am i a sub or not?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

am i a sub or not?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> am i a sub or not?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 4:52:40 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

just wondering if anyone has some insight for me on this. i'm not sure if i am truly a submissive. how do you know? i don't live and die for this, it is a time of exploration for me. i'm independent with submissiveness in the background of my life.....if anyone has any thoughts on this for me i'd appreciate it. thanks.

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 4:59:56 AM

SirDiscipliner69

Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

your exploration into your innerself is an evolving process and discovery.

Do NOT be content with being stereotyped or pigeon holed into a label.

While the nature of the relationship and the particuliar acts are not necessarily unique your perception and expression reaction as an individual is unique to you.

Stepping stones appear through out life and life is for learning.

It is not what We learn on how to do something but what We learn about Ourselves along the way.

Enjoy your journey like a fine wine and savor the beauty and robust nature of it all.

I wish you peace and safe times.

Ross

(in reply to youroneandonly)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 5:02:52 AM

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youroneandonly

just wondering if anyone has some insight for me on this. i'm not sure if i am truly a submissive. how do you know? i don't live and die for this, it is a time of exploration for me. i'm independent with submissiveness in the background of my life.....if anyone has any thoughts on this for me i'd appreciate it. thanks.

I don't think you need to define yourself in order to explore yourself. You might be submissive, or you might not be. It sounds like it's a time of learning about yourself and you should just take it for that. There is no rush to fit into a category that you think you ought to.

I am independent in the other areas of life, yet I am a slave to my Master. A lot of sub/slaves are dominant in other parts of their lives, but are submissive in this part. Don't think you can't be one and not be the other.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Just take your time, as much as YOU need..and learn about what makes you the most happy and the most fulfilled.

I wish I had a better answer, but really no one can tell you what you are, but yourself.

Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to youroneandonly)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 5:09:59 AM

Posts: 59
Joined: 9/16/2006
From: australia
Status: offline

Your submissiveness is an evoling part of your personality.
I am a single mum who before I met my Master worked full time had precious little time for housework and patience for her dad.
I considered myself a staunch feminist with submissive tendencies.
Since meeting my Master I have grown into my role as a submissive. He has given me the freedom to explore that part of me which before I kept hidden in the professional mom role.
I love our 1950's way of life.

_____________________________

"Without my dominace you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different." - My Beloved

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 5:14:23 AM

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youroneandonly
just wondering if anyone has some insight for me on this. i'm not sure if i am truly a submissive. how do you know?

one very enjoyable way to explore and find out where you fit and feel comfortable in the 'roles' is to find opportunities to serve in different roles.

1- attend some events (the smaller more private ones are nice) and watch different folks in their roles, see who you gravitate to the most.

2- ask different tops/doms/masters to go and do a service weekend or get training from them, just for a day or weekend. a kind of try it out.

3- attend a slave training weekend such as The Master/slave Academy in Washington DC. it is mostly discussion and practical session to help the slave/sub with their understanding of themselves and their desires. (it is not a how to clean or bdsm play weekend)

4- find a sub/slave or someone on here who you like what they think and say and start a conversation and or find someone in face to face life and start a mentoring relationship.

5- keep posting thoughts and questions..

(in reply to youroneandonly)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 5:28:50 AM

Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline

It seems that everone has touched on this at least briefly but I want to reiterate the thought.

Just because you are independent does not mean that you are not submissive. In fact, it is a highly desirable trait.

It took me ~many~ years to realize that the pull I was feeling was the desire to surrender to a strong Man. It is not what society teaches us, and so those of us who are fortunate enough to discover it are blessed indeed.

Good luck in your soul searching. ~smiling~ It is never a poor way to spend time, regardless of the outcome. (Keep your mind and eyes open, even if the answers do not fit your wishes.)

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to goodpet)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 8:32:53 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Only time and experience will tell you- just like it does for all of us.

Don't try and shove yourself into some idea of what submissive is- it's far more important to simply be YOU and find a relationship that works best for you. If you are comfortable in who you are and fulfilled in your relationship, who cares if people label you a submissive or not?

