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Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:24:38 PM

Qlita

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/20/2011
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I'm new here and so being the new girl I get a lot of mail. I was told by a friend here this would happen. A lot of mail is coming from much older men (I am 21), I was told this would happen too. I was advised to delete and ignore these messages. I didn't do this. Instead I have replied to about 25% of them and asked them what the hell is going through their minds. I sort of asked rhetorically because I assumed they all just wanted sex and in many cases, I was right.

Some guys responded and said they didn't want sex but instead wanted to be dominated by a much younger woman because they were turned on by the humiliation of having someone so much younger than them (and less intelligent, wise, experienced, and finically secure, although they didn't actually say these things, it was the feeling I got reading between the lines of their messages) dominate them. One guy described the humiliation as the Valley Girl Barbie dominating the GI Joe doll. I wasn't sure if he was trying to compliment me, or insult me.

I'd like to discuss this in the open. Your opinion, do you think older sub men on CM contact much younger dommes because they find it humiliating to submit to someone so young or do you think it's still all about sex and the guys are no different than the old men who message young women on regular dating site?

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RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:30:26 PM

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I'm not a sub male....but I am a guy and I'll say very few of older sub men on CM contact much younger dommes because they find it humiliating to submit to someone so young, there might be a few...very few. I would bet most of it is sex....or at least looking for something for wanking

(in reply to Qlita)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:31:20 PM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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They just want a younger woman and think they might be young enough to fall for their lies. Haven't you gotten the bit about reporting you as a man if you don't get on a cam and prove who you are yet? They love that one with the younger ladies. They will pull off anything they think they can get away with.

Kind of like the bit about... my wife just doesn't understand me.

Younger women are younger... many men like that. If they seriously just say... I like the young babes... they may be telling the truth. Most any other excuse... consider the source and be as smart as you seem to be!

Welcome and good luck out there!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Qlita)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:32:58 PM

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Yeahhhhh. It's about the dirty old man wanting the hottie.

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RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:36:24 PM

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it has nothing to do with bdsm. It's the same old older men chasing after the young skirts. It makes them feel younger and all that kinda stuff. Bdsm doesn't make that any different.

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RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:41:06 PM

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The other side (cmail) has more switchy men than the forums. Just wait.... they will come.

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:43:06 PM

Posts: 781
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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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I think some of those guys must be in the middle of male midlife crisis and want to be with someone who can make them feel young again. Or they just want some young hottie for sex and/or camming, and they hope you're not smart enough to see through their B.S. But I think you're smarter than they expect. You seem to be.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:45:58 PM

Posts: 781
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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

The other side (cmail) has more switchy men than the forums. Just wait.... they will come.

hahaha How true! I remember when I wasn't switchy yet and totally submissive, this guy wrote to me and his letter was dark blue - male Dominant. So we start corresponding and, by the second letter, he was sounding totally sub-like. I asked him if he was a sub or a switch and, when he wrote back, his username was light blue and he said switch, but he didn't want to admit it.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:47:37 PM

Qlita

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/20/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Haven't you gotten the bit about reporting you as a man if you don't get on a cam and prove who you are yet?

I initiate the cam. My profile states that if I start to get into a serious email exchange with a sub that I will want to cam with him in order to make sure he really looks like his pictures and so I can get a little better read on him. I had not thought about the men thinking I might be fake. That doesn't bother me though. If a guy thinks I am fake he can just bugger off.

quote:

Welcome and good luck out there!

Thank you

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RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 4:51:57 PM

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I think I have a slightly different take on this.

I am 33 and no one's idea of a hot little barbie doll.

And yet twice I have had men who sought me out for the reasons given to the OP. Both found it very exciting to be put in their place by a younger woman.

One of them particularly enjoyed- and still enjoys, in fact-- being lectured about "acting his age" and "maturity" by someone 20 years his junior...

< Message edited by ourmsbetty -- 9/20/2011 4:52:25 PM >

(in reply to Qlita)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 5:04:54 PM

Qlita

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/20/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

it has nothing to do with bdsm.

That's disappointing because some of the men seem interesting but I don't want to be with a guy who's only trying to have sex with me.

