MariaB
Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFI
Actually if he's the leader of the relationship then I would see him as dominant over you. What I don't see is that you bottom to him. Because dominance and top are the usual pairing doesn't mean that all dominants top, nor that all submissives bottom.
He may well be my leader but that certainly doesn’t make him dominant over me! How can I be submissive if I don’t feel submissive? What I do feel is well looked after, cherished and adored. He sees me as a strong outgoing woman that cares for him, not because I’m submissive but because we are in a deeply loving relationship. I appreciate dominant males and submissive females have deeply loving relationships too but based on dominance and submission, that’s a world apart from what Steve and me have.
quote:
ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I've met (or, really, e-met, because there's no point in meeting in real life) a lot of sub women whose world is "insular." The majority I've talked to on CM, without a doubt. I don't claim to understand it, because "good, giving and game" makes a lot more sense to me. But I think it's part of the reason women join this site -- they want men who won't ask them to do things they don't feel comfortable doing. Like take charge in the bedroom in any way.
I do get that submission doesn’t equate to being kinky. Just as my mind enjoys a very strong minded guy, whilst exploring an interchangeable kinky world, many submissive females need to know that their man is ‘all man’ whatever that means. I guess the only way I could understand is to have the mind of a submissive!
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kana
As for me?Yeah-it would fuck me up. As in bad.
I would not be able to perceive myself the same way either.
But again, lets not forget I'm biased. I've been in a position where I was quite literally willing to die and/or commit murder to keep my asshole intact so my POV is slightly different than most people here who may only have qualms for ethical/ickiness/moral/religious/prejudiced considerations.
I understand where you are coming from. My ex had spent time inside just like you and had a very similar attitude and I can’t say I blame him!
quote:
ORIGINAL: shiftyw
If he asked me to cut him- for his pleasure, if he asked me to put his balls in a vice, as service to him, or if he asked me to tie him down and tickle him until he pissed himself- I would have the same relationship shattering feelings- because I would not be comfortable in that position, and I would not view him in the same light. I'm not a sadist, I'm not a leader (least not in bed), its just not my role...at least not at this point in my life. Certainly tastes can change, and I think everyone who said this wasn't for them- viewed it as fine for the OP or whoever else wants to do it.
If my husband asked me to do any of those things I would yawn to be honest but then I hate being asked!
My shoe is on the other foot and I understand what its like to be put in a position of feeling ultimately uncomfortable. When I realized I couldn’t submit or bottom to Steve, I felt as though I had dragged him into a world of broken promises. I’m sure once the truth was out; he viewed me in a different light. Fortunately that light burns just as strong and just as bright.
quote:
ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Yes and exactly as Master stated. I'm ok with being insular. It makes my life much, much easier. I'm not exactly the adventurous type in the rest of my life either.
Then again, I don't like being on top either. The first time he told me to do it, I was so very uncomfortable and it make the entire situation very uncomfortable. For me, being on top is like well....topping. I'm a traditionalist, meaning I believe in gender roles, I believe in a man taking control, being a leader, being on top, monogamy and all the other traditional stuff. For me that's my comfort level. If he didn't feel similar or it changed I would start wondering who the hell he was and where is the real Master.
I’m also somewhat of a traditionalist. The difference though is, I love my man to be a leader but he’s not in charge of me. He influences me with his leadership skills all the time. There’s no cunning ploy on his part and its all done very respectfully. He’s a bit of a tough guy and I’ll openly admit that I like that in a guy, so long as he doesn’t use that toughness on me. He works hard and he appreciates his dinner on the table when he gets in. He doesn’t expect it though and there’s the difference!. When he’s with Chloe he is tough on her, he does expect his dinner on the table and he does use his leadership skills to manipulate situations in his favour. There is no act, the only difference between Chloe and me is, she’s submissive and accepts without question and I’m not submissive but do all these things for him because I believe he’s earned it.
Talking of 'earning it', this is something nearly every submissive female insists upon. Nobody wants to submit to a bloke who hasn't earned his dominant badge (in her world) and in the vanilla world, no woman or man for that matter, will gain satisfaction from making their partners life good, if that partner hasn't earned it.....There is indeed a parallel but that parallel shouldn't get confused.
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