shitty place, frequented by complete arseholes; but it's also a place where rather nice ppl (and some Americans) get together too.

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RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/5/2011 8:40:14 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ziroic
do any seriious dommes actually ask for money early on (or at all)? Not that I'd pay them.

Well, they're serious about parting suckers from their money.

I am an open professional dominant; what I offer is a fair, honest, up-front transaction where you pay X amount of money and you get Y services. It is very clear what you pay and what you get, and what you don't get. I am totally honest about already being in a personal poly relationship and not really seeking additional personal relationships (unless you're gay or bi and you're mainly looking to date my primary, in which case go talk to HIM first). I don't mislead anyone as to what they pay for and what they actually get. I am proud to provide an ethical professional service. And that's all it is.

So yes, I make it clear that I expect to be paid for my time if you want a dominant personal trainer for your health and fitness with some kinky motivation. But if you don't want that actual service contract, *don't send me money*, because I am not a scammer, a beggar or a leech. I am an ethical professional. My services are good and useful, and well worth what I charge for them.

I'm not a big fan of "stealth pros" and dominants who want "tribute" for unspecified nebulous reasons. I don't think they are being ethical or honest about the transaction. It's still consensual if you choose to send money to another adult for whatever reason, so you can do that if you want to. Just don't expect a lot of return for it if none is specified.

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RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/5/2011 9:51:56 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ziroic
Should I be here?

No. Go away.

quote:

I’m only 19. You can probably see from my profile picture that I’m not the best looking guy around. But I think I do okay,

Personally, i think you are adorable

quote:

I don’t want to boast obviously, but I genuinely think I’m a nice guy. I’m at a university in London now studying a pretty hard degree.

Awesome!!!

quote:

I’ve never been fully satisfied sexually unless I’m submissive. With girlfriends in the past I’ve always been pretty submissive, but never actually telling them or doing anything “kinky” or whatever.

This will come with maturity and confidence.

quote:

Outside the bedroom I'd just do things for them which they probably just thought was nice. In the bedroom I'd do a lot of the work I guess. They probably just thought I was a really unselfish guy or something.

i think you are following the societal norm.

quote:

I'll always be too afraid to tell anybody.

i doubt this.

quote:

My questions are these. Do you think at the age of 19 me (giving up so to speak by) joining this site is really a good idea?

Do you think attending a university and working toward a degree at age 19 is a good idea? Of course it is!! You are educating yourself and preparing for a happy, satifying future. This is different...how?

quote:

My next question is (having read the threads about why so many sub men are single and the ridiculous amount of spam most dominant women get here) is whether or not it’s even worth my time here?

You will have to answer this question yourself...and time will give you that answer. But you will never know unless you try.

quote:

I definitely can’t go to fetish clubs and get loads of experience with pro domes etc. I’m a first year at a very intense course in a good university for goodness sake.

Oh sure you can. I was a student once (a looooong time ago) and i know for a fact that there is time off. Not much, but there is a little. You might want to consider that you are using the university as an excuse not to go to a fetish club because you are simply not ready to do so. And there is nothing wrong with that.

quote:

I even feel awkward posting this now. I’m not even sure if I want to o to those places. I ‘m not hot. I literally have nothing to differentiate myself from everybody at all.

This made me smile. I have not read your profile, but from what i am reading here i can tell you you are a unique man with an awful lot to offer. Stop selling yourself short, Sweetheart.

quote:

I assume it's not nearly as bad for men, but there are a lot of rubbish female dominant profiles around here as well. Scams, fakers, etc. It just seems impossible to meet anybody.

There are a lot of scammers on the internet. But take it from someone that met her Dom on this site...it does happen!

quote:

How do I improve my profile right now to make it at least readable? Because to be honest, yes some sexual fantasy would be nice, but I know deep down to be truly happy in life I’d want a relationship. I do feel uncomfortable taking a picture of myself naked having only just summed up the courage to join this forum, actually. I'm not sure if real lifeystyle domme's looking for a relationhip would even appreciate that.

Dont post a cock shot. Really...just dont. If a Domme wants one, send it privately.

quote:

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks. Sorry for the essay.

I will post your essay grade at a later date.

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RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/8/2011 10:39:35 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Dammm. Guess I should write Holly an essay.

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