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how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 5:28:57 AM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		This is a question for both Doms and subs because we may have different perspective; how long do you feel it is appropriate to talk with someone before the two of you meet face to face?
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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 5:47:43 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I heard somebody say two weeks once, and it was well-meant and probably applicable advice to some or even many, but I think it does depend on the people involved and what their circumstances are.

The last person I was involved with, didn't get my land-line phone number until almost three weeks, after e-mailing eachother.

I think after that (talking via phone), it all depends - but someone who puts off meeting you, or for some reason won't, well, something suspiscious is probably up, in that case. 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/18/2007 6:17:07 AM >

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 5:52:22 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i think if it is possible as soon as possible. the mind is an incredible machine, it is capable of creating all sorts of story's that fit nicely with your fantasy, esp if the person you are in dialog with also wants to be that person for you.

there are large gaps in phone conversations, and even more in Im and email, your mind will fill in those gaps to create a picture. when you meet in person you have a lot more information to make a good decision.

also trust your intuition, listen on the phone for a tone of voice you resonate with, and constancies with what he has been telling you  and what is happening in  real life. if they dont match dont let your brain make excuses to assuage those inconsitansys....those inconsistency are probably the most valuable thing he has given you this far.

use any inconstancy's as an opportunity to see what this potential mate is really like when backed in a corner or confronted with stuff that worries you.

if he sweeps it under the rug, well now you have identified a personality trait that uses charm as slight of hand to handle confortations...this will be a pattern. are you comfortable with the way he is handling  being called out on his behavior, are you willing to sign up for several weeks to a lifetime with your parter always changing the subject when he does something that you dont sit right with?

if he goes in to denial telling you you are wrong, and especially if there is a tiny hint of anger in his voice, well welcome to life with this guy, plan on more of the same, and plan on that telling turning into yelling....

if he begins to make excuses "some one or something else intervened and made it impossible to be consistent with you" guess what you have just signed up for, a guy that makes excuses for everything...he is never wrong...nothing is his fault and this behavior will likely escalate into becoming bitter and blame orientated.

but if he says, wow i can see how you can be concerned, listens with an open heart, and then looks a solutions, or misunderstandings, and is actively involved in working for a resolution...ding din ding....you have a winner.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/18/2007 5:56:57 AM >

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:13:03 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		For me, it has varied from 'that day' (more times than you can imagine), to a high of 11 days. 

In that latter instance there was the fact that 700 miles separated us, and we weren't planning on meeting until the following week, but curiousity finally got the better of both of us and at the (very) last minute the decision was made to have me make the trip.

Jeff

Edited to add:  And it shouldn't be thought of a 'Dom' thing or a 'sub' thing.  It takes two to agree for a meeting.  The idea of a meeting, quick or not, can come from either source.

< Message edited by mstrjx -- 4/18/2007 6:14:18 AM >

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:19:43 AM   
Fnordstrum


Posts: 164
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		I'd generally want to meet someone as soon as doing so would be feasible, really.

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:21:08 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		AS soon as possible,this tends to weed out players and flakes..IF after a few email and if there seems to be a common interest then we give them our number.IF they don't call within a day or 2 we move on..Just the way it goes here at the circle c...as always just the views of this ol" master

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:26:13 AM   
viperess


Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,
i would say it all depends on the people and miles. With Master, sis, and i we started talking just as friends but within 2 weeks i came about 1700 miles to meet them and have never left. Now if i ever figure out how to get these knots untied...
respectfully,


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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:38:46 AM   
TigressFL


Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		I remember life and the dating world before the Internet. I never chatted with someone via the phone for days much less weeks without ever interacting with him or her face-to-face. I have no desire to do so now. While I realize that the difference is that I am meeting them online first, my point is still the same. I do not feel the need to invest week’s talking to someone online then on the phone before I ever talk to him or her face-to-face. I am not going to know what the possibilities really are until I am talking to them face to face no matter what they say to me on the Internet or phone. People are less likely to blow smoke up my ass, lie, and play their little games, etc. when they have to look me in the eye. Not to say there are no con-artist’s because there are it is simply more likely that I will get used and played by someone that I am not sitting face-to-face with. I think the Internet is breeding a culture that is paranoid rather than cautious.  I am no more or less safe meeting someone after hours or a couple of days chatting with someone via the internet then phone than I would be chatting with them for weeks via the Internet then weeks on the phone. It is all in how I handle the meeting that lends to my safety or takes from it. I view someone wanting to chat weeks via the Internet before going to phone and then weeks on the phone before meeting as a “red flag” (lol) of someone that just might be either trying to hide something, playing a game or just paranoid rather than cautious. I think many people do not know how to date without the Internet as their initial screening process and that is a rather scary thought to me. Granted if I am talking to someone that lives out of state I do not expect him or her to have the money to fly close to me for a weekend so we can meet but I certainly could do it! I will not make the Internet my place to hide from the world; I will use it to connect me to the world!   Tigress~FL

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:40:20 AM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		I think it is going to be different for everyone depending on on their comfort level with meeting people from online and how well they feel they "click" with the person they are talking to. 

I think the more important issue is "how" you meet someone face to face for the first time.  For example:
Always meet in a public place
Always let at least one other person know exactly where you will be and what you are doing there as well as who you are meeting
Call that person and let them know if that location changes
Use a "Safety Call" (someone who knows where you are and what you are doing and if you don't call at a specific time that there is trouble)

I met Master online and when I went to meet Him in person for the first time, I took 2 friends with me. 

So basically, to answer your question, meet them whenever you feel you are ready, just take precaustions "just in case". 

