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RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:41:28 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

Ok arrgghhanian's need advice.....are yall available?


Of course!  What's up?

Trapped- I would move back in a heartbeat. Been homesick ever since I left.  But I think the um's dad wouldn't allow it for some reason...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13041
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:41:29 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

Ok arrgghhanian's need advice.....are yall available?



I am.

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13042
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:42:19 PM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not going anywhere...

awww...BSB, I'm sorry.

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 13043
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:42:29 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus

I've never been to DC.  Hell, the only state other than confusion I've entered was New York.  I'm curious, though.


Come visit! It's a great place.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 13044
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:42:40 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		the fella that I have been courting and who I am suposed to meet face to face for the first time tonight is getting cold feet I think.

He just sent this note..
"i saw what You wrote on Your collarme profile about me. You flatter me but You have also created an image of me that i cannot live up to. i am just a regular guy. i can be an asshole, in fact, usually i am.  i am glad that i have left a good impression but i am worried that i will not be able to maintain it. There is a reason all of my romances have ended and ended badly."

I wrote a hopeful post in My journal that was perhaps a little gushing....I knew I was doing something that scares boys when I wrote it ....interesting that it flushed him right out.  So as for someone who thinks he is an asshole....any advice for me...
As for someone who has a bad track record any advice for me??? 
As for someone who seems scared any advice for me???

I know yall are bantering and such so don't expect much but anything would be good...thanks!



_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13045
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:45:11 PM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I can sympathize with him, having felt the same way.  He is probably both scared and excited.  Honestly, everyone can be an asshole once in a while.

I would tell him that you understand his concerns, but would still really like to meet.  Tell him you don't expect him to be perfect...

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13046
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:46:43 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		I also find it curious about myself that I tend to pick the fella's who think of themselves as an "asshole"...course that never comes out at first.  it usually takes a little while but this has now happened maybe 3 times in a row...and it is the fella who tells me this about himself in a moment of panic and backstepping....

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13047
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:48:01 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

the fella that I have been courting and who I am suposed to meet face to face for the first time tonight is getting cold feet I think.

He just sent this note..
"i saw what You wrote on Your collarme profile about me. You flatter me but You have also created an image of me that i cannot live up to. i am just a regular guy. i can be an asshole, in fact, usually i am.  i am glad that i have left a good impression but i am worried that i will not be able to maintain it. There is a reason all of my romances have ended and ended badly."

I wrote a hopeful post in My journal that was perhaps a little gushing....I knew I was doing something that scares boys when I wrote it ....interesting that it flushed him right out.  So as for someone who thinks he is an asshole....any advice for me...
As for someone who has a bad track record any advice for me??? 
As for someone who seems scared any advice for me???

I know yall are bantering and such so don't expect much but anything would be good...thanks!


Might it help to remind him that he's not signing up for a relationship right now? You're just meeting for today.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13048
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:48:56 PM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I think he's trying to give himself an "out" in case this doesn't work.  Like, you tell him to do something, he doesn't want to, or is scared to because he is new at this, so he freaks out, runs away and the relationship falls apart...because he is an "asshole"...

It is a defense mechanism...I think....to not get too close.

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13049
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:51:56 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		This is what I sent back to him..... Hmmm...honesty is good.  Well, I would say it is a little early for you to worry about living up to images yet.  One of the reasons why I do like to meet early is because I know about myself that I do tend to get a perhaps the word is overeager or maybe overexcited about folks in the early stages...knowing this about myself means that meeting sooner rather than later is a good strategy to bring in reality.  In truth I know that it takes alot of work to make any kind of relationship successful...which does come on both sides.... Interesting that you think of yourself as an asshole....hmmm, I seem to kind of like assholes provided they are ready to dig in and tease some of that defense mechanism apart and learn how to make it work in a way that is perhaps less distructive.  And I've no problem pulling the rug right out from under my favorite asshole to remind him that he is no better than anyone else or to remind hin to let go of being right or being alpha and to listen to other's wisdom....I may actually be JUST WHAT YOU NEED.  hmm imagine that.   Let's talk about it tonight when we get together....I would like to hear about your past relationships....and why they've ended "very badly", let's talk about your ability to overcome such a trend...and whether you want too change that trend. ...perhaps a quick conversation is in order. Angel's is good...we will both want some Scotch for such conversations ;-)

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 13050
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:52:04 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		New York... now THAT's a town.  I love it there.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 13051
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:53:52 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		We've been emailing etc for 3-4 weeks.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13052
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:56:13 PM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I think that is a perfectly acceptable reply...not too pushy, but still encouraging a meeting.