< Message edited by Qlita -- 9/20/2011 5:39:51 PM >

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RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 5:09:52 PM

Qlita

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/20/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ourmsbetty

One of them particularly enjoyed- and still enjoys, in fact-- being lectured about "acting his age" and "maturity" by someone 20 years his junior...

One guy mentioned mentioned something similar to me. He wants me to lecture him about how badly he treats his adult children. Then he wants me to punish him for his bad behavior. He says the idea of a domme younger than his daughter lecturing him is a real turn on. Of course his use of the words "turn on" imply he is thinking about sex.

I guess what I need to figure out is if men can be turned on by their fetish, without actually ever wanting to have sex.

Some people are talking about cmail? Do you mean collarme mail?

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(in reply to ourmsbetty)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 5:24:14 PM

Posts: 266
Joined: 9/4/2007
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A few can.

They get off on the whole 'pedestal' thing, with you being so hot and so unobtainable.

Being aroused ("turned on") and then denied satisfaction is a big hot button for some.

But it's not something you can generalize about. Some may want sex, some may not. Some may not a first then change their minds.

Yes, cmail is collarme's email system.

(in reply to Qlita)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 5:43:13 PM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Qlita

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

it has nothing to do with bdsm.

That's disappointing because some of the men seem interesting but I don't want to be with a guy who's only trying to have sex with me.

So, I guess you'll end up being a lesbian.

I suspect much of your problem here is a combination of your misfortune in having been named Lolita and your main pic, which objectively speaking, screams Loli.

(in reply to Qlita)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 6:01:57 PM

Qlita

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/20/2011
Status: offline

quote:

I suspect much of your problem here is a combination of your misfortune in having been named Lolita and your main pic, which objectively speaking, screams Loli.

I don't consider my name to be a misfortune and I am not having any problems here other then the CM picture system showing my deleted pics, even after I've deleted and replaced them with new pics. Only the CM administration seem to be immature enough to think people can't be named Lolita and not be 13 year old nymphs. For those who didn't see my other posts, CM doesn't allow the name Lolita to be written in a profile. Also, it appears no account can have the name Lolita either, not even with some random numbers afterwords.

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RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 6:18:35 PM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

Uh, almost nobody uses their real names here, so calling yourself Lolita is going to be intrepreted as Loli, even if you name actually happens to be Lolita.

But with that pic, the one in the Pink Blouse, call yourself BallBustingBitch and you're still going to get Loli fetishists, so go with it, or dye your hair grey, paste on a mole and get yourself some gag teeth. The rest of your pics are more Librarian than Loli, which I find kinda hot, if I were 20 - well, 30 years younger...

What you have done is accidentally discovered a market for Loli dominas, give it six months, you'll have more competition than you can count.

As for you, follow your instincts - if it turns out it ain't your bag, you might have to change your name, in the world of the interwebz, Lolita is always and forever going to mean Loli.

(in reply to Qlita)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 6:56:55 PM

Posts: 2536
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Qlita,
Perhaps I can shine a new light on your question.

I have served several Dommes who were significantly younger than me. But my motivation was quite different from what has been voiced in this thread so far. For me, it definitely wasn't about sex, nor did I treat my younger Domme with disrespect simply because of her age.

I think it's fair to say that most 40-somethings don't have much in common with the average woman in her early 20's. They're simply at 2 different point in their lives. But that's not always the case.

I dated one 21 year old Domme in particular who was extremely mature. We could talk about anything....and we did. Moreover, she wasn't attracted to men (boys) her age. She felt that guys her age were immature, lacked direction, and spent too much time playing video games. She exclusively dated older men.

I have stated on this board on many occasions that this was the best D/s relationship that I've ever been in. Not only did we "click" on a personal level, but I must admit that the age difference did add spice and energy to the relationship.

I admit that submitting to someone who was young enough to be my daughter was......hot! Not only was she younger than me, but she was less experienced, less educated, made less money, was smaller, weaker, and should have been beneath me by just about any societal standard. Yet, when she told me what to do, I obeyed. And there was something doubly sexy about saying "Yes Ma'am" to someone so young. I loved it. More importantly, it wasn't feigned obedience.

I think it may be analogous to how a petite woman feels when dominating a 6'5", 235 pound muscular guy. Bossing around a man that big and strong is hot. The contrast between your relative sizes just makes things hotter. Something about the contrast is......sexy. That's how our age difference felt.

