naturally d/s ?

naturally d/s ? (Full Version)

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mellomyst -> naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 10:56:41 AM)
i have known that i was submissive ever since i can remember even it was a game of cops and robbers as kids in the playground (to be caught and told off for being naughty). i was always one to be told what to do and always enjoyed it. so i have always known that i would be trully happy to be controlled, anyone else that was born what they are? i hope noone finds this offensive, its only a question :)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:09:26 AM)
My standard answer- orientations are innate while expressions of orientations are learned and shaped http://www.collarchat.com/m_499963/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#499979 Nature or nurture? http://www.collarchat.com/m_307130/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#307130 Do you feel being a dom/me is innate or can be learned? http://www.collarchat.com/m_461558/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#461558 hard-wired, why why why! http://www.collarchat.com/m_143698/mpage_1/key_born%252Craised/tm.htm#143698 nature versus nurture http://www.collarchat.com/m_468650/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#468650 nature vs nurture http://www.collarchat.com/m_35901/mpage_1/key_learned%252Cborn/tm.htm#35901 born or learned, how we become dom? People who use the term "natural" as in "natural submissive" however, are usually perceived as trying to be elitist.

Aine -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:10:05 AM)
waits for the flood of agreement Not that that is a bad thing. Quite the opposite. It's actually a quite common feeling, discussion, sentiment, belief. Whatever you want to call it. I think I've seen more often than not people with the same sentiment as yours towards their particular orientation. I for one, am not. I've always been a little confused about what I felt I was or was supposed to be. Although on the flip side of that, I've pretty much always known that I was bisexual. It was just something that always seemed natural to me. Now, as for my particular orientation in regards to BDSM & D/s.... That's something that I struggled with for a while after I learned that there was such a thing as D/s and BDSM. I stumbled upon a rather....colorful group of people on the yahoo chats on one of my sleepless romps through the rooms causing random silliness. And despite the particular name of the room, somehow I managed to stick around and ended up befriending a few in the room. Slowly I was witnessing online "scening". ( And please, lets leave out the personal opinions on online scening, please, I've heard it all ) Through which I was witnessing those that were also in the "scene" irl as well. I had a hard time coming to terms with the things I was seeing, the kinds of things that these people enjoyed, got off on, discussed, lived. There were a few hurdles I had to overcome personally to be able to come to realize that this was also a deep down part of myself as well. It was a gateway into that which I had been missing in my sexual life, and the further I explored and researched and talked, I was realizing a pretty big part of myself that I hadn't until then even knew how to tap into. Now I'm more embracing of myself than ever before, and often finding out newer and newer things about myself on so many levels, and I don't expect to ever really stop finding things, or changing.

Bearlee -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:14:22 AM)
hmmmmmmmmmm... I may be the only person in the world who, as a child playing 'house' with neighbor kids, was always the dog! While I'm really not into being that kind of pet anymore...I'm all that submissive, still. <blushes with embarrasement at the dog part> bearlee

mellomyst -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:17:40 AM)
well if its any consulation, i used to always have my hair in pigtails, chose to sleep in the dog bed wear a harness, and wanted to play at being a puppy lol

raiken -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:18:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee hmmmmmmmmmm... I may be the only person in the world who, as a child playing 'house' with neighbor kids, was always the dog! While I'm really not into being that kind of pet anymore...I'm all that submissive, still. <blushes with embarrasement at the dog part> bearlee i once read an article about how a dog's tongue can reach into places thought unreachable...and how he can just keep going and going...ah...not that i would ever wish to try that though...not into animals...but the tongue thing well, it did give me pause...hehehe...~blushes back at ya~ Edited to add...that what you shared reminded me of this, and not that i thought you were into dogs in that way...just to be clear...~grinz

Bearlee -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:21:34 AM)
ACK!!!!!!

Lady Alaria -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:21:47 AM)
hmm... My own personal take on this, from the pov of a bisexual dominant who occasionally switches, who has intentionally experimented with a very large field of 'what people enjoy'(I even tried out watching football for a while...), I tend to think the 'I was born a natural <something>' to be a useful fiction. I think we are far more fluid than most people _want_ to be. Useful, in that it informs someone that this is a core personality trait, and one that has childhood precedent, and is important to your self-identity. Also useful in that it validates your self-identity. Fiction, in that I think we are far more fluid than that. We may be born with a certain set of characteristics, but I tend to think they are more primordial than 'dominant' or 'submissive'. Or 'het' or 'gay' for that matter. The traits that we use to define ourselves now are more symbolic of what we've made of our baseline traits, not those traits themselves. But then, I'm biased. Perhaps it's just _my_ natural-born tendency to experiment and explore, and to be fluid of possibility, though defined for convenience. I could find plenty of experimental psychological work that would superficially support my position, but it's probably pretty tenuous, arguments against would be equally valid. From examining childhood I find myself being naturally a dominant, who occasionally bottomed(I loved 'escape artist' games as a kid), and was submissive in play with her older brothers. So maybe I'm 'naturally' what I am. Complicated.

