Aylee
Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BlackPhx
Self medicating is common when pain is so great and there isn't a sufficient support system in place to help. When a child dies it leaves a hole nothing can truly fill, and sadly at the time we need people most they tend to pull back because they don't know what to say to help. There is nothing that can be said to help, even though people wish there were magic words to make things feel better...the worst however is when they say..I know how you feel or I can imagine how you feel, but he is better off now. trust me, unless you have lost a child at the same age, in the exact same way you never will know how they feel nor can you imagine it. All you can really do is be there, listen, and help a friend keep going until they can see past the pain. Warning it is draining, more so than anything else you can help a friend go through. Help them find a support group of people who have also lost a family member the same way. There are groups for SIDS, various diseases, accidents and murder and they can and do help. So do grief counselors if you can help her get to one.
Good luck, she has a good friend in you.
poenkitten
Poen,
This reminds me of a good friend that I had. Her boyfriend commited suicide. Everyone kept telling her that she needed to get over it and move on. I had an older friend whose daughter had gone through something similar (except that he had done it in front of her) and so I asked him how long it had taken her to work through it. He said about three years.
When my friend asked me why I was the only one that had never told her that it was time to get over it, I told her about the conversation, offered to set the two of them up to talk if she wanted to, and then said, "Well, I figure that I will give you three years. If in that time you are still in the same place that you are now, I am going to suggest therepy or something else. Or if you start doing worse."
She looked at me dumbfounded, and said, "I cannot believe that you are the only one that understands." I told her that I didn't understand, but I was sure as shit (I cursed a lot more then) that it takes longer than a month to grieve.
Needless to say, that by not pushing the issue, she was able to work through her grief and go on with her life.
It drives me batty that people think that once the memorial is over, then all the grieving is done. SHEESH!
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.
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