RE: How would you react, ladies? (Full Version)

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sexyred1 -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 1:21:07 PM)

I don't see it as him seeking a relationship, which involves two people.

I see it as wanting to realize a fantasy of a relationship, which only needs one person.



LadyConstanze -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 1:26:16 PM)

From what he said, he seems to think pretty highly of himself, hadn't had a relationship before just one night stands which he doesn't have trouble attracting, this profile has touched him, he believes she is his soul mate. There is a chance that she *might* be, but not if he approaches her like he plans to do.



sexyred1 -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 1:29:24 PM)

Delusional people who speak of soul mates based on a profile need to be avoided.



DesFIP -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 1:36:47 PM)

Suggest to him that he goes talk to the local police. Because they will explain in detail that the odds are overwhelming she will want him charged as a stalker. And they can tell him what the penalties for stalking are.

If you know the profile of this woman, write her explaining that she's given enough info for people to track her down in real life and she really needs to delete it. If she's listed her real name, send it to Support and maybe they can clean it up before she signs back in.

Oh and tell him the reason she hasn't signed back in is that she's probably in a relationship and her boyfriend is likely to react physically to get him to leave her alone.



LadyConstanze -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 1:38:12 PM)

I honestly think he really believed I was trying to be mean to him when I pointed out that it is stalkerish, he had such "boy stomps foot" moment that not everybody is a creep like I seem to believe, blah blah.

I mean not even Hollywood would make a movie like that, because most women would go "Ewww, hell no" and not "Oh how romantic" - maybe he read 50 Shades and fancies he's this Christian guy.



littlewonder -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 2:00:00 PM)

Yeah, that's just creepy. I had a guy do that to me once, after I had not seen him for a month, did not contact him in all that time and basically I had moved on and forgotten all about him. When he showed up on my doorstep with flowers, I just peeked out in the partially opened door and told him I did not like him, had no interest in him and then just closed the door and waited for him to leave. I figured I would give him 5 minutes. If he wasn't gone by then, then I would call the police. Thankfully he left and never returned.

Some people are just not very bright and just socially inept. I'm always surprised just how many people are so socially inept. It shouldn't surprise me but it still just boggles my mind.



LadyConstanze -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 2:06:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Suggest to him that he goes talk to the local police. Because they will explain in detail that the odds are overwhelming she will want him charged as a stalker. And they can tell him what the penalties for stalking are.

If you know the profile of this woman, write her explaining that she's given enough info for people to track her down in real life and she really needs to delete it. If she's listed her real name, send it to Support and maybe they can clean it up before she signs back in.

Oh and tell him the reason she hasn't signed back in is that she's probably in a relationship and her boyfriend is likely to react physically to get him to leave her alone.


I don't know her profile at all and he has deleted his account, guess it was a foot stomp reaction to not getting the desired reply from me.




OsideGirl -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 3:23:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel


quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


Make that 6 out of 6, and he better pray she doesn't have a concealed carry permit.


And then there's this….

So how can someone rationalize away the point that people can and DO carry weapons to guard against unwanted intrusions? How would his plan be construed as anything but an unwanted intrusion? Someone tracks you down from the internet and enters your real life space…yeah, that's pretty much the definition of an intrusion.



I don't have a carry conceal weapon, but I do carry high grade pepper spray. I also keep a pistol next to the front door.



LadyPact -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 3:39:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel


quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


Make that 6 out of 6, and he better pray she doesn't have a concealed carry permit.


And then there's this….

So how can someone rationalize away the point that people can and DO carry weapons to guard against unwanted intrusions? How would his plan be construed as anything but an unwanted intrusion? Someone tracks you down from the internet and enters your real life space…yeah, that's pretty much the definition of an intrusion.



I don't have a carry conceal weapon, but I do carry high grade pepper spray. I also keep a pistol next to the front door.


I apologize for the multiple quotes.

Last July, I was an inch away from that concealed carry permit. The only thing that swung My decision the other way was that handguns can't be carried (even with the permit) on most facilities on post.

When we move, if this crap continues, how much do you want to bet that I have a pistol?




kalikshama -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 3:43:49 PM)

quote:

We exchanged messages, I told him that most women would feel very strongly about this, in a very negative way, but apparently I'm very mean and don't understand that he just needed pointers as he sees her as his soulmate.


My downstairs neighbor thinks like this about women online and also regularly does work in his space to push the demons out of the house. He's usually successful at getting them out into the woods. (It's safe to be in the woods with them if you are wearing black.)

********

Another vote for creeped out. I was freaked when someone on OKCupid said he recognized me from here - I make a deliberate effort to minimize my internet footprint by having different user names and different main profile pictures. I'd preferred he'd written me here and said he recognized me on OKC.




kalikshama -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 3:46:45 PM)

quote:

Just the fact he was able to get her real-world address alone is a screaming red flag all by itself, because it means he has access to means to circumvent the safety protocols here (and elsewhere).


More likely she did something stupid like use the same picture here that she has on her Facebook, which has her last name, which is in the phonebook.



