LillyBoPeep
Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010 Status: offline
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i admit, yesterday i went for a drive and "had a talk" about how irritated i am with a lot of things at the moment. i admit, i'm finally done glossing over what happened; i know he never planned on dying, but sometimes there are limits for a reason. i admit, he was thinking about what he wanted to do at the time, and not what could possibly happen, and how his sub and best friend might be affected if he didn't come back, since we were there, too. i admit, he used to get annoyed with me when i told him i thought something was a bad idea, or that i didn't think something seemed safe. but he should've realized that that wasn't me trying to control him or prevent him from doing fun things, that was me trying to protect him from himself. i admit, i dont know what happens after we die, i dunno where he's gone, if he even still remembers any of us, but no matter what, the ones of us who are stll alive get to figure out how to live with it for the rest of OUR lives. i admit, sometimes you have to think about other people. i admit, sometimes you have to think about "what could possible go wrong" -- sometimes those things DO go wrong. i admit, he's dead; there's no point in screaming at him or holding a "grudge" against him ( i dunno how you hold a grudge against a dead person ), but it felt pretty good to admit that i was mad at him. he should've thought about what he was doing more. and there's all this time that's been wrapped up in this, and none of us will get it back. your friends don't want to be there when you die, period. if something you're going to do could lead to that, you'd better think about it, and then think about it again. i admit, however, that i've been battling my way through some kind of groadie feelings that have been trying to put me back into depressed, "why does this happen?" stage, but i don't want to go back there. i want to move on now. i feel my "live like a supernova" spark coming back, and i admit, it's awfully welcomed.
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Midwestern Girl "Obey your Master." Metallica
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