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He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 2:47:00 AM

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Joined: 5/11/2006
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I found out last night that my spouse had placed my profile on an adult web site stating, "Couple Seeking Bi-sexual Female"...(true story)

Facts as is:
1. I wasn't hurt about it....but curious as to why he would seek a bi- female, stating it was for me, when he and I have never had this conversation, nor had I been asked if my information could be posted in such a manner.
2. Clincher: I am not bi-sexual.
3. Various emails he sent were asking these women for a lunch date/meeting. Problem was, he used our main email as a backup(secondary email) and they came to our server's address. Hence, I got a big surprise, huh?
4. I'd asked over a year ago about an "Open marriage" and he flat out refused. Yet, he uses my information to seek something.
5. He's not had any interest in sex with me; hence, I can assume, he must have a fetish for bi women? That's fine, but don't use me as the "jumping off point," esp when it's not my "thing"
6. I'm not innocent by any means. I'm not seeking pity. It's just this kind of search he's doing made no sense to me.

I guess I have to approach him about this of course. When I did in a 'round about way' he acted as if he knew nothing of what I was addressing.

I am disappointed that he would use my information to "surf" for couples/bisexual females without my approval.

If he'd asked, I would have said, "Go explore YOUR needs, do what YOU need to, but don't list me as anything on your profile and do NOT involve me in your personal quest....esp. a bi-sexual female and seeking couples. I'm not interested in couples/or bisexuals (?) Strikes me as very odd.

Well Masters/Doms/Mistresses/Dommes.....what's your take?
Thanks and be well

Irish

< Message edited by irishbynature -- 6/24/2006 2:55:22 AM >

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 2:54:01 AM

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Hmm... Irish I must admit that is odd. So you are in a sexless marriage that has now diminished to a total lack of respect and ultimately to cheating. I think your communication has gone to zip and now would be a good time to "really" talk and use a councilor if needs be. I am sorry things are so odd for you, but it is time to protect yourself and resolve the relationship one way or the other.

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Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to irishbynature)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 2:59:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Hmm... Irish I must admit that is odd. So you are in a sexless marriage that has now diminished to a total lack of respect and ultimately to cheating. I think your communication has gone to zip and now would be a good time to "really" talk and use a councilor if needs be. I am sorry things are so odd for you, but it is time to protect yourself and resolve the relationship one way or the other.

Yeah Wulf..but ya know..in a freaky way...it was a validation for me in many ways...that something was and has been wrong for some time....that's why I was not angry. It just struck me as "odd"..esp the women aspect. I feel validated one level....(like FINALLY, "Ahhhh...that's the problem he's had..LOL..it's NOT me...it's that he seeks other women....DUH! ) Well, let him go for it.........just don't use my info to do so!
Smiles!

Irish

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 3:02:29 AM

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Irish I think the question that drives me the most is 'what is left?' If you would rather not post mail me on the other side.

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Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to irishbynature)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 3:07:09 AM

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From: Youngstown, Ohio
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Why are you two together if you are both seeking different things and from what i have read, not very happy together...?

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~kitten

(in reply to irishbynature)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 4:21:43 AM

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How fast can you run away? If he is not a total idiot, he knew at some point you would find out. Shows total disrespect to you IMHO.

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 7:05:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Hmm... Irish I must admit that is odd. So you are in a sexless marriage that has now diminished to a total lack of respect and ultimately to cheating. I think your communication has gone to zip and now would be a good time to "really" talk and use a councilor if needs be. I am sorry things are so odd for you, but it is time to protect yourself and resolve the relationship one way or the other.

Yeah Wulf..but ya know..in a freaky way...it was a validation for me in many ways...that something was and has been wrong for some time....that's why I was not angry. It just struck me as "odd"..esp the women aspect. I feel validated one level....(like FINALLY, "Ahhhh...that's the problem he's had..LOL..it's NOT me...it's that he seeks other women....DUH! ) Well, let him go for it.........just don't use my info to do so!
Smiles!
Irish

So then the "Submissive in a sexless marriage" post really wasn't about your "friend"?

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to irishbynature)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 7:30:01 AM

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Well, I joined this site only to read/learn more about D/s...not find pick up a Dom/Domme. (See my profile...smiles

). This revelation is very new for me.....so, I will have to have a long discussion to get to the bottom of it. I don't think anything happens by accident, ya know?...Warmly,
Irish

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 7:30:04 AM

krys

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You may want to skip the roundabout questions and ask straight out. He may be indulging in a common girl on girl fantasy. He may be using a search for "couples" to explore a sexual interest in men. You're cute, you're blonde, and posing as you probably makes it very easy to pick people up.

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Krys

(in reply to irishbynature)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 7:31:06 AM

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Did you truly think it was, Erin?

