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RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/16/2005 1:25:52 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I may be flogging a dead horse here, (no, not in THAT way), but it seems to me that being a Dominant or submissive all the time is a bit self-limiting. As a disclaimer, I'd like to state for the record that I respect anyone who chooses one part or the other exclusively and that I'm in no way trying to imply a rigid or pigeon-holed mindset.
Having said that, I'm wondering if switches are more prone to being bi-curious, bi-tolerant and even bi-sexual. It just seems that the few switches I've met seem to be more exploratory than those who've pre-defined thier roles. I, myself am a switch who is bi-tolerant (by which I mean that although playing with men usually isn't as hot as playing with women, I still am able to bring the focus to bear pleasurably from either role for both partners.) Wonder if this observation is unique.

(in reply to FistyMcfist)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/19/2005 10:33:40 AM

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline

I'm trying to think of the best way to respond to this whole forum. It has to be polite, intelligent, well-thought out, and concise...

HELL YEAH! PREACH IT FROM THE MOUNTAINTOP! GIMMIE AN AMEN AND THE RUSTED, DULLED POWER TOOL OF YOUR CHOICE TO ANALLY VIOLATE THOSE PEOPLE WITH! Perhaps, I should have thought a bit more about My response... hmmmm...

I always get so pissed at these people that try to tell Me that there's something wrong with being a switch. That it all boils down to people just being too confused and/or uneducated about the lifestyle to make up their minds. Or even worse, they think that we do it just so we can have our cake and eat it too. And 9 times out of 10 it's somebody who's been in the lifestyle for a whole whopping 6 months and all of it online or someone who's been in the lifestyle ever since they lifted their knuckles off of the ground just long enough to club their woman over the head and drag her back to his cave.

YOU CAN'T CHANGE BEING A SWITCH! Trust Me, if I could I would be one or the other. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone who not only CAN switch but can respect the person who's their Dominant even if they're a switch too?

(in reply to RobertMaddox)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/19/2005 1:06:22 PM

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline

Hi...in reference to the sub who told you that you were not a switch. Sometimes a sub who is interested, will test you by being combative. He may have called you a sub because he wanted to find out if you were "domme enough" for him in your reply.

I know, its weird, but it happens.

As far as women telling gay men they "just haven't met the right woman yet."...yep, it happens, I have had a few gay men tell me these stories, after they realised I was not like that.

Meanwhile, I as a known D/s switch (vs a top/bottom switch) I found out about a lot of closet switches.

It seems switches have a bad rep in a lot of circles. Even tho in the gay scene one started at the bottom and had to earn their "leather" in the past....and still today in some circles.

I think it is changing tho, as more and more folks come out and refuse to be intimidated into denying their true selves.

I just call myself a "full spectrum woman" and some switches call themselves "versatile"...chuckles. I also call myself "greedy" I think everything is relative. Everyone out there has someone they would submit to...they may never meet them, but, they exist. Ditto the other way around. Some of us are just more in the middle of the bell curve, that is all.

Some of us like to express all of who we are. That is what being a switch is to me, being all of who I am. I must admit tho, I am more private than many. I will openly say who I am, but I play in private-usually.

Good thread all....thanks. It is very refreshing to see a place for switches to talk together.

Blessings to you and yours, Star

(in reply to FistyMcfist)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/19/2005 8:53:39 PM

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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Why on Earth would you even WANT to change? I've read this discussion from the beginning, and I see people saying how difficult it is, and how much work it is, and I truly do not understand why some of you are finding it so difficult. So what if people "don't believe in switches." WE know who and what we are, don't we? And what is so difficult about being ourselves?

I tried doing the submissive thing. I managed to convince myself for several years that, because I craved being under the control of a dominant man, I MUST be submissive. Boy, was I ever wrong! And I made myself miserable trying to be something I was never meant to be. The moment I embraced the dominant sadist in myself was the moment I became free. The internal struggle stopped, and I was finally at peace with myself.

Yes, it's difficult to find the right partner - the one who is willing and able to accept who you are without finding fault and passing judgment. But they're out there.

quote:

YOU CAN'T CHANGE BEING A SWITCH! Trust Me, if I could I would be one or the other. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone who not only CAN switch but can respect the person who's their Dominant even if they're a switch too?

(in reply to harleyquin2199)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/25/2005 8:08:19 PM

Posts: 11
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline

I SAY WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT BABY!

