RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (Full Version)

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IrishMist -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 6:53:12 AM)

For me, no, it's not about sex. And it's not about serving. And it's not about the pleasing another person.

Quite honestly, it's all about me and my desire for pain.



leadership527 -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 7:19:07 AM)

For Carol and I it is not... nor does it connect indirectly to the "sex" strings. None of this ever made either of us hard or wet. Carol and I do what we do because we don't know how to interact any other way.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 9:38:01 AM)

I shan't speak of "most" people - the boards being very much a self-selecting group - but sex is certainly a motivating factor for some folks.  And considering how many people who are not into D/S types of things but are into a lil hanky spanky in the bedroom, I venture to say that in deed there would probably be more people into all this from a sex point of view than a power exchange point of view.  You are kind of asking  a fairly biased group.  Vanilla people who dig a lil role play, a lil bondage, a lil "who's your daddy" don't generally come to the kink sites (ime). 

One need only check out the media these days to see how prevalent kinky sex is in day to day life.

best,
sunshine



crazyml -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 11:16:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

no. it is not "all about sex". it is, however all rooted in the sex drive, so it is an expression of sexuality. of course, any actual relationship will include a whole fuck of a lot outside of the dynamic, but the dynamic itself is sexual in it's nature. you can dress it up any way you want, but in the final analysis, it's a form of sex.



This just isn't true. It just is not "all rooted in the sex drive".

Sex is not the primal driving force that you claim it is. It simply isn't.

If you want to get down into the "basic brain" then perhaps you could make an argument that "successful procreation" - for which I'll happily concede sex is pretty up there on the list of essentials - is "what its all about", but the "sucessful" bit requires a lot of things that aren't about sex.

Safety, Security, Shelter (think Maslow here) - they're all needs make up "what it's all about".

I respectfully submit that tritely saying "it's all rooted in the sex drive" is nonsense.



BurntKitty -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 11:21:56 AM)

When I'm at the dungeon, it's all about the pain. When I'm with my guy it's all about us, and what makes us happy. For me it depends on the situation & context.



JWriter -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 11:27:52 AM)

It is not only not "just about the sex", but, most of the time, it has nothing at all to do with sex, for me. It can, and, with the right person, I would welcome the sex as a lovely addition to everything else it is. But, for me, it's about living as the natural person that you are, regardless of what society tells you you should live like or how weird they think it is, or, how many misconceptions they come up with, so long as it falls within the realm of safe, sane, and, consensual. BDSM is strategy!



leadership527 -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 11:38:30 AM)

Not only is "sex" not quite as primal, but there's this little question of what is meant by "the dynamic"

In my world according to the way I think of such things
I dominate people who are not Carol. I do so regularly and just as a part of my normal life. I am certainly not having sex with these people or entertaining any sexual thoughts at all. Sometimes what I'm thinking is more like, "Shut the hell up and toe the line." -- not exactly a sexual thought for me. In addition, I'm pretty hard wired monogamous. So it's pretty hard to see me engaging in anything sexual or even sexually rooted with someone other than Carol.

Carol, similarly, submits all the time to people who are not me. She has no interest in sex or sexuality with these people. Some of them, like her brother, she almost hates. I doubt that as she submits to him she's thinking, "Wow, kinky incest scene here."

I watch Dog Whisperer and I think, "Not only is he using all the same words that I use, but in addition he's doing things which pretty much look like what I do with Carol." I'm pretty sure Cesar doesn't see himself as into bestiality on that basis.

I think there's a lot of question as to what, exactly, is meant by "dominance" or "submission". I think that sexual D/s is always sexually rooted. I also think that those who know no other kind have a hard time seeing any other kind. In fact, from their perspective, they are right because they wouldn't even count the thing I've come to call "social D/s" as "D/s" at all. By their definitions, the right way to look at Carol and I is "totally vanilla" including "No BDSM related authority dynamic".



winspiritsbaby -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 11:52:04 AM)

If I understand correctly, there is a portion of the lifestyle that is in it only for the sex, and I believe they are the tops/bottoms. If I'm wrong, then please correct me.

For me, when I first started delving into D/s, my thoughts were centered more on the sex part than the overall picture. The more research I did, the more I realized that there was more to it than that. At first, I feared that I would 'lose' myself if I allowed myself to explore the whole of D/s. It took me some time and meeting the right person to realize that without the whole package, I'm not complete.

So, I would have to say that yes, for some it is all about the sex, but for others it isn't.



NewDimensions -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 1:30:04 PM)

quote:

I was talking to a vanilla friend the other day. She refers to my lifestyle choices as "kinky sex". I had to laugh and loved the confused look on her face when I explained for myself it has little to do with sex. For me it is about control, power, sensations, energy. I am sadistic and get high off causing pain to those who enjoy it. And sometimes to those that don't. I am also a masochist I get high from pain that most people can not even dream about.

So tell me is it really about sex for most people?


Sex or money are usually the prime motivators for getting involved involved in BDSM.



BurntKitty -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 1:42:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

***burntkitty
quote:

what makes us happy
have you ever considered why it makes you so fucking happy. that's the point i am aiming at.



What makes us happy, is simply being with each other. Not just the sex, but doing silly spur of the moment things. Like taking a scenic route home from Tampa. The scenic route being 3 hours off the beaten trail, through the 'Glades, just because.

