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Need to Learn about CBT - 5/12/2005 11:13:30 AM

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Ladies and Gentlemen,
I want to engage in CBT, and I want to learn more about it.
I'm planning to pick up the book "The Family Jewels", and am wondering if you folks here think it's a good reference, and I'd like to get a better feel for what is a safe amount/level of CBT.

I've always thought of it as dangerous because men have always said how sensitive the area is, and I would never want to destroy a perfectly working set of penis and testicles, but a lot of subs seem to like it, and lord knows I'm not one averse to torturing a boy, but my limited experience has only included very light CBT with a whiny non-sub, and more intense with an impotent sub (who didn't care to use his cock or balls anyway).
So I would appreciate ideas/thoughts on the subject and the book (is it a good investment of my $10-$15?).
Thanks in advance, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/12/2005 1:45:59 PM

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I have the book and I recommend it. Dont be afraid of CBT... start off with light play until you and your sub find your comfort level then work your way into more intense play a little at a time. As always just watch for reactions and have a safe word. The book gives some good information for those that are new and for those that just want to up the "T" part of CBT...

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/12/2005 5:11:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: femdom4u2besub
I have the book and I recommend it. Dont be afraid of CBT... The book gives some good information for those that are new and for those that just want to up the "T" part of CBT...

Thanks for the info, I will pick up the book. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to femdom4u2besub)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/12/2005 6:33:58 PM

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Hi, Sent a separate note on this, but can assure you it's a great compilation of ideas, approaches and solid advice. Sorry to hear of the whiner and the impotent sub - so much more fun with someone standing tall - so much more at stake!!! rus

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/12/2005 7:58:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rustico
Hi, Sent a separate note on this, but can assure you it's a great compilation of ideas, approaches and solid advice. Sorry to hear of the whiner and the impotent sub - so much more fun with someone standing tall - so much more at stake!!! rus

Thanks Rus... I probably shuldn't have put the whiner and... details there, but the reason I was thinking those things is
How much fun is it if the area is basically desensitized (obviously I prefer to torture a fully fuctional unit, or if it isn't desensitized, does CBT cause desensitization over time? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Rustico)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/12/2005 9:50:31 PM

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Just a note on the point you last raised, M. I can promise you that long term CBT does not result in desensitization. Oddly, quite the opposite results - there may be a growing emotional acceptance and even a strong dependent expectation, but the physical results are most amazing in their continuity. Stretching and Crushing are probably the two areas that hold the most interest for me -there's a lot to learn and it's been a learning experience for many years. "Pleasure/Torment" A very fine line indeed, and one more are discovering, I think. A lot of emotional swings and exchanges in a short period of time. Trust is paramount.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/12/2005 11:58:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rustico
I can promise you that long term CBT does not result in desensitization. Oddly, quite the opposite results - there may be a growing emotional acceptance and even a strong dependent expectation, but the physical results are most amazing in their continuity.
"Pleasure/Torment" A very fine line indeed

Thanks for the Info Rus... Sounds awesome for many reasons... M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Rustico)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 7:30:15 AM

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In my experience with CBT, not all men are created with the same pain tolerance when it comes to their jewels. Now I'm not comparing masos with non-masos. In fact, my main boy is in no way, shape or form a maso and takes a lot more intense play on his cock and balls then most boys I know. He can take bondage, slapping, squeezing, pinching, biting... where as some boys can take a caning on their ass and squeal like pigs when you run your fingernails on their balls.

I just thought that might be information you'd like to keep in mind when you play. I have learned when being with someone new to experiment a lot of little things and ask a lot of questions. It's a very horrible place to *really* hurt a man.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 8:03:32 AM

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Not much I can add to the good advice already given. I think the most important things are to learn what is physically safe to do and then start slow and watch the submissive. Remember that clothes pegs or clamps need to be put on carefully and lightly at first and removed soon after it hurts to build his tolerance levels. Also these hurt MORE coming off then going on. I find that alternating pain with sensual touching builds the initial enjoyment for the submissive.

Gentle Lady

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All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 10:37:36 AM

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This has got to be one of my favorite subjects. One male submissive I know, a wonderful and very devoted pain slut, told me that he loves the feeling of being strung up and having a violet wand run around his genitals. A parachute with weights is another good one, deep sea weights are just as effective and cheaper, if looks are a prob, they're easy to paint. A cock and ball seperator with a D-ring is also a handy toy to have and they are made in different widths. A Leash attached to the D-ring is very humbling... speaking of which... have you checked out the humblers? They are not cheap but worth it as far as I'm concerned.

And I agree with you, most of the "toys" for CBT are best when used on a working model.

Jewel

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RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 11:49:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
A parachute with weights is another good one, deep sea weights are just as effective and cheaper, if looks are a prob, they're easy to paint. A cock and ball seperator with a D-ring is also a handy toy to have and they are made in different widths. A Leash attached to the D-ring is very humbling... speaking of which... have you checked out the humblers? They are not cheap but worth it as far as I'm concerned.
Jewel[/color]

Okay, first I have to look up most of these things: ?parachute with weights I've never seen, and I think I know humblers... going to google.

Thanks LA, GentleLady and Jewel for your replies..
I apreciate them and am taking notes.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 12:04:45 PM

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quote:

first I have to look up most of these things: ?parachute with weights I've never seen, and I think I know humblers... going to google.

Picture a man's balls.

