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Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 1:23:22 PM

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Do you care if your submissive is physically attracted to you or not? Does your opinion of him change if you discover he'd submit to someone else that he did not find attractive? Does it impact your opinion if you find he will submit to anyone regardless of "race, age or physically appearance?" There's a big difference between being "overly selective" and a submissive who will submit to anyone, as long as she is female.

Personally, I find myself much less attracted to a man who openly admits he is ready and willing to submit to anyone. I also have been guilty in the past of developing opinions about men who I see pursuing anyone he can; when he gets 'round to me, I will close the door on him, regardless of whether or not something sparks my interest. I am guilty of judging a submissive about other women he courts because I will not just be another one in a line. I had the same attitude in close social circles where word gets around who is dating whom; with submissive men, it seems a lot more prevalent.

I find that it's really critical to chemistry for me that a man submits to me out of attraction and desire on a variety of levels -- not that he was looking for anyone to fill the role. So many submissives take the "find femdom first; figure out chemistry later" approach. That approach lessens their chances with me to a large degree, and I can't see many other femdoms taking kindly to it. But maybe I am wrong?

Akasha

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RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 1:29:15 PM

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I don't want to have anything to do with someone that will submit to anyone. I am very choosy and want the same in the other person.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 1:31:39 PM

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Everybody has a different paraphilia. Not everybody will be a suitable partner. For some, BDSM is not sexual, but provides fulfillment through other psychological mechanisms. The important thing is to be honest, open, and communicate your preferences and limits. If you cannot accept yourself, then how can anybody else? Both must know themself and the other, to find harmonious resonance.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 1:35:08 PM

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As a female submissive I can say that for me, Dynamic first, looks later.

It's not a fact that I would submit to just any Dom, it's that I care far more about the hold they can command on my mind than the physical lust.

Then again I'm not really big on physicality anyway, end of the day it all heads south, its the "spark" that I care about, the electricity.

In my search i could not have cared if the man was everything i was not physically drawn to as long as His insides could reach out and touch that part of me.

Just my 2c worth

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 1:52:25 PM

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From: Houston, TX
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quote:

Do you care if your submissive is physically attracted to you or not?

Yes. I care very much and would not be as into it if I thought he was not attracted to me and was simply serving to serve anyone.

quote:

Does your opinion of him change if you discover he'd submit to someone else that he did not find attractive?

It would depend on the circumstances of that submission. I don't think I would think differently of him as long as our relationship had some heat.

quote:

Does it impact your opinion if you find he will submit to anyone regardless of "race, age or physically appearance?"

If it is a general statement meaning he would consider anyone regardless of race, age or physical appearance, no. But if he really means that he would submit to anyone, really anyone, then I have zero interest. I want a submissive who wants to submit to ME. Only me.

quote:

There's a big difference between being "overly selective" and a submissive who will submit to anyone, as long as she is female.

Agreed.

quote:

Personally, I find myself much less attracted to a man who openly admits he is ready and willing to submit to anyone. I also have been guilty in the past of developing opinions about men who I see pursuing anyone he can; when he gets 'round to me, I will close the door on him, regardless of whether or not something sparks my interest.

If I am one in a long list of people and he's simply playing a numbers game then I will lose interest. I will also lose interest if he's contacting all sorts of people even if I feel he is only contacting those who are on the more attractive side.

quote:

I find that it's really critical to chemistry for me that a man submits to me out of attraction and desire on a variety of levels -- not that he was looking for anyone to fill the role. So many submissives take the "find femdom first; figure out chemistry later" approach. That approach lessens their chances with me to a large degree, and I can't see many other femdoms taking kindly to it. But maybe I am wrong?

I think you are right. I want some semblance of an attraction there on both parts, even if it is not a traditionally sexual relationship. If I only had a service slave, I would still want their to be some level of attraction there.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 1:53:49 PM

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From: Houston, TX
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quote:

In my search i could not have cared if the man was everything i was not physically drawn to as long as His insides could reach out and touch that part of me.

That's attraction, though, is it not? It may not make sense to someone outside looking in why you are attracted but isn't that attraction nonetheless?

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 2:57:47 PM

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quote:

Personally, I find myself much less attracted to a man who openly admits he is ready and willing to submit to anyone. I also have been guilty in the past of developing opinions about men who I see pursuing anyone he can; when he gets 'round to me, I will close the door on him, regardless of whether or not something sparks my interest. I am guilty of judging a submissive about other women he courts because I will not just be another one in a line. I had the same attitude in close social circles where word gets around who is dating whom; with submissive men, it seems a lot more prevalent.

It would seem unwise to deny yourself an association with someone you find interesting after he had compared everyone else to you and found them wanting.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:00:29 PM

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I'm not her 'type' but she finds Me attractive anyhow.... would she still find Me attractive if the dynamic wasn't there? I've no idea. I have found some girls in the past that I've found attractive when there has been that spark of dynamic, but if that spark fades I haven't found them as cute. It works the other way around too, I've had My head turned by physical apperance, till I've talked to them and found they where singularly uninteligent and I've done a double take wondering what I'd been attracted to in the first place. They no longer registered as attractive even simply visualy.

For some of us, the persons personality does colour what we 'see', so I don't think it is an entirely 'fair' question. I couldn't collar a girl I found ugly... but I am quite sure I'd find a quite 'plain' girl to be cute IF the dynamic between us was strong enough.

