LadyPact
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ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
I do want to know why, though, from all of you.
Going to be frank. I really don't know what my contribution will be worth. However, as you took the time to create an interesting thread, I'd like to at least comment.
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WHY is there an orgasm gap?
My first thought is that some of this has to do with different eras. I want to admit here that I checked your other profile for an accurate age to why I might think this more than you. Then, I looked at the Cosmo article to see the ages of the women they were polling. Call me an ageist if you like, but I consider any poll about sex that includes 18 year olds to be automatically skewed. Maybe times have changed in the last thirty years, but my personal experience wasn't that I was having 'the world's greatest sex' at that age. How many people of either gender are seriously 'expert' lovers in the 18-21 age zone? If I were to compare the sex I was having thirty years ago to the sex I have now... Sorry, but it's not even a competition.
Then, we have the other side of the age scale. There are absolutely women in the forty~ish age bracket that have never had an orgasm, much less multiple orgasms. There's still some thinking out there that sex is 'completed' when the male orgasms, and the stereotype of 'roll over and go to sleep' is the norm.
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Why is our society and culture determining what we think is OK to do in our bedrooms?
No offense, but I think you missed the bar on this one.
There's a lot of stuff about sex that society has tried to say is ok or isn't. Doesn't really work well. Closeted gay men, women, and us kinky types were still doing the things we liked to do, even though laws (and public opinion) didn't make it exceptionally cool to do so. How many states had sodomy laws?
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Why is this so widespread and prevalent that even sex bloggers and educators fall for it, and use it as an excuse?
A part of this can be related to not every sex blogger should be considered an educator. If we're setting the bar so low that every blogger with a following is supposed to be some kind of authority on any given subject, we might as well give up now. A lot of self-proclaimed experts are exactly that. Self-proclaimed. Either that, or they base it on how many people read their blog, follow them on twitter, or whatever kind of popularity contest got people reading what they have to say.
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I mean if the people we turn to for inspiration are not making female orgasm as important in their own lives as male orgasm, why do they expect others to do so?
First, I think we have to look at exactly whom we are turning to for inspiration. If a person's own sexual experience put them at an average of four percent of having orgasms? The nicest thing I can say is that I wouldn't go looking for somebody with a whole, whopping 4% success rate to be getting my advice from.
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For my personal sex life, the orgasm gap goes WAY in the other direction...
OK. I took your personal stats out because I didn't want anybody thinking I was trying the 'compete by numbers' game or any other foolishness.
However, I'm in complete agreement about the orgasm gap going wayyyyy the other way. To date, I've never met a man who could have ten orgasms in an hour. Something most multi-orgasmic women achieve, easily.
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I'm doing my part. And I'm writing about it: Orgasm Gap? BAH! Not For Me, Thanks!
Yes, I looked at it briefly on the other site and skimmed some of the comments. Some of them were quite astute and I honestly could see where they were going with their thoughts. More on this in a moment.
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And I teach orgasm classes. And I encourage people to talk about what gets them off. Women, especially, but even men, because men can experience so much more than an ejaculatory orgasm with refraction period from penile stimulation, too...
Agreed.
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And who doesn't want more and better orgasms?
(Yes, I know there are people who don't, but I hope those aren't the same people bitching about the orgasm gap, so are not the topic of this writing.)
With no offense to the asexuals among us, I want to skip this.
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Here's another question:
Why the fuck are we allowing society or culture to decide how we fuck?
Again, I don't really think this is it. Society and culture have influence, but not control.
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And then complaining about it, as if we have no control?
I have trouble identifying with this. <Insert joke about my outspoken nature here.>
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Why are we afraid to tell the people we go to bed with how we can be brought to orgasm? Seems like that's a minimum requirement:
Even being outspoken, which I am not trying to equate to Dominance, this I do get.
I think every woman has encountered at least one man (if straight) who just weren't any good in bed. However, most of us are, at the same time, rather acquainted with just how fragile the ego can be when it comes to their abilities, or lack thereof, in bed. In all of the comments you received here or on the other writing, did you get any from males who actually admitted they weren't average or below lovers? I'll bet you didn't. Frankly, a lot of people can't accept that they might need to improve, or worse, do that whining, moaning, pouting thing that is just insufferable.
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Go to bed with people you can speak honestly to about the sex and how to make fan-fucking-tastic.
Or, maybe I'm weird like that.
No, I don't think that's just you. However, I don't think it's always that simplistic, either.
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Another minimum:
Don't go to bed with people only focused on their orgasmqs.
Another oddity of my personality.
Again, not odd. Again, not always reflective of a lot of people's sex lives.
Let's take something like the category of submissive men. How many of them boast about how interested they are in the Domme's pleasure? Now, compare that to the reality of how that doesn't always measure up. No way to get a good read on this or what the percentages might be.
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I don't know the answer, except to say that maybe we should examine what our culture and society teaches us about orgasms for all genders, then determine how much of that we want to throw out in the pursuit of real satisfaction.
I saved this for last because it is reflective of something I caught in the comments from the other site. That being the mental, rather than just the physical aspect. This is something that those of us engaging in D/s type sex can use to improve the encounter, even when somebody might not be fabulous in bed. A person that gets off on having power/authority/control over another person can get off on that factor. (Same being true from the other side of the slash in being under the other person's power/authority/control.) I think I've got posts on these forums from as long as ten years ago in attempts to articulate what I tend to call 'power sex'. I never think I articulate it well but I consider it very much related to what is often said by many. "What is happening between the ears is way more stimulating than what's happening between the legs."
Anyway, I hope I had a point or two for folks to think about.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: "Society" Has NO Place In My Bedroom! - 
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