(in reply to FistyMcfist)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/25/2005 10:07:14 PM

sub4mistressnsir

Posts: 89
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

MistressKiss... I was chatting with a friend from here LadyBoa and she said the same thing happened to her.. she is also a switch...

(in reply to MistressKiss)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/26/2005 11:05:32 AM

Posts: 46
Status: offline

Dom/sub/switch. Doesn't matter. Theres always some fool ready to tell you what you aren't and why. If they spent half the time doing instead of preaching they might be worth talking to. I might call myself dominant but twenty years ago I was all bottom and he could have anything he wanted to this day. Miss you Daddy. Especially now that I am one. Anyone calls me out for it, tough nuts.

(in reply to sub4mistressnsir)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/27/2005 10:20:38 PM

Mythy

Posts: 22
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline

I have found with myself that it depends on the situation. For a casual play type situation I would never dream of being a sub and enjoy the hell out of being a Domme. However, in a intimate and loving relationship I love nothing better then being submissive to that person that I'm with. I'm sure that a shrink would have a field day with the reasons for this and I've had even close friends tell me its because I feel safer in a casual play situation with my "wall up" where as in a close relationship I'm more willing to let the "true me" out the submissive. I personally just say that I enjoy it that way and that is that I don't care what the inner motivations are.

Its like saying because I like chocolate ice cream I can't like vanilla as much. I say hell its all good and I like it all.

Mythy

(in reply to target)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/29/2005 10:28:06 AM

mommyDOMMELaura

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline

Thank you so much for all of the input about switches...I was very confused for a bit because as a submissive I had some aggressive feelings that I wanted out...and didn't feel I was a good sub for feeling that way...then a wonderful man pointed out to me that I am more DOMME than sub and could be both...there was even a name for it....SWITCH... So now I proudly am a switch and enjoy both roles very much... We are out there!!!!yeah!!!!

< Message edited by mommyDOMMELaura -- 9/29/2005 10:29:01 AM >

(in reply to FistyMcfist)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 9/30/2005 7:30:42 PM

Posts: 40
Joined: 5/15/2004
Status: offline

Brennatx,

I identify very similar to you in the fact that it depends on who I am around. I am have a Dominant personality most of the time and I only submit to one male at a time.

I enjoy my "switch" status. The various intensities of a power exchange between two people. I greatly enjoy playing with other switches as there is less bullshit about my dual personality. I have a great time playing with "true subs". I am a sadist and a masochist also. I enjoy EVERYTHING!!

However, when I have met a "true" Dom that I am interested in subbing to, things start out well and then they go crazy. I am not a "girl", a true "sub", a "slave", a "doormat". I don't automatically drop to my knees and offer tea and backrubs. I don't even think about those things until I begin to KNOW that person. I know what I like and don't like and what I like in the Dom I DECIDE to serve. I do believe that at times I struggle more with my submissive side than my dominant side. I won't let go of the control until I feel totally safe with that person and that they are WORTHY of my submission. I have met too many players of both sides and I know what I want.

I also grow weary of those that tell me I need to pick, that I am something other than what I am, or that I need to be what they want me to be.

I want to be ME...either Top or Bottom, Dominant or Submissive, Sadist or Masochist.

Anissa

(in reply to Brennatx)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 10/9/2005 6:46:54 PM

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
I see people saying how difficult it is, and how much work it is, and I truly do not understand why some of you are finding it so difficult. So what if people "don't believe in switches." WE know who and what we are, don't we? And what is so difficult about being ourselves?

Because not *everyone* is able to balance both sides of their duality. I am one of those. It's hard and it's work because for me, that IS how it *is*. *chuckle*.

I hope one day to find my inner balance but that might not ever happen too.

Just because it is easy for one person doesn't mean it will be easy for *all*.

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Evanesce)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 1/13/2006 7:39:02 AM

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

That guy was an idiot who doesn't have a clue. I've had male Doms tell me that no woman is truly dominate and that switches are just confused. To those judgemental peeps kiss my behind. You are who you are and if they don't like it, tough. It takes all kinds to make a world, now if only we could all get along.

~Alexa

_____________________________

Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
Patricia Sampson

(in reply to FistyMcfist)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 1/13/2006 11:04:15 AM

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

This is all so, so familiar to me.

I came out as bi- and the response was almost always either "you're not really bi, you're gonna come out as lesbian in a year or two, bisexuality is just a phase", or "Yeah, right, I know you love guys, you're just looking for attention". Seven-odd years later, I'm still getting the same stuff- except, sometimes, it's graduated to "yeah, you're bi- but do you prefer men or women? Like, deep down, you've got to prefer one?".

