Is meeting online safe? What should i know?

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Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 6:42:55 PM

yourobject

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Joined: 12/20/2006
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i have now found the most beautiful Man, which i would love to go and meet. He has asked me to go there. i am trying to be safe and am wondering what to look for? i do feel safe in my heart, just want to make sure i am not blinded by love.

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 6:52:18 PM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I would want a landline number

I would want to meet in a public, well lit place where many people would be around

I would not allow any expectation that we would be alone with each other.

I would want his entire legal name.

I would have two safecalls lined up.

I would rather he come to me.

Before i was alone with him I would call my two safecalls with his license plate number, and I might confirm his identity with his license.

This might be too much to ask for some people, but that is what I would do to keep myself safe. Others may think I am extreme. I think meeting for coffee for the first time or two if local might be the best course of action.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 7:03:50 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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I am mistrustful of people who... have -too much- in common with me. If I mention an interest in extreme hotdog eating and they suddenly know everything about extreme hotdog eating it makes me uneasy. I feel like they are simply trying too hard to get into my life/mind/pants for less than honorable reasons. don't have a myspace with some interaction from friends they know in RL. Some people might hate myspace, but I think it gives a better picture of who people associate with and how they relate to their RL peers. It is at least a better picture than just talking one on one with the person. only want to talk to me or call me late at night. move too quickly or expect too much before they even meet me face to face.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 7:10:44 PM

bandit25

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julia's suggestions sound pretty good to me.

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 7:11:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I'd want a phone number and at least one phone conversation. I'd set up a date at a public restaurant about 15 minutes from my house and make sure they didn't follow me home.

Preferably, I'd meet them at a party I'd already be attending so it wouldn't matter if they flaked on me and didn't show.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 7:12:13 PM

sub4hire

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If he wants to meet you badly enough he will come to you. Bare minimum half way that way he is on even ground with you.
Julia made some excellent points. If you don't want to go as far as she has.

Find a local munch and meet him there. I'd also advise no matter how well you get along you do not leave the munch with him alone.

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 7:18:53 PM

raeanha

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/2/2005
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I positively won't meet other than publicly the first time, with phone numbers, first and last name. I don't insist on a land line, as many folks don't have one at all any more... My biggest red flag is if they are jumpy about the above.

First dates can be exciting, but finding yoruself flustered and not thinking clearly when meeting someone from online is bad.. If you're getting on a bus or a plane, know how you're going right back home without a single feather ruffled if things go awry. When is the return flight? Do you have money for cab fare. OF course, him coming to your territory avoids all those stressers.

oh.. NO alcohol. meeting at a bar is a nono, even if it is a public place.. keep your mind totally clear..

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 7:22:09 PM

defiantbadgirl

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The only problem with requiring phone numbers is that the person you're meeting may be leery too, possibly from their own bad experiences.

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 7:30:11 PM

MistressCass

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Joined: 5/30/2006
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You should know his real first and last name, and his address/land line phone number. Confirm it is indeed him by calling the number and look up the address online that is associated with that number and make sure the name matches. If he will not give this information to you then be VERY wary...he might be married. This information and your itiniary should be left with someone you trust and they should call you at irregular intervals....That person should be instructed to call back in 5 minutes if you do not answer and to call the police in the town you are visiting if you do not answer the second time. Find the police phone number online before you leave to put with your info, so they do not waste time trying to find the phone number.

You should ask him if he is an axe murderer, just in case.....Grin.

Travel with a cell phone.
Rent your own car and hotel room, even if he pays for the hotel room.
Tell the hotel clerk that you are meeting someone from online when you check in. (they will think it funny, but if you are in trouble they will understand the situation faster) Ask them their policy on giving our room numbers and to not give your room number to ANYONE because you know only one person in town and if you want them to have the room number you will give it to them. (see if they can flag it as "private" or something so the night shift knows to not give it out) Meet him in a public place at first, just like you would if he came to your town. Better yet, have him come to your town for the first meeting , so you are on your own turf....smile

Those are things you should DO.

