Greta75 -> RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety (10/5/2016 10:30:41 PM)
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ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent Again, this isn't about her contacting him whenever. From what the op said this was because she became a bitch to him when he didn't respond when she wanted him too and didn't give her attention. I am always wary about what dominants mean by they accuse their sub of "throwing a fit" or "being a bitch". Usually, people act out because their hurt feelings are not properly addressed and are trivialized instead of taken seriously. To punish them for this, IS not addressing the real issue and solving the problem from the root. When all it takes is to reassure the root of the problem to prevent future incidences. I just don't see how punishment is positive for this situation to actually improve the situation. To me, with every situation. I only look at the most effective solution. I simply want the correct solutions to be applied to genuinely solve the underlying problem. The goal is to find the root of why she was acting out, and resolve that issue, so it will never happen again. This may be a 2 years relationship, but what if the dom seem distance or colder as time goes by and she was feeling more insecure about what's going on. And ya know with men, when they are stressed they go into withdrawal from you and keep telling you nothing is wrong. Which to a woman, will then feel like, DEFINITELY something is wrong! And then it creates all these feelings of insecurity. This incident reminds me of my dynamic with two naturally dominant males who don't identity with BDSM. But I identify both as natural dominants. And both are men that I love dearly. Both travel alot for work. So there is long separation. And we keep in contact with chat softwares. I said to the one with better people skills, and EQ infact yesterday that, it is odd that, he doesn't respond to 90% of anything I write him, and yet, I am not upset at all. And his respond was, "But I read 100% of everything you write me all the time!" Such a simple reassurance, simple statement, just completely reassured me and made me happy and secure with him. The first one is very consistent in his behaviour. When he is working, or with friends, his full attention is on that, and he never chats with me. He will only do so when he is absolutely free. And I am okay with that. And the other , would text me even while his in meetings, even when he is on a one-one dinner with any friends. He would be texting me all day non stop. And then drop off and disappear. When he drop off and disappears, I kinda start feeling anxiety like what happened or what's wrong? When I express that to him. He got mad and he told me, this is how he is like, I need to deal with it and get used to it. That's it! His EQ ain't great. No assurances, nothing. And because of this, I know with him specifically. I will continue to feel this anxiety. I deal with it by talking about it with my other good EQ guy. (PS: I understand this dude alot actually, he is very emotionally scarred from childhood abuse, we went through similar things, so I understand his behaviour, but just saying this is the difference, the other guy grew up in a loving family.) There are many great dominants that are fantastic with physical safety, but few understand how to manage emotional safety. The other thing is, was there a sub drop going on too? Where she felt additionally needy because of the sub drop? Too bad the sub stopped answering, I assume she has kissed and made up with her dom. But these are the things I would wonder about.
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