A parachute is a tiny upside down cup that resembles a parachute but add some weights to it. So, basically it wraps around the top of the balls and pulls downward.

A humbler...well a mamogram for balls instead of breasts.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 12:16:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire
Picture a man's balls.
A parachute is a tiny upside down cup that resembles a parachute but add some weights to it. So, basically it wraps around the top of the balls and pulls downward.
A humbler...well a mamogram for balls instead of breasts.

LOL

Thanks Gloria...
Oh my God, I am going out to Mikoexoticwear to look for some of these things and buy if they aren't too expensive...
Love the mammogram for balls idea... I'd like to thank that inventor, lol.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 1:11:47 PM

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You don't need to spend much money. Here are some tips.

Bondage:
I find flat leather rope (somewhere between the size of linguine & fettucini) very good for making a cock & ball seperator. I've used silk scarves as well, or their own neckties, though don't take an expensive silk one as they are likely to dribble all over it. ;)

Pinching:
Clothespins are very cheap. I would recommend the wood ones at first. I know very few men who can take the harsher plastic ones. Hair clips with teeth are great, especially the tiny ones. I'm also a big fan of the picklepicker which I got for $2,99.

Sensation play:
You nails, if you wear them semi-long to long, are one of your best assets. They really send chills up their spines. Bristly hairbrushes work very well too. Hot wax works well but test distance. Rememeber that the skin around the penis & testicles is thinner then your arm so compensate for that. Using a vibrator on balls that are tied into tight little packages is one way to have them at your mercy as well.

Percussion play:
I like slapping them with my own hand or with a wooden spatula or ruler. I personally stick with flat objects, nothing too think like canes or switches as I personally find that to be too risky. Light flogging with a small flogger works well too.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 1:59:28 PM

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Thanks LA... I have used wooden clothespins, but they're kind of tame... Doesn't get the desired hurt moan reaction I like to hear, lol... I really am becoming a sadist.

Love the other ideas... Don't grow nails because chipped nails and partially broken nails drive me insane, but brushes I can do. Thanks, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 2:25:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Thanks LA... I have used wooden clothespins, but they're kind of tame... Doesn't get the desired hurt moan reaction I like to hear, lol... I really am becoming a sadist.

Love the other ideas... Don't grow nails because chipped nails and partially broken nails drive me insane, but brushes I can do. Thanks, M

See, and I've brought a man to tears with wooden clothespins. We are talking about a man I could flog for almost an hour. Every man is different.

And as for harnessing your inner Sadista, bravo!!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/13/2005 2:41:02 PM

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From: Houston, Texas
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I highly recommend Hardy's Book. "The Family Jewels".. he is a great man, and friend with whom I have let let play with my subs on serveral occassions. He is one of the few in which I trust anyone I care about with. He is a true master when it comes to CBT and His book is a great resource to have. Here he is doing a demo on one of mine a few years ago. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v335/msbluestocking/02030021_T.jpg

Ms. Eden

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"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/14/2005 1:35:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaitresseEden
I highly recommend Hardy's Book. "The Family Jewels".. he is a great man, and friend with whom I have let let play with my subs on serveral occassions. He is one of the few in which I trust anyone I care about with. Ms. Eden

Thanks very much Ms Eden; I checked a bookstore yesterday, and not available... May have to get it online.
Thanks everyone for the Info and participation. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/14/2005 2:48:45 PM

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From: Houston, Texas
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www.greenerypress.com should have it.. they are the leading publisher of kink books.

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Need to Learn about CBT - 5/15/2005 4:58:35 AM

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From: Lake Forest, CA
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quote:

Thanks LA... I have used wooden clothespins, but they're kind of tame... Doesn't get the desired hurt moan reaction I like to hear, lol... I really am becoming a sadist.

Love the other ideas... Don't grow nails because chipped nails and partially broken nails drive me insane, but brushes I can do. Thanks, M

look at little girls' hairclips... I get them about 1 doz. to a card... you know, those cute little butterfly clips with teeny tiny teeth... I have dozens of those in all those pretty rainbow colors... I call them my "biting butterflies"... I have dozens of them in varying sizes/colors...

now think of some of them around the edge of the head of the penis... or in that most sensitive place, the frenum (right under the head)... very very intense!

another type of clip to consider would be those novelty clothespins for baby showers... teeny tiny clips that pinch so nastily... ::weg:: find them at the party story in the baby shower section...

I also get clips at my local dollar store (99-Cent Only)... 100 for $1... never such a thing as too many... LOL! and the "package" looks SO festive when decorated completely! what's even better is that those clips are SO cheap one can toss them afterwards & not waste time cleaning them... or give them away as a souvenir of the scene...

the kitchen supply section is great for fun refrigerator clips... my partner (a Top himself) loves those OXO clips... there's usually some sort of metal clip there too... good for use with the violet wand...

a malesub I know dips the ends of his wooden clothespins in ToolDip (a rubberized dipping solution)... man! those hurt when dragged off since the rubber tends to stick & drag...

clips are SO much fun!

as for broken/chipped fingernails, wellllll... getting my hands manicured is a treat for me -- my hands are my tools and I treat them accordingly... ::smile:: and sometimes I have my sub take me out to have my hands "done" -- he loves my hands as much as I do! of course, it's much more fun when I have the girls do HIS hands/feet too... ::weg::

LadyBadger

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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