These are things you should NOT do.   You should not get in his car with him . You should not miss any of the calls from your friend back home. You should NOT tell him your room number or the hotel you are at until you are totally, TOTALLY comfortable with him, if at all, on first meeting.

And most important:   you should NOT Ignore your gut feelings after you have met him and looked into his eyes. If it says things are not what you thought even if it is just a little niggling feeling, excuse yourself and escape the situation. Your gut will never let you down. I promise.

I have met many many wonderful men through online "dating".....lifestyle and vanilla. Only twice in 8 years did I feel uncomfortable. The first time I followed all my own advice and there was no harm.   He could not find me, only had my cell number. I put him on ignore online and he never bothered me again. The *second* time?   That wasn't so pretty.   I didn't listen to my own advice, and I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation.....I got out of it unharmed, except damage to my pride about always being "safe in online dating".....but it could have resulted in a rape if I hadn't thought fast.

Life is full of risks. Minimize them and have fun.

Good luck to you,

Mistress Cass

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 7:46:48 PM

IvyP

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all the advice was great and should be strongly considered....just remember Death is NOT an OPTION

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 9:19:07 PM

mystiquenz

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
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Your message read "He has asked me to go there."

Where is there?
Who do you know there?
How long have you known him?
What do you know about him?

Can he not only supply the information that others have already suggested but can he give you the name of a person that he has met real time, and interacted with real time, before you make a commitment to meet.

I'm not talking about a past lover, but a submissive that may be has bottomed to him?

Unless some one is known in the local community, and can be vouched for as a safe player, I'm unlikely to entrust myself, unless i feel ok after that initial meeting.

Some people say, have a safe call in place, others say, well why? If your meeting out of the local city, how effectively will your safety network operate and what good it provide? If you are contemplating going there, then, who do you know that can provide support, if support is needed.

You don't know this man, he doesn't know you, at this time, you are merely pixels on the computer screen. You said "are you blinded by love?" i would suggest you take your mind above your pussy and look more carefully at your situation. The phone calls probably have you saturating your mattress, but does that mean, that "he" is who you want.

Don't limit your possibilies by looking for LDRs. I totally second what others who have said, to have him come to you. Your situation, Your environment, Your location, where Your safety is paramount. You keep yourself safe, and the meeting is on Your terms.

Have you both exchanged checklists? Just take things slowly and realistically, and above all, empower yourself the word "no" is a very powerful word.

The following is a link for safety online, i suggest you take the time to browse it, it is one of the better ones that i have seen recently.

http://alt.com/go/page/safety.html?who=UmFuZG9tSVZAplE3qvHJ1pWalTgEaUwxedcQpiwzgVu5eT6V/aFw0fEbzslYGFc4_nIDNBqDC5vV_ZvXMVTS9C3fhbVPwVozezdv4hc3cq6GW1VNPO8H3HD1lAb7CNQmmk7tHmO6PJTP0j1eOizMZcNkhGHGRQEe2uTS4NQRE2X4bKusxUanZDpqdtTG/OulNf9qtot_XEbHKN_BiSzK6EWg1hdr8NUBVuIj/myzZaFZ4JcPKV4v50eHKPykjiVKnHKmpoWw/b49Mn37KJEo7/CWl/_Naac3B6OJFT9JAA/i3aWlp1N47wPaW9OCHWT1sKQ_BNn2okaPIvlvQg1abUlKHyUqZfGv&m=2118867_67071&trlid=main-22

Otherwise, if you heed not the advice given, i hope you remain well and journey safely.

_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to IvyP)

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/8/2007 9:46:13 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would want a landline number

I would want to meet in a public, well lit place where many people would be around

I would not allow any expectation that we would be alone with each other.

I would want his entire legal name.

I would have two safecalls lined up.

I would rather he come to me.

Before i was alone with him I would call my two safecalls with his license plate number, and I might confirm his identity with his license.

This might be too much to ask for some people, but that is what I would do to keep myself safe. Others may think I am extreme. I think meeting for coffee for the first time or two if local might be the best course of action.