Irish, just like incognitobynight, you've got tough decisions to make. Good luck to you.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 7:36:58 AM

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Irish, if I may offer my own experience please. The first dom I was ever with told me on our initial conversation that if I was not bisexual I could not be a submissive (yes I know,, then why did I continue<shakes head at own stupidity>) Anyways.. he convinced me to be open minded and once we moved in together he had me "troll" bisexual chat rooms trying to pick up women. He knew this made me HUGELY uncomfortable but I was new and trying to be a good submissive. Anyways.. I found out later that when I was not there.. he was getting online under my account and trolling the rooms himself as me. Imagine my shock <yes shock> when a female dominant came up to me in chat and wanted to punish me for my "incestuous relationship" with my then 14 yr old son. She wanted to know about my fantasies and actions with him so she could appropriately determine my punishment. Anyhoo... needless to say.. at that moment.. I was never submissive to the man again.

I dont understand why people do this. Pretend to be their partner and troll for people. They always get found out. I cant offer an opinion on this beside it is so far outside my understanding. I just know that it does happen.

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This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to irishbynature)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 7:57:03 AM

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Irish, we may never know what's really going on in his head. The only thing you can really do is ask. If he denies it, you can either walk away, go "oh yeah?" and show him proof, or something in between. Say what you said here, that you are not mad, just curious (it’s almost a guarantee he will react defensively at first and it may take a bit for it to sink in that you are not mad at him) Either way it is a conversation that needs to be had (I know you said you brought it up in a roundabout way previously, perhaps a more direct approach is needed). I must admit, I'm very curious as to why he was looking in that matter as well. Was he aware that you are not bisexual? (Dumb question, I know) Maybe he has some deranged notion that he can make this a gift to you in return for not being there to satisfy your needs? (Farfetched, but people come up with the strangest ideas sometimes) Or, as some have said before, he could be indulging in some fetish of his own or exploring his sexuality. Hell, maybe the only thing that gets him off is pretending to be you and looking for these couples. Stranger things have happened. I'm not sure if this has ever come up before, but do you know if he still masturbates?

(in reply to JessieMe)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 8:02:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie
Did you truly think it was, Erin?

I know....how foolish of me to assume that someone who was asking for advice might actually be giving an honest representation of the situation they are asking about...lol....what was *I* thinking?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to feastie)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 8:16:02 AM

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From: Scranton, PA
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quote:

curious as to why he would seek a bi- female, stating it was for me,

My guess is he is trying the old bait and switch. He.used your pic as bait because you're a good looking gal, and he figures his chance of scoring is higher going after bisexual gals who want a piece of you than he would competing against all the other "single" guys trying to get laid.

Then if he actually meets one he can claim you are sick or something so he can fuck her by himself.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 6/24/2006 8:18:16 AM >

(in reply to irishbynature)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 8:30:34 AM

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Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Hmm... Irish I must admit that is odd. So you are in a sexless marriage that has now diminished to a total lack of respect and ultimately to cheating. I think your communication has gone to zip and now would be a good time to "really" talk and use a councilor if needs be. I am sorry things are so odd for you, but it is time to protect yourself and resolve the relationship one way or the other.

Could not have put that any better. No communication is one of the worst things that can happen to any relationship. Deception shows only one thing, a total lack of respect for your partner and thier feelings. Hopefully you can resolve this issue with honesty and an open line of communication.

LOKI

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(in reply to Wulfchyld)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 9:15:28 AM

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" Me think thou doth protestest too much"

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(in reply to irishbynature)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 9:30:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature
.....what's your take?

My take is that it probably would have been more productive to add this information to your other "Submissive in a sexless marriage" thread as it broadens the scope of understanding of the issues. That thread taken alone...or this thread taken alone....gives limited understanding. It has the possibility of changing the advice some have offered. For instance...in light of this thread I would have to say that those who responded on the other thread about the possibility of him being "asexual" would most likely change that opinion knowing now that he is seeking out sexual encounters and that from that one can deduce that he isn't "asexual" with no desire to have sex, he just has no desire to have sex with you. Or if he is having other encounters, it's not likely a medical condition and taking medications would probably be of little assistance, so those who responded that way may not have if they had been made aware of this new information.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to irishbynature)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 12:02:48 PM

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well said erin....

People wonder why they dont get the answers they want, why ask half a question and give half the info... what makes that any different than the other person being a liar?

* shakes head*

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Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

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RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 12:46:02 PM

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Im confused. I thought Irish posted on the other thread about her friend "incognito". There *was* a person there by that name, with a different set of circumstances, no?

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly - 6/24/2006 12:56:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie
Did you truly think it was, Erin?

I know....how foolish of me to assume that someone who was asking for advice might actually be giving an honest representation of the situation they are asking about...lol....what was *I* thinking?

Erin,
I thought the same thing. I didn't realize she was posting about herself. What were we *both* thinking?

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(in reply to mistoferin)

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