I understand the desire to want a label for yourself and feel content with that label, and you may apply a label if you feel it will work for you. But it's really far more about being true to yourself. For every person who will call you a sub, there will be two who call you a fake.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MmakeMme)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 12:28:58 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

I LOVE goodpet's # 2 - make a request of doms you like and make arrangements to go do some service time with different people. If there is a connection, it's be a great op to experience different styles of domination, and find out what aspects of service most call to you.

I like what many have said - don't try to put yourself in a box/label. Take your time. There are switches out there - people who like both ends of the continuum. And, there is always the possibility that the lifestyle is intriguing, but just a passing fancy for you, and you will find yourself moving on.

It took me a year and a half to come to terms with my likes, and even after 3 yrs in the lifestyle, I grow in different ways, and life circumstances have an effect on my desires and mental states. There are times I find myself very submissive, and others where I am not as willing - usually due to extreme stress wearing on me from survival-type issues.

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 1:05:19 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

How do you know you like or dislike brocolli? You try it and decide. How do you know that you continue to like or dislike brocolli? You try it again. Life is a trial and error process and, while labels can be useful in communication, you don't have to own them.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to youroneandonly)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 3:22:51 PM

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

How do you know you like or dislike brocolli? You try it and decide. How do you know that you continue to like or dislike brocolli? You try it again. Life is a trial and error process and, while labels can be useful in communication, you don't have to own them.

Master Fire

Exactly.

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/28/2006 3:42:12 PM

Posts: 137
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

I started out being only submissive but have now learned I like to be in control too. I plan to explore both and see where it leads me. Good luck.

(in reply to Stephann)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/29/2006 9:54:25 AM

Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

How do you know you like or dislike brocolli? You try it and decide. How do you know that you continue to like or dislike brocolli? You try it again. Life is a trial and error process and, while labels can be useful in communication, you don't have to own them.

Master Fire

My thoughts exactly.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/29/2006 11:39:19 AM

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

well said

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

How do you know you like or dislike brocolli? You try it and decide. How do you know that you continue to like or dislike brocolli? You try it again. Life is a trial and error process and, while labels can be useful in communication, you don't have to own them.

Master Fire

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/29/2006 11:55:16 AM

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

Master Fire rocks.

(in reply to dawntreader)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/30/2006 6:31:10 AM

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

If you try it out, and read books and work whit your feelings you might find it out, perhaps you will end up wishing to have a deep D/s relationship, perhaps you will wish ofr a vanilla relationship whit a bit of spaninking now and then, perhaps you will not wish any of it, but you must find that out for yourself.

(in reply to LordVelvet)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/30/2006 3:32:48 PM

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline

I suppose it is a matter of degree. Everyone is dominant to someone/thing (child, pet) and submissive to others (boss, God). It's crass to say, but sexually if doing it or thinking about submission makes you wet, then there is at least an interest and a sexual tendency there.

As everyone said, just grow into what you will become.

(in reply to nephandi)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/30/2006 5:34:34 PM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

How do you know you like or dislike brocolli? You try it and decide. How do you know that you continue to like or dislike brocolli? You try it again. Life is a trial and error process
Master Fire

Yeah... kinda like my eyelid example ;) (wink wink)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/31/2006 1:34:03 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

To All,
Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. Happy New Year to everyone, may 2007 bring you all what you most desire.
Ur1

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/31/2006 6:31:21 PM

Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline

My thought is sub-conciously we know if we are submissive or dominant. It's through learning and understanding ourselves that we get a better understanding if we are one or the other. For myself, I instictively knew I was submissive and through years of learning and understanding myself I now can fully accept and willingly admit I am a submissive person.
I too have a strong streak of independence and at times I can and will be defiant. But these traits are only one facet to my overall personality. I have spoke to a few Masters on this topic and I'm sure many here will agree that a sub having some independence is a positive trait and not a negative trait. This keeps both subs and Dominant counterparts interested and intrigued.
In the end, only you will be able to honestly say if you're a submissive or not.

(in reply to youroneandonly)

RE: am i a sub or not? - 12/31/2006 6:41:54 PM

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

This may help. If you enjoy being dominated and have no problem with unequality, you're probably a sub. If you crave dominating men and want to always feel in control, you're a domme. I tried to be a sub and it worked just fine till the dom was unfair to me. Then I got mad and found myself wanting to punish him for his unfairness. That's how I knew I was a switch.

(in reply to youroneandonly)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> am i a sub or not?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.041