Good advice. I would follow this if I were you. I would do the same as this and have in the past.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 10:04:08 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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All good advice that I will repeat a lot below:

Always meet in a public place and clearly state no expectations other then meeting in that public place. I do not think the landline phone thing can work to well anymore as many people do not have one. I do insist on knowing the person’s real first and last name and they do need to prove it to me in some way. That one is very important to me. Whether he can direct you to a website of where he works or I can find him on the web but something that proves to me the name he is using is actually his.

I also believe heavily in setting up a safe call or at the bare minimum pretending to set up a safe call and clearly letting him know that you have this set up.

As far as where to meet, your area or his it depends on too many factors to give absolutes. How far away you two are, ease of one or the other to go one place, how far down the path both you think you are in this thing and others. To me as long as you do not commit to anything outside of a public date then to me not much difference where.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 11:11:09 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Every and all suggestions given have merit. I'd say if you don't already know most of this information already you shouldn't consider the meeting.

Beyond what was said add one more item - code words.

Most expect that you'll be making a "safe-call". Even the most devious mass murdering predator would be hard pressed to break your code. I've advised varying levels of concern.

Green - I'm great - he's great - we're setting a wedding date
Yellow - I'm Okay - he's Okay make sure I call you back before dark
Gold - I'm a bit worried call me back in 1/2 hour.
Red - This guys scares me - call the cops I'm at the place I said we were meeting.

Say the code word as part of what would be expected in a standard call to a friend. Make up your own words. You get the idea. Use fruits, weather conditions, pet names; anything that you and your safe-caller will know and can be expected in a "normal" phone call.

Don't assume that one call made upon arrival makes you safe. It's expected. It does not secure you. Be pro-active with your safety and take personal accountability for it. If you have ANY doubt about it or get reluctance from the other side about disclosure, don't go. Its not worth it.

(in reply to toservez)

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 11:22:39 AM

steviemichael

Posts: 177
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personally i think there are more questions then answers too the question you post
1. where on the internet ? chat room ? board ?
2 how long online have you know this person and do others on the choosen site you are on ?
3. and what is his story ? ( forgive me on this one but most have a story that tearing ya heart out
4. you mentioned that you*love* this guy just what exactly do you love* about him his voice ? his pose on the cam ? his photos ? his sense of humour ?

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 11:34:51 AM

MistressMommy4U

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Joined: 2/25/2005
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if he is also in love or lust or like, he will give u is name and a phone number, u give him yours, either using caller id or *69 to make sure he is telling the truth, if he wont give proper name and a number, RUN FASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST...... if he does, then meet in public and exchange drivers lic.'s........ if they match, go for it BUT NOT BEFORE U LET SOMEONE KNOW U ARE GOING . and where u are meeting in public and his name and number, IF U CANT TRUST someone to give that info to, write yourself a letter and leave it on your desk or in a drawer or mail it to yourself, so they know where to find the body..... IF U DO NOT DO THIS PROPERLY.

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 11:37:46 AM

MistressMommy4U

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Julia, you said it all, if they have good intentions, they know they must make u feel safe and comfortable. and if not....... they are up to no good.... and stop contact with them.
Claudia

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 11:44:27 AM

all4yourplsr

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In the time that I have been online I have met a few women. A few of the times it happened quickly and others much slower due to whatever reason. My current gf moved Upstate to be with me and has lived with me from day one. This is not a perfect situation and I would do it differently next time. I also met a girl online who I talked to online and on the phone for 2 years before I went half way across the country to meet her.

Just my 2 cents. :-)

Ed

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 12:01:29 PM

littleone35

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I must say a agree with all the above. I too think he should come to you at least the first time. I met my Master online them met for real time we met in a public place always a safe thing to do on a first meeting. Just be safe and i hope things work out for the best.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 12:07:55 PM

FelinePersuasion

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I would never demand the address of someone I was meeting in public. a phone number or something yeah, but the top might not be comfortable handing out his address to a complete stranger, any more than the sub wants to hand her address out to him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressCass

You should know his real first and last name, and his address/land line phone number.
Mistress Cass

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