RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive

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RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/10/2012 7:50:17 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Sorry, if I'm ahead of him, leading the way, then he isn't in charge, I am.

As far as the rest, just relationship 101, nothing to do with subs or dominants per se. As applicable to a high school first love as to anyone here.

And that font is a bitch to read.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 6/10/2012 7:52:22 AM >

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RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/10/2012 8:14:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucifyre

oh for fuck sake people PLEASE stop stealing shit from other sites and posting it without giving credit to who wrote it.

Good grief!

At least the person on this site had the decency to source it:

https://fetlife.com/users/118131/posts/1053481

(in reply to Lucifyre)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/10/2012 8:22:03 AM

MissImmortalPain

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I don't know what his question is but I know what mine is....What on earth makes you think you can speak for all of us about what we do or do not need?

1....this really isn't number one because it speaks to other points on your list.

2....Patience...is a great thing...BUT..to be honest I expect people to "rock my world" everyday. People I have as pets, other doms, friends, family members. If there is not a draw, something that says we connect on an amazing level those people simply are not part of my life. No one should rush into a realationship. I agree with you on this one but also feel that no one should enter into a realationship if they already know the other person wants something they do not know how to or will not do. As for those that want a collar before they really know you....I have always found that those people are either playing a game or have issues that should be worked on before they enter any kind of realationship.

3..."A good Dominant (one who will eventually be worthy of the title “Master”) is constantly working on those imperfections, through self-help, personal exploration, educational classes, and reading." I guess it it is a good thing that I am not a master because I don't do any of these things.

As for "We respect you (even when we’re calling you cunts while whipping your ass) for your ability to take pain and suffering and then turn it into something amazing. We recognize your talents and efforts" again, please don't speak for all of us.

4....Consistency. I have met more than a few subs that have told me something close to what you have here. That they would like me to be exactly the same domme next monday that I was last tuesday. I always tell them the same thing....stop dating women or get over it. There will never be a woman that acts the exact same way everyday. We are affected by things that happen day to day. We have things like hormones and emotions that stop us from being "on" all the time. And it isn't just women either. My livein works for a living. If he has a really bad day at work I do not expect him to come home and kiss my ass, all the time telling me how wonderful I am when what he really wants to talk about it why his boss sucks. He is human I expect him to act like one.

5...Discretion. I hate that word. Yes, it is good to communicate with your partner but just a heads up....women NEED to talk and often they find it easier to talk to another womam or women. Should a sub built everything in their realationship on what someone online has said to them...no. But do they have every right to seek out as many opinions as they feel they need so as to help them make up their mind about what they should do...yes.

6....Trust. I guess I again fail here because I have never given my truth to anyone that didn't first have to earn it.

7....Sanity. On this one I guess I am just lucky. I'm the one the family calls "wild and crazy" but that didn't stop me from working with the livein about his ADD or the emontional issues he had with his past. Again I am human and I expect him/them to be human as well.

8.....Stop Recycling the Past. Again stop dating women. What happens in our past affects our future. Or better yet note that what you just told people not to do you did here. If The women you gave as an example(number 6) were not still affecting you then you would not have felt the need to use her as an example of something you don't want in the future.

9...Domination is hard? We think in three dimensions? Really? I think that this number should have just said something about being aware that people are human and sometimes everyone needs space, tenderness, love, etc.

And as for us not caring what someones level of commitment is? Yeah, thats not me either. If someone doesn't really want to be in a realationship with me, if their desire for it is low, I won't be working with that. I will be leaving.

10.....Communication is very important but expecting everyone to be able to do it on the same level is asking a little to much (IMO) Some people communicate well, others do not. Even if they try very hard some never learn to communicate the way others would like them to. The livein does not communicate as well as I do and though he has tried to correct the issue he will more than likely never communicate on the level that I do. I will be sure to tell him you said he is the problem the next time we have an issue.

