MistressLavinia
Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead
I admit that I am going to bed.
I admit that I have lots on my mind tonight.
I admit that I love and appreciate all the warmth and prayers for my beloved Dad. *thank you so very much*
I admit that a long, hot shower may be just the ticket right now for introspection.
*night, all... hugs and squishes*
(waves hi to thorny) 
I admit I can't look back but here I see, prayers for your Dad - Oh my Beautiful Red, I've been praying, and I don't know for what but it's always the same, Health, Happiness, Love, and all your heart wants and needs. So I hope your wonderful Daddy is doing well, I miss you with all my heart. I'm sorry I haven't been around, some good choices and some really bad choices have kept me away.
I admit the good ones are (a) a guy but not a specific guy or "The Guy" just a guy. (b) a soul and mind cleansing, to which you (Red) and I spoke about previously.
I admit the bad reasons are (a) I got totally wasted out of my face too many times, on my cleansing retreat, (go figure) destroy the liver and brain cells, but cleanse the heart, why the fukkkkk can't I just do it the right way.
I admit sometimes, I'm a total lost woman, finding my way, and bumping into everything along the route, falling down and picking myself back up again.
I admit, I really don't like some people, and I don't really give a shit who judges that statement, its mine I own it. Why pretend to be a "oh love you all" I don't.
I admit I was talking to raptor the other night, and decided were going to meet and I might wanna raptor him, just because.
I admit I was talking to Kytten the other night, and I might wanna do the same to her, just because, and add a lot of love in there too. I love you Kytten truly I do.
I admit, I'm feeling rather bitchey, but again so what, I came to check on the gorgeous Red, and her family. I can't look back and so I'm glad I see your post here, I get the jist of things from it, I come at the wrong times, cause I'm all screwed up, but want to send you, Red, big love, strength, and knowledge that there's a woman in New York, hoping and praying and loving you with all my heart.
I admit I went back to using prescription drugs, I did an alcohol overload, and I was clean for many years, and then I stepped off the pretty wagon, and began a vicious cycle again, until I found my friend Andrea, and now I'm cleaning up again.
I admit it all started because I was attacked years ago, and suffered severe injuries, I also had a shitty childhood. I grew up in a super wealthy non loving family. Money was never a problem, love was. I admit I'm admitting this not for any kind of " oh Wow" cause who knows if I'll even be back, but I'm admitting it so maybe you will all be aware of your surroundings, I wasn't, and so that you will all love your kids, so they wont grow to be fucked up like I am.
I admit, harder then getting clean is admitting to a bunch of strangers, when your a badass, that your life sucked, that you were raped, beaten and broken beyond recognition, and that at times, you were hated in your life by some of these strangers, without being known. For that reason, I don't like some of you, and for that reason I love some of you. Because without knowing you accepted me for me, and loved me not because I'm a blue eyed blonde, but loved me for me. Some of you looked past my age, or the way I looked and just accepted me for me.
I admit, I tried to come and give love, maybe hoping to find it too, I thought I did once, then I thought I did twice, those two times with those two men remain in my heart, and they remain nameless, but they do know.
For the final admit, I tell you this again, because maybe one person will read it and love your kid tonight, or look around while you walk, be aware always of your surroundings, and be ready for anything, or maybe you wont judge someone just by the way they look, and you'll accept them, not because they've been on collarme for 100 plus fucking years, but because they are human. Whether dominant or not, they have heart. I did - once.
I admit, It's bedtime, and nothing coming from me is pretty, so complain about what I had to say if you want. It doesn't matter to me, what does matter is, one of you reading this, may take some of my advice and it may save your life, or your kid.
I admit lastly, Red I adore you, you should have all that is good in your life, and all that is wonderful, and beautiful. I am so honored and humbled to have you as a friend, it's the one thing in my life I will never regret. Thank you for teaching me the things you did, when you did, little did you know you helped to save a life.
Love Lavinia
***No edits for spelling or grammar, I'm trying hard to never look back on anything, to only move forward***
_____________________________
If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
~I am: ~Petal-icious~Bitch with Tits~
~ Ravager ~Sovereign~ LaviKinKs
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RE: I Admit It I........ - 
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