Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships

Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (Full Version)

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nikaa -> Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 12:47:01 PM)
Good afternoon, I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master. I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why? Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 12:53:00 PM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_576306/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#576397 Master, boyfriend, husband http://www.collarchat.com/m_83805/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#83805 Ds love and marriage http://www.collarchat.com/m_132827/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#132827 bdsm and marriage http://www.collarchat.com/m_239723/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#239723 Marriage and Ds http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#247668 Ring or collar, what's the difference? http://www.collarchat.com/m_291606/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#291606 Marriage and bdsm http://www.collarchat.com/m_455701/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#455701 Marriage and bdsm lifestyle http://www.collarchat.com/m_466530/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#466530 Marriage and femdom

Kalira -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 1:03:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nikaa Good afternoon, I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master. I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why? Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post) PERSONAL preference ONLY; I don't believe in the marrying of Masters/slaves; but that is just me. The only reason why my first master and I married is because he became sick with only months to live. We married for our unmentionable at that time and that was the only reason.

toservez -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 1:14:07 PM)
Again this is only my opinion/preference/requirement for me only. I do not see them separated at all. My feelings and dedication are not tied to some ceremony whether a marriage or collar one. I could not imagine them being separate. I am what I am. I just need both of us to aknowledge and show each other we are going to be dedicated to each other for the long run as best as we can. I do not need a piece of paper or exchange vows with a party with cake for that to happen. I want more tangible proof of day to day life to convince me. I was not married to my former Master and had no desire to. I do like the thought of being able to call my Master my husband as it would be easier in social circles and other things but it really had nothing to do with M/s. I would only insist on getting married if we brought umentionables into our life and/or he wanted me to quit my career and these reason are for legal protection.

Archer -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 1:19:53 PM)
Well there is a real problem with reconciling the roles we have socialized into us of husband and wife with the roles we have learned of as Master and slave. I've seen several methods of doing so. Some take the husband and wife roles to be the primary relationship between them with the Master and slave roles being secondary Others (Myself and my slave included) make the Master/ slave relationship the primary and the husband and wife roles are secondary. Some prefer not to intermix the two at all, others still mix them on a time schedule. It really ends up being a matter of what fullfils the people most. How much M/s time do you need, how much h/w time do you need. How can you reconstruct the socialized version of the husband and wife roles to fit more closely with the chosen relationship of Master and slave? (as example folks comparing their D/s to a 1950's marriage, a 1930's marriage, 1800's marriage,....)

Kalira -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 1:34:34 PM)
Nicely stated Archer [:)]

nikaa -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 1:40:36 PM)
How do you keep those roles seperate? Though I see an obvious difference in the roles this is the delima that I keep facing in my mind.

thetammyjo -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 1:52:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalira quote: ORIGINAL: nikaa Good afternoon, I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master. I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why? Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post) PERSONAL preference ONLY; I don't believe in the marrying of Masters/slaves; but that is just me. The only reason why my first master and I married is because he became sick with only months to live. We married for our unmentionable at that time and that was the only reason. That is my preference as well. I would never marry my slave because I would feel that that changed our roles. Plus I have a husband all ready, don't need another one but more slaves are good.

BDSM05478 -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 1:58:16 PM)
we do not see these roles as being separated. i am a mother, wife/slave it is indeed a hard balancing act and we do equate our lifestyle to be that of a retro life circa 1920's maybe. before the rule of thumb was made illegal (chuckles) we are christans and incorparate that in our lifestyle, god made woman for man, making him lord over her. Not to say that a woman can not be the Domme or Top since i have had male subs myself before and am hoping to have a certain one return under my collar again. Even though Master and i are married, when we have others in our life, as we believe in poly lifestyles, that doesn't mean that i am over or above or any more important anyother slave or sub Master may have, as i fullfill certain roles in His life, that i would not be able to do with out having that legal title of wife....... to each their own, that is the beauty of this life. ~rhia~ btw welcome to CM hope you enjoy this forum as much as i have.

Sinergy -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 2:01:30 PM)
"Marraige is punishment for shoplifting in some cultures" Mike Myers, "So I Married An Axe Murderer" So seldom an opportunity arises to use that quote. I dont really see them as being antithetical. Relationships are what people make of them. Good luck! Sinergy

RiotGirl -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 2:14:35 PM)
Bah! Marriage. That can just be waaaaaaay to permament. Atleast my belief in what marriage should be is waaaaay too permament. M/s - worse case scenario you can just walk. Heck, you can walk when ever you feel like it. Marriage on the other hand! So complicated