Not an issue with My current girl as she is rather a head turner anyhow.... Add the dynamic on top and..... Lets just say I am one VERY lucky ol' Master

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:01:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Do you care if your submissive is physically attracted to you or not? Does your opinion of him change if you discover he'd submit to someone else that he did not find attractive? Does it impact your opinion if you find he will submit to anyone regardless of "race, age or physically appearance?" There's a big difference between being "overly selective" and a submissive who will submit to anyone, as long as she is female.

Personally, I find myself much less attracted to a man who openly admits he is ready and willing to submit to anyone. I also have been guilty in the past of developing opinions about men who I see pursuing anyone he can; when he gets 'round to me, I will close the door on him, regardless of whether or not something sparks my interest. I am guilty of judging a submissive about other women he courts because I will not just be another one in a line. I had the same attitude in close social circles where word gets around who is dating whom; with submissive men, it seems a lot more prevalent.

I find that it's really critical to chemistry for me that a man submits to me out of attraction and desire on a variety of levels -- not that he was looking for anyone to fill the role. So many submissives take the "find femdom first; figure out chemistry later" approach. That approach lessens their chances with me to a large degree, and I can't see many other femdoms taking kindly to it. But maybe I am wrong?

Akasha

Yes, it matters to Me a lot whether or not My submissive is attracted to Me. It's just something that has to be in place. My opinion doesn't change if he's previously submitted to someone he hasn't found attractive, but it wouldn't work in My case. How selective he is also matters to Me, because of My personal opinion of feeling that serving without a connection being made on some level somehow cheapens it.

At times, I will get random emails from submissives and if I find I have interest on My end, at some point during the getting to know process, I will ask them two questions before I will have even the slightest hint of taking them seriously. The first is why do you want to serve. The second is, why do you want to serve Me (the emphasis there is on the fact that it is Me). The first question is always easier for them to figure out than the second. Very few can come up with a decent answer for the latter. (Oh, and I won't give away the second answer here, because I honestly do want them to figure it out for themselves.)

Like you, AAkasha, I don't want someone who will submit to just anyone.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:03:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sleeptalker

quote:

Personally, I find myself much less attracted to a man who openly admits he is ready and willing to submit to anyone. I also have been guilty in the past of developing opinions about men who I see pursuing anyone he can; when he gets 'round to me, I will close the door on him, regardless of whether or not something sparks my interest. I am guilty of judging a submissive about other women he courts because I will not just be another one in a line. I had the same attitude in close social circles where word gets around who is dating whom; with submissive men, it seems a lot more prevalent.

It would seem unwise to deny yourself an association with someone you find interesting after he had compared everyone else to you and found them wanting.

I do believe she is talking the submissive going to her after he's been turned by those he was courting, hence the term "next in line".

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sleeptalker)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:04:25 PM

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I think that one would find it harder to ahve a sub that would submit to anyone because that doesnt really make the Dom/Me feel special, if they will sub to anyone what really has the Dom/me gained??

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:06:35 PM

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From: Ontario, Canada
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quote:

Do you care if your submissive is physically attracted to you or not?

Quite simply, if he wasn't attracted to me, he wouldn't be my submissive.

It would be the same if I wasn't attracted to him.

Why go there in the first place?

MC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:15:33 PM

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I would never serve someone I wasn't attracted to. Just wouldn't happen. I don't really need to analyze myself on this one. At the same time, if she wasn't attracted to me as well, I also wouldn't want to serve her.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:21:11 PM

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We don't play casually - only with boys that we are in a relationship with ... and we wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who wasn't attracted to us.

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Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:24:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I would never serve someone I wasn't attracted to. Just wouldn't happen. I don't really need to analyze myself on this one. At the same time, if she wasn't attracted to me as well, I also wouldn't want to serve her.

Ditto.....

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:29:47 PM

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Yep, I've got to chime in with the others. Wouldn't start with someone if the attraction wasn't mutual. I'm a female sub. I am fundamentally monogamous once I hook up with a Dom. Saying that I would submit to someone else (unless it was something he orchestrated) would be sort of insulting him, wouldn't it? I think if he was okay with it, I'd lose respect for him.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:33:47 PM

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this slave's submission is not inspired by others...it is something that comes from within, and does not discern by physical attributes, mood, generosity, bank account balance, race, age, etc.

whether or not it is focused on one specific person depends upon the commitment this slave has made, not the other person's attractiveness.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:49:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Do you care if your submissive is physically attracted to you or not? Does your opinion of him change if you discover he'd submit to someone else that he did not find attractive? Does it impact your opinion if you find he will submit to anyone regardless of "race, age or physically appearance?" There's a big difference between being "overly selective" and a submissive who will submit to anyone, as long as she is female.

Perhaps if this person stated that anyone would "do" ... but, take it from me, there are those of us out here who really could care less about the physical as long as there was a mental or emotional bond. I see people that are attractive to me every day but there are very few who I let get close enough to share any sort of bond at all. If there are people out there who don't care about ~anything~ but submitting, regardless if there is any sort of chemistry (physical, emotional, mental) ... heaven help him. Or her. It would seem a lonely existence.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 3:55:54 PM

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Do you make a distinction between "someone who will submit to anyone" and "someone who will submit to somebody who isn't Me?"

Lucius Alexander

House of the Palindromedary

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Your submissive isn't attracted to you. - 5/14/2007 4:24:42 PM

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I want a slave who wants to serve me, not anyone else.

Does that mean that slave thinks I'm attractive? In some way obviously that must be so, otherwise they would not fit the above criteria for me, but it could be mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, or sexual, all of these or a combination.

It is a powerful thrill to know that even when Fox's allergies are causing him massive headaches and after seven years that I can still "cause" an erection from a simple hug like I did this afternoon.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to AAkasha)

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