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Help me help her - 9/25/2015 11:49:41 AM   
newbutlearning2


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Joined: 5/18/2011
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Hi. I'm a married 33yo male looking for advice. My wife is hot and fun in the bedroom...me I'm too shy and reserved. I think the think she would love to take control and use and humiliate me in the bedroom and i LOVE that idea. I'm sure she love it...to make me wear chastity or eventually even cuckold me. The problem (like I said) is I'm too reserved and I'm way to shy sexually to bring this up. I'm looking for a Dom Female to give up control to. One that uses and controls me from a distance. And helps me open up to her or lead her into the idea of her controlling and humiliating me sexually. Im very open to just about anything. Discretion is a must.

Are you interested in helping?
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RE: Help me help her - 9/25/2015 11:52:50 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14452
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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So, you want to cheat on your wife and justify it by saying it will help you talk to your own spouse about your desire for kink.

Do you honestly think your wife is going to be happy that you sought out sexual activities with another woman?

Let's change the title of this thread to "Help Me, Help My Dick" because you're not helping her, you're lying to her.

(And I noticed that you conveniently left the fact that you're married out of your profile.


Why don't you try this book rather than lying to your wife.

http://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Kinky/dp/1890159239

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 9/25/2015 12:20:26 PM >


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to newbutlearning2)
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RE: Help me help her - 9/25/2015 2:10:05 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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Joined: 7/18/2012
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And you've been on this site for 4 years looking to cheat on your wife? Dude, if you can't find the "help" you're looking for after 4 years of trying, perhaps you should take up gardening instead.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to newbutlearning2)
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RE: Help me help her - 9/25/2015 2:23:52 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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If she's fun and hot in the bedroom, I'm assuming she's already doing the stuff she likes to do, yes?
And if there's something new she'd like to try, she isn't at all shy about suggesting to do so, yes?

In that case, what makes you presume that what she wants to do in the bedroom would change when she is actively in change because y'all agreed on a formal D/s dynamic?

If she's so fun and hot and adventurous, she would have already brought up chastity and domination if it's something she was interested in. After all, it's not like the existance of kinky sex is a big secret from the mainstream crowd these days...




< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 9/25/2015 2:24:52 PM >


_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
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RE: Help me help her - 9/25/2015 2:34:04 PM   
mnottertail


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Joined: 11/3/2004
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OP, when you start getting into it, coyly bat your eyes, and sort of quickly suck your teeth, and say "Do you SPANK?".


See what happens.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
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RE: Help me help her - 9/26/2015 1:19:04 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
Frankly chastity and cuckolding are a very special subset of D\s. Not every Domme is into it or even understands it. But it is definitely something one either loves or they don't. You can't make her think like a Cuckoldress, and having her go through the motions simply to give you what you want is not going to be very fulfilling in the long run. I cannot tell you how many married cuckold wannabes have asked for advice on how to introduce it to their significant other. In 30 years of this life My advice is always the same...

You can't. She either naturally has the mindset of a Cuckoldress or she doesn't. Forcing a square peg in a round hole simply to have your fetish fed is not going to work well in the long run. As far as being married to a vanilla wife and being a cuck on the side...I don't know a Cuckoldress that would be OK with that. Perhaps seek out some one else that is married or even a Dom/Domme couple that would be OK with a few hours of fantasy play. Not even close to living the life of a cuck in real life but probably as close as you will get in your situation. There is someone for every one out there.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to newbutlearning2)
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RE: Help me help her - 9/26/2015 9:38:49 PM   
dreamlady


Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

Frankly chastity and cuckolding are a very special subset of D\s. Not every Domme is into it or even understands it. But it is definitely something one either loves or they don't. You can't make her think like a Cuckoldress, and having her go through the motions simply to give you what you want is not going to be very fulfilling in the long run. I cannot tell you how many married cuckold wannabes have asked for advice on how to introduce it to their significant other. In 30 years of this life My advice is always the same...

You can't. She either naturally has the mindset of a Cuckoldress or she doesn't. Forcing a square peg in a round hole simply to have your fetish fed is not going to work well in the long run. As far as being married to a vanilla wife and being a cuck on the side...I don't know a Cuckoldress that would be OK with that. Perhaps seek out some one else that is married or even a Dom/Domme couple that would be OK with a few hours of fantasy play. Not even close to living the life of a cuck in real life but probably as close as you will get in your situation. There is someone for every one out there.

^This^
I don't even try to talk any sense into these (married) vanilla fantasists. Not about chastity, not about cuckolding. Thank you, though, for telling it like it is because there are only certain Dominant women who get into these things with their own partner(s) and ordinarily wouldn't want to be a married man's "dirty little secret Mistress on the side."

In a way, it's the same sort of visceral reaction that we have to sissification and/or crossdressing. We're either open to the idea or else find it repulsive in our partner(s). At the very least, those who are on the fence MIGHT tolerate it to a limited extent; however, there is a significant difference betwixt them separately.

Just as a woman can't be a little bit pregnant, embarking upon incorporating chastity and/or cuckolding (oftentimes, the man will want to do both) is not a halfway endeavor. You either sink or swim.
(With indulging your sub's desire, or with a sub indulging his Mistress's desire to have him crossdress, even the smallest element of reward or as occasional disciplinary humiliation can easily be accommodated in manageable increments.)

I used to think of these practices as more of a lifestyle choice than a fetish or kink since I don't consider BDSM to be an integral component, along the lines of swinging and wife-swapping -- neither of which requires BDSM or D/s to factor in whatsoever.

I do view it a little differently nowadays, as more of an all-consuming fetish obsession on the part of the MALE partner -- a kind of addiction where a husband would sooner destroy his marriage than give up his "drug" of choice.
It becomes his fantasy opiate, much to the chagrin of most of the wives who inexplicably find themselves caught up in this tangled web the do-me husband has woven, as he tries to control his wife while proclaiming how much he wants to be dominated by her instead.
(Which means, therefore, there is no authentically submissive desire for the husband to actually relinquish control to his wife.)

Ime, this is the common denominator I've identified between fetishists and male chastity *slaves* or men who want to be cuckolded.
Not in all cases, depending on the level of D/s involved, but in many of them.

DreamLady

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
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RE: Help me help her - 9/26/2015 9:41:54 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
Um, I seem to be the only one interpreting this differently.

I thought he meant, find a female to talk to his wife on his behalf about his fantasies of getting dominated by her...

I can volunteer :)

Gimme your wife's email address! I will help you tell her!

(in reply to dreamlady)
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RE: Help me help her - 9/27/2015 10:42:14 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14452
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Um, I seem to be the only one interpreting this differently.

I thought he meant, find a female to talk to his wife on his behalf about his fantasies of getting dominated by her...


It specifically says he's looking for someone to Dominate him:

quote:

I'm looking for a Dom Female to give up control to. One that uses and controls me from a distance.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 9
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