Proprietrix
Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dovey
I was thinking that I would like to be pampered, but not have to think about sex really while being pampered and the hardness would remind me of it.
Ok. I have to reply to this from my perspective, because, as an asexual, this is a situation I frequently deal with. This doesn't seem so much of an issue of a Dominant taking sexual control over a submissive's erections, but rather you, as a person, not wanting to be bothered/distracted by a man's sex drive. I encounter this often because I typically want to keep most interactions with most people on an intellectual, social, and spiritual level.
When I desire a physcial level (which is part of the interaction of pampering someone's body), I usually don't want it to go to a sexual level. It is easy for me to differentiate the two, but sometimes difficult for the other person (especially a man who's attracted to me and touching my naked body) to make the same differentiation. His (upper) head might be strictly engaged in service, but his body is telling him otherwise.
I'll be honest, when I was 19, it pissed me off. I felt like the other person devalued me as a person and was "only out to get laid" and yadda, yadda. Over time, I came to the realization that this is my issue, not his (and his, and his, and his). Since it is my issue, I have to own it. I have to do the things needed to deal with it.
I can say to my submissive "This time is about you washing my body and giving me a massage. It is not about sexual gratification." That doesn't imply that I want (or need) to control his sexuality. It doesn't imply that his arousal is in someway "wrong". It doesn't imply that I don't appreciate that he is a sexually driven creature. In fact, it in no way speaks to his sexuality or his penis at all. It simply sets the perimeters of the interaction.
And I need to take the appropriate actions in owning my issue. That includes clearly defining the issue. The issue is not "This man is aroused." The issue is "I don't want to see the erect penis". Therefore, the answer is not to abolish the arousal, it's to eliminate seeing the erect penis. Your statement above reflects the same. You don't want to think about sex while being pampered. You don't want to see an erect penis because it reminds you of sex. And that's A-OK. Lots of women don't want to think about sex when they're relaxing into a pampered trance that subbie is providing.
In this particular circumstance, I think the answer lies in defining what the issue really is. It doesn't sound to me like you're goal is gaining power and control over a man's sexuality. It's just getting rid of something distracting so you can enjoy your time being pampered. If that's the case, the solution is really very simple. "Out of sight, out of mind." Quit worrying about whether or not he's getting an erection and direct him to wear non-revealing clothing while he pampers you. Unless you ask, his erection will be strictly between him and his penis.
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IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).
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RE: Erection denial - 
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