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RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 7:49:12 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		i have to agree with smilezz and katylied  but then i guess it depends what kind of relationship your havin i wouldnt mayy my sissy maid lol but if it ever gets that far with my sub then i dont see how it would change things i can only see it as makin it all stronger.   married or not im still gonna spank his arse and be in charge

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Proud mistress

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 9:28:48 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Fast reply - not to anyone specifically.

Why is marraige and m/s seen as necessarily different roles?  We define our roles.

A (hypothetical, as we're not married) governmental acknowledgement of my relationship (marriage) doesn't change the relationship.  It's a piece of paper.  The "roles" don't change.

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 9:30:58 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

Fast reply - not to anyone specifically.

Why is marraige and m/s seen as necessarily different roles?  We define our roles.

A (hypothetical, as we're not married) governmental acknowledgement of my relationship (marriage) doesn't change the relationship.  It's a piece of paper.  The "roles" don't change.

thats very true.

For myself though, and this is just how I have always viewed it; is that one does not marry property. Yes, I know, the piece of paper does not define the role, but it just sits badly with me for some reason.

Like I said though, it's just a personal preference of my own.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 4:14:17 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smilezz

I have been His property for many years.  I have been His wife for almost 11 months.  There is no question as to who i am in this relationship.  Being married has not changed who i am, has not changed who He is........the balance as to how we live, what we do, is exactly the same.  He is Master, i am His slave = That's the definition, and that will never change.

I am extremely proud to be His slave, i am equally as proud to be His wife.  I can get all girly and giddy and say:  We're married!    when it comes down to it.......i am slave, first and always....THAT! makes me beam even brighter!  i am who i always have been, being married has not changed that.

Happy Saturday...
~smilezz~



Thank you, Smilezz for providing us all with a fine example of the best of both worlds!

I too - while not married - do not find anything contradictory about M/s combined with marriage.
I don't even find SM contradictory to love.
A contrast - sure- but they can and do co-exist for some of us.

I was brought up so old school. Hell, all the women in my family were slaves... even if that wasn't the word back in the day!


< Message edited by Fawne -- 11/4/2006 4:17:57 PM >

(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 4:39:49 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		my Master and his wife keep the roles of husband/wife separate from Master/slave, but it has a kind of flow to it.  In "real life" she might talk back to him, then joke that its a good thing she talking to her husband, not her master.  But that is only with day to day, cleaning house and going to work sorts of things.  They don't maintain their roles 24/7, but that is the way they want it.  I think some people could not do anything other than 24/7 because it is their nature, while others need time to interact as equals.  Marriage and slavery really have very little to do with one another and can be as intertwined or as separate as you wish them to be.  In my case, my Love, and husband will never be my master, but certainly owns me in a very real and spiritual way.  What works for you is what is important

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 7:46:19 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

Good afternoon,
 
I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master.
 
I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why?
 
Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post)



Alandra and I have been married since June 90. and It is never been a balance issue to us.  I am not even sure what you think there is to balance between the two.  Our M/s is the structure in our relationship and represents the connection between ourselves.. and marriage is simply our connection to mainstream society.  Our relationship between the two of us always takes precedence over our relationship with society.  In fact as a Poly relationship... Our relationship between the three of us always takes precedence over our relatioship with society.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to nikaa)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/5/2006 6:17:17 AM   
Betacoywolf


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/29/2006
Status: offline 		for me I would not even try to seperate them since my basic personality is a part of who I am the roles would be very intergrated....

(in reply to nikaa)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/5/2006 9:56:46 AM   
deltadawn


Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

Good afternoon,
 
I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master.
 
I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why?
 
Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post)










There has never been a struggle in our relationship because we are married, and no one does not come before the other as they are entwined together.  Marriage happened because it was decided that we would have unmentionables, also because of insurance reasons. 

Neither of us define who we are as "roles", that in itself may make the difference I am not sure.  No matter what is going on in our day, he is always my Master, and i am always his slave.  The balance was formed as naturally as anything else in life, with a lot of hard work. 

dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

(in reply to nikaa)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/5/2006 3:13:16 PM   
Master96


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		Are what so called "vanilla couples" the only normal people?

Does it makes me or you not normal if we are into BDSM or homosexual?

Why those "normal people" get married and we don't?

If a D/s couple get married one would be the Master-Mistress/Dom-me/Top and the other slave/sub/bottom.

If homosexual couple get married.... well, they'll have a Homosexual’s marriage:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_638746/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#638746


< Message edited by Master96 -- 11/5/2006 3:17:15 PM >

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.


Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to deltadawn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/5/2006 5:42:23 PM   
thisishis


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

Good afternoon,
 
I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master.
 
I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why?
 
Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post)
The roles in this relationship of wife and slave/property are not different for me.
The best way that i can explain what that means for me, would be to say that they are melded together as one, and in that sense neither is much different from the other. i am slave/property and He is Master/Owner of me ... period. There's no need to balance, define, or separate.

The differences:
As slave/property i own (aka have the right to) nothing, and that includes choices in the relationship, having property that is exclusively defined as being mine (to include myself, my body and what is done or not done with me, myself and my body etc).
As wife, (only) in the event of my Owner's death ... all of the above becomes null and void aka opposite. As wife, i don't have to worry that i'll be restricted to a waiting room or denied ceratin information etc if my Owner is hospitalized. i also am entitled to the  legal right (as well as granted the priviledge and responsabilty to do so, by HIM) to step in and make medical decisions for Him if He can't do so for Himself (and i have ... more times than He or i can account for -- It's another example of how i serve Him and His needs ... as it makes His life easier) being His wife allows me to so, legally.

We started as Master and slave in June 2004. We married in April 2005. He became Partner A and i became Partner B on a marriage certificate (Massachusetts doesn't label married people as husband and wife on those anymore ) and we refer to ourselves as Husband and wife, for others, when warranted. He was "Master and Owner" to me, first and foremost and above anything else (before Husband, before lover, before friend etc ect), from day one of meeting.

With those who we decide can handle knowing, we refer to ourselves as Master and slave, or Owner and property. With those who can't wrap their heads around that info, we are Husband and wife.

A piece of paper hasn't changed the dynamics of our relationship. It's done nothing more or less than given us both a sense of security that am recoginized as being His legal partner.... and making our lives easier in a world where the declaration of the roles of a Master and slave or Owner and property guarantee nothing other than a couple of odd stares, white coats or raised eyebrows.

< Message edited by thisishis -- 11/5/2006 5:44:55 PM >

_____________________________

Sincerely, his

How I'm kept busy these days: http://modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=368120




(in reply to nikaa)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/6/2006 7:04:50 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		What does being married change. The responsibilities don't change. You can dismiss a slave/sub anytime. You can also divorce anytime. You have a piece of paper that says your partners. You have a contract that says your a slave. Which is more binding to you.

(in reply to thisishis)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/6/2006 2:09:02 PM   
thisishis


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

What does being married change. The responsibilities don't change. You can dismiss a slave/sub anytime. You can also divorce anytime. You have a piece of paper that says your partners. You have a contract that says your a slave. Which is more binding to you.
You clicked "Fast Reply", Dnomyar? Or did you mean to direct your reply at mine? 



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Sincerely, his

How I'm kept busy these days: http://modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=368120




(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/6/2006 5:23:06 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

Good afternoon,
 
I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master.
 
I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why?
 
Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post)










I personally see no difference in the 24/7 aspect of our life as we live together 24/7.  We are both Husband and wife and M/s.  There is an ebb and flow in the relationship on a day to day, issue to issue basis.  However the overriding dynamic is He is the Dominant in our relationship and I am the slave.

I would be interested to hear from you nikaa how you see the challenge with bringing both husband/wife and M/s together in one relationship.

Perhaps if you could expand on where you see the inbalance might be those of us who have found that balance could respond.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to nikaa)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/17/2006 1:40:06 PM   
misswipp


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		finding this lifestyle after 30 yrs of marriage,well it has changed our relationship,made it better stronger. his submission was like a breath of fresh air to our marriage.
   it was my choice and it took a while to bring him in but now it's all good.
    i thank it is easeyer for couples like us in some ways,but  it does not matter if you are married or not,it is about loveing some one enough to give in and change.
   if  you can change for your partner,or they can change for you,and accept this life style .well i thank it creates a bond greater thean marriage. this is serious stuff , the hardest thing he has ever done and he did it for me,what a man. it is not ,i thank about ballance but rather commitment  . real commitment  to your lives ,and it changes everything in you for ever.

(in reply to nikaa)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/17/2006 1:51:47 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not yet married so take my reply with however much salt as you like.

My dominant and I currently balence Sir and Pet with boyfriend and girlfriend. Even in a BDSM setting like a play party he refers to me as his girlfriend, not his sub. As of yet we haven't quite struck the perfect balence but I think we will get there and I don't think us marrying will change it. I believe that when I marry I will feel more owned. If you have a traditional wedding it is very much a giving of the bride to her husband. Hopefully no one vanilla will notice that only my vows mention obey! ;-)

(in reply to nikaa)
Profile   Post #: 35
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