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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 4:29:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

My vision has since returned to normal. It wasn't a big deal, the compression just temporarily caused fluid in my eyeball to shift in such a way that it distorted my lenses. I've had it happen in tight sensory deprivation hoods before, and it's no big deal.

Is this really no big deal though? I think eye sight is a dangerous place to mess with unless you don't mind risking being permanently blind.

I think your initial panic response was you saving yourself from further damage. Like instinctively, you know this is crossing some serious real harm boundaries and you need to make sure your eye sight is gonna be okay.

Distorted vision is fairly common with mummification type bondage, wrapping of the head in vet wrap, ace bandages, silk scarves, or anything the puts pressure on the eyes or surrounding area. Even tight hoods or blindfolds and can cause distorted vision. This can last from minutes to a few hours typically. The distorted vision is caused by the shape of the eyeball changing and is not harmful or lasting.

It is safe unless you suffer from Ocular Hypertension (with glaucoma being the leading cause for that) in which case you do not want to add any stress to the eye we could increase pressure inside the eye.

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 4:34:58 PM

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I'd also avoid it if you have implanted lenses. Usually done for cataract removal.

And since Ishtar's had LASIK surgery, she would have been better off going straight to the ER. This could have been a time sensitive issue. So glad she's recovered full use of her sight.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 7/31/2017 4:37:08 PM >

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 4:45:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DocStrange

Distorted vision is fairly common with mummification type bondage, wrapping of the head in vet wrap, ace bandages, silk scarves, or anything the puts pressure on the eyes or surrounding area. Even tight hoods or blindfolds and can cause distorted vision. This can last from minutes to a few hours typically. The distorted vision is caused by the shape of the eyeball changing and is not harmful or lasting.

It is safe unless you suffer from Ocular Hypertension (with glaucoma being the leading cause for that) in which case you do not want to add any stress to the eye we could increase pressure inside the eye.

Exactly. And I should have known that, because I hit this issue before years ago, and learned it was both common, and safe, then.

I basically had a panic attack and wasn't thinking straight at the time at all. My thoughts very singularly: "I'm not safe, I need to get away."
I was having these thoughts in a very compulsory and obsessive way. There wasn't much else that was relevant to my thought processes, and I was actively discounting any information that was to the contrary (for example, I totally disregarded the fact that my captor took appropriate steps to rectify the situation as soon as I altered him to a problem as relevant information towards assessing my safety in the moment).

Apparently 6 days of torture and solitary confinement can fuck with one's mind and induce panic attacks... who'd have thunk it?

The fact that I did end up having a panic attack (which I wasn't expecting I would, especially not in such a short period of time) is a very relevant data point going forward when doing this again.
It's one of the many things I learned about myself: I panic much quicker than I would have expected... and once I am panicking, I'm totally irrational.

Having learned that about myself, next time nobody will be 'tricked' into letting me go, and different steps will be taken to deal with the panic attack, rather than ending the scene prematurely.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 7/31/2017 4:46:34 PM >

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 4:49:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And since Ishtar's had LASIK surgery, she would have been better off going straight to the ER. This could have been a time sensitive issue. So glad she's recovered full use of her sight.

It's been years since I've had LASIK though. There's no reason to suppose that there should be residual issues from it. I'm fully healed and have been for a long long time.

But you're absolutely 100% right... if there was an actual issue, the plan should have been to see a doctor. If there wasn't an actual issue, the goal should have been to get me to calm down.
In either case, getting on a plane wasn't a solution.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 5:13:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And since Ishtar's had LASIK surgery, she would have been better off going straight to the ER. This could have been a time sensitive issue. So glad she's recovered full use of her sight.

It's been years since I've had LASIK though. There's no reason to suppose that there should be residual issues from it. I'm fully healed and have been for a long long time.

But you're absolutely 100% right... if there was an actual issue, the plan should have been to see a doctor. If there wasn't an actual issue, the goal should have been to get me to calm down.
In either case, getting on a plane wasn't a solution.