Then again, we're not in a d/s relationship. We're more into s & m.




kalikshama -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 2:44:24 PM)

quote:

For me , it is very much sexual, yet not always sex is involved. For example, this past saturday, I played with a friend and she wanted an "intense" scene as she called it . I put her on the cross and started some english caning (no warm up). I didn't hit very hard but hard enough (she is a pain slut).. Just that action of her "taking it " turned me on and my *** got really stiff. So, it is very much a sexual thing , just not always with sex involved.


Yes, I've had several scenes in which the guy never took off his pants yet were extremely sexual despite the lack of intercourse.



RapierFugue -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 3:26:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: winspiritsbaby

Just to be clear, l I don't think that anyone's way of doing things is any better than anyone else's. Whatever works for those involved is all that matters.


That's generally my take on it too ... BDSM is just a very broad church, or at least one hopes it should be.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 3:47:00 PM)

quote:

Actually, I do know why I do it, it makes me feel complete,
yeah i already said that, the question isn't if it does, but why it does.

why does it make you feel complete?

what is the need is fulfills?

what part of you drives you to require this sort of relationship?

Where does this urge to dominate or submit come from?



catize -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 4:50:30 PM)

quote:

Sex or money are usually the prime motivators for getting involved in BDSM.


THey are also 2 of the prime motivators for murder.[8D]



NuevaVida -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 5:37:44 PM)

I'll answer your questions, Hannah. I do it because it brings me inner joy and that joy fulfills me spiritually. It's not a sexual drive, although my sexuality is a part of it. It's just more encompassed than that. The fulfillment is deeper than my sexuality. It exceeds it.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 6:45:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatsMissBitch

Is It Really All About Sex?



For some? Sure... that's where it begins and ends with them.  However, for myself and the vast majority that I know (of the TPE M/s ilk)... no, absolutely not!!!

For myself, and many others, it's a combination of (i) the Power Exchange Dynamic, (ii) Traditional Vanilla Elements, and (iii) Sexual Interests, including:  control, boundaries, trust, fulfillment, love, caring, security, acceptance, support, confidence, partnership, family, common moral compass, bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism, masochism, use, ownership, etc.  So yes, "sex" is certainly part of it (as it is with any relationship), but hardly the sole factor for myself and most that I know.




sunshinemiss -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 7:13:34 PM)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3789100/tm.htm

Hannah,
Your questions as listed above have been asked and answered a number of times.  Here is a current thread about that very thing.  The OP is a completely different question than the ones you've asked.  The answers to your can be found in the above thread (and a bunch of others, none of which I have the time or inclination to look up).  In fact I started one awhile back with the same questions for the D-types. 

best,
sunshine



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 10:20:06 PM)

spiritually? it fulfills you spiritually? you're fucking serious aren't you? fuck it, ok, i'll play along, why does it appeal to you this way, what about your need to delude yourself by believing in an imaginary spirituality is filled by your submission?

quote:

The fulfillment is deeper than my sexuality. It exceeds it.
there is nothing deeper, nothing exceeds your sex drive, the urge to procreate is the most fundamentally basic of all human needs.





ThatsMissBitch -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 10:24:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatsMissBitch

I was talking to a vanilla friend the other day. She refers to my lifestyle choices as "kinky sex". I had to laugh and loved the confused look on her face when I explained for myself it has little to do with sex. For me it is about control, power, sensations, energy. I am sadistic and get high off causing pain to those who enjoy it. And sometimes to those that don't. I am also a masochist I get high from pain that most people can not even dream about.

So tell me is it really about sex for most people?



Wow what a verity of answers. Isn’t it great we are all so different it makes the world a fun place to live? First this wasn’t a test so there is no right or wrong answers. Just opinions, thoughts, and ideals to be shared.

I believe the for the most part the concept of Sadomasochism is by definition sexual. Searching the dictionaries I found only one reference to a no sexual pleasure. It simply said derives pleasure from inflicting or receiving pain.

BDSM Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism believe it or not it really doesn’t stand for Domination/Submission or Slave/Master.
I for one embrace BDSM as a whole. What I do in the boundaries of each part is so varied there isn’t space here to write about it.

What I don’t derive from the experiences is sexual pleasure nor do I want to or care. I don’t approach a scene with sexual intent. The dynamics of slave ownership has never been sexual.

Now saying all of that I am a normal hot blooded female and enjoy good hot kinky sex as much as the next person. But that is so separate from the rest of it. Maybe because I am female and only have one “head” to think with….LOL



NuevaVida -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 10:29:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

spiritually? it fulfills you spiritually? you're fucking serious aren't you? fuck it, ok, i'll play along, why does it appeal to you this way, what about your need to delude yourself by believing in an imaginary spirituality is filled by your submission?

quote:

The fulfillment is deeper than my sexuality. It exceeds it.
there is nothing deeper, nothing exceeds your sex drive, the urge to procreate is the most fundamentally basic of all human needs.





I didn't expect you to understand and I'm not surprised to see you question it. Your rudeness in questioning, however, does not warrant an answer. Frankly, I'm unimpressed, Hannah.

That said, my being is made up spiritually.  All I am and do is driven from that.  Sexuality is part of that.  Joy is part of that. Pain is part of that.  It all comes down to who I am as a spiritual being.

If you think a person's spirituality is imaginary, however, there's nothing anyone can say on that topic that will satisfy you.  Enjoy yourself. [;)]



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