raiken -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:28:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mellomyst i have known that i was submissive ever since i can remember even it was a game of cops and robbers as kids in the playground (to be caught and told off for being naughty). i was always one to be told what to do and always enjoyed it. so i have always known that i would be trully happy to be controlled, anyone else that was born what they are? i hope noone finds this offensive, its only a question :) i don't care...flame if yall need to...~grinz~ but i have always deferred to the men in my life. It is just me, and by lifestyle defintion, i have never been in a vanilla relationship. i have always gravitated toward and attracted guys who were dominant. Just never thought to question it as i grew up, just was my way of relating, and expressing myself. There were no great epiphanies for me, upon my first intro into the leather life. It was just about having more creative intimacy with the man in my life.

raiken -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:30:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee ACK!!!!!! Hehehe...thought that would get a rise out of you...~playful grinz~

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:31:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross My standard answer- orientations are innate while expressions of orientations are learned and shaped What she said. I agree with this totally.[:)]

onlythewindknows -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:40:23 AM)
i think i might have mentioned this in another thread a while back, but as a kid, though i loved being Cinderella, i much prefered to play her when she was put upon and had to clean the house. i've had the leaning since i was barely cognizant and had fantasies about being tied to the railroad tracks by those cliched melodramatic villians. when i was young and uncertain i used to throw myself at boyfriends' feet when we fought and would then feel terribly hurt when they thought i was a weirdo. it took me well into adulthood to know what i actually wanted.

Kalira -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 11:40:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mellomyst i have known that i was submissive ever since i can remember even it was a game of cops and robbers as kids in the playground (to be caught and told off for being naughty). i was always one to be told what to do and always enjoyed it. so i have always known that i would be trully happy to be controlled, anyone else that was born what they are? i hope noone finds this offensive, its only a question :) No, I was not born submissive or a slave. I was however, raised in a home where the men were men, and the women were women ( and each had their respective roles in regards to gender ). As I got older, and the whole debate of womens rights and equality erupted, I chose to stay with the ideas and ideals that I had been brought up with. My first exposure to anything regarding actual D/s, M/s came when I met my first Master. He introduced me. Since then, I have been exactly where I chose to be [:)]

LadyMarmalade1 -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 12:14:57 PM)
I grew up a mixture, I was independant but at the same time very submissive but also a feminist. Some how the submission started to disappear and the dominance that was always there emerged. My sub, coca, helped it to come out completely. I feel like it was who I was always meant to be but held it back. It's interesting.

RedSavageSlave -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 12:15:59 PM)
Looking back.. yes.. my orientation seems to have always been submissive.. but to say I "knew" I was a submissive way back then.. nope.. those were things you learned as you got older. :)

thetammyjo -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 12:47:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mellomyst i have known that i was submissive ever since i can remember even it was a game of cops and robbers as kids in the playground (to be caught and told off for being naughty). i was always one to be told what to do and always enjoyed it. so i have always known that i would be trully happy to be controlled, anyone else that was born what they are? i hope noone finds this offensive, its only a question :) Yup. I pretty much ran my little neighborhood and my circles of friends throughout school from kindergarten to now in graduate school. It was never harsh or even necessarily what I was trying to do, I just seem to have sway over some people and I'm not a follower so its either leader or alone in a lot of cases.

Hisgirlforever -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 3:17:49 PM)
I have only really begun to reflect on my "play" as a child and teenager. I was always submissive, I remember lying under the picnic table with the neighbor boy when I was in kindergarten and him being the Dr. and me being the patient that couldn't move :) I too loved to pretend I was a dog, I would wear the dog’s collar and leash and I made a tail with an old sock and I would even beg at the table for pork chop bones. Ok I should stop before I really embarrass myself I am just now coming to realize that being submissive and wanting to live in a household were my husband makes the decisions and is boss is ok and it doesn’t not mean I am a freak. Ok maybe a little freaky :)

daddysprop247 -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 3:18:34 PM)
have always been submissive...and have always expressed that submission, whether i wished to or not. so i don't agree that the expression of dominance or submission is necessarily a conscious choice, or even something shaped by one's environment. obviously as a child i didn't know the word submissive or what a D/s lifestyle was, i just knew that i was different. couldn't say no to people, couldn't bear to disappoint anyone, desperate to please others no matter the trouble or harm to myself.

Bearlee -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 3:21:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hisgirlforever I too loved to pretend I was a dog, I would wear the dog’s collar and leash and I made a tail with an old sock and I would even beg at the table for pork chop bones. I'm NOT the only one??? Who knew? [&:]

thetammyjo -> RE: naturally d/s ? (11/21/2006 4:11:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 have always been submissive...and have always expressed that submission, whether i wished to or not. so i don't agree that the expression of dominance or submission is necessarily a conscious choice, or even something shaped by one's environment. obviously as a child i didn't know the word submissive or what a D/s lifestyle was, i just knew that i was different. couldn't say no to people, couldn't bear to disappoint anyone, desperate to please others no matter the trouble or harm to myself. I'm sorry; did you think I said it was a conscious choice? It certainly isn't for me in terms of everyday matters. But in terms of BDSM and Ds with my slave, founding those relationships was very much a conscious and purposely thought out process but it flowed from a natural way we found ourselves interacting. We could have stopped the relationship, we could have limited our time together only to specific scene occasions but we chose to live 24/7.

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