Argentopal -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 2:45:16 PM)
Until more laws are changed a M/s, D/s relationship, long term, perhaps loving, perhaps monogamous still means that if/when one partner is ill, hospitalized, incapacitated or otherwise needs someone else to make decisions for them unless you are legally authorized to do so, you will be told to "stay in the waiting room". In a worst case scenario, if there are "unmentionables" and the female partner is ill long term, or dies, the unmentionable may or may not be taken away from the father partner - unless of course other legal papaers have been taken care of. If the slave stays home there are insurance concerns, and other work-related benifit problems, just as the gay and lesbian communities have faced all along. Gradually some states are trying to make changes, but for now in the good old US of A, unmarried life partners still have few, if any, real rights, and often the state or very unsympathetic relatives will get to make the choices that would be best made by the person who knows us best and loves us. I know this is not the type of question you were asking, but it is still an important consideration.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 7:55:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer It really ends up being a matter of what fullfils the people most. How much M/s time do you need, how much h/w time do you need. How can you reconstruct the socialized version of the husband and wife roles to fit more closely with the chosen relationship of Master and slave? (as example folks comparing their D/s to a 1950's marriage, a 1930's marriage, 1800's marriage,....) Oh, and just imagine trying to reconcile that it's the Master who is the wife. chuckle Master Fire

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 8:03:58 PM)
Eventually, the plan is for Angel and I to marry. WAY down the line, but the plan is there. I dont see there being a problem keeping our roles in check. Mainly, aside from what we then call one anotehr, if the relationship is defined before the marraige there realy isnt a reason to change that afterwards. IF I was a dominant girlfriend, and he is collared this way, I dont see why making our union legal in the eyes of the law and of God should make a different in how we interact. But maybe thats just me. I do know that some people believe that the husband and the wife have certain roles to play in a household. In that case, whose to say whichof us need be the "husband" and which the "wife"? I am the 'man' in our relationship now, so why should that change? Im not sure that helped. I dont have a struggle, we both understand and embrace our roles as they are, so moving them to a more permanent and legally binding venue isnt a big thing. DV

pixelslave -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/3/2006 10:48:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nikaa How do you keep those roles seperate? Though I see an obvious difference in the roles this is the delima that I keep facing in my mind. We all have different roles that we fullfil during the day, but that doesn't diminish that you are still submissive to your Master at heart; that you are always still his sub. In a past relationship, although I was married to my Mistress, I still felt submissive to at least some degree pretty much all of the time. I think its something that because you are asking the question, you can readily work things out with your Master. Its really a matter of communication and deciding together how you'd both like things to be. As others have mentioned, and I truly agree with them that your legal status is important as are medical and other benefits that you may be entitled to if you were married and aren't available to you as his live-in submissive. For those very reasons, if you are committed, getting married to your master would seem to me to be a very logical thing to do! Even even if you don't marry in some states there is a common law marriage statute that will cause you to be considered as legally married without your consent, once you've been living together for the minimum length of time (which varies from state to state). The latter is something I strongly suggest you consider and investigate as well. - pixel

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/4/2006 5:32:53 AM)
Ive enjoyed reading this thread. Id never considered a time rationed D/s h/w thang. We sort of have both all the time. They fluctuate. When the D/s is in ya face! i guess its D/s space, but then there are just periods of cohabiting. But im on the look out for que's, and doing my damdest to ellicit them, by flirtin my ass off. So i would say for us, they are intertwined. The tide might go out, but it allways comes back in. School events, are easier to attend, as wife/vanilla role. But i can serve him, defer to him still, be respectful etc etc. So, generally they're mixed, but you can isolate them at will if you chose to. He particularly likes to throw a real D/s challenge for me, in the vanilla community, which is a short cut, to pushing me. So you can 'play' with it too. I also return that favour. By exposing what i am to him in public, whilst he's talking to his mum on the phone is usually a good laugh. littleone

Lashra -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/4/2006 5:37:58 AM)
I would never marry a slave. My sub perhaps but not if he was a slave. It just wouldn't work. ~Lashra

slavejali -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/4/2006 5:45:31 AM)
I'm Masters slave because I am submissive to my partner. A Master slave relationship is a very defined recognition between us that we hold and maintain dominant and submissive roles within our relationship. "Slave" also means we live in a way that involves the kinks and dynamics within bdsm. I'm Masters wife because we got married. Being Masters wife means I had my name taken away and his name put in its place, his name being like a collar in a way, like a brand, that everyday people can recognise that I am his. I've never had a struggle with what either word means "Slave' or "wife" to me they both mean, "I am his". What's left to think about?

smilezz -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/4/2006 7:14:56 AM)
I have been His property for many years. I have been His wife for almost 11 months. There is no question as to who i am in this relationship. Being married has not changed who i am, has not changed who He is........the balance as to how we live, what we do, is exactly the same. He is Master, i am His slave = That's the definition, and that will never change. I am extremely proud to be His slave, i am equally as proud to be His wife. I can get all girly and giddy and say: We're married! when it comes down to it.......i am slave, first and always....THAT! makes me beam even brighter! i am who i always have been, being married has not changed that. Happy Saturday... ~smilezz~

KatyLied -> RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships (11/4/2006 7:41:49 AM)
~ quick reply ~ I don't see the problem with marriage within a D/s or M/s relationship. You are who you are regardless of what you do to cement your relationship civilly.

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