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13053
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:56:54 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

This is what I sent back to him..... Hmmm...honesty is good.  Well, I would say it is a little early for you to worry about living up to images yet.  One of the reasons why I do like to meet early is because I know about myself that I do tend to get a perhaps the word is overeager or maybe overexcited about folks in the early stages...knowing this about myself means that meeting sooner rather than later is a good strategy to bring in reality.  In truth I know that it takes alot of work to make any kind of relationship successful...which does come on both sides.... Interesting that you think of yourself as an asshole....hmmm, I seem to kind of like assholes provided they are ready to dig in and tease some of that defense mechanism apart and learn how to make it work in a way that is perhaps less distructive.  And I've no problem pulling the rug right out from under my favorite asshole to remind him that he is no better than anyone else or to remind hin to let go of being right or being alpha and to listen to other's wisdom....I may actually be JUST WHAT YOU NEED.  hmm imagine that.   Let's talk about it tonight when we get together....I would like to hear about your past relationships....and why they've ended "very badly", let's talk about your ability to overcome such a trend...and whether you want too change that trend. ...perhaps a quick conversation is in order. Angel's is good...we will both want some Scotch for such conversations ;-)


Poor guy.  I understand the impulse to slow down the pedestal effect.... tell him for me that it's best to let the superhero image ride unnoticed, and get the girl (or guy) back to reality by praising your own flaws indirectly.  Women tend to do this instinctively, men need a bit of guidance in social calibration of this kind.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13054
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 12:59:19 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

the fella that I have been courting and who I am suposed to meet face to face for the first time tonight is getting cold feet I think.  He just sent this note.."i saw what You wrote on Your collarme profile about me. You flatter me but You have also created an image of me that i cannot live up to. i am just a regular guy. i can be an asshole, in fact, usually i am.  i am glad that i have left a good impression but i am worried that i will not be able to maintain it. There is a reason all of my romances have ended and ended badly."



This does sound like cold feet, but that's no reason to assume the worst.  You could reply to it something like this [in your own words, natch]:  "I am not expecting perfection, boy, any more than I would expect you to assume I am perfect in all ways.  I appreciate honesty - is that what this is, then, a fair estimate of who you are; or is it worry?  Is that something for you to determine, or Me?  Think of that before you reply...and a reply is expected."

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

So as for someone who thinks he is an asshole....any advice for me...



Pretty much summed up what I thought in my suggested response.   If he can't let you decide for himself, he's not ready.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

As for someone who has a bad track record any advice for me??? 



Track records don't dictate the future, but they can help you avoid bad pitfalls.  Does this make you want to cancel?  If so, do so; tell him why; go from there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

As for someone who seems scared any advice for me???

I know yall are bantering and such so don't expect much but anything would be good...thanks!



If you're nervous, you're in the right place...with friends.  If he's nervous, again, please see my suggested response.  Firm, understanding, but only so tolerant.  You can't make him ready if he's not.

*hugs*

This can't be fun for ya.  I hope everything works out for you, and that some [if any] of this has helped.

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13055
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 1:03:56 PM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		In his defense, I know how he feels....though I wouldn't have used his words....I tend to pull back when things get too serious, and I've never actually met someone from the site in person because I'm terrified to...


However, I read the journal entry (what can I say, I was curious) and found nothing wrong with it.  I would love for someone to say that about me...I don't think you are at fault for saying your feelings...

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 13056
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 1:07:05 PM   
scifi1133


Posts: 8529
Joined: 3/27/2007
From: virginia
Status: offline 		lol sorry bsb was afk yea those are great i even have someone in mind muahahahahahaha <weg>

_____________________________

I'm the happy fascist slut.
awwwwwww yeeeeeeeeah
And I see your schwartz is as big as mine.
My heart 10-01-72 / 10-16-09


(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 13057
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 1:09:36 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Great advice and validation each of you.  argh is the best and brightest no doubt!\
So the pedestal thing...I totally hate it esspecially when I am put on one...and the odd thing about the online dance is that my imagination is unstoppable in filling in the details during the prior meet phase. 

Yeah,  I am definitely unsure but...I do not scare easily. Perhaps that is part of what comprises a Domme. lol.  I tend to wade into fearful situation with gusto and a desire to shed light and difuse...

Lumus...you think I covered your advice on the reply.  I perhaps could've been more forceful.  I like that "it is for Me to decide if you are an ass"...he needs that and it is true...



_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 13058
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 1:16:08 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum

In his defense, I know how he feels....though I wouldn't have used his words....I tend to pull back when things get too serious, and I've never actually met someone from the site in person because I'm terrified to...


However, I read the journal entry (what can I say, I was curious) and found nothing wrong with it.  I would love for someone to say that about me...I don't think you are at fault for saying your feelings...


LOL, its a journal entry on an open forum so not meant to be private...also as he referenced it I figured yall mwould likely read it if you'd a mind too.  Well, good, I was writing it as much as anything to get my head clear about what was attractive about him so far...and to say but the "proof is in the pudding" so projections are often erroneous.  

As to folks feeling his anxiety...yeah that "poof" factor from subs is kind of legendary...so panic and fear and running is pretty common.  Some of the dommes pride themselves on their skill at getting scared subs to materialize...I am not convinced that luring and convincing is worth my while as being rather new myself I suspect someone a bit more sure of themselves is a better match for me. 

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 13059
RE: Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh! - 10/8/2007 1:20:10 PM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I can't say I know why he is doing it, but I think you've done your part in the reply...it is up to him to decide if you're worth it (and I'm certain you are) to get up the courage to meet.

I hope it works out for you!

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 13060
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