About two or three years ago (over about a year or so, these things take a while), I finally started coming out as poly, and ended up in a pretty niftily poly network for a while. These days, I ID as 'polyflexible'- because I see each relationship as unique, and although I know that I, in general, prefer poly, I'm open to the possibility that a mono relationship might show up some day. Explaining this to people made the bi thing easy. "you're what?! How can you do that?! You can't have real relationships that way, it's just fcukbuddies", and of course "yeah, but you're open to mono, right? So you're going to settle down into a committed, mono relationship someday, when you Meet The Right Person.".

Again, you're left with the same assumptions. With switches (just like with bis and polys) you can't give someone a nice neat label that tells you how to relate to them. You have to make it up as you go along- and a lot of people, for some reason, can't deal with that. I have no idea why people would want cookie-cutter relationships with nice easy pre-defined roles that you can tick off the boxes for, but for some reason they do. Me, I always liked to mix it up, see what level works between me and another person, and go with it.

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 1/14/2006 8:59:40 PM

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressKiss

I have received two emails from a submissive male (I think) who took it upon himself to tell me that I really was not a switch...once a submissive, always a submissive. His first email was fairly short, and I kindly answered that he did not know me, we were two different people and thank you for writing. I received back a lengthy reply stating basically that all I was doing was exploring, and that I would soon be writing on this site that I am now back to being submissive. I was basically being told that my outlook was wrong, thank you very much.

This is how to piss off a switch in one easy lesson.

First of all, I did not even know this person, had never emailed him, never interacted with him on this board or anywhere else. Hence, he doesn't know the first thing about me, or the second thing, and definitely not the third thing. Next, he does not identify as a switch, therefore has no concept of what that mindset is and can become. Rant, rant, rant, slap, rant, bitch slap, kick in the groin, swat, whip, whip, whip....

I feel much better.

Had adequate investigation into my story been done, said person now dangling from the chains 'gainst yonder wall would know that I started as a dominant personality and moved from that to expressing my submissive side. It ain't easy being a switch. And allow me to say, it's a damn good thing that his comments were not made in person - talk about a quick change to the dom side!! (laughs)

Not everyone understands the switch mentality and there are not near as many switches, it seems to me, as there are people who identify with one side or the other. Since I am exploring - yes, I admit it openly...EXPLORING... - I very well may at the end decide that I prefer submission only. However, that does not mean that I don't or can't express the dominance as well.

I suppose the thing that pissed me off the most was the arrogance of this person who decided he knew everything about me without any interaction with me. I abhor arrogance, especially when there is no basis for it. A switch is just that...a person who likes to switch back and forth from dominance to submission. A person who wants their cake and wants to eat it too. A wonderful fun person that knows how to play on both sides. It's not the plague to be a switch, and it is not an excuse not to choose sides!!! Rant, rant, bitch, bitch, bitch, slap, whip, crop, crop, crop, whip, whip, slap, bitch slap, rant, rant, rant, pinch, paddle, paddle, paddle.....so there.

I feel so much better now.

Sometimes it happens that your profile or makeup challenges the assumptions of someone interested in you. This happened with me and my Mistress when I asked her how she could be dominant given her Meyers Briggs breakdown. My assumption was that her type was not conducive to dominance. Rather than take offense, she just explained herself. My question to her was not meant to be offensive but it was a challenge.

Anyway, long story short, I found out that my assumptions were misplaced. Our conflict, if you can even call it that, was resolved without incident. The key to dealing with a skeptic or a pushy skeptic is the cool belief and confidence in your own position. I don't think its bad that others want to push you and get under your surface ---- frankly, that's just a strong sign of proactive interest.

In our case, I accepted my Mistress' response ---- I did not harp away ---- but a little skepticism in the beginning, IMO, is not necessarily a bad thing.

So, I think its important you measure the line between arrogant and challenging, b/c the latter is a good quality.

(in reply to MistressKiss)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 1/14/2006 9:06:34 PM

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shannadaswitch

First off, I would like to thank the person who started this topic...

As a switch, I have ran into this problem of people not taking us (switches) seriously. and I do get quite pissed when we are looked at as outcasts of the BDSM society. Another thing that irritates the hell out of me is when a switch scenes with someone as a bottom, the top (or people that are watching) get the impression that the switch is THEIR slave or submissive, and treats them as such, instead of respecting the fact that they are switches.

I am just sick of all around not getting any respect. We (switches) are just as important and deserve just as much respect as any Dom/Domme, sub/slave, Master.