I could be wrong but all of this post seem to stem from someone "submissive" getting on fet and saying something that a "dom" didn't like.

*side note* Though I do not agree with most of the things said in the op I do agree with Luci that the OP should have given a source.

Edit to add....Number 4 and number 9 contradict each other. You want a sub that always stays the same but expect same said sub to give you a break when you are "burned out"

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 6/10/2012 8:28:53 AM >

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RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/10/2012 5:10:18 PM

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Some Rules for posting on teh Internetz:

1. Adopt a scolding, hectoring tone. Your viewers are like confused sheep, or naughty children-they need to be given the stern Truth, preferably from someone like you, who posesses it.

2. Make the list long, and in bold type; Ordinary text is fine for ordinary communication, but these are dull folks we are talking about-they need it all in bold,or for maximum impact, ALL CAPS!

3. Don't waste time seeking the input and advice from the readers- if they were not childlike fools, desperately seeking The Truth, they wouldn't be reading your post, now would they?

4. Do your research- Reader's Digest is the gold standard for advice and bullet pointed lists, but you can often make do with People, USA Today, or even shared posts on Facebook.

5. Buzzwords are your friend- use them at every opportunity. "Communication" is a near mandatory term, since by its ambiguous nature, it means whatever the audience needs it to mean.

6. Separate contradictory advice- For instance, "Let Go Of The Past" should not be delivered adjacent to "Remember And Learn From Your Mistakes".

7. Relax- don't take things so seriously. If you are unable to step outside yourself and admit your imperfections, why should anyone heed your advice?

8. Make the effort! If you don't take your responsibilities seriously, why should anyone heed your advice?

9. Imply intimacy and familiarity- You haven't done this before, I know. I get it. But this is life coaching we are talking here, and people need to know you can see in their souls and read their past history.

10. Always make it 10 items long, for karmic balance and symmetry. Add spurious items if need be to round out the length.

< Message edited by AnimusRex -- 6/10/2012 5:11:39 PM >

(in reply to Lucifyre)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/10/2012 5:33:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxmillean

Your last Dominant hurt you. Or didn't measure up.

No he didn't. We just didn't have similar goals from life. We're still friends 12 years after we broke up.

Generalizations suck.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Maxmillean)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/10/2012 9:51:28 PM

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I guess I'm confused. The 10 things on this list are things that I would demand out of ANYONE in my life... friend, lover, sub or slave. I mean seriously, I avoid hanging around with irresponsible people who behave like children. My own answer to "what do I need out of a slave" is... "obedience". After that it's all up to me to get my other needs met.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Maxmillean)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/10/2012 10:11:47 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Some Rules for posting on teh Internetz:

+1. Love it. Especially this:

quote:

10. Always make it 10 items long, for karmic balance and symmetry. Add spurious items if need be to round out the length.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/10/2012 10:14:09 PM

MistressDarkArt

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No idea why that posted twice.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/10/2012 10:39:35 PM

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

No idea why that posted twice.

Karmic balance?

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RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 5:57:34 AM

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quote:

Sorry, if I'm ahead of him, leading the way, then he isn't in charge, I am.

What if he picks the path?

I look at our relationship as a series of adventurous paths toward a common goal, some of which I have more expereince navagating them Himself. Some are very difficult, we have to naviagate them together. Others are easy and one of us handles it alone (although HE picks which one, with my input, of course.)

Other paths he's decided, for whatever reason, to travel alone and w/o my assistance. In this way we move together down life's many paths toward a common goal.

My dominant's methods would not work for those s-types who enjoy being micromanaged and constantly controlled. He prefers an s-type who has the intelligence, discernment, and good judgement to follow his lead w/o needing to choreograph their every move.

But, you know, to each their own.

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RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 6:41:47 AM

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Speaklng as a domly dom, how wise would I be if I didnt delegate, and use my submissive's skills? I am not 100% behind the idea of kicking him out on the front lines while I lag back at the base, but if he knows stuff, he's taking care of those things.