LadyConstanze -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 3:48:43 PM)

Been away for a while, got the odd bit from comments you made here and there, sorry that you're going through this. Dunno if you remember, but we talked about some shit a few years back, it's still going on, but talking to a support group of a bunch of people who were or are going through the same kind of helped me keep my sanity. Have you considered getting a dog? Most dogs and cats get on really well when carefully introduced, dogs are great companions and even the friendliest dog will protect the pack, they can do a lot for your peace of mind. Mine wouldn't hurt a fly, but somebody just being threatening to me, the heckles come up and they give that look and unlike a gun, nobody can turn them against you.



LeatherBentOne51 -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 4:01:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'd react strongly with a police report and restraining order (and possibly pepper spray)

There's a reason why dating site profiles don't have our full names and locations like Facebook, it's because without our permission you are not allowed into our outside lives. I'll also add that if she hasn't logged in during the past month, it's because she's with someone she's interested in.




Why doesn't your first sentence surprise me? Couldn't have said it better myself.



LadyPact -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 4:09:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Been away for a while, got the odd bit from comments you made here and there, sorry that you're going through this. Dunno if you remember, but we talked about some shit a few years back, it's still going on, but talking to a support group of a bunch of people who were or are going through the same kind of helped me keep my sanity. Have you considered getting a dog? Most dogs and cats get on really well when carefully introduced, dogs are great companions and even the friendliest dog will protect the pack, they can do a lot for your peace of mind. Mine wouldn't hurt a fly, but somebody just being threatening to me, the heckles come up and they give that look and unlike a gun, nobody can turn them against you.

Yes, we certainly did. We're not alone, either. There are a number of women on this thread who have dealt with it to some degree, and some men who have had it happen, too.

With the move coming up, I've thought about this a whole lot. I think you posted on another thread that some stalkers/obsessed people will continue for seven years. I don't know about the proposition of having another six in Me.

Yes, we've discussed getting a dog. It would probably be a good idea once we're in the new location.




kiwisub12 -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 4:18:49 PM)

The only people that the original scenario wouldn't be creepy to are the ones that think the scene in Twilight where the vampire sneaked into the young girls bedroom to watch her sleep is romantic.[8|]



Hisgirl007 -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 4:23:10 PM)

This behavior is not enough to be granted a restraining order. It takes much more than this in most states.



LadyConstanze -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 4:31:13 PM)

The 7 years are the average but no guarantee, that's what the cops and help group have told me, I'm in the 4th or 5th year now, changing numbers, work, etc. has slowed him down (along with the cops now ignoring his calls and being aware that in the US the prepaid mobiles can't really be traced like here). There were times when I thought I would go crazy and was afraid to get up, phone ringing make me jump and shiver, the support group helped a lot. Especially when always being asked "What did you do to him? People don't do this without a reason!" That's just so much BS, they are unhinged, they might think they have a reason, it's just a normal person can't understand the way they think, they don't even realize that what they do is wrong, in their minds they are the wronged party.

If you can, join a support group, a lot of things are explained and they also explained that changing everything you do and cutting off friends because you are afraid is part of the desired result for the stalker, they are making you lonely (aka punishing you). For years it was the "drop everything and go into hiding" approach, there are now theories that say unless you can really completely go into hiding (which is almost impossible with the internet and if such a person knows your real name and/or place of work), the fact that you drop social contacts encourages them and is a success that lets them continue.

I'm still baffled how effed up somebody has to be, but hey, on the bright side, unless somebody would give me a full frontal lobotomy, I wouldn't even consider something remotely like that, so I guess I still have most of my marbles (surprising as it is).



MissToYouRedux -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 4:45:19 PM)

Sometimes the who that explains ramifications to a stalker makes the difference (especially since restraining orders often don't register with deranged obsessed people.)

Luckily for me a former Hell's Angel delivered the clear message to my real-time stalker, and the problem went away.



LadyConstanze -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 4:55:57 PM)

Mine happens to be on the other side of the pond, so not a "physical threat" but fun and games as he uses those prepaid mobiles, for something like $20 you can get 200 minutes free international calls, so he called work, clients of my boss, the police with all sorts of weird charges (apparently I'm Heisenberg with the drug kitchen in the basement, only we don't have a basement, could do with the storage space but ground water level too high, though I admit my washing machine does look a bit shifty) the fire brigade who almost kicked down our door in the wee hours... You name it, he's done it (and shit a sane person couldn't even dream about), try getting somebody who's doing that across the Atlantic with prepaid phones, the cops here can't arrest him, the cops over there shrug the shoulders and say "We can't arrest a prepaid mobile" and everybody pats you on the shoulder and tells you that you are not in "physical danger", trust me, if I would have a real name, the odd friend would have explained the error of his ways, only that guy really knows how to cover his tracks...

I suspect I am one of his many victims, you don't learn that shit from today to tomorrow.



pg4g -> RE: How would you react, ladies? (2/23/2014 5:13:40 PM)

I haven't read most of this cos it's so long, but another male perspective:

Bloody wrong. What was he thinking? Some deluded view of romance?

When organising to meet for anything, you both need to agree to... Well... Organize. What if she had no interest in meeting? What right does someone have to investigate and pry into someone's life, much less meet them unannounced? I choose who I want to know, how, and we meet. I choose how much information I disclose, rights for meeting, everything.

This just is just gobsmacking... Who the hell does someone who does this think they are?

Creepy, stalkerish, crossing multiple lines all at once.



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