Cordially,
minxy

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:43:07 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I think it is a function of distance. With someone nearby there's no reason you can't meet "soon" for a cup of coffee to chat; if someone is a few thousand miles away then you'll want to talk a long time and have a significant connection before meeting.

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:54:15 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		For myself when I was seeking it was anywhere from month's to years.  Depending on distance.  How well I felt about them.  Many I didn't care if I ever really met them.  Others I did.
My dom and I...it was about 3 month's before we met face to face.
I suggest never under 3.  That way you can tell if they are a liar...etc to you long before you waste their time and yours.
A lot comes out if you keep asking the same questions in different ways.  If they lie about something small they are going to lie about something big down the line.

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:55:57 AM   
UntamedStar


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline 		hmm...im actually in 'talks' with a master from here, but he lives quite a way from me. He says that he wants to meet soon...but this has been going on for a couple of weeks now. Its hard to feel like you are under consideration without having met them yet! I do wonder if hes just playing... and he doesnt email me at all really, just comes on line briefly to msn a few times a week, although we have spoke on the phone. Maybe im being naieve? Hes already told me i cannot meet with anyone else, or have sex, and that i am his.... is this wrong?

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 6:56:46 AM   
Satyr6406


Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline 		I have to agree. Why wait too long? Also, as already stated, it is much more difficult for a "player" to hide who they are when you are aware of REAL aspects of their lives.
 
So, the real answer is that it depends upon distance but, since I limit my distance to a pretty tight circle (Very rarely more than a two hour drive), I would say that NO MORE THAN TWO WEEKS is about right.
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
Michael

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 7:11:02 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

This is a question for both Doms and subs because we may have different perspective; how long do you feel it is appropriate to talk with someone before the two of you meet face to face?


that answer is entirely up to you and the someone you want to meet. Daddy and i waited after a month of chatting and phoning before meeting because He wanted me to feel comfortable with His voice  and feel safe enough for a casual dinner meeting in public. so whatever time you deem appropriate to meet should between you two.


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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 7:16:51 AM   
mynded


Posts: 137
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UntamedStar

hmm...im actually in 'talks' with a master from here, but he lives quite a way from me. He says that he wants to meet soon...but this has been going on for a couple of weeks now. Its hard to feel like you are under consideration without having met them yet! I do wonder if hes just playing... and he doesnt email me at all really, just comes on line briefly to msn a few times a week, although we have spoke on the phone. Maybe im being naieve? Hes already told me i cannot meet with anyone else, or have sex, and that i am his.... is this wrong?


UntamedStar it is wrong if you feel something's not right. You should be honest with him about your feelings and see how he repsonds to your concerns. If he doesnt have much time for you yet wants you to be exclusive to him thats a red flag for me. Psst.. keep looking.

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 7:18:03 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking
This is a question for both Doms and subs because we may have different perspective; how long do you feel it is appropriate to talk with someone before the two of you meet face to face?

Once you have come to the point of deciding you WANT to meet offline, no more than two months.

Unless you're talking about someone off being deployed, there's no reason two financially stable, independent adults cannot plan and make a visit to eachother within two months.  If you want to make it happen, you will.

Most people gloss over the fact that the first meeting is like a template for the relationship, at least the first stage of it.  How hard it is to get together, how long it takes, what time you spent together, what you do DURING that time- that is a very good indicator of how the relationship will be overall.  Specially if it's a long distance meeting.  You should take that first meeting into serious account when deciding if this is what you want for your life in the long term.

Of course, I don't think anyone should make any serious commitments for the first six months of exploration anyway.  But no one ever listens to that.

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 7:32:12 AM   
UntamedStar


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline 		Youre right i should tell him how i feel... he is very convincing onthe phone. Each time i finish talking to him i feel ok...then the doubts creep in. But i will ask him outright! lol

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 7:37:19 AM   
ITGirl68


Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you. Other people also expressed important points beautifully, but your comment said everything that I would have.

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 7:50:22 AM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Untamedstar, are ok with him saying not meet anyone else, and so forth? This is just me, but I wouldn't let anyone make demands on me so quick, regardless of whether or not we met

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RE: how long before meeting? - 4/18/2007 8:12:28 AM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		In my own experience, both in vanilla dating and in meeting people from CollarMe and similar sites, that it is best to meet as soon as possible after you have both decided that there is a definite attraction from both parties.  This can, and probably should, be just a meeting in public for coffee and talk, along with other safety protocols.  There are a couple of reasons for meeting soon.  First, while you can learn a lot through email, chat, and phone conversations you really can't know if there is a "spark" in person unless you actually MEET in person.  Everything from personal mannerisms to body odors (good AND bad.....pheromones) are going to reflect one way or another on whether you will be compatible with that person.  If you wait two, three, four months or more to find this out then you have simply lost that time in finding a prospective partner. 

Also, people do have vivid imaginations, and in our minds we have a picture of what the "perfect" partner is going to be like.  In emails, chat, and on the phone we get a partial picture of what this person is going to be like.  If what we get from correspondence seems to fit the "picture" in our mind then we start to think that the other attributes of that person are going to fit the picture as well.  The person starts to seem more and more perfect, and FINALLY you decide you are ready to meet...only to find out that this person doesn't actually fit ANY of the rest of the picture!  Big disappointment!  If you had met the person early on and gotten to know THEM instead of letting your imagination build you might have found that this is really a great person that you really are compatible with.  But since you let time go on and you "imagined" this, and "imagined" that you end up finding that the person does not live up to the fantasy you have built up. 

So, in a nutshell, the longer you wait to meet the more you are just setting things up to fail.  I KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE THE CASE FOR EVERYONE, EVERY TIME, but it IS what I have found to be the rule and not the exception in my own experience.

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