I think its just human nature to want to type cast, pigeon hole, or classify others. Needless to say, this can be quite alienating to the classify-ee. My wife and I lived together for several years ---- why did this bother people? It bothered them b/c they didn't know what to make of us. We weren't conveniently boxible.

So, I can see how you SWITCHES have a problem. You are neither "this" or "that."

(in reply to Shannadaswitch)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 1/19/2006 2:53:15 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/21/2004
Status: offline

In response to MistressKiss - I agree with your comments about being a switch. We are commonly very misunderstood and sometimes even looked down upon by the bdsm community. Many people think we are indecisive or we do not know what we want. However, if someone is bi-sexual, others do not see them as indecisive in their sexuality.

My partner and I switch. He recently collared me and publicly I am his submissive. However, privately I top him and have topped him in public as well. I never received any "stigma" for being a switch. However, when he first "bottomed" to me publicly, the men were very surprized that he bottomed to me.

Just my two cents worth on the topic of switching.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 1/24/2006 6:03:12 AM

Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline

Sorry if this has already been said, but
How can you trully know how an implement will make a sub feel, if you haven't felt it yourself.
How can you tell what a whine will do to a top, if you haven't heard it yourself.

Switches actually have a much greater understanding of the roles than those with a single sided sexuality, because they've experienced both cause and effect.

I like mask play, and have eveblack/white masks for if I feel switchy (defined by possibly wanting to change during a scene.

Have tried a life of submission, and a life of pure dominance. both left me feeling like a perpendicular pendulum.

Back to the OP. are you sure this wasn't just a brat, wanting a torade of abuse?

J

(in reply to Tigress301)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 1/25/2006 3:26:27 PM

Posts: 87
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline

What really makes me mad as a switch is when a man comes along and assumes that I will be his submissive because I am a switch (Even though on my profile it states that as a switch I am mostly dominant) Don't assume anything! I find it extremely rude.

(in reply to RubberWitch)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 1/28/2006 4:57:04 AM

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lookin4plezur

Brennatx,

I identify very similar to you in the fact that it depends on who I am around. I am have a Dominant personality most of the time and I only submit to one male at a time.

I enjoy my "switch" status. The various intensities of a power exchange between two people. I greatly enjoy playing with other switches as there is less bullshit about my dual personality. I have a great time playing with "true subs". I am a sadist and a masochist also. I enjoy EVERYTHING!!

However, when I have met a "true" Dom that I am interested in subbing to, things start out well and then they go crazy. I am not a "girl", a true "sub", a "slave", a "doormat". I don't automatically drop to my knees and offer tea and backrubs. I don't even think about those things until I begin to KNOW that person. I know what I like and don't like and what I like in the Dom I DECIDE to serve. I do believe that at times I struggle more with my submissive side than my dominant side. I won't let go of the control until I feel totally safe with that person and that they are WORTHY of my submission. I have met too many players of both sides and I know what I want.

I also grow weary of those that tell me I need to pick, that I am something other than what I am, or that I need to be what they want me to be.

I want to be ME...either Top or Bottom, Dominant or Submissive, Sadist or Masochist.

Anissa

Here Here!

I've been called "little one" a lot on this website lately. What is up with that? I am a switch. That means: I am dominant AND submissive. I like both. I do NOT like being forced into one role all the time. I choose who I want to have sex with and I choose who I want to be submissive or dominant with, simple. It absolutely makes me grit my teeth when someone sends me an email or im and assumes that, because they are "true doms," I will automatically submit to them. WRONG! I am who I am and I am not apologetic about it.

I wish people would actually try to get to know a person before starting with all of that. What's wrong with a little "Hi, how are you?" Is a little respect because I'm simply human too much to ask for? I always thought that a dom and their sub had a respect between them. What is with all of the disrespect, the "Do what I want NOW!" attitudes? I will do what you want if what you want sounds like a nice idea, not just because you demand it. And MUST I use capital letters when using the words "you" "master" "dom" etc? What if I don't feel like it?

/rant

I really didn't mean to sound so petulant and mean. I'm just kind of sick with all of the assumptions and disrepect. It makes me want to just leave this site altogether ven though I enjoy reading and learning.

_____________________________

There are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet.

(in reply to lookin4plezur)

RE: How To Piss Off A Switch In One Easy Lesson... - 1/28/2006 11:02:35 PM

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

everyone is right in between their ears. end of disscussion

(in reply to shiminess)

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