You're right. He should have dropped you off at the bus stop.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 5:22:21 PM

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quote:

In either case, getting on a plane wasn't a solution.

I disagree. It was a solution in that it solved the problem. It may not have been the ideal or best solution, but it was a solution, and an effective one.

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 5:56:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

In either case, getting on a plane wasn't a solution.

I disagree. It was a solution in that it solved the problem. It may not have been the ideal or best solution, but it was a solution, and an effective one.

No, it wasn't effective at all in fixing the problem, because the problem was that I perceived myself as being 'unsafe'.

And once I was at the airport, alone, and beyond anybody's help but my own, I realized I was still flying/in subspace bad enough that I wasn't really in an emotional state where it was advisable to navigate several airports by myself, and so I felt very distraught and unsafe still.

Yet, once at the airport, there's nothing either my captor or Ullr could do to impact the fact that I wasn't really fine to fly by myself. At that point I really was on my own.

Nothing bad ended up happening, because airports tend to be relatively safe places anyways and usually nothing bad happens to you there. But flying back alone at that point wasn't just 'not a solution', it actually changed my status from merely 'feeling unsafe', to actually 'being unsafe'.

It directly made the situation worse, and the fact that it ended up getting better is circumstantially caused by the fact that managed to get home alright, which wasn't an outcome that was guaranteed when that plane ticket was bought. I had serious trouble navigating the airports by myself, and could have gotten myself into all kinds of bad situations if things had worked out a little different.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 6:02:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

You're right. He should have dropped you off at the bus stop.

Ullr would never allow me to take the bus. In any circumstance.

You're forgetting he had me on loan, and that there were expectations that he'd return the goods in the same shape as he borrowed them. Getting me a plane instead of a bus ticket is a debt he owed to Ullr much more than to me.

Though he was still nice enough to me to pay for upgrades to my legroom.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to tamaka)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 6:55:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

You're right. He should have dropped you off at the bus stop.

Ullr would never allow me to take the bus. In any circumstance.

You're forgetting he had me on loan, and that there were expectations that he'd return the goods in the same shape as he borrowed them. Getting me a plane instead of a bus ticket is a debt he owed to Ullr much more than to me.

Though he was still nice enough to me to pay for upgrades to my legroom.

Lol

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 7:35:08 PM

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quote:

No, it wasn't effective at all in fixing the problem, because the problem was that I perceived myself as being 'unsafe'

And once you were on the plane did you still feel "unsafe"

Look I know what you mean, but I am an English major so really my objection is with your word usage, and you being an ESL person it is unfair, so I'll just say this. It was a solution, just not the one you would have preferred to have taken

I sincerely hope your next attempt works out better. And would also remind you that you are human, and the adverse reaction you had may not have been due solely to the blurred vision, but rather to the entire experience. A "straw that broke the camel's back" sort of thing perhaps?.

Just to be clear, I admired the fuck out of you before this, and admire even more fucks out of you for having tried it. You rock the fuck out of the world in my books. You are one of the two people on this forum who are a constant inspiration to me (I did try to tell you that a long time ago in private, but my account cannot initiate CMs, it can only respond to them)

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 8:09:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

You're right. He should have dropped you off at the bus stop.

Ullr would never allow me to take the bus. In any circumstance.

You're forgetting he had me on loan, and that there were expectations that he'd return the goods in the same shape as he borrowed them. Getting me a plane instead of a bus ticket is a debt he owed to Ullr much more than to me.

Though he was still nice enough to me to pay for upgrades to my legroom.

Lol

Yeah I was kinda surprised about that when I got on the plane.

I mean... you're making me purposefully uncomfortable all week, to then spend extra money so I'm comfy on the plane? It's appreciated and all, but a little ironic.