These lists slay me.

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RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 6:52:20 AM

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Well done. That was a hoot.

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RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 7:04:03 AM

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This 10 point lists are great when it comes to buy a second hand car, or chosing between two jobs. For real relationships with real people... I don't think so.

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I'm not a native english speaker. So, if I'm writing very stupid things, the reason behind it can be:
1.- That I'm having problems with the language, and translation
2.- That, simply, I'm writing very stupid things
Give me the benefit of doubt!

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RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 7:25:14 AM

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it did well on fetlife .... - i guess its all down to 'know youre audience'

(in reply to MrBlue76)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 10:31:49 AM

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Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
What if he picks the path?

I look at our relationship as a series of adventurous paths toward a common goal, some of which I have more expereince navagating them Himself. Some are very difficult, we have to naviagate them together. Others are easy and one of us handles it alone (although HE picks which one, with my input, of course.)

Other paths he's decided, for whatever reason, to travel alone and w/o my assistance. In this way we move together down life's many paths toward a common goal.

My dominant's methods would not work for those s-types who enjoy being micromanaged and constantly controlled. He prefers an s-type who has the intelligence, discernment, and good judgement to follow his lead w/o needing to choreograph their every move.

This is like us. I "micromanage" Carol in some areas... actually usually at specific moments when whatever I want to get done is going to be actively negative in her mind. That's when I'll get detailed about what's going to be done, what mindset it's going to get done in, how it's to be remembered later, etc. Most times, by far, I'm picking the goals and objectives then we are together working to achieve them. Who's "in front" at any given moment has more to do with knowledge levels and the energy level of the moment than me being the boss.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 3:38:28 PM

lizi

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Loved the revised list.

Look OP, I don't really give a rip about what some internet list says about what my man wants, I'd hope he will tell me that himself or I think my relationship isn't worth squat. Anything else doesn't really matter and is as meaningful as a greeting card. All of the stuff typically on these lists is common sense. I couldn't even get through reading it without wanting to gag and simultaneously fall asleep. If someone needs this kind of guidance that they'd seek out help from the internet on a real life relationship then good on them for putting in the effort to find it. I just find it about as useful as reading instructions on how to do something simple like unroll toilet paper or use a fork.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 3:53:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I very much liked this statement:

Submission is not following your Master. It is preceding him, clearing the path, and reporting back to him on any pitfalls or problems you see ahead. It is trusting him, to guide and navigate, to keep you safe.

To me it seems a little ass-backwards to have one person going ahead and clearing the path, and the other one guiding and navigating. You could get lost that way, couldn't you?

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 5:04:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake
To me it seems a little ass-backwards to have one person going ahead and clearing the path, and the other one guiding and navigating. You could get lost that way, couldn't you?

Between Carol and I she is the artist and I'm the corporate computer geek. So while I have set down goals for her and her art career (get in a juried show, engage with the local art community, etc) I do not try to tell her how to do those things nor do I try to tell her how to paint a painting or construct a credenza. Generically I have told her that I want to explore her artistic side in a professional capacity. I monitor progress but really she's the expert not me.

A GREAT way to get lost would be if I was trying to navigate this particular path.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Wheldrake)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 5:08:38 PM

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For us: I'm the linear logic, detail person. He's the big picture person. He tells me where he wants something to end up and leaves figuring out the steps to get there to me. He may ask what my plans are or ask for a status update, but for the most part he just utilizes those skills.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 7:13:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I guess I'm confused. The 10 things on this list are things that I would demand out of ANYONE in my life... friend, lover, sub or slave. I mean seriously, I avoid hanging around with irresponsible people who behave like children. My own answer to "what do I need out of a slave" is... "obedience". After that it's all up to me to get my other needs met.

I agree with this. ^^^

That list reads like a long winded point form of 'use some common sense, moron.'

(in reply to JeffBC)

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