IMO, power exchange is more potent when the actual power differential is greater. So a younger woman dominating an older, more powerful man is sexy. Imagine what it would be like having the CEO of a Fortune 500 company as your slave, despite the fact that you're still in college.

In my case, I loved knowing that despite all of the societal expectations, SHE was in charge. And she took just as much joy in bossing around someone who could have been her dad. She loved dominating older men. But despite the joy that we both got out of the age difference, we never had overt age play. It just wasn't a part of our lives. She just loved dominating me, and I loved serving her.

She loved the fact that I had more life experience than her and could teach her new things, yet I never flaunted that fact. Rather, all of my knowledge and wisdom was at her disposal. She loved that I had more money than guys her age. She got to go anywhere, or do anything, that she wanted and price was never an obstacle. If she said she wanted to go on vacation, we went. When she said that she wanted to go to a concert, we went. When she said she wanted to try a new restaurant, we did. She was ALWAYS in charge.

Sex was completely her choice. We had sex when she wanted, where she wanted, and how she wanted. Only she was allowed to initiate sex, and she controlled all aspects of our sex life. She also maintained the freedom to have outside lovers (while I had to be exclusively dedicated to her). So I don't think she felt that I was only in it for the sex. Frankly, the sex was far more important to her than it was to me.

Don't get me wrong. You will get approached by "dirty old men" who simply want sex with a young hottie. But not all will fall into that category.

Age is nothing but a number. Each person should be judged as an individual. There may be an older guy who is the perfect sub for you. You have to decide if dominating older men is something that you enjoy. If so, then go for it. But if not, then don't do it. Either way, it's your decision.

As the Domme, you get to decide how much sex is involved. You can decide that there will be no sex. So I don't think you need to worry about whether they're only after sex.

I hope this has been a helpful perspective for you. Good luck in your search.
-Roch

(in reply to Qlita)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 7:59:01 PM

Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Qlita

I have replied to about 25% of them and asked them what the hell is going through their minds.

How Rude. If you have an age preference, (i) set your Mail Controls to match your age preference, and (ii) state your age preference early in your profile, along with a note that those not meeting your age preference go to junk mail.

quote:

Your opinion, do you think older sub men on CM contact much younger dommes because they find it humiliating to submit to someone so young or do you think it's still all about sex and the guys are no different than the old men who message young women on regular dating site?

I suspect some of the experienced Dommes (as I'm not one) would have your answer, but my guess/opinion would be that for most, they're more thinking about getting their rocks off than actually serving, irrespective of age -- though I'm sure for some, submitting to a younger person might feel more humiliating.

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(in reply to Qlita)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 8:32:42 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Qlita

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

it has nothing to do with bdsm.

That's disappointing because some of the men seem interesting but I don't want to be with a guy who's only trying to have sex with me.

littlewonder is wrong, as is everybody else who is staying that it is just about an old guy wanting a young babe. What they really should be saying is that it PROBABLY is that way. But there are certain to be some out there who are indeed into the humiliation of being controlled by a much younger woman. The trick is to figure out which are which, and that you have to figure out how to do on your own. Hanners knows of one couple where he is in his late 40s and she is about your age, and she is his Mommy Domme.

The thing is, anything is possible in this weird lifestyle, not only that some of them are just trying to get into your pants, but also that some of them are telling the truth. So if the idea of owning a much older man gets you off, then don't dismiss them out of hand, just develop some ways to weed out the wankers from the legit ones

E2A: I answered before I read all the other responses and I just read them and saw what Roch said. Yay me! WWRD indeed!

< Message edited by HeatherMcLeather -- 9/20/2011 8:41:42 PM >

(in reply to Qlita)

RE: Older men, much younger women. - 9/20/2011 8:41:05 PM

Qlita

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/20/2011
Status: offline

quote:

How Rude. If you have an age preference........etc

I'd rather be rude, and the men seem to like it.

quote:

Rochsub

You have to decide if dominating older men is something that you enjoy.

Thanks for your extensive answer. It was appreciated. As for whether or not I'd enjoy dominating older men, I have not decided if it's something I want to do yet. I don't see me being in a sexual relationship with an older man and currently the only dominating I've done has been in the context of a sexual girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

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(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

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