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How to approach - 2/19/2013 6:19:19 AM   
Kittykins


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/21/2011
Status: offline
I've been on and off of this site a few times, always searching for the right person to own me. I'm semi experienced with the lifestyle but there is so much more I would like to learn and do. My problem is finding someone or someones to consider me or take me as their sub.

So as my first post to the collarme boards I would like to ask you lovely mistress out there. How can I approach a dom/couple better, what makes someone really stand out? How can I get my chances up to get a reply or even help them be interested in me.

I usually try to write about a paragraph saying hello, who I am, what I am looking for and thank you for your time, but I hardly get any replies. I try to correct my spelling as much as I can and be proper when ever possible.

Thank you for any advice you are willing to give me, I don't mind private messages at all. Sorry for the bother and have a great day Mistress.

<3 Kitty
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to approach - 2/19/2013 7:00:29 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
It's really hard to tell you how to improve without knowing much about what you are doing already. With this in mind, I'll give you the standard stuff.

Always read the profile. This allows you to not fall into the trap of trying to be the exception to the rule. For example, I list one of My "hates" as cross dressing. That means I'm really not going to be compatible with anyone who "lives for" the activity. You could be a great guy but that's not a hurdle that is going to be over come in My personal life.

Always include a POLITE question on something based in that profile. This encourages a person to want to engage in conversation. Not a question about yourself, like do you want to know more about the sender. A question about them. There's going to be a gentleman along shortly named DarkSteven who is excellent in demonstrating how to do this.

Your email, including that question showing that you read the profile really shouldn't be some kind of novel. You only need 3-5 sentences.

Avoid copy/paste. Most of us can spot them a mile away and they don't go over well.

Don't embellish. Be very honest about things like experience level.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Kittykins)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to approach - 2/19/2013 7:41:36 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
Pretty much what LP said, make the emails individual to that person
For me it would be along the lines of "I am a wonderful house keeper & have done x community service for y group z years. I enjoy hiking & particularly enjoyed your thread on underwater basket weaving. " You kink wants haven't been mentioned, you have shown you read not only profile but forum posts & shown some compatibility.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to approach - 2/19/2013 9:47:55 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
What they said and also read the Ask a Mistress FAQ, it really is a wealth of information.

Also, welcome to CM and the forums.


NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to approach - 2/19/2013 10:36:37 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
~FR~

Oh my goodness, aren't you just adorable? Almost as cute as my Kitty. He's about the same age as you are, btw, and also enjoys pet play/cross-dressing, so you two have some things in common.

Okay, here are my suggestions for you with examples of what worked for me and Kitty.

First of all, I suggest tweaking your profile a bit. It's not bad, but you've got some punctuation errors such as commas where periods should be. I would also suggest picking a different color scheme that's easier to read. Attention to little details like these can make or break you when you're competing against dozens of other guys for the limited number of dominant women on this site.

Also, your profile seemed heavily sex- and kink-focused to me. I suggest rewriting it a bit to include more of your vanilla interests and what you have to offer a prospective dominant. Fill out your interests list. That's the only mention of your kinks you need to have unless there's something you enjoy that isn't on the list. My Kitty's profile mentions his love of RPGs and his skills with cooking, sewing, and building computers. He also mentions what he likes about D/s relationships, such as his distaste for the "on ur knees nao, bytch!" style of domination and his preference for a partner who approaches dominance from a place of inner strength and confidence. A good profile will eliminate the need for the section of your email about who you are and what you're looking for. If you get someone's attention, they'll check out your profile. Trust me.

As LP mentioned, make sure you read the profiles you contact and make sure you're a match. Look at the Lives For/Loves and Hard Limits sections to make sure you don't have anything they Live For on your Hard Limits list and vice versa. If someone contacts me who's into diaper play or watersports, that's an automatic "hell no." It also tells me they didn't bother to read my profile because I have both on my list of hard limits. I also suggest reading journals because they'll give you insight into the person/couple as well.

LP also suggests a polite question about something you read in the profile. That's a great idea and exactly what my Kitty did to get my attention. He asked what I thought about a vanilla interest we share and didn't mention kink AT ALL. Instead, he approached me like someone he might like to have a conversation with as a friend. We didn't talk about kink until after we'd exchanged several email messages. His messages stood out because he was the only one of the dozens of people who messaged me who wasn't focused on his fetishes.