Especially when you consider that usually Ullr and I always get upgrades, but this time he bought me the cheapest ticket out there he could get, and when I complained about that he literally said: "I'm not spending extra money so you can be comfortably on the plane, when you're going of with the expressed purpose of being tortured... consider it an early start.".

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to tamaka)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 8:36:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

And once you were on the plane did you still feel "unsafe"

Yup, very much so. I was rather jumpy and irritable, to the point that the flight attendant checked twice whether I was okay.
I was in a state of paranoia, literally so, I wasn't coping with reality very well.
I didn't get to a point of feeling safe until I got home, which again is circumstantial, because it's a rather happy accident that I actually made it home instead of, for example acting weird and suspicious in a way that would make the TSA detain me for questioning, or something... which btw, I wouldn't have been able to cope very well with at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

Look I know what you mean, but I am an English major so really my objection is with your word usage, and you being an ESL person it is unfair, so I'll just say this. It was a solution, just not the one you would have preferred to have taken

I do get your point. It's just that it wasn't just a sub-optimal thing to do, it was actually a "wrong thing which accidentally turned out okay" thing to do.

Based on the date gather from this incident, Ullr has already decided that going forward, there will never ever be a circumstance where the scene ends and I'm on the plane the same day. There will necessarily be a 24-48 hour cool off period in which I won't be allowed to leave, but active captivity/torture is stopped, to see where my head ends up being.
And that is whether it's a scheduled or an unscheduled stop.

He's concluded that me leaving same day is actively dangerous, and is seriously considering never again to let me come home un-escorted, even after a cool down period.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

I sincerely hope your next attempt works out better. And would also remind you that you are human, and the adverse reaction you had may not have been due solely to the blurred vision, but rather to the entire experience. A "straw that broke the camel's back" sort of thing perhaps?.

Nods, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Especially considering that I ought to have known that there wasn't really an issue with my eyes, because I've hit this problem before years ago.

But getting to the straw that broke the camel's back was exactly the point... I set this entire thing up with the expressed purpose of finding that 'breaking point' and then pushing past it.
Which is thus actually the only thing we actually failed to accomplish, because I found my breaking point, and then instead of pushing past it, I found the breaking point of both Tops involved, and forced them to call off carefully made plans of going past that breaking point.

It's still good data, mind you, because now for instance, I actually have a better idea of where that breaking point actually is, and what might happen when I get there, whereas before I had no clue. And I didn't only find this one, I found another one as well much earlier (that my captor on purpose decided not to push on this occasion): cold. Apparently I can't stand cold one bit, and it'll reduce me into a broken mass with only one objective -to get warm- in an unreasonably short amount of time.

And by 'cold' I mean "Being immobile and naked at ambient air temperatures around 60F for more than a few hours", not "Temperatures low enough low enough to cause serious imminent threat of hypothermia, sustained for long enough to pose actual risk of bodily harm."
It's a breaking point I have I want to explore too at some point, but in order to do so gear needs to be acquired so that my body temperature and core temperature can remotely be monitored, instead of going off my subjective experience. (Because my subjective experience is that I'm NOT OKAY in a very bad way, very quickly after I get cold

).

So it's not really unexpected that I didn't get to explore everything I was planning.
It's just that the eventuality that I would be able to weasel out of exploring what happens at the breaking point didn't really get planned for (cause it was assumed that me weaseling out was made impossible) and so mistakes were made once we were there.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 8:41:50 PM

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~FRing it~

IMHO...both men should have recognized how far over the edge you were at the moment. But all in all, hindsight is 20/20 and you'll know how to improve on it next time. In any case, you have my admiration for what it's worth. This took massive cajones on your part...and it was a great read too

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 8:50:23 PM

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so who is genuine on here?

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wE arE tHe voiCes,
We SAtuRaTe yOur aLPHA brain WAveS, ThIs is nOt A DrEAm The wiZaRd of Oz, shoES, CaLcuLUs, DECorAtiNG, FrIDGE SProcKeTs, be VeRy sCareDed – SLoBbers,We DeEManDErs Sloowee DAnCiNG, SmOOches – whisper whisper & CaAkEE

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 8:56:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Danemora

IMHO...both men should have recognized how far over the edge you were at the moment. But all in all, hindsight is 20/20 and you'll know how to improve on it next time.

Yeah, they realize that now too. Steps are being taken to prevent further issues around that next time.

It's super ironic that leaving was the most actually dangerous thing I ended up doing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Danemora
and it was a great read too

Thanks. I tried to make it interesting instead of dry (I've been told I can be very dry in my writing).

I've actually been playing around with the idea of writing the whole week up in an erotica short story format. I actually started to write some snippets of short story style format during my captivity week, when I was in loser bondage and allowed to journal, but done with my daily journal.
But I've been afraid I'd end up making it all too technical to be interesting as an erotic read, so hearing that you enjoyed it makes me reconsider that idea, because I wasn't even trying for story format there.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Danemora)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 9:27:37 PM

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Write it from the perspective of that freaked out chick in predicament bondage and you'll be a hit. You write extremely well FWIW. Always enjoyed your writing. I cannot be the only one 😊

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 9:40:18 PM

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A work of complete fiction and they say I should expect that on my best day here - not that I understand

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wE arE tHe voiCes,
We SAtuRaTe yOur aLPHA brain WAveS, ThIs is nOt A DrEAm The wiZaRd of Oz, shoES, CaLcuLUs, DECorAtiNG, FrIDGE SProcKeTs, be VeRy sCareDed – SLoBbers,We DeEManDErs Sloowee DAnCiNG, SmOOches – whisper whisper & CaAkEE

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 9:49:42 PM

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FR: so do you feel 'back to normal'? Is your head back to where it was before your adventure?

(in reply to WickedsDesire)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 10:40:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

FR: so do you feel 'back to normal'? Is your head back to where it was before your adventure?

I feel back to normal.
Ullr says I seem to be about 97% back to normal. There's some minor residual focus issues he's noticing.

I was doing some research today, and a lot of the symptoms I was exhibiting are typical for prisoners kept in solitary confinement type settings. I'm supposing that the whole 'being tortured' and 'physical restrictions beyond being in a cell' would have intensified the issues too.

My eyes seem normal now.
I've got some residual numbness in my right hand, right above the thumb, from my should joint being swollen from being in prolonged stress positions, and pinching my median nerve, but I'm expecting that to clear up with some light exercises and a chiropractic appointment.

So yeah, all is well with me.
For example, I'd totally be up for some of the edge/fear play of the type we normally do at home, if Ullr was in the mood tonight.

But I usually recover pretty quickly after 'heavy' play. I don't really do aftercare. Usually when we're out in a club my form of aftercare consists of bouncing around looking for a Top who isn't too tired to fuck me up some more. And at home it consists of Ullr locking me up and sleeping in another room so I won't keep waking him up trying to get him to play more.

If a scene is good for me, I usually don't really ever want to stop playing. I guess this was actually a first for me, in that I did actually reach a point where I wanted to stop, while the scene wasn't a total flop. Usually the only time I actually want to end scenes is when they're "meh".
With the exception of this one, if they're good I'm always disappointed when they end, regardless of how long they run.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to tamaka)

RE: Awesome scene lined up - 7/31/2017 10:59:02 PM

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I am 1 in 10 000 - am I not?
In theory I am beyond that feebleness

just saying

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wE arE tHe voiCes,
We SAtuRaTe yOur aLPHA brain WAveS, ThIs is nOt A DrEAm The wiZaRd of Oz, shoES, CaLcuLUs, DECorAtiNG, FrIDGE SProcKeTs, be VeRy sCareDed – SLoBbers,We DeEManDErs Sloowee DAnCiNG, SmOOches – whisper whisper & CaAkEE

(in reply to tamaka)

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