Hope this helps. Best of luck!


_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to approach - 2/19/2013 11:29:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
Hi, kitty. It sounds like you're telling people in your first message what kind of relationship you want. Instead of that, I'd recommend you write to people that you simply think you'd like to talk with. Ask something vanilla, about what attracted you to the profile.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to approach - 2/19/2013 6:35:24 PM   
DreamsOfSpider


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline
Good advice here. Another thought: You mention that you're not involved in your local community. Any particular reason why not? It's a great way to meet people.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to approach - 2/7/2014 12:34:51 AM   
queenjazmine


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/1/2013
Status: offline
Good grammar is a huge one. Be patient. We have lives outside of this.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to approach - 5/5/2014 4:49:40 AM   
LunaBluekink


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/22/2014
Status: offline
Kitty you are so much like me!
I have the same issues .. This post has been very helpful though, and I wish you the best of luck!

(in reply to queenjazmine)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to approach - 5/8/2014 4:53:16 AM   
piopio1949


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/17/2014
Status: offline
I suppose I won't be adding much to what has been already said but I can't help and tell you about my experience. I've already managed to contact someone and meet her in person - she's rather busy so we haven't done much but I believe we've clicked.

At first I was just simply sending pretty much the same message to everyone, which caused many people to read it and not answer. Of course, you can imagine that "hello, I am an inexperienced submissive, blah blah blah, wanna chat?" is not the greatest introduction ever. One of these people had a profile description which I really liked, talking about such obvious (yet so frequently forgotten) things about getting to know people rather than just kinksters. I sent her another message apologizing and proceeded to introduce myself properly. Now, when she read this, she replied to me straight away.

Oh, and I know this is not going to be the case for most people here but, at least in this case, we didn't talk about kink until we first met IRL. It's not like it has to wait until then but of course you would like to get to know your potential partner before actually deciding that you'd like to be this person's sub, right? As a general rule of thumb, one always needs to remember that we're dealing with actual people, not just dom[me]s and slaves/subs; this is a rather obvious thing to say but also one that I forgot a bit too often.

Edit: LOL! I have just realized that the OP asked this question in 2013. Talk about a late answer.

< Message edited by piopio1949 -- 5/8/2014 4:55:32 AM >

(in reply to LunaBluekink)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How to approach - 5/10/2014 12:09:19 PM   
Cnidaria


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/4/2013
Status: offline
1. Good spelling/grammar
2. Make sure the person is looking for someone like you. For example, my profile says Lesbian Domme and I get messaged mostly by male Doms and subs. That's a waste of their time.
3. Make sure they live near you.
4. Treat her like a person you'd meet on the street, not a sex object or fantasy fulfillment. If you wouldn't say it to a stranger on the street... Same goes for penis pics. If you wouldn't flash her on the street....

(in reply to piopio1949)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to approach - 12/23/2014 4:44:19 AM   
sissycdmiranda


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/26/2014
Status: offline
Mistress, i beg a moment of your time... This submissive helper won’t let you down. Will make quick work of any assignment given. Won’t be let down and if it’s not up to standards well I guess punishment might be on the horizon. I would like to learn to be a sissy and to properly serve a goddess/mistress. I have been building my wardrobe of dresses, panties, and night gowns for years. I would enjoy going all the way for her but she hasn't yet collared me and made her intentions clear. Is there something I could do to show her how much I desire to serve her? I would love to become a full time sissy. I currently wear panties intermittendly as well as sometimes dressing entirely. I have also been practicing stuffing my bra to create an almost realistic cleavage. I love my breasts. I have skirts but also love to wear skin tight girly jeans. I have a purple butt plug that inflates and use it regularly. I think that having a chastity device on long term would great. I like to be deprived from having an orgasm. I can’t imagine how wonderful it would be. and ultimately i'd like to be my mistresses whore, to be pimped out to service real cock in order to perpepetuate my mistresses financial gain. please consider me to be your sissy slut... i have a webcam and skype....

With regard,

sissycdmiranda

(in reply to Cnidaria